So I know it has been like forever since I worked on this fanfiction, but rest assured I have not forgotten about it. It has been an extremely busy six months for me to the point where I have literally had no time to continue on with it.
That being said, I have had to reacquaint myself with what I have wrote so I can keep it consistent, as I do know where I am taking this, and as a bonus the epilogue has already been written as an end goal. That is mostly motivation for myself to finish this story. It has been a journey not just for the characters, but also for me as a person and as a writer. Things have happened and I have felt emotions I never thought possible just writing things down on paper, and I would say that this has helped me tremendously with the depression I was suffering when I first began writing it.
A huge thanks to all that read and enjoy the story whether you leave a comment or not, but there are people I would like to leave a special mention to for supporting me in the writing of this story, and on a personal level too.
Lilacsbloom for getting the ball rolling on starting this story, A Writer With Mixed Interests who is my beta reader, many many thanks for the encouragement and support. Lost in the Tides of Fangirl, xlavier, eyelessdoll, and annhug for the messages of encouragement to continue.
Other special mentions:
Fuckinggorked, itxnevergoingtoxtop, a-regular-casanova, survivors-and-werewolves, couldnt-find-any-bullets, stonemountain-screwup, itwillbeagoodone. You guys have made such a difference to my everyday life, I just wish I could hug you all, thank you so much.
Theme song for this chapter is Take us Back by Alela Diane.
Chapter 9: Aftermath
Clementine was woken with a gentle shake. "Clem? it's your turn to take watch," Luke whispered, dark bags under his eyes were apparent in the soft glow of the candle light.
"Okay," the little girl responded, stretching her arms as she yawned quietly, looking over to Sarah, who was in a peaceful slumber. The younger girl took the time to adjust the blanket to make sure Sarah was properly covered, before turning to Luke.
"Get some rest, okay? You look really tired," Clementine said, airing her observation.
"It's been a long day, Clem, and yes, I'm tired," Luke answered quietly, unwilling to wake up his friends unnecessarily.
He looked at Sarah for a moment before looking back at Clementine. "Is she okay?" he asked worriedly.
"She seems to be, but I can't be sure. She just lost her dad, and its going to take some getting over," she said honestly, a worried look on her face as she took one last look at her friend.
"You didn't help," she added before turning to leave for her turn at being lookout. Luke caught her hand, a sheepish and guilty look etched into his body language.
"I'm sorry," he said sadly and quietly. He really did feel ashamed, the mix of emotions he was feeling was leaving him feel like he was losing control. Something he really didn't like, but had no choice but to endure.
Without looking at Luke, Clementine responded, "I know," before pulling away and joining Nick to keep an eye on the museum.
The young girl approached Nick, who was huddled up with a blanket over his shoulders, looking out into the night. The moon was full, and the sky was cloudless, making it easy to see anything that might be approaching their hideout.
"Nick?" she asked quietly, placing her small hand on his back, immediately knowing that he wasn't okay.
"What's wrong?" she asked sitting next to the taller man, already knowing what the answer was going to be. Her innocence had been lost early on in the outbreak, and she would never get her childhood back. At the same time, it had molded her into the survivor she was today, and she could feel the emotions that her friends were feeling, too. She could feel Nick's sadness, and sense of hopelessness.
He didn't look up or respond to begin with, he was too lost in his own world of despair, and Clementine's gentle touch was what brought him back to reality. He looked at Clementine, his eyes red.
"I got everyone killed, Clem, how can I live with that?" he asked of her, although the question was more directed at himself.
For once she was at a loss of words, finding herself reaching for her necklace, and rubbing it gently, knowing now what to say.
"It wasn't your fault, Nick, you didn't know, nobody could have known," she answered truthfully, trying her best to sort through her fragmented memories.
"I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't made mistakes," she continued, looking up at the stars. "Nobody's perfect, Nick," she said quietly, knowing that what she was saying was true; nobody was perfect.
Nick didn't answer straight away, pulling the blanket tightly around himself, fidgeting awkwardly, and looking up at the stars with Clementine.
