Yay the next installment is available for all to read! Cheers. Thank you all for being patient with me. And thanks for the reviews, alerts, and favorites.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.
Karin looked down at her book. Eyes wide. She didn't know whether to be paranoid because someone had been in her room or relieved that there is someone out there who understands her situation.
Understanding to what she sees and feels seemed impossible and nonexistent.
She touched the words, tracing the unfamiliar handwriting. It triggered a memory.
It was a beautiful day. There were many people in a courtyard surrounded by sakura trees. They were all in bloom, it was early spring. The sun shone brightly as it neared sunset and the pink of the trees matched that of the sky.
Everyone was clad in dressed kimonos. She herself was wearing a white one with pale colored under layers. She remembers feeling quite uncomfortable but Yuzu had refused to let her wear shorts under it.
She was walking down the aisle, heading to the altar. There someone waited, she continued walking…
She removed her hand from the page.
"I'm married." She said it aloud though there was no one around to hear.
She looked at her ring, tracing her finger around it over and over. I'm married to him. Hitsugaya Toushirou, captain of the tenth squad. His name seemed to linger on the tip of her tongue for so long. Hitsugaya, Kurosaki was my maiden name.
A smile graced her lips.
Her memories were still unclear missing large gaps here and there. Some of it didn't make any sense while other memories were instantly put together like a puzzle, the ones she could vividly remember. The unsolvable puzzle that was her life was slowly coming together.
It was strange, being married to someone she felt she didn't know, yet there were times when she felt the nostalgia with a mix of déjà vu. It seemed familiar but she couldn't put her finger on it.
Whenever she sat at the top of ahill, taking in the breeze, she could see him. She found the perfect view of the 10th squad's training grounds and she would see him there every so often. He was usually alone and she could feel the chill of his zanpakutou, even from the great distance.
There were times when he would stop and he'd face her but she didn't know if he was really looking at her. She figured that he was just resting and assumed that she was just some other student from the academy.
Karin went back to the hill everyday for three weeks.
He wasn't there everyday of course, but it didn't stop her. She always hoped to spot him and maybe one day she could work up the courage to talk to him. She didn't know why, it was inexplicable; she just always had this urge to see him. He was her husband after all. I have a right to see my own husband. She'd always reassure herself, she wasn't a stalker!
She figured that he must have been quite busy since he would only be out at the training grounds two to three times a week and he was always alone. She also noticed that when he stopped, he would play with his hand. Doing something that she couldn't see but if she wasn't mistaken, she thought that he was playing with his ring.
His ring.
He must have one similar to mine. The dragon.
It all made sense. She undoubtedly knew that she was and may still be, married to him.
It was a compromising thought, being married to someone that she's unsure of how to express feelings for. She didn't know whether he still loved her. Maybe he moved on. It can't be, I saw him, and he touched me. That seemed like so long ago.
And it was quite awhile ago. Just over half a year and counting.
Karin was getting closer to graduating. Her zanpakutou had materialized itself and she was getting used to her powers.
With the help of her zanpakutou, she had the ability to track. With a great deal of concentration she could detect anyone near or far. It was much simpler if she were tracking someone with reiatsu but her zanpakutou didn't limit her to that. Her sensitivity to reiatsu is a part of her, part of her soul, so with that, her power of tracking and sensory was born. The same sensitivity she had unknowingly passed to her offspring.
The mind is a powerful entity and Karin was able to explore it. She could see through the eyes of another, though it took much effort.
Her tracking powers would be useful in finding those who are missing whether or not they want to be found. She would be extremely useful to the secret ops, better known as squad 2 under Soi Fon. She had found this out when discussing where she would be of most use with an academy placement officer.
Being able to delve into people's minds came as a great advantage. She could find their specialty in power and predict their movements, but any great power comes with a price or disadvantage. It took immense concentration to hold on to someone's thoughts and trying to hold to that would be extremely difficult in the midst of a real battle. It took even more reiatsu to accommodate this special power. With time she had improved but there was still much for her to learn and it would require a lot of training.
Ichigo went back to Soul Society a few times to see his little sister and even trained with her, trying to improve her stamina and bringing out the many powers within her. She told him to never hold back and he was extremely resistant at first, not wanting to hurt her but later regretted it when he had his ass handed to him and had to deal with the stream of insults that came after. It was then that he knew she wasn't to be messed with.
