I'd like to thank pallysdeeks for her review on the last chapter!
A/N: This chapter contains smut.
Tauriel was nervous.
Her ovulation test was clearly positive, which meant she should have sex within the next 24 to 36 hours and she would have sex tonight. On Valentine's Day. With two men, brothers, nonetheless.
Of course, she wasn't a virgin. But she wasn't that experienced either. The number of her previous lovers could be counted on the fingers of one hand, without even needing all fingers for that. So she was no stranger to vanilla sex, rough sex and oral sex. But never in her life had she had sex with two men at the same time. And now she was about to have exactly that, for the first time. It felt naughty to her. Naughty and arousing.
While getting ready for the big event (taking a shower, shaving her legs, her pubic area, her arms and armpits and washing her hair), she suddenly remembered the last time she had been intimate with a man, also on Valentine's day. It had been five years ago and it hadn't been a good experience, at least not for her.
She had somehow liked the guy then, of course she had, otherwise she wouldn't have gone home with him for a drink, but she hadn't really been attracted to him. She had known him for quite a while, they had frequented the same gym, but she had never really talked to him. Until that day. There had been some kind of Valentine's Day event for singles at their gym, and they ended up sitting next to each other, talking, laughing. He had admitted that he had noticed her already several weeks ago, being interested in her, wanting to get to know her better. And now he had had finally the chance, although he had said that he wasn't looking for anything serious.
Tauriel had felt flattered, despite him not really being her type – too big, too bulky, too brutish, too macho. But accepting his invitation to his place for a drink or two wouldn't mean that she had to marry him. She had been young and independent and – after two failed attempts (or rather three, but two of them had been with the same guy) at romantic relationships – she had been ready to try something casual.
She had never gotten the drink he had promised her, though.
They had barely closed the front door to his flat behind them when he had started kissing her rather aggressively, completely surprising her with this move. Never had somebody kissed her like that and she hadn't been sure if she would like it.
In retrospect, Tauriel knew that she should have stopped him then and there, should have fled his apartment. But when she could feel his arousal, his desire for her, she had thought that maybe it wouldn't be that bad. After all, it would be just sex, nothing more, nothing less.
Therefore she had let him touch her like he had wanted, had let him kiss her some more, with too much tongue and teeth and very sloppy, his hands roaming greedily over her body, undressing her roughly while he had been dragging her towards the bedroom. Since she had known what had been expected of her, she had gone through the motions, telling herself that maybe she would enjoy it, he had been somehow attractive after all (at least to some women who liked those kind of guys). Never before had she had casual sex, and if it wasn't to her liking, well, she wouldn't have to repeat the experience. And it would surely make him happy.
She had been wrong. Not about the part of making him happy, no, certainly not about that, but for her it had been really, really bad.
He hadn't been gentle with her at all, quite the contrary, not caring for her or her pleasure in the slightest, just using her body for his own satisfaction, even hurting her (that was when she had started protesting, struggling against him, but he had ignored her, overpowered her). It had been so different from her previous experiences with her ex-boyfriends.
At least he had cared enough to use a condom.
Later, when she had been lying there in the dark, next to him, he already fast alseep, she had felt so bad, used, dirty and sore (even bleeding), that she could taste bile rising in her throat, feeling sick. She had jumped out of the bed and had run to the bathroom to vomit. Afterwards she had gotten quickly and quietly dressed, leaving his flat, going home, never wanting to see him again in her life (and she had never again entered that gym).
When she had arrived in her and Legolas' apartment, she had collapsed against the closed door, crying and sobbing shamelessly. Luckily, Legolas had been at Haldir's place, so she had had the apartment to herself. It wouldn't have been good if he had seen her in this dishevelled and desperate state. When she couldn't cry anymore, she had gotten up, thrown her clothes into the laundry basket, taken a shower, scrubbing her skin raw, brushing her teeth violently. She had wanted to get rid of his smell on her body, of his taste in her mouth.
Afterwards she had wrapped herself in a fluffy pink bathrobe (it was a Christmas present from her father, Legolas had gotten the same one in blue, it had been supposed to be some kind of joke, considering them being twins, but the bathrobes were rather comfortable, so they really wore them), poured herself a huge glass of Gin and sat down on the couch in the living room, looking into space, drinking. When the glass had been empty, she had poured herself another drink with shaking hands. After she had finished that glass as well, she had turned off the lights and gone to sleep on the couch. That had been where Legolas had found her the next morning. He had wondered, of course, but she hadn't told him anything. She had known that her brother would have killed this guy if he had known what he had done to his sister.
