A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long to update. But here are finally more H/C moments ! I used parts of the song "Stupid Boy" by Keith Urban because I think it fits the story. NJOY !
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show. The song "Stupid Boy" belongs to Keith Urban.
Only The Truth, Part II
As he watched her crying silently in Grace's room, he studied each line on her beautiful face that was covered with tears. He could not remember having ever seen something so beautiful and yet so sad. The kid's unavoidable fate had touched her so deeply that she was now baring her soul to him and she did not even know.
Well she was precious like a flower
She grew wild
Wild but innocent
Perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything
Beautiful and different
He somehow knew that she thought not only of Grace but also of her husband with whom she had been through a similar situation. Now he was in that situation himself. He liked Grace a lot, considered her a friend – even though it was a very special and definitely weird and uncommon friendship and it had taken quite some time to admit this to himself. When he had realized that she was not only a patient to him anymore, he had pushed her away instantly. Only because she was his friend. And his friend would be dead in only a couple of months.And that was the moment when he understood what he had done to Allison Cameron.
She let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream
And you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice
And that's what happens
When the only voice she hears
Is telling her she can't
Stupid boy
Stupid boy
Remembering what Grace had told him about her, he suddenly was wondering how she could still have such feelings towards him. Cameron really loved him. Not because he was damaged on the outside, but because she knew that he was broken on the inside. She knew that he needed someone like her so badly and she needed him. It had taken a kid with a brain tumour to face the truth that he had tried to deny for such a long time.
So what made you think you could take a life
And just push it, push it around
I guess you built yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down
Oh, you always had to be right
And now you've lost the only thing
That ever made you feel alive
He watched her every movement. The way she covered her eyes with her hands, how she wiped away the tears just to let new teardrops run down her face, held him spellbound. And for some reason, it felt natural to slowly enter the room and walk over to her. She immediately wiped the tears from her face again and got up from the chair she had been sitting in. For a few moments none of them said a word. They were just staring at each other, trying to figure out what the other thought.
"You OK ?" he finally broke the silence. He could not think of any other question because in this very moment, it was really the only thing he was interested in. He wanted to know how she felt.
Cameron was a little surprised by the softness in his voice. At first, she wanted to say 'yes' and that she was fine. Instead, she slightly shook her head.
"No… It's just not fair." she whispered and only seconds later, she felt tears coming up again.
"I know." He replied calmly. He knew that she was talking about Grace and her beloved husband and anyone else who did not deserve to die so early. Right now, a whole world seemed to break down on Cameron and normally, he would have made a sarcastic comment about it or that it's really sick to care about damaged or dying people. But not this time. Because this time, he sympathised with her. Even though he knew he shouldn't, he moved closer to her until their bodies were only inches apart, so he could almost taste her sadness that was filling the whole room right now. His brain told him to stop but the next moment, he put his arms around her and pulled her into a warm embrace. And to his surprise, Cameron did not pull away, opposite, she buried her face in his t-shirt, wrapping her arms around him desperately, giving in to the tears that she had tried to hold back only a few seconds before. He gently held her head against his chest, stroking slowly across her auburn hair, while his right hand was caressing her back softly. After a couple of minutes of standing there like this, it was suddenly him, who hid his face in her hair, eyes closed, only enjoying the comfort they were giving to each other, savouring the smell of her skin and her slow breath on his chest. He was mourning Grace, too. But it was still only Cameron crying. He would not cry. But in a way, Cameron's tears were his, too. So he was crying. Silently.
It seemed as if hours had passed when Cameron finally pulled away from him slowly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"
You've done nothing wrong.
"It's OK." He replied softly and tried to put on a slight smile.
"Whatever you've told her… It hit her hard I think…" she murmured.
I know.
"So I'm the big bad here and she's a saint ?" he asked gruffly. Cameron instantaneously translated the comment into its real meaning: 'Are you mad at me, too ? Am I really such a bastard ?'
You look confused and your legs are shaky and you really liked being so close to me. In fact, you liked that I allowed you to be so close to me.
"No. It's something between you and her. But I believe you should talk. And I… should leave right now." She answered a little confused.