"The only way to achieve my greatest ability is to fight the strongest there is out there."
Ichigo had smirked at those words then and smirks when he thinks of it in the present. He gave it all he got with out the use of his bankai. She could train in that depth later.
The first ability Karin discovered when her zanpakutou manifested itself was creating a reiatsu shield. It could help with Hakuda, hand to hand combat, but other than that and deflecting low kidou spells, it was useless. Her zanpakutou's comforting words of helping her find a way to use it was the only reassurance she gained through her frustration of making her reiatsu shield useful.
It was a warm summer day; birds chirping in a nearby tree, the different sounds of nature were like music to her ears. The sun beamed down warming the grounds of Soul Society and Karin's pale skin.
It was another day she spent sitting on the hill. She found herself waiting and watching the man from her dreams and tried to feel what she had felt for him but found it impossible. Even when she got a glimpse of him, she thought it might work but it didn't.
When it all comes down to it, she didn't know him besides through the visions and dreams that repetitively played like a movie in her mind. Forcing herself to fall in love proved impossible, yet she did not lose interest. She wouldn't let herself forget.
She thought it would be the same as any other day, he may or may not show up, and if he did, she would just sit and watch. Either way, she knew that she would spend her day at the top of the hill.
Karin hadn't expected to see him walk to the middle of the field then disappear.
He's quick.
She felt him, he was coming. She blocked his hit the moment she stood, a millisecond after she had unsheathed her sword. A loud clang sounded as their blades collided.
"Good reflexes." He said coolly.
Karin narrowed her eyes and slightly growled as she pushed him away using her zanpakutou causing him to swiftly but gently jump back.
He was holding back, that was merely a tap for him but I still could feel so much power behind it.
It was in Karin's nature to not be bested so she charged but he dodged swiftly and without much effort. That didn't quite stop Karin. She charged at him again, and correctly predicting that he would dodge, she was able to end up behind him.
"Too slow." She swung but her sword didn't meet anything, cutting through air.
"No, you're too slow." He was behind her, zanpakutou pointed to her back.
She froze.
He won.
It was so quick and simple for him.
I am really weak.
Toushirou lowered his sword as Karin slowly turned around.
It felt surreal standing in front of him now, much different than the time she had seen him when she first got accepted into the academy. Now she knew, she was standing in front of her husband.
Disbelief plastered in her eyes. She was married to him, so powerful, so handsome, and so important at captain rank of the Gotei 13. It was hard for her to believe that she had somehow caught his eye and held his heart.
"Is there an explanation as to why you have been watching me this past month?"
Karin didn't budge, just stared him down. She spotted a ring, similar to her own white gold band on his ring finger.
She reached for his hand, slowly inching closer but he didn't move. Her fingertips touched the top of his hand but when her eyes glazed over and her movement seized, Toushirou took his hand out of her grasp.
Karin fell forward breaking her fall with her hands, a little short of breath. She looked into his eyes, such familiar eyes, and she could see the emotion swirling beneath them, within him. Sadness? Pity? Love? She couldn't pinpoint just one.
"What did you see?" he was calm and Karin was a bit taken aback that he knew she had seen something.
"You." She whispered as she stood to meet his gaze.
Toushirou closed his eyes, lost in thought. He didn't know what to do, a part of him wanted to just hold her and make her remember and get it over with. But he thought of what happened with Ichigo and how it had hurt her leaving her in the hospital for a week. As far as he knew, Ichigo hadn't touched her for very long so the thought of holding her for more than a few seconds sent shivers down his spine. She had already died once and he wasn't going to let it happen again.
After thinking for a moment, he finally spoke up.
"Do you remember me?"
"I do."
Toushirou didn't try to hide his shock and excitement with the widening of his eyes but he kept his lips pursed shut to keep from jumping to conclusions.
"But…" she looked at him, brows furrowed as she tried to find the right words to say with out hurting his feelings.
"I don't remember my feelings for you. I don't feel them."