"I'm nothing but a fuck up, you would all be better off without me," he despaired, everything that had ever happened in his life coming to a head.
"Don't say that, Nick," Clementine pleaded, rubbing circles on his back with her hand. "Sarah wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you; hell, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you," she coaxed, pausing to try and think of something else to make Nick feel better, unable to think of anything better.
"We need you, Nick," she assured, trying to get through to him, a familiar feeling pounding in her chest, as an image flashed in her mind. It was Kenny, causing her to fall silent herself.
Not another word was spoken between the pair as the next few hours on watch dragged on uneventfully.
"I guess I should turn in for a few hours," Nick spoke for the first time since their initial exchange, nudging Clementine's shoulder gently. His attitude seemed to have perked up somewhat, which gave Clementine hope for him.
"Okay, I guess it's Sarah's turn to join me." She smiled at the tired looking Nick.
"I'll give her a nudge," he smiled back, as he turned to leave, pausing for a moment. "Take care," he added, heading off toward Luke and Sarah.
Clementine turned back to looking at the stars, and the beauty the night sky had to offer, watching the tree branches sway in time to the gentle breeze outside. She had been sitting there waiting for Sarah to come and join her, a sudden realization hitting her hard.
Jumping up, she ran to see Luke and Sarah, discovering they were both still asleep, her heart leaping into her mouth, her stomach churning; she should have known.
"Nick! Nick where are you?" she screamed, running into the canteen area, finding nothing, he was gone, and she had let him slip away.
"Nick!" she shouted hysterically, Sarah and Luke both running to find out what was wrong. They'd woken up from the commotion.
"Clem, what's wrong? Where's Nick?" Luke asked calmly, placing his hands on Clementine's shoulders, trying to make eye contact.
"Nick, he's gone...he's gone," she stuttered hysterically, unable to believe he had managed to dupe her so easily. She should have been able to see this coming a mile away but she hadn't, and now she felt stupid, and guilty for not having taken more care.
"What do you mean, he's gone?" Luke asked calmly, fearing the worst and bracing himself emotionally for what might be said next.
"He came to get some sleep and to wake Sarah for her turn, and when Sarah didn't come I...I," she held her head in her hands. "He's gone and it's my fault," she bubbled, realizing that if anything happened to Nick, that it would be on her hands.
Luke understood Nick more than anyone, and knew that Nick would be just fine, but to disappear and put Clementine in the position she was in? That bit he didn't understand.
"It's not your fault, Clem," Luke soothed, thinking hard about where Nick could have ran off to, withdrawing into himself as he thought about it.
Sarah took Clementine's hand, and squeezed it, but did not say anything, she didn't know what to say that would help. She really wanted to say something to help, so she forced herself to speak. "Clem? We're going to be okay, all of us."
Clementine didn't respond, as she descended into a blind panic.
"NICK!" she screamed loudly, causing Sarah to jump in fright.
"C-Clem?" Sarah said in a frightened voice, shying away from her friend, although she did not let go of her hand.
Luke was able to stay relatively calm given the circumstances, but Clementine's reaction forced his hand sooner than he wanted.
Striding over and placing his hands on her shoulders, and lowering himself to Clementine's level, he attempted to calm the distraught child. "Clem, listen to me, you can't be screaming like that, it's...not safe," he said gently.
"I know you liked Nick, and I do too, he's my friend, but the best thing we can do is stay calm, can you stay calm?" he soothed, his voice cracking slightly as the stress on the child's face tugged at his heart strings.
"I-I, Nick, he's gone, he's gone," Clementine blurted emotionally, still in shock that Nick had decided to take off.
"Clem, calm down, it's not your fault, really, it's not," Luke continued to try and soothe Clementine, becoming a little concerned to her reaction.
Taking a couple of deep breathes the little girl managed to control her hysteria.
"What are we gonna do Luke?" she asked, no sooner had she asked there was an answer.
The sound of something banging on the glass to the museum could be heard, drawing the attention of Luke, Clementine, and Sarah, all three inhaling sharply on the noise.
