Blind – Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me but to NBC & Tim Kring.

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"Nathan? I'm home!" the petite blonde yells from the kitchen while putting down the bags on the counter.

She struggles to bring in the grocery bags without dropping anything. From the moment Heidi had called to let them know that she was bringing the boys by to see their dad, she had been running around town, wanting to get everything that was needed to make this night as special for them as possible, knowing how much this visit would mean to the boys and to Nathan.

The lack of response from Nathan was in no way surprising to her. He wasn't exactly the most talkative person lately.

She leaves the bags and makes her way to the living room, notices him sprawled down on the couch.

Claire: "Nathan? Nathan, are you ready? The boys will be here soon" she reminds him.

He still wasn't answering or acknowledging her presence. She comes closer to him but soon disgustedly turns her head sideways, making a face at the nauseating smell of booze of which he reeks. She takes the bottle of vodka that's tightly gripped in his hand and puts it on the coffee table before shaking him awake.

He opens his eyes at the sudden motion and sits up quickly, feeling banging in his head.

Nathan:"Jeez, Claire" he groans. "Be gentle, will you?"

She shakes her head, disappointedly. "What time is it?" he asks.

She opens her mouth to answer him, but is interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. 'Damnit' she thinks.

She gets up from her position and looks out the front door. "The boys are here".

Nathan gets up, a smile creeping on his face, and starts walking towards the door. He hasn't seen them in a while.

"Whoa, where are you going?" she questions.

Nathan:"Uh, to see my boys, Claire" he said matter-of-factedly, as if her question was rhetorical.

Claire: "Nathan, wait" she says, grabbing onto his arm, making him turn around to face her.

Claire:"I thought you were going to shower and shave to get ready to see the boys?" she inquires, releasing her grip on his arm.

Nathan:"I lost track of time. Didn't get the chance" he replies nonchalantly as he give his pants a lift and tucks his shirt in.

She scoffs and mutters 'typical' under her breath.

In turn, Nathan rolls his eyes, understanding what she was getting to. "It'll be fine. They've seem me like this before"

Claire:"Yeah, and they shouldn't have to again." The indifference in his tone was becoming increasingly bothersome.

The doorbell rings again.

Claire looks at the door than back at her biodad. "Look, Nathan. They've been through enough lately—" she tries telling him in the softest tone.

Nathan sighs, interrupting her. "We all have. Get out of my way" he orders but she doesn't budge.

Nathan: "Claire. I'm their father--"

Claire:"Well then start acting like one!" She blurts out, frustrated. Nothing else she said got through to him.

Nathan grows silent.

"You have no idea what you're talking about—" he replies a moment later, his temper rising..

Claire scoffs again. A part of her wanted to scream out that of course she had no idea what kind of father he was, it's not like he was any kind to her the past 17 years of her life. But she refrained from having an outburst. It would serve no purpose right now, and she didn't intend to make him feel guilty.

Claire:"Look Nathan..." she starts. "You're a mess. You reek of alcohol, you'd think someone emptied a bottle on you. It's a blessing that they didn't just happen in here and catch you passed out, looking like you're dead. It would have broken their hearts."

Nathan subconsciously touches reaches a hand to his beard, caressing it as he considers what she's saying. She has a point, he begrudgingly realises. "Fine" he states before grabbing his bottle of vodka that Claire had placed on the table, walking passed her and into his office, slamming the door behind him like a petulant child.

It's funny the way things had turned out. They'd managed to switch roles in the past few months; he acted like a misunderstood rebellious teenager that drowned his sorrows in alcohol and she had become the adult, the caretaker who knew better than to try to stop him from letting him indulge in his childish ways. She constantly found herself nagging him lately.

She shrugs her thoughts away and finally makes it to the door, the visitors growing increasingly impatient.