It was a stab to Toushirou's heart, disappointment now etched on his features. He had already waited over a year for her and when he finally has a chance to really speak to her with out causing chaos to her mind, he still remained disappointed. He avoided confusion simply by avoiding her, hoping she would remember things on her own, which she did. But memories are very different from feelings and the two can't always intertwine. He would have to re-create the connection they had.
"I'm sorr…"
"Don't apologize." It wasn't like him to interrupt anyone but he needed to let her know. "It's not your fault."
"So what about us? I don't know what to do. I want answers, I want things to be how it should be." Karin sounded a bit anxious, her pent up stress and anxiety coming out in a hasty stream of words.
"It can't be helped." Shrugs. "I'll just make you fall in love with me again."
After a moment, his words sunk in, irritation causing her eye to twitch.
"And you're so confident that you could do that? Make me fall in love with you?"
"Yes. You fell in love with me once; perhaps a second time won't be so hard."
"You…you ass!" Karin's blood was boiling with frustration and annoyance. If he managed to get her on this level with two sentences, she couldn't comprehend how she had agreed to spend the rest of her life with him.
Toushirou smirked. Still the same Karin, feisty and highly opinionated.
Karin's face turned a little red as she glared at him and his smirk, Toushirou had to hold back a chuckle.
"I love you Karin. Please remember that I am not going to let you go so easily."
Karin's anger slowly dissipated as she took every thing in. What he just said, his face, his voice, his ring. It was all somehow familiar. This is who she dreamt of nearly every night and even though not every single aspect could be seen and heard in a dream, she knew she had once loved him. She loved all of him – the tender, kind, angry, loving, arrogant him – with all of her heart. She'd forgotten how to love. What it really felt like to be loved and to love in return. Aside from the unconditional love for her family, the emotion seemed nearly unattainable, something that just happens, not sought after and forced.
Toushirou stepped forward and fought the temptation to touch her, pull her face in and just kiss her. He settled for taking a few strands of her hair and running his thumb and forefinger down the bunched up strands, reveling in the silky smoothness between his fingers.
Karin stood still, letting some what of a stranger touch her hair. Though it should have been awkward, it wasn't. It was far from that. Everything felt so right, they were meant to be together but there are obstacles they must over come.
She could see that he was holding back but she didn't understand just how much he wanted to touch her face. It was a quiet, peaceful moment for them, one they would later come to cherish, but for now they only took in what they could take and no more.
She watched as his lids seemed to droop. He took a deep breath through is nose and exhaled through his mouth as he stepped back.
"Come back here tomorrow at noon and we can work on improving your zanjutsu."
"Okay." A meek, nervous voice. A voice even Karin didn't recognize even though it was her own.
That night, Karin dreamt of him peacefully. A soundless sleep until the later hours of the morning. Oh how she loved academy breaks.
The summer sun beamed down on them, heating their skin which will undoubtedly result in a nice tan and proper intake of vitamin D. The clang of their swords echoed throughout the field, music to ears of those who enjoy the rush of battle.
Toushirou trained and patiently helped Karin with wielding her katana. She took his constructive criticism without aggravation and made the most of what she could and was willing to learn.
Besides building stamina and speed, Toushirou taught her technique, strategy, and control. Karin was disciplined but there were times when her frustration and emotion got the best of her causing her to briefly lose focus.
They had been going at it for a few hours, Karin huffing and gasping for breath whereas Toushirou didn't even break a sweat. He was a master at zanjutsu after all. He had barely moved from his spot as he repeatedly told her to "come at me."
When Toushirou declared the end of their training session, Karin hid her disappointment. She wanted to spend more time with him and he wanted to be with her as well but he had left Sora with Matsumoto and he needed to get back to her. It was evident that Karin did not remember ever bearing a child so he did not bring it up. He didn't even know how to put it in words without making it sound ridiculous. Oh by the way you had my child over a year ago but you can't hold her since it would undoubtedly hurt you by overloading your brain with memories you lost when you died giving birth to her. No he would not get into that. He would wait patiently until she figured it out on her own.
The next day Karin met him yet again at the training field but he brought paper, ink, and a brush for writing. When she told him that the memory of their wedding had come to her when she touched his writing in her journal, Toushirou was intrigued and he came up with the idea of letting her remember in smaller doses. It was his first experiment with her memories after all when he left traces of his reiatsu in his writing.
