Chapter Nine

Out

Out: adv. From inside a shelter into the open air; in or into a state of unconsciousness: adj. openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

Lilly listened.

"Honey, honey, touch me, baby, ah-hah, honey, honey, honey, honey, hold me, baby, ah-hah, honey, honey, look like a movie star, I know just who you are, honey, to say the least, you're a dog-gone beast."

Was that ABBA?

Was Miley singing… ABBA?

She paused, "Are you singing ABBA?"

Miley turned, smiled warmly, "I'm singing ABBA."

Wrinkled forehead, "Why?"

The brunette paused, turned to smile fully at the blonde, body half in closet, only half, "Amanda Seyfried actually. I saw Mamma Mia!"

Lilly wasn't in the closet at all, she was out in the open, "When?"

"In the hospital."

"In the hospital?"

"I was bored."

That explained it all.

"And now you're singing ABBA?"

Miley shrugged, "I'm singing ABBA, yes."

Lilly fell back onto the bed, hands behind her head, "Cool."

Miley didn't reply. Lilly stared at the ceiling. Miley searched through her closet. She was still in her sweatpants. Not so good. She had to get ready. Soon. They were supposed to be at school. Soon. It was Miley's first day for a very long time. It was important.

She groaned. "I dunno what to wear."

Lilly sat up again, "Wear what you usually wear. It's just school."

The skater did not understand the hassle.

"It's a hassle, Lilly." Miley explained, still halfway in the closet, a pink skirt in hand, "This is something I would usually wear, right?"

Lilly studied the skirt, yes, she would usually wear that, "Usually."

"But I can't wear it now."

Lilly wrinkled her forehead again, "Why not?"

Miley glanced down, "I have a notleg."

That explained it all.

"Oh."

Miley dumped the skirt to the floor, "I might as well throw all of these out."

Thinking it was a bad idea, suggesting, very brightly, "Maybe you'll feel more comfortable once you've gotten used to the notleg. Maybe you'll wear them then."

Fire in her eyes, "No." pause, "I won't wear 'em." She stroked a toe across the fabric, "Ain't it sad?"

Lilly agreed, "That's too bad."

Miley sighed, "I'm gonna wear a pair of my jeans."

Lilly fell back again and stared at the ceiling. She had a very bad feeling about this day. She had a feeling that it wouldn't go smooth. At all.

"Lilmmhfff."

Lilly sat straight up again. There was Miley, almost out of the closet, "What?"

She sighed, "I have a problem."

Lilly got off of the bed, had to help Miley get her leg into the jeans; they were tight. She reached for Miley's hand, comforting smile on her lips, hoping the singer would be alright. She graced her arm and felt the tingle in the pit of her own stomach.

She looked up and their eyes locked.

Mamma Mia!

Fuck maan, Miley was beautiful.

even when only halfway to okay.

Miley slipped and landed inside the closet again.

--

The doors smacked close behind them and never had there been so quiet.

Blue and brown and green and black.

All those colours were on them, and Lilly didn't like it (except she was rather fond of the green). This wasn't good though, and Lilly felt that Miley didn't like it too, for the shorthaired brunette crimpled next to her, and slowly became smaller.

Lilly squeezed her eyes together.

It was like she didn't know anymore. She didn't know her Miley, she didn't know their love. She didn't know anything anymore except writing, but she also knew writing very well. Writing was very nice.

Miley whimpered and Lilly opened.

Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

She reached behind herself and her fingers searched for Miley's. She didn't know that much anymore (except writing), but she knew that they had something, whether it was gone or still there, she didn't know, but they had (had?) something. It was important to her, and she was going to search for it like her fingers did for Miley's.

She couldn't possibly know what Miley thought, but she could know what she wanted herself. And she wanted her Miley.

IMPORTANT, right?

Yes, Lilly thought so too.

Miley whispered next to her, breath hot on her ear, "Lilly…" it was hoarse, her voice was hoarse, "Are they looking at the hair… or the notleg?"

Lilly squeezed her hand, "Dunno."

Miley squeezed back, "Can we… leave?"

Vague familiar faces in midst of the less-familiar. Lilly heard the murmurs, the whispers, the talks about Miley and Miley's hair. All went on around her, and she stood there, in the bubble she shared with Miley, centre of her universe, she stood there so very confused.

"Lilly?"

"We can… leave."

The hold on Miley's hand, she didn't let go of, she pulled her with her instead, through a throng of people, ignored the stares, the everything, and paused only when it was their lockers. Back against the wall, she stared at her best friend.

Miley swallowed, "I don't know if can do this, Lilly."