Heidi greeted Claire casually. She asks about Nathan and Claire lies, saying he was getting ready and that he would be down any second. Heidi looks relieved that a confrontation with Nathan could be avoided and fibs about needing to be someplace, driving away hurriedly, while the boys rush into the mansion looking for Nathan.

Monty:"Claire, where's daddy?"

Claire wasn't sure how to respond. She didn't want to lie, but she couldn't tell the truth either. Instead, she tries to ignore the question altogether.

She kneels down in front of Monty and Simon and hopes that a distraction would help take their minds off their father. "Uh, boys, what do you say we go out, maybe go to the park?" She could tell they were about to object but she continues. "They're having that carnival, we could go on some rides, have some cotton candy..."

Excitement was starting to show on their faces.

Simon:"Can we go on the Ferris wheel?"

Monty:"And the haunted house! I want to go to the haunted house"

Claire:"Yes! Absolutely!" she says relieved. "You can go on the Ferris wheel but I'm not sure the haunted house is a good idea."

Monty:"Pleease, Claire" he pouted.

She almost objects to the idea but hears a creek on the floor and looks in the direction the noise came from. She sees Nathan's shadow and quickly looks at the kids to see whether or not they'd seen him. Their lack of reaction lets her know that they didn't.

Claire:"All right, I'll tell you what" she starts as she gets up from her kneeling position and grabs a sweater. "We'll talk about it on the way there. Let's go."

She rushes them out of the mansion but takes one last look in Nathan's direction. A slight frown was on his face. The sadness in his eyes was almost heartbreaking, almost enough to break down her resolve. But he had to get better before he could see his kids. They didn't deserve to see him disoriented the way he was. So she walks out following them and locks the door behind her.

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She gets home late that night. And when she does, she sees no sign of Nathan. He'd resigned himself to his room. Creatures of habits that we are, Claire bets that he's probably halfway through another bottle of vodka and passed out on his bed.

She heads to her room and changes into her flannel pyjamas before nestling up in her own. She lays there, her mind wandering to the same thoughts that plague her everyday. Then she questions herself; wonders why she puts up with Nathan's crappy habits and for a moment, nothing comes to her. But then she hears it, as if right on cue she hears him whimpering and screaming Peter's name. And it all comes back to her.

At first she tries to ignore it. But his voice keeps getting louder and the vulnerability in it more evident

She gets out of bed and rushes to his bedroom, finding him tossing and turning and holding out his hand in the air as if reaching for something or someone. Peter's name is all she manages to decipher from his slurred rambling.

It's clear; he's reliving it, that night. Months ago, she would've been shocked to see him in such a state, so...defeated. She notices wetness around his eyes and that's when Claire decides she can't take too much more of this so she shakes him awake, whispering words of comfort, that he's only dreaming. That it's ok, it's all over.

His eyes slowly open, and he seems disoriented, confused. "Peter?" he asks, but then he realises that it's just her so he turns away.

Claire:"You were having a bad dream" she explains.

Nathan:"I couldn't save him... I couldn't save him..." he kept repeating.

Claire:"Shh, it's okay." She said stroking his back, sitting on the side of his bed.

The movement seemed to calm him a bit.

Nathan turns on his back, looking up at the ceiling."I just keep going through it over and over again in my head. I flew him up and then when we were far up enough, he let go of me. He exploded and he was weak – But, why couldn't I fly back to catch him? -- Why didn't I?! Damn it!" he yells as he slams his hand on the bed.

Claire:"You did everything you could." She tries to comfort him.

Nathan:"It wasn't enough. I should've done more!" He wasn't having any of it. Wouldn't let himself off the hook.

Claire:"Nathan, you did the one thing Peter wanted more than anything. You kept him from blowing up half of New York City. You saved all those innocent people." She tries to reason with him.

Nathan:"What good is all that when I couldn't Peter?"

Claire:"But you did, in a way. If you hadn't flown him up and he'd survived, he'd never be able to live with himself, knowing what he caused. It would've eaten him up inside. You know that."

