Finally! Here it is everybody, the final section of Edward's POV! I'm so excited to share this with you all. I'm not sure if I will continue this story from here- I don't have much more to say. The conflict I created is now resolved and there's not much to add. But please continue to review because if I'm inspired once more, I may add more or start another fanfiction.
"Bella," I began, "I just want you to know that above all, I love you. I love you with my entire being. I will always love you. You have altered my entire body to where every cell of me aches with love for you. That will never change." I was not sure what I was about to say but I needed her to know that nothing that had happened in the last few days, heck, nothing that would or could ever happen could ever change my feelings for her. I took a deep breath and continued. "Bella, I do not exactly know what to say to you because I cannot describe how I feel. I have sat for the last few days thinking about how I felt, trying to put into words. But I was unable to do so and that is partly why I avoided you—I had nothing real to say to you yet." This was good, if nothing else, I could let her know how was I feeling, maybe this would alleviate some of the guilt I knew she felt. "I want you to know, I need you to know that I do not blame you nor am I angry with you." This would never change. I briefly considered stopping here, not telling her the entirety of the emotions, how much pain I was in. I knew that it would be easier on her if she never knew how much her actions affected me. But I also knew that I needed to get it all out if we were to ever completely move forward. I had never ever revealed any depth of my pain in front of Bella; I barely knew where to begin… "Even so, I cannot help feeling… betrayed still. I know that Jacob tricked you but I just… I… I couldn't…" I had no words. This was so much more difficult than I had thought. I drew in a deep breath then exhaled it, trying to plan my next sentence. Tell her, part of me commanded, Tell her how you feel. Bella was such an honest person, her feelings always apparent in her beautiful eyes. I knew, shamefully, that I had never been completely honest with my feelings in our relationship. I knew that I needed to. I felt my careful façade slip away, felt my expression change. I registered the shock on Bella's face as she finally saw the depth of my pain for the first time. I did not stop there, I finally wanted her to know, to know how much I was suffering, to know how much I was hurting. The filter that guarded my speech vanished and I was hardly aware of the words pouring out of my mouth.
"It hurt Bella! It hurt so much, seeing you with him. And then Alice saw you disappear and I knew you were with him. I wanted to trust you, that nothing was happening between you and Jacob, but I couldn't help but imagine what might be going on." I heard her gasp, obviously surprised with my sudden outburst. "I knew that you loved me but what if… what if you had realized that you should be with him instead of me? What if that was what you really wanted? A physical relationship, children, a real life. You should have that with him instead of nothing with me. I can't give you anything that he can and I always knew but what if you had finally realized that too? I messed everything up when I left. I sent you into another man's arms and I have no right to be in pain because of something that I caused. And I knew I was wrong for that way I acted with you, ignoring you and avoiding you, but I just couldn't face you. Deep down, I did not want to risk seeing if you looked at me differently, if you no longer loved me. I even checked up on you last night—you had a nightmare and I laid with you while you slept, but I left before you woke up because I couldn't bear facing you yet. Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for ruining things between us and I'm sorry for hurting you and causing you nightmares and… I'm just sorry," my voice broke into a sob as I finished. I could not even bother to be ashamed that I had raised my voice with Bella or that she was seeing me like this, my grief suddenly overwhelmed me and my head dropped onto the table. I covered my face with my arms and cried tearless sobs. I do not know how long I sat and sobbed, but I was only vaguely aware of Bella getting up and walking somewhere in the house. In my painful state, I could not manage the curiosity to see where she had gone to.
I was so distracted by my agony that I did not even notice that she had reentered or that she was speaking to me.
"Edward, please look at me," Bella pleaded. I raised my head and looked at her, afraid to see the effect my behavior had had on her. She took a deep breath, "Edward, you have absolutely no reason to be sorry, for anything. This whole thing is my fault." Oh Bella, that is just not true.
"Your leaving is not your fault—you did it to protect me." Again, not true. This whole mess was my fault from the moment I fell in love with you. "My relationship with Jacob was because of me and my leading him on was because of me and my kissing him was because of me. You have done nothing but love and protect me and I don't deserve it." Bella, you deserve everything I could ever hope to give you and everything that I am unable to give you. "I just wish I knew what I could say to you to take away your pain. I wish I knew the words to describe how much I love you but I don't. All I do know is that I love you more than everyone else in the world combined and I want to spend forever with you…as your wife." Wife? Had she really said wife? Realization dawned on me as her words processed in my mind. She was accepting my proposal. She pulled out the ring box that I had been keeping in my bedroom, unsure of it would ever be used, and pressed it into his hand. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, can I have the honor of officially being your fiancée and proudly wearing your mother's ring?"
Part of me couldn't help but to be horrified that this proposal had become untraditional, but a larger part of me could not help the pure, unadulterated joy that filled my being. After being without contact for so long, it suddenly became unbearable and I embraced my love, perhaps a little too tight. I kept my arms wrapped around her for an unmeasurable amount of time before a nagging thought came to my head; she was trying to prove her love for me. I pulled back.
"Bella, are you sure?" I asked, searching her eyes, looking for signs of uncertainty. "You don't have to prove anything to me. Don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than for you to be my wife, but not if you are trying to suppress other emotions or think you owe me something. Truly, I will understand."
"Edward," she sighed. "This isn't because of my feelings for Jacob. This isn't because of guilt. This is because I love you. And it was just in these past few days that I realized how much I needed you and loved you and that I wanted everyone to know that I officially chose you and that I am going to spend the rest of my life with you." For the first time, I believed her. I did not know what had changed, what about me had changed or what about her had changed, but I finally heard her words and truly believed her.
Reeling from my emotions and overwhelmed by her proposal, all I could manage was, "Okay," before kissing her. It had only been a few days since I had last felt her lips on mine, but it felt like years. There had been so much tension between us and I wanted to kiss it away, kiss away the pain that both of us had suffered, and begin this new chapter together with nothing but love. "I love you," I said against her lips and she only managed back a moan. I chuckled as I pulled away and stared into her eyes—lit with love and happiness. I knew these same feelings were reflected in my expression, because for the first time, I truly and completely believed in Bella's love for me and our love for one another.
The End (most likely). I do have a few ideas about perhaps Tanya making an appearance so we'll see. I think for now, I'm gonna go back and edit! Thanks for sticking with this story and please give me reviews!