Lilly felt sure, felt like the truth, "You can do this." She said. She meant it. She meant what she said.

"I can?"

"Yes, Miley, you can get through everything."

A small smile suddenly appeared on her face.

"You just… you have to come back to me, Miley." Lilly continued, mouth moving without approval, telling stories she had only been thinking, and saying things she should keep to herself, "You seemed so far away though you were standing near and you made me feel alive, but something died I fear."

A swallow.

That was… interesting? Interesting and true, oh yes, true indeed.

Finishing, "I… lost you."

Miley stepped closer, placed a hand on Lilly's bare arm, "Lilly, I really tried to make it out, and I wish I understood what happened to our love, because it used to be so good."

Their love?

Lilly let the smile conquer her face. She knew what their love had been like, and it was about time to talk it out. "Miley…" whispered, afraid of an answer, really, "We need to talk about that evening. About our…" whispering, almost inaudible, "date."

The word tasted sweet on her tongue, but as from that moment it burned Miley's.

Miley was sweet. Miley was gorgeous and talented and funny and amazing. But Miley wasn't ready. She wasn't out and open-minded and she did care of what other people thought of them.

Her face stiffened, "Not now Lilly," she sad, "not now."

Lilly stared at her with feelings, mixed feelings to be exact. When Miley said something like that – she honestly didn't know what to reply to her. She hated her, but she loved her, and she hated the way she was so afraid of what the dumbass people at their school thought, but loved how she could paralyze her with just a single touch.

"Am I interrupting something?"

Lilly turned her head to the side, and though she usually loved talking to her, she had never been happier to see Ms. Scribo because that situation could – and would – have ended horribly.

"Yes please."

Miley gave her a weird look. She kept quiet. Stepped at least two feet away.

"Ms. Stewart, it's so nice to have you back. I hope everything's fine with you?"

Miley awkwardly rubbed her arm, "I'm much better, thank you. Got a lotta stuff to catch up on, though."

Ms. Scribo got her dimples, "Well, I'm glad to get you back in class."

Miley didn't reply.

Ms. Scribo turned to Lilly instead, "Lillian, remember our talk?"

Lilly smiled, "Bunburying, I know. Honour's code." She also held up her hand and didn't feel stupid at all.

Ms. Scribo left, Lilly smiled and Miley had fire in her eyes, "What was that about?"

"Bunburying."

An eyebrow raised, "Mind tellin' me what the crap that is?"

Annoyed, "No Oscar Wilde fan, I see? Well, ain't it sad?"

Miley purred and pulled her locker open with a jag, "Yeah, that's too bad."

Lilly did the same. Not knowing whether to be sad. Or happy. Happy? Yeah, Miley was back, wasn't she? Happy was probably the best idea.

--

Lilly was eating lunch with Oliver and Miley in a cafeteria where all the lights were off.

Weird.

and she felt like Oliver was staring too much at Miley.

So she kicked his leg, "Freak! What the crap are you doing?"

Oliver smiled at Miley and ignored at Lilly, "I just really love the new do." He replied, eyes full of something Lilly didn't recognize and maybe that was alright too.

Miley smiled warmly, "Thank you, Oliver. I rather like it too. Seems to take focus off the leg that isn't there."

Lilly resisted to roll her eyes, just barely, "It's there, it's just a notleg."

"Which means it technically isn't there."

"But you have a leg."

"A notleg."

"But a leg nonetheless."

Miley's eyes flamed when she didn't know what to reply back. Lilly felt like her eyes might catch on fire soon, too. She had started the day out well, though slightly annoyed, and been happy to get the real routine back with her and Miley. But quickly she had gotten annoyed when Miley was irritating and when she didn't want to talk to her about what really mattered – them as a couple.

The silence was awkward.

Oliver broke it.

Thank God!, well… Ollie. Thank Ollie.

"Have you been to the Principal's office yet?" he questioned.

Miley's eyes seemed to flame a lot less, "No." she said. Promptly.

Oliver defended, "Maybe you should go." he glanced at Lilly then. Briefly.

Lilly knew that Miley didn't want to go, and there were so many things that Miley didn't want to do right now, but she did them anyway, and therefore she also stood up and did this too. She only did shrug and then she did leave, and Lilly sighed.

She loved that girl, she did. But fuck, she was tired of her Mileyness right now.

One second did not pass by after Miley was out of earshot before Oliver said, "Alright, so what the crap is up with you two?"

Lilly bit her French fry, "Miley is being difficult."

"I thought she was better? That she came back from the broken?"

She chewed, explained with mouth full, "No. She's not here yet. But it isn't what this is about anyway. She's being difficult."