And what am I going to say to her ? Why do I have to be the one to apologize ? She wasn't very nice to me either… Maybe because she was right with me and I was just trying to hurt her.
House was kind of irritated when Cameron nearly ran out of the door, as if she could not get away from him fast enough. While he was reflecting on the very intimate moment that had just taken place, he noticed that the sweet scent of her perfume was still lingering around him. He took a deep breath to inhale the traces that she had left in the room, feeling a sudden pain in his guts and a sickness that made him feel wobbly. Irritated by this unexpected dizziness, he produced an amber bottle of vicodin out of his pocked to pop a couple of pills straight away. But he already guessed that they would not free him from this kind of pain.
Oh, dammit…
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Sitting on the chair in his office, he was holding Grace's mp3-player in his hands. She had forgotten to get it back and he had forgotten to give it back to her. Fortunately, this was the perfect excuse for him to contact her. He picked up the phone and dialled the number he had looked up in her file. A few seconds passed until he heard her voice crackling on the other end.
This is absolutely senseless. She'll hang up straight away.
"Hello ?"
"Hi. Grace Dawson ?"
"Yep. Who's talkin' ?"
"Dr. House."
Don't hang up !"Oh, for God's sake ! What do you want ? You wanna keep torturing me by telling me how lonely I am ?" she asked annoyed.
No. I want to apologize.
"Nope. I just thought you might want your mp3-player back…" he returned.
"Yeah, right. You've got my number, I take it you also know where I live. Just throw it into the mailbox."
I need to talk to you, not your godforsaken mailbox.
"I'm at work. I can't come over for coffee but thanks for asking." He said sarcastically. He heard her taking a deep breath at the other end.
"OK, where can I pick it up ?"
"The diagnostics office."
"I'll be there in twenty minutes." She said and hung up.
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He walked into the diagnostics office, where the whole team was sitting and waiting for him to appear. He felt kind of anxious because he had never been in a similar situation. He wanted to apologize and he meant it. House nervously played around with his yo-yo, trying to think of anything else but the probably not so joyful conversation with Grace.
"Morning." He murmured and walked up and down the room. They were staring at him curiously, wondering what was on his mind today. In his left hand he held an mp3-player, which he was twirling around his fingers.
"Is this a new one ?" Foreman asked and pointed at the player, shaking him out of his thinking.
"Not exactly." He returned. Silence filled the room and it somehow made all of them feel kind of uncomfortable. His eyes were attached to the ground until he realized that the ducklings were staring at the open door. He slowly turned his look to the door and saw Grace standing there. She was all dressed in black, her long black hair falling beautifully onto her shoulders, stroking her sallow face. She looked good.
She must have a good day. Or she's completely high.
"Kid. Come in. I suppose you remember my team ?" he greeted her and motioned for her to enter the room.
"Sure. Hi. So, where is it ?" she got straight to the point.
"Things are going great. Thanks for asking. Coffee ? Tea ? Hugs and kisses ?" He incited her.
"No, thank you."
"Why are you always dressed in black ? Has anyone died recently ?" House regretted the comment as soon as it had left his mouth.
Outch ! Shoulda left this one out.
"I like the colour." She replied with a cold voice.
"Oh yeah. It's totally you."
"Can we leave the small talk part out ? Don't make me give you stupid nicknames in front of your colleagues. My player, please !" she replied harshly and as soon as she had ended the phrase, he threw it at her and she caught it with both of her hands.
"Thanks. Was nice to see most of you again. Goodbye." She said and gave House a dark look before she left the room.
I can't go after her. What will Tick, Trick and Truck think ? Ah, never mind, might be the only chance. And Cameron… Cameron will love me for this…
"Hm. Would you excuse me for a minute ?" he looked at the team for a second and then limped out the door as fast as he could.
"Grace ! Miss Dawson ! Kid ! I'm a cripple, remember ?" he shouted into her direction down the hallway. Grace stopped and turned around to see House walking over to her.
"What ? I thought you decided to be a bastard." She grunted. House looked at her intensely and could still see the wounds he had caused her. Her eyes were empty as she had given up on herself.
"Ahm… yeah. I mean… no… I'm sorry for… you know, saying these things about…"
"My death ?" she completed the sentence.