Nathan rubs his face then rests his arm under his head.

Claire:"I miss him too, you know. A lot."

Nathan scoffs cynically. "It's not the same thing, Claire. You knew him for all of five minutes. You can't even compare." He sits up on his bed. He doesn't mean to sound as harsh as he does, but he feels justified in what he says.

Claire was hurt by Nathan's comment. It didn't matter how long she knew Peter. She shared a true and deep connection with him. Of course, Nathan couldn't know that.

Claire:"You're right. I didn't know him that long. But he changed my life." She clears her throat before continuing. "I know enough to know that he wouldn't want this, Nathan." She says as she points to the state he's in. "He wouldn't want this for you. You have to stop blaming yourself. You did all you could. You were out of it too. It's a miracle you even survived."

Nathan:"I wish I hadn't" he muttered.

Claire couldn't believe what she'd heard. "What?"

Nathan:"I said I wish I hadn't! I wish it were me instead."

Claire got up from beside him. "God, you are so selfish, you know that?! Don't you get tired of feeling sorry for yourself?" Something inside her bursts.

Nathan:"Like I said, you don't have a clue. You go on with your life as if it's all the same" he wasn't backing down.

Claire:"As opposed to what? Sulking? Drinking yourself to death? You're pathetic, Nathan."

Nathan:"Wow, tell me how you really feel. Don't hold back on my account" he says half-sarcastically.

Claire:"You know what? It's about time I didn't!"

Sure, she understood it at first. Heck, the first few months, she admired the impact it had on Nathan, as if it his grief was a beautiful tribute to the strong bond the brothers shared. But time keeps passing and Nathan hasn't been getting any better, instead going deeper and deeper into his rut, getting more depressed by the day. Now, its more like a shame to Peter's memory.

Claire:"You had a beautiful wife! You have two sons who worship the ground you walk on! And what do you do? You push them away until there's nothing to do but leave!"

Nathan:"If I'm so terrible, than what the hell are you doing staying here?! Why don't you leave? I never asked you to stay! "

Claire didn't expect this, she was a little taken aback. "Is that what you want?" she asks hurt, in a low tone. "You're going to push me away now too?"

He didn't say anything. He looked regretful but he stayed quiet.

Claire:"Heidi's gone. The boys are gone. Angela's gone...There's no one left, you want me to leave too? You want to be alone? I'll leave, if that's what you want."

Nathan sighed. "Look, Claire-- I'm sorry." He paused. "You know you can't leave. There's a reason you came here and the threat is still out there so just – I didn't mean it, okay? Just—just go to bed."

Normally, she wouldn't leave it at that but the remorse he felt at his words was clearly displayed on his face. So Claire just nods and turns around to go to her bedroom.

Nathan projects a "good night" before she does, sounding more like a question than a statement, as if he was asking if things were okay between them. He feels relief when he hears a reply, meant to let him know that they were.

When she gets back to her room, she gets underneath the covers of her bed and turns on the night lamp beside it. She lays still for a few minutes, staring up at the ceiling. She then turns on her side and reaches for something underneath her pillow; some kind of journal it seems, and opens it to the page she'd bookmarked, tracing the words that were written on it. She presses the open book to her chest and holds it tight.

Claire:"I'll make it okay again" she whispers. "I promise, Peter"

Her thoughts are interrupted as she hears her phone vibrate on the night table. She reaches for it and notices that she's received a text message. She opens it speedily as she had been waiting for some pressing news for a couple of days now.

The message clearly delivers rousing news as Claire is unable to sleep afterwards.

She lays in bed, feeling chilled to her core at what is to come. The journey ahead a long time coming, One she had trained thoroughly to prepare for.

"I have what we need, Claire. The Company is going down"

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Author's note: Who sent the mysterious text message? Why is Claire staying with Nathan? What's in the book? What happened to Peter? This and Paire scenes are coming in the next few chapters. Hope you liked it. Please review :)