Clementine broke free, and ran toward the noise stopping in her tracks, and staring at the window, realising now that they were no longer safe.
Luke and Sarah weren't far behind her, Luke putting an arm around Clementine as if he were protecting her, and holding out his arm, preventing Sarah from getting any closer. Her eyes falling onto the decayed walker, trying desperately to break through the glass, she couldn't help but let out a gasp of fear.
"What are we going to do?" Sarah asked of Luke, the terrified look in the girl's eyes concerning the older man.
"We have to get out of here," Clementine answered for him, forlornly, already blaming herself for everything that had happened so far that day. Her memory was still foggy in parts, but there was only one feeling that had been consistent since she had regained consciousness: regret.
"We have to find Nick," she stated, determined not to let it drop because of the present danger. "We can't just leave him behind," she continued, sniffling as she did so, "Not again."
"We'll find him," Luke tried to reassure her, pulling both her and Sarah over to their belongings.
"We need to take everything, it's not going to be safe here anymore," Luke said, his eyes never leaving the part of the museum the walker was trying to break into.
There wasn't time to try and calm down the younger child, but he had no choice, he had to have her functioning properly if they were going to make it out alive.
"Clem, I need you to listen right now," Luke started, kneeling down so he was eye level with her. Her eyes red and streaming with tears, he knew he had his work cut out bringing her back.
"I need you to calm down, so we can go and find Nick, can you do that?" he asked, doing his best to get through to her, frustration building as they were running out of time, the banging getting louder at the window of the museum.
The little girl's response was an incoherent splutter, followed by more tears, as she clung to her necklace.
"Sarah, can you calm her down, while I get our stuff packed quickly?" Luke asked of the teenager, hoping that she could get through to her instead. They were out of time and he knew it. He needed Clementine to snap out of it so they would have a fighting chance of getting out of the museum, which was rapidly gaining more walkers on its perimeter by the minute.
"Clementine?" Sarah spoke nervously, her hands shaking as she awkwardly hugged the younger girl, unsure how to calm her friend down. She hadn't seen her in such a bad way, and it frightened her more than when she first saw her back in the trailer. She had changed so much, she didn't know if she recognized the young girl anymore.
"You're stronger than this, you showed me that you were strong, and you weren't afraid," she started, her words shaky.
"So please calm down, Clem, I'm...I'm scared," the teenager confessed, as the young girl took a couple of deep breaths, and stared up into the teenager's dark brown hues, tears still staining her cheeks.
After a few moments of taking deep breaths, the shaking stopped and she spoke coherently, as if she were a completely different person once again.
"I'm sorry Sarah, I didn't mean to scare you, just...I want to take it back," she said sadly to her friend. "All of it," she added, still unsure what she really meant by that herself.
Luke had packed all of the gear they had into their respective bags, and he carried his and Nick's over his shoulder, placing the girls' bags at their feet.
"We have to go," he stated, his eyes still on the museum window, waiting for the inevitable shattering of glass.
"Where to?" Clementine asked quietly, wondering where they were going to go, considering that Nick wasn't with them.
"To that town we were going to head for in the morning," Luke answered right away.
"But how?" Clementine asked, confused as to how they would actually get there.
"Easy, we head for the big church spire showing above the trees in the distance," he answered matter of factly, although it was easier said than done.
"What about Nick?" she asked sheepishly, her eyes firmly fixed on Luke's now.
"That's where he would have ran off to if he had any sense," Luke answered, hoping that he was right.
Their conversation was cut short by a loud crash as the window gave way and shattered, several walkers streaming into the museum.
"Time to run," Luke urged, taking both girls' hands, as they hurriedly picked up their bags and threw them on their backs.
Leading them through the entrance, luckily the walkers had all started piling into the museum through the glass, the noise of the glass shattering attracting the walkers to it, running as fast as the girls could keep up.
After a short time, Luke slowed down to get his bearings, his lungs heaving from the effort, the two girls not faring much better.