Oliver did not seem to get a thing.

Lilly elaborated (just for her Ollie's sake), "Difficult about being out."

The light bulb above Oliver's head turned on, "Oooh…"

Suddenly the cafeteria wasn't too dark.

She raised an eyebrow, "If ya know what I mean, Ollie?"

Oliver snatched a fry from her plate, which was weird since she normally didn't share food, "I thought you guys had already discussed all of this? On your date?"

Lilly shrugged, "I remember shit of our date. Nothing comes to mind, but the doctor says it'll probably resurface. But she doesn't even wanna talk about us anymore. I thought we were gonna be perfect. I guess not."

She was a bummer, don't think she didn't know.

Oliver, this time, raised an eyebrow, "Well, try talking to her again. And you're a bummer, by the way."

Sighing, "And here we go again, we know the start, we know the end."

"The end?"

"You mocking me?"

"That's the end?"

"That's the end."

Oliver paused, certainly lost, "Where were we?"

Lilly bit her thumbnail, "Miley's being difficult!"

"Oh yeah…"

"I guess she doesn't wanna be out or something."

That was the only explanation Lilly could give herself. Because she knew her Miley and she knew how her Miley felt for her, and those feelings were true. And they were there and they were huge, and it had to be some other problem if Miley didn't want to date her – it had got to be the 'out' problem, which frankly, had never concerned Lilly; she had never thought much about it, actually.

Never.

"So tell me something, Lilly?" Oliver said, like no biggie, like they had these sort of talks all the time, about being out or in or somewhere in between and it was okay, because they were Lilly and Oliver and they rocked, "Does your mother know that you're out?"

"I'm not out yet since I haven't officially had a girlfriend. That's sorta what I wanted to change."

Oliver looked struck and Lilly shook her head in disbelief. Hello Triple-O? What happened to your brain cells today?

"My brain cells are just fine, thank you."

Lilly paused. How did he know what she just thought?

Oliver replied, "You do this all the time you know. You say something I've just been thinking and you repeat a lot."

Lilly was baffled, "I wasn't aware that I asked you to elaborate."

"No." pause, "But I bet you thought it."

Lilly reached for her juice box, "I do this all the time?"

"All the time."

"Okay."

--

She was watching Miley again. She couldn't help it. She was mad at her before – not so much anymore. She simply wanted to spend time with her and place a kiss upon that pale cheek of hers. They were studying, she had her Book of Lyrics; Do Not Look in her lap and was putting finishing touches on the poem for class.

Miley was doing homework for AP Calculus and she had a lot of catching up to do.

Lilly closed her eyes and imagined what it would be like if they were really together and Miley could be truly happy again. Those smiles she sent, they weren't real. There were troubles behind the nice façade, and sure, she was trying, Lilly could tell, but it was tough, and she needed a push in the right direction again.

Lilly turned the pages and found the flyer for the Talent Show, remembered how she had signed Miley up for it. It was soon, and she had yet to tell her. She wasn't sure how to.

The world inside her head seemed to spin and she felt dizzy and every thought screamed to her fingers at once and she needed to write, but didn't know what to write, and it confused her, and it spun and suddenly she didn't know anything anymore.

"I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
"

Lilly blinked.

Images of black and white. A mess, a misfit. A puzzle.

She blinked again.

Vague Miley above her, fringe falling down slightly. Mouth moving. Singing.

Beautiful.

Her eyes closed for a second, and she sat up in a rush. "What – what happened?"

The light shone into her eyes. It was bright and she needed dark.

Miley stopped, "You were out of it."

Lilly glanced at her. For a second she thought that she might have grown wings as a halo seemed to appear above her head. Because she believed in angels.

"No."

"No what?"

Back down to Earth, please, and suddenly Lilly felt her touch and the brunette was an angel no more. She was right there in front of her, and Lilly wouldn't have to tell her no, to tell her not to leave, she was right there. She was lingering.

A jolt went through her body and Lilly reached for her pen and her Book of Lyrics; Do Not Look.

The muse had suddenly flown right back to her.

It's name was Miley Stewart.


I am sincerely sorry about the extremely long delay on this chapter. It seems like it has taken me forever to write. I have a good excuse, because I literally haven't had time to sit down before last night where I wrote this in almost one sitting. There's been a lot going on, but I hope to get more time now, though it is unlikely.

Please tell me what you thought of this chapter. It is certainly not my best work, and I am sorry it's not longer even after the long wait.

Disclaimer; I don't own Hannah Montana. The lyrics, and some of the lines actually, are all by ABBA – or, as in here, the movie Mamma Mia! (which is a movie that I love to death ;b).