"Right. I needed some time to figure… that you might be right. About me, you know. I felt… kinda exposed when you were reading… my mind."
"I'm not reading anyone's mind. I'm just watching and observing people's behaviour and gestures. I can't read minds. That's technically impossible. I was just telling you what I saw. I shoulda known you couldn't cope with it."
"Does that mean you're accepting my apology ?" he inquired.
"I think it's a waste of time to be angry at someone just because of some stupid comment. I don't have the time to be angry." She answered.
"Does that mean you're accepting my apology ?!" he asked once more.
"Accepted." She confirmed nodding.
"Good… Kid...?" He mumbled.
"Hm ?"
"I guess I've really hurt Cameron. Just like I hurt you." He started.
"Think my little speech was as well a punch in the face for you, wasn't it ?"
"Yeah. But you were right. I constantly try to hurt people that are close to me and I'm well aware of it. I want to hurt them before they can hurt me." He said, his eyes attached to the ground.
"Hah ! Look at you ! You really made up your mind, huh ?"
"It was about time, I guess." He returned murmuring.
"Tell her the truth. How you really feel about her and everything that is heavy on your heart. Say that you're sorry… and mean it. She will forgive you." She answered warmly.
"Do you believe this is a good idea ? Doesn't she deserve someone… better than me ?" he wanted to know. This was a question tat had been on his mind for a long time.
"You think you're not good enough… You're making me angry, Doc. How sick are you that you believe people like us don't deserve affection from people like her ? You still haven't understood it, have you ?" she returned, giving him an angry look.
"Ah… huh ?" he responded a little irritated.
"When Cameron looks at you, what do you think that she sees ? An old man ? A cripple ? A bastard ? No. She sees a genius, a brilliant doctor who tries anything to save lives. She sees someone who is in need of love and friendship. She sees a handsome guy with an irresistible smile and a friend. Look, I know this sounds soppy but… We don't decide who we love by how someone is looking, love decides who we find beautiful. To Cameron, you are perfect the way your are. You are good enough." Grace clarified while looking at him powerfully. House remained silent for a while.
"You think I'm handsome ?" he grinned.
"Cameron thinks you're handsome. I thought we'd talked this over already… You're not my type." She smiled back.
"Right… So, where're you going ? Any plans ?" he changed the subject.
"Europe. I'm leaving for Paris tomorrow. Then Berlin, Rome, Greece. I wanna see the world before… you know. There's not much time left…" She returned smiling.
"That's good. Send me a card."
"I can do that. Maybe you'll even get a whole letter." She joked.
House reached out his right hand and offered it to her. She took his hand and before he could react, she had pulled him into a deep hug and placed a soft kiss on his rough cheek.
"I've always known you fall for me, Kid." He said with a naughty grin on his face.
"Of course you have, daddy." She responded and let go of him. Then, Grace Dawson left again and she did not look back when she walked out of his life.
Telling her the truth… Truth… what a big and meaningful word… Crap ! I'm going to make an idiot out of myself. I know it.
House knew that his ducklings had observed the scene and that he would have to explain a lot. But he wouldn't. Maybe he would tell Cameron. There were lots of things he needed to tell her…
"Chase, Foreman, I bet you've got somethin' better to do than sitting around here or spying on my personal conversation with a patient. Get me a new case. Or… have lunch break, or do whatever you like to do… somewhere else." He grunted.
"She's too young for you, House…" Foreman started with a big grin on his face.
"She's a friend."
"You never befriend with patients. You even refuse to talk to them." Chase argued, looking amused.
"I befriended with her. Leave. Right away." House shouted and they finally made it out of the office. When they were down the hallway, he sat down in his chair and remained silent for a while until Cameron walked over to him.
"What is it ?" she asked with a little voice.
"Need to talk to you." House muttered nervously.
"I guess I figured that when you sent Chase and Foreman away."
"It's kinda hard to say something. You know, I know what I want to say because I was thinking about it the whole week and I really think a lot. But thinking and speaking is something completely different. You feel me ?" he muttered. Cameron just nodded.