"Stop, we have to stop," Sarah wheezed, visibly tired, she placed her hands on her knees as she tried to regain her breath. It wasn't the only reason she had stopped, becoming quite obvious as her lips began to tremble when she looked up.
"I want to find Nick," she whimpered, knowing that he would be in serious trouble if he was back at the museum still. Looking back the way she came, she looked back, "We should go back and make sure he isn't there," she pleaded, unsure of herself.
"We can't, Sarah," Luke tried to explain, fully aware that Nick wouldn't survive if he accidentally walked back into the museum full of walkers.
Luke went quiet, a fearful look on his face as he put his head in his hands.
"Fuck," he whispered as he was torn about what to do. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" he spat, frustrated, and emotional.
The realization that he could well have just lost his best friend hitting home, like an unwelcome migraine, suddenly crippling his emotions. He didn't want the girls to see how upset he was, keeping his head held in his hands as he fought back the tears.
Clementine placed a hand on his back as he stood with his head in his hands, guessing at what horrible thoughts were going through his head. She rubbed circles on his back, intuition telling her that he was feeling a lot worse than he was showing.
There was nothing she could say that would fix it, so she remained silent, contemplating the worse herself, letting out some sniffles, as she tried her best to put it out of her mind, and failing completely.
"We have to keep moving," Luke gasped, attempting to put it out of his mind, even though he was hurting, he knew he couldn't show it, not in front of the girls.
Sarah gave Luke a frightened look. "But, what about Nick!" she whined, looking back in the direction of the museum.
As heart wrenching as it was, Luke had to keep the girls' safety in mind. Swallowing hard, he had made his decision.
"We have to go, Sarah," he said sternly, "I'm sure he'll be fine," he said, trying to convince himself.
Taking a hold of Clementine and Sarah's hands respectively, he practically pulled them along with him.
"But…" Sarah protested, cut short of saying anything else by Luke.
"We have to go," he snapped in frustration, heading towards the church spire he could only just make out in the distance. His tone made Sarah flinch.
Clementine remained silent, knowing that it was futile arguing with the only adult in their group. She had no choice but to trust in Luke now, speaking up for Sarah and Luke's benefit.
"Nick can take care of himself, he's not stupid," she said, sure she was right in what she said.
"We'll find him," she said determinedly, squeezing Luke's hand in reassurance.
Luke didn't reply, he was too busy trying to shut out the emotions he was feeling, but squeezed Clementine's hand back in acknowledgement.
The wind was beginning to pick up, the trees rustling loudly, just adding to the atmosphere between the remaining survivors. The three companions silent and withdrawn as they continued on towards their destination.
Following what looked like a cycle path, there was a sign indicating they were 2 ½ miles from a village called Pleasant Ridge. Luke stopped at the sign, without looking at the girls he placed his bag on the floor.
"We should rest for a little while," he said, walking away from the girls, rubbing his neck as he did so.
Sarah went to go after him, but Clementine took hold of her hand and pulled her back.
"Leave him, give him some space," she pleaded quietly to her friend. She knew how it felt to lose someone you cared dearly about, and she could see how hard Luke was trying to not let it affect him.
"He needs to be alone," she reassured Sarah, turning her round so she could see her face.
"Look at me, Sarah," she ordered, her friend clearly distressed for Luke, and the fact that Nick wasn't with them.
"B-but, N-Nick," Sarah started, "he...he s-saved me from th-the walkers, I…" she gasped, the beginnings of a panic attack setting in.
Clementine tried her best to calm her friend, wrapping her arms around her. "I know Sarah, I know, it's so horrible," she spoke, her voice faltering as she did so.
"Nick cared about you, and I think he cared about me too, and he really really cared about Luke," she mused, ending up upsetting herself instead of reassuring her friend.
"C-Clem, I want Nick to be o-okay," Sarah croaked, her eyes welling up.
"I know Sarah, I know, I'm sorry I let him fool me, I'm sorry," Clementine cried, her whole body beginning to shake in time with Sarah's.
Unable to do anything else, the two girls held onto each other, completely oblivious to anything that might be happening around them, a hand pressing upon the younger girl's shoulder, causing her to jump with fright.