She told her friends, Éowyn and Arwen, though, one Sunday afternoon some weeks later, while they were drinking sweet red wine, eating homemade chocolate biscuits (Arwen's special recipe), talking about their jobs, their lives, relationships, sex. It wasn't easy for her to admit what had occurred with that guy, but she needed to talk about it with someone.
"Did he force you?" Éowyn, always the police officer, finally asked, her brows drawn together. Tauriel thought about it for a moment, then shook her head, shrugging. "No, not at the beginning at least, I just let it happen, I should have stopped him then, but I didn't. I was so stupid!" She felt tears burning in her eyes, but forbid herself to cry; she had cried enough about that.
Éowyn took her hand in a supportive, consoling gesture. "Did you ever say no?" she asked.
Tauriel took a deep breath. "When it hurt, I did, I even asked him to stop, really pleaded with him, but he ignored me, when I tried to push him away, fought against him, he backhanded me, grabbed my wrists in one hand and held me down, covered my mouth with the other, so that he wouldn't have to hear my cries of protest. He was so big, so much stronger, I tried to break free, but I couldn't!" She involuntarily sobbed.
Arwen, the psychologist, regarded her thoughtfully, then said, "Well, you know, in some countries it is even considered rape when the girl feels bad or mistreated afterwards and when you say that you asked him to stop because it hurt and his only reaction was to hit and restrain you, to continue... You should have gone to the police or a clinic, so that they at least could collect the evidence from your body."
Tauriel let her words sink in, then she shook her head again. "No, I couldn't. What evidence? That I had rather rough sex? I couldn't prove anything! I went home with him voluntarily. People at the gym saw us talking, flirting, leaving together..."
Éowyn shook her head as well. "Arwen is right. Although it's not always easy to prove a sexual assault, every woman should go to the police, no matter what. Maybe you were not his first victim and surely you will not be his last! Monsters like him should be stopped! Of course, he can always claim that it was consensual, but if there is the accusation of sexual abuse, the police will have to act."
It never crossed Tauriel's mind that the guy could have done it to anyone else. She didn't think that any other girl would have been as stupid as her.
"You said no, Tauriel, that's the point. It doesn't matter when you say it, even in the middle of a sexual act you have the right to change your mind. And every decent guy has to accept it, no matter how horny he is. Otherwise it's rape!" Arwen said angrily (although Tauriel knew that the anger wasn't directed at her) and Éowyn nodded.
Tauriel understood that they were right, both of them, they were either happily married (in Arwen's case) or engaged to be married (like Éowyn). They would know about decent guys! But a part of her refused to regard what had happened to her as rape. She told them so. "I don't want to be considered a victim. Hell, I practiced kickboxing, even at that damn gym! I should have been able to fight him!"
Arwen smiled at her, stroking her hair. "You are not a victim, you are a survivor. A survivor of rape!"
But Tauriel shook her head. "No, I just want to view it as a bad experience and forget it!"
And she did. She totally forgot about it. Until now. Because now she would have sex with two men she liked, but wasn't in love with (of course not, she had never been in love before, not even with her boyfriends, why should she be now), two men she considered friends, but who were almost strangers. She was nervous about how they would treat her in bed. Maybe she should have opted for insemination, but this procedure didn't appeal to her at all. Not only because it was so clinical (and messy, especially when using the insemination cap, according to some forum entries she had read previously), but also because she was a woman of flesh and blood and she couldn't deny the fact that she was attracted to Fíli and Kíli. Really attracted. In spite of her bad experience with that vile guy.
Nevertheless she was afraid to make another mistake.
So, it was with shaking hands that she put on her new underwear (a dark-pink push-up bra with a lacey floral design and a matching lace slip in dark green) she had only bought for this occasion, blow-dried and styled her hair (nothing too fancy, just her usual hairdo she wore almost everyday). Then she got dressed: black leggins, a dark-green knitted dress with a black leather belt and black high-heel boots.
After putting her make-up on (not too much, just foundation, black mascara and eyeliner and some lipgloss) she checked her appearance one more time in the mirror, taking a deep breath.
Now she just had to wait for them to arrive.
They were right on time, both of them dressed nicely, Kíli wearing dark blue jeans and a white, freshly ironed button-down shirt under his black pea coat (she wondered if it had been Dís or Bilbo who had done the ironing for him), Fíli in light blue jeans and a dark brown jumper under his beige-brown sheepskin jacket, carrying a holdall (certainly with the things they would need for the night and the next morning) and a wine bottle. Both men beamed at her.
"Hey, come on in you two," she said enthusiastically.
"Thank you, you look great," Fíli said, handing the bottle over to her. "I remember you rather liked Bofur's rosé wine," he explained, embracing her.