He experimented by writing Urahara's name on a piece of paper. He asked her beforehand if she knew who he was and she shook her head no. When the ink dried she traced the lettering and brief visions of a candy shop resurfaced in her mind. Two children, Yoruichi, and Tessai also came to mind as well as the underground training station which is located beneath the Urahara shoten. After writing a few more names and helping Karin remember more people she was associated with, Toushirou noticed the beads of sweat that formed on her forehead as well as the quick breaths that came after removing her fingers from the writings.
He didn't want to push her and stopped, especially when she claimed that she had a headache.
It may still take time but it was progress and Toushirou beamed at their accomplishment.
They sat under a tree taking advantage of the lowered temperature the shade offered. Karin sat with her knees to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs and watched as birds flew in the distance and the swaying of the thin branches caused by the light summer breeze. She felt his gaze and turned to look at him.
He was always mellow and spoke properly and only when necessary. He didn't ask many questions but he always answered hers. He knew many things and had an answer for everything she asked. Even for the dumb questions she tried to annoy him with such as why can't fish fly? He was such a smart ass. Karin smiled as his gazed intensified.
"What are you thinking that you have to look at me so intently?"
"Nothing, I shouldn't even think it."
"What is it? Maybe I can help."
"I doubt that."
"I am not as incompetent as you may think I am."
"What I'm thinking has nothing to do with your competence since I already know you can do it. It's just a matter of the consequences, which is unknown as far as you and I both know."
"What is it?" Karin repeated.
There was a pregnant pause as Toushirou fought with his inner self. "I want to kiss you." He mumbled.
Karin sighed, the upturn of her lips still plastered on her face.
She lifted her hand to bring it to his face and when she was a few centimeters away, Toushirou moved away, hurt apparent in Karin's eyes.
"We really shouldn't." he never took his eyes off hers.
"Kiss me."
"I just said that we really sh.."
"I don't care. Just kiss me, please." She interrupted. She didn't know why but her gut told her to do it. It didn't have to be long, just a second. Toushirou didn't move and stilled even further when he felt her press her lips against his for a brief second.
She pulled back quickly.
"Don't be foolish Karin."
Karin smiled crookedly. "Don't tell me you didn't enjoy that."
Toushirou reddened if only slightly. "What did you see?"
"A house. A pale yellow house." Karin's eyebrows furrowed. "Is that our house?"
Toushirou nodded.
Karin thought about the house, tried to think and remember but she couldn't remember anything else about it.
"That's our house in the human world. We purchased it just before we got married."
Our house. Karin smiled. Learning something new about her former life was as exciting as a kid would be in a candy store. She wanted to learn more about this man, the life they lead, and most importantly about herself. It was a bit awkward that people would know more about her than she did herself but she couldn't imagine how awkward it was for others to know her and everything about her knowing that she didn't remember a thing. It was all so complicated, stressful, and she hated pity.
Toushirou stood up. It was nearly sundown meaning he had spent much of the day with her.
"Do you want me to come tomorrow?"
Toushirou shook his head. "Take a break. I probably have a lot of work to catch up on."
"Maybe I can help you?" Karin wanted to spend more time with him, even if it meant doing work. She briefly wondered how often he used to choose work over her.
"I have other responsibilities that you don't need to concern yourself with, at least not yet." By this he meant Sora but he wouldn't tell her that. He just continued to let her think it was paper work.
Disappointment was written all over her face but she nodded and turned to walk away.
"Come back in two days time. I should be caught up by then." He wasn't going to neglect Karin either, especially with all the progress they were making.
She turned and smiled at him. "Ok."
Toushirou watched her walk away, her red hakama pants fluttering with the breeze. He watched until she was out of sight, too far for the eye to see.
When he stepped into his office, Matsumoto was at her desk with her head down while snoozing and Sora was sprawled out on a blanket on the floor.
All the women in his life were troublesome in some way but everything was always worth it.
He picked Sora up who opened her eyes briefly but fell right back asleep and he held her, rocking her back and forth before placing a kiss on her forehead.
Hope this chapter was somewhat enjoyable and didnt bore you to tears. Tried to add a little fluff. Anyways thanks for reading. Ja ne!