She looked up at the culprit, his dark brown eyes full of sadness, a sigh escaping his lips.
"C'mon, we best get to the village if we want to find Nick." The sadness in his voice was unmistakable.
Little whimpers fell from Sarah's lips, as she took Luke's hand once more, a sympathetic look falling from his gaze.
"We'll find him...we have to," Luke whispered to the teenager, hoping to encourage her.
The rest of the trip was spent travelling in silence, the church spire growing in size the closer they came to the village.
Upon arrival, the rows of houses looked like what once used to be a well to do estate, cars littering the road, abandoned. The church on the right hand side as they came into the village, and the overgrown gardens of semi detached houses, littered with debris.
The wind was once again howling, the three survivors huddling together as they walked warily through the village. It was eerily quiet of any walkers, an unsettling feeling descending on the group as they exchanged worried looks.
"Stay close," Luke commented, holding tightly onto the two girls' hands. The last thing he wanted was to lose his last companions; a sure descent into madness if he failed to protect them too.
They proceeded slowly down the street toward what looked like a supermarket, trolleys littered everywhere in the car park. Cars were littered throughout the car park, some doors open, some not. The stench of the dead drifting in the air, bodies strewn throughout the street, and on the car park floor, some even hanging out of the doors of the cars.
Luke quickly looked at Sarah and Clementine, silence still in the air between them, their faces plastered in horror as they took in the surroundings. Sarah squeezed Luke's hand tightly, looking up at the grown man, shaking her head before she spoke.
"I-I'm scared, Luke," she whimpered, stopping in her tracks, too frightened to move.
Clementine looked at Luke, sighing softly, and turning to her friend. "It's okay Sarah, they are dead, like dead dead," she soothed, looking back at Luke for some kind of support.
"We'll be fine," he said unconvincingly, squeezing the teenager's hand once more, the relatively quiet village suddenly bursting to life with noise.
"Get down!" Luke reacted immediately, pulling the girls to the floor as automatic fire sounded out from the village's supermarket. Another long burst could be heard, along with shouting, but it wasn't directed at them. Luke's heart sinking like a stone, fearing the worst.
"Nick," he gasped. "Oh, shit, Nick, no," he cried, his voice full of emotion, ready to lose his mind, as another long burst sounded out.
"We have to help, we have to," he rasped, standing up, and dragging the girls to their feet.
"Luke, no, you're going to get us killed, Luke!" Clementine protested, but he would not let go of them, dragging them along, all common sense lost, his mind muddled up with emotion.
"Nick!" Luke shouted, "Nick, we're coming!" he shouted again, not caring what attention he drew to them.
Clementine accepted that they had no choice but to go with Luke, although it did not make things any less distressing, as he seemed to have lost all sense of reality.
Sarah, on the other hand, was having a panic attack, which Luke was currently ignoring with the hopes of finding Nick.
"L-Luke, I-I-I-I'm scared," Sarah squeaked, pulling away from Luke as hard as she could, but he just wouldn't let go. Had he lost his mind? It didn't matter now anyway.
"Stop right where you are!" a command was issued from just inside the supermarket.
Luke suddenly snapping back to reality, a dazed and confused look crossing his face, as he looked at the two girls, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he realized what he had just done, coming to a stop.
"On your knees!" another command was issued, the lack of walkers unnerving to Luke, something Clementine had also noticed. Sarah was now in hysterics, sobbing uncontrollably, and Clementine felt helpless to help her friend. A wrong move, and she could well get everyone killed, so as much as it pained her, she made no move to comfort her.
The only thing she could do was mouth "We'll be okay," to her friend, hoping that she could see it without her glasses.
Luke was staring at the ground, not sure what he had done, nor why.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry," he whispered to the girls, knowing he had fucked up royally.
"We're all gonna die at some point," Clementine commented, having already accepted that they weren't going to get out of this.
Two figures with automatic rifles, exited the supermarket, striding over to them, the gear they were wearing was unmistakable, Luke catching an arm patch on one man's clothes. It read US ARMY 101st Airborne.