"We remembered. And you look gorgeous," Kíli corrected his brother, embracing her as well, even kissing her cheek.
"Oh, thank you, that's very nice of you, but if this evening is successful, I won't be able to drink the wine for several months or even longer" she explained.
The brothers looked at each other, then blushed. "Oh," was all that Kíli said, adding, "I told you it was a bad idea to bring alcohol, Fee, it looks like we want her to get drunk in order to... you know."
Fíli rolled his eyes. "Actually, both of us were not sure what to bring tonight. We have never been before in this situation."
Tauriel smiled reassuringly at them. "Neither have I. But we will figure it out together!"
That broke the ice, all three of them laughing. She led them over to the couch, asking what they would like to drink.
"Water, please," Fíli said.
Kíli looked rather indeceisive. "Erm, do you have some beer?"
Tauriel nodded. Since Legolas fell in love with Gimli on New Year's Eve, there were always two or three bottles of beer in the refrigerator. She fixed their drinks, bringing them over to the couch.
The brothers were curiously looking around, saying their thank yous, when Tauriel handed them their drinks. She herself drank some pineapple juice. Although, considering the situation, she could do with a drink, she hadn't drunk any alcohol since New Year's Eve in order to cleanse her body and prepare it for the potential pregnancy.
"So, this is where you live with your brother," Kíli finally commented.
Tauriel nodded. "Yeah, we bought this apartment together right after I signed my contract at the grammar school. Of course, our father helped us out with the money, but we are paying him back."
Kíli nodded, taking another sip from his beer. "Must be great to have your own place, though. Fíli and I, we really love our family, we do, but sometimes it's rather exhausting because you can't help but feel a little bit controlled."
Tauriel smiled. "No offense, but knowing your family, I understand. Although I can assure you it's only because they care. Not everybody has that, especially when grown up."
She thought about her own mother, living far away, being more like an older friend or a sister, not a mother. And her father, well, their relationship was rather chilly because she looked a lot like her mother and her father liked to behave like a spoilt brat, never forgiving his wife for leaving like that, not accepting that she had moved on, leading an independent life, away from her husband and children.
For some time, they sat there in silence, sipping their drinks.
Finally, it was Kíli who reminded them of the brothers' purpose of being here. "So, how and when shall we start?"
Tauriel shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Do you want me to get undressed now? Or do you want to undress me?"
Fíli smiled reassuringly at her. "Well, you opted for the natural way. Let's do this as natural as possible, then." Saying that, he pulled her close, kissing her lightly on the lips, looking into her eyes as if asking her permission and when she nodded, he kissed her again, deeper, using his tongue. It didn't feel awkward to her at all.
As soon as they broke the kiss, panting, Kíli carefully took her face between his hands, kissing her in earnest, tenderly and hungrily at the same time. It drove her almost crazy, craving for more.
"Wow, that's promising, can't wait to make love to you" Kíli whispered afterwards, smiling.
Tauriel drew her eyebrows together, lowering her gaze, biting her lip.
It was Fíli who put his hand on her arm, catching her attention. "Hey, are you okay? Is it too much for you? We can stop if you want to. We can do this later... or another time."
Tauriel shook her head, taking a deep breath. "No, you two are amazing. And I want to... you know, with both of you. It's just been a while for me and the last guy I was with..." She laughed nervously, looking intently from one brother to the other. "Well, let's say, he wasn't gentle at all."
The brothers glanced at each other, understanding dawning on their faces. For a brief moment, Tauriel panicked. They know what has happened to you, view you as damaged goods, they don't want you anymore, she thought.
"We're sorry you had to experience something like that. But before him, the sex was usually good?" Kíli asked.
Tauriel felt herself blushing. "Yes," she finally said.
Kíli and Fíli looked relieved. "Well, then you know what it should be like, and I promise, we won't do anything you don't want to do, okay? Just let us know if something doesn't feel good, or if you like it differently, or even if you want us to stop altogether, all right?" Fíli asked.
Tauriel nodded. He sounded so sincere, she trusted them.
It would be different this time.
Now it was her who took the initiative, first kissing Kíli, then Fíli, dragging them up with her. "Let's take this to the bedroom, okay?" she suggested.
The brothers looked intrigued, nodding and following her lead as she took their hands, heading for her room.
As soon as the door closed behind them, Tauriel lost any doubt, all her restraint, alternately kissing one brother, then the other, letting them undress her, undressing them in turn, touching, feeling. To her, it was bliss. Then finally, they all settled down on her mattress, naked and knowing what would happen next.