She let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream
And you crushed her plans, oh yes he did
She never even knew she had a choice
And that's what happens when the only voice she hears
Is telling her she cares
"It must be something that doesn't go easily from your lips. That makes me even more keen on knowing." She smiled slightly at him. Their eyes locked for a moment and suddenly it seemed to be easy to say sorry to her. His lips naturally formed the words as they left his mouth.
She loved me
She loved me
God, please let her know I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry baby
I'm down on my knees…
"I'm sorry." He whispered. The look in Cameron's eyes when he said it was a mixture of
"What for ?"
"Everything."
"Could you specify 'everything' ?" she asked.
"Everything that I've ever done to you in the past couple of years. That I treat you like garbage and for everything I said on that date and I didn't mean it. It's just…" he tried but could not really express what he felt right now. He felt sick. And he was sure that he'd throw up and fall onto the ground the very next second. But he did not either of it. He just remained silent, staring at Cameron. Her gorgeous face that he knew so well, the way she pushed her hair back from her face and her questioning look when her eyes locked with his.
How could I have caused you so much pain…?
"House ?" her gentle voice shook him out of his thoughts. He took one more deep breath, shaking his head, covering his face with both of his hands, then he fixed his eyes on hers again.
"I lied."
"What do you mean ?"
"I don't hate you. Meaning I do not not like you… Accordingly, I do like you… a lot." Cameron had to smile. He sounded like a 16-year-old school boy.
There you go: Idiot talking.
"And I respect you. Because you're a good doctor. And because you're the only person on earth who likes me for being me. Well… you and the Kid. At least you tolerate me and my grumpy bastard-self." He finished, waiting for her to say something.
"Maybe I accept the fact that you have your reasons for acting that way." She finally spoke to him.
"I can't be Mr. Nice Guy... I can't be romantic and I'm not bringing you flowers. And nothing is always rainbows and stupid butterflies…" he said nervously.
I do love you. 'Cos you're the one that keeps me from freaking out completely.
"I was already shocked when you said that you do not not like me." She answered warmly.
"I need you… I need you for many reasons. One might be that I'm sometimes falling into a dark hole, meaning my meaningless depression and self-pity. And I believe that you're probably the only one who can keep me from falling. Oh crap…" Cameron gazed at him for a short while, well knowing that, although he did not say it clearly, this was his way to say that he loved her. She had not expected anything like this to happen.
Who put these words into my mouth ? She must be thinking I'm kidding her.
"I can't..." She whispered.
You're right. I'm too late. I was too selfish. I should not be here right now I should leave. Now. Leave you alone. I need you but you don't need me. Not anymore.
House lowered his head and closed his eyes to hide from her gaze. Right then, he just could not take the look of her eyes. It was too painful and in the next moment, he felt a thousand needles torturing him in his heart region.
"I can't promise." She completed her sentence. "I can only try." House met her eyes again as gazed at her doubtfully.
Try. Try is better than not to try. Try is good. To try means she still cares about me."You really put me through lots of things. I mean… you hurt me. And you pushed me away so many times. And although you gave me every reason to hate you, I couldn't. I tried to move on but I failed because everytime I took one step forward, away from you, you moved closer to me. I don't know why… but I've never stopped to care about you." Cameron clarified her feelings with a slightly trembling voice.
"Are you serious ?" he asked. Cameron just nodded.
"That has never been the question. You know that. What about you ? What do you want ?" she returned. As soon as she had posed the question, she was afraid that he would turn around and leave her again, that he would change his mind.
"A second date. A second chance… because I know I spoiled… it all on the first one. Ahm… no, I was an asshole to be exact."
"True." She confirmed.
This is all your fault Kid. I'm a over-romantic wreck. But at least I'm honest, right !?
"And… you. I want you to be with me because I need you around."
"What did she tell you ?" Cameron suddenly asked.
"Who ?"
"Grace."
"The truth." he returned with a meaningful smile.
"I agree to a second date." She finally said. To her surprise, he slowly moved closer to her so she could feel his breath on her face. A cold rush was running down her spine when she felt his right hand caress her cheek. She was not used to see House so affectionate and gentle. She lent into his hand and covered it with her own. As he looked at her again smiling, she had to think of Grace. He had somehow opened up to the girl. He probably had not admitted it to her but she had had an impact on him.
TBC...