Luke felt better suddenly, this meant help and that the army were winning right?
"We're lost, can you help us?" Luke asked, receiving a slap to the face from one of the men, reeling to one side, as the man shouted, "Shut the fuck up, I ask the questions, not you."
Sarah's whimpers, becoming louder as the situation kept swinging back and forth between being rescued, and being killed. Looking to the ground, she held her hands over her ears.
"No, no, no, no, no! This isn't happening," she cried hysterically.
Clementine remained calm, and defiant, slipping an arm around Sarah, in an attempt to calm her down.
The soldier got within inches of Sarah's face, "Shut...the...fuck...up," he screamed at her, receiving a cold glare from Clementine.
"And you," he looked at Clementine, "so much as make a wrong move, make no mistake and I'll kill you all," he warned.
"On your feet, all of you," he ordered.
Clementine stood up, helping Sarah to stand, but without saying anything. She tried to make eye contact with her friend to reassure her, but she was sobbing away to herself. The little girl felt helpless, her hand moving to her necklace, and rubbing it, only to have her thinking about Nick. Everything was falling apart and she was powerless to stop it.
She looked over to Luke, who looked thoroughly defeated, the look of guilt on his face was all too apparent.
One by one, they were led into the supermarket they had heard the gunfire erupt from. Two more soldiers at what appeared to be the back door to the supermarket, were aiming their guns outside. Whatever had happened, it had happened at the rear of the supermarket, and they had just gotten caught up in the event.
"Those fuckin' ruskies try to take our stuff again, and I'll make sure they turn," one of the soldiers said bitterly as Clementine entered the building.
"Knock off the chit chat," what appeared to be the leader shouted at the other two soldiers.
"Yes, sir," they responded as they eyed the three of them, before turning back to what they were doing.
The leader directed the three friends into what appeared to be an office of sorts, the remains of several walkers laid in a corner, the stench all but nauseating.
"Now, what the hell do you think you were doing running towards this place?" the leader asked, the second soldier taking guard at the door. His question wasn't directed at anyone in particular, hoping to gain some answers from someone.
Clementine looked over to Luke, who appeared to be in a whole other world, having just been separated from Nick. Truth be told he was white as a sheet, and actually looked deathly ill.
Coughing lightly, Clementine chose to speak up, "we just lost a friend, and…," she paused, taking in her surroundings as she did so, "well, just look at Luke," she said pointing at her friend.
Her point having been made, the leader still seemed confused, "I don't know of anyone who runs toward gun fire unless they have a death wish," the man shouted, clearly upset at their actions.
Luke came out of his trance enough to speak coherently, "it was…," he sighed, the anguish on his face was clear, "it was my fault, leave them out of it," he pleaded.
"Too fucking late," the leader replied, slamming his fist on the desk.
"And your friend," the leader started, "where is he exactly?" he asked, a dark undertone, directing his question to the little girl.
"We don't know," she answered truthfully.
The leader cocked his pistol, and pointed it at Sarah, "you will tell me the truth, or you can say goodbye to your friend," he spat, as he watched Clementine's reaction.
"Stop it!" Luke pleaded, receiving another punch to the face, landing heavily on the floor from the impact.
"We didn't do anything," he continued, his voice broken, as he did his best to protect his friend.
"Where is he!?" the leader shouted once more, pointing the gun directly at Sarah's head, striding over to her.
Sarah was hysterical by now, floods of tears and whimpers escaping her throat, as the event was unfolding.
"We don't know, honestly we don't," Clementine pleaded, her gut churning as she clung to her necklace. They were in a bad situation, and there was no way to get out of it.
"Please, we don't know," she pleaded.
"Say goodbye to your friend," the leader grinned wickedly, keeping his eyes on Clementine, as she began to panic herself.
"Sarah, everything's going to be okay," Clementine gasped, her eyes tearing up, how had it come to this?
"We don't know, we really don't know," she cried, her eyes springing tears, as she closed her eyes and held onto her necklace tight.
The leader pulled the trigger on the gun.
