Chapter 9: A Boy She Likes (And Other Silliness)

The evening had been quiet. Genma had wandered off to the other end of Nerima, meeting up with an old friend for drinks. Suba and Hibari had spent the night counting up profits from the fight (it was declared a draw when Ryoga revealed his hydrophobia, a result few had bet on; as such the venture had made bank). Tsugumi had made dinner, as she always did. Ranma was left to work out in the dojo for a couple hours, then do his homework, and then wradw the day out reading some manga before falling asleep.

The morning was similarly calm. Hibari was clearly still annoyed at Ranma for his statements the day before, while Ranma felt a need to firmly hold his ground on the matter. Breakfast was tense as a result.

"I agree with Ranma," Tsubame stated. "If you want friends you need to act like normal boy."

Hibari responded by just glaring at the brunette. "Yeah, that would work great at school. I wonder who would kill me first; the girls or the boys?"

Tsubame paled. "I suppose that's true. They'd probably crucify me and Ranma... and dad would be left so dishonoured seppuku would be the only way out."

Genma choked on his food.

"I think you're being over-dramatic," Ranma replied. "They'll be upset, sure, but murder? That ain't happenin'. Crucifixion really... and does anyone actually do seppuku these days? Apart from a few extremists?"

Genma's choking got worse. Luckily Tsugumi knew the Heimlich (considering her father's heart condition she'd been taking first aid courses for some time).


"So you've really been a girl this whole time?" Ken asked before Ranma could even walk through the door.

"It's a really convincing disguise, apart from not being waterproof," Haruki added sagely.

"Everyone knew, I didn't see a reason to try and maintain the secret anymore," Shiina informed Ranma (who was only now squeezing past the swarming crowd other boys), "Not sure why you're disguised as a guy again now that the whole school knows though."

"I. AM. A. GUY," Ranma fumed, while the whole class stared at him.

The response was a confused wave.

"Poor girl, her dad's really messed her up."

"I'll treat you the same, don't worry."

"You're so cute, don't hide it."

"How do you do the height thing? Are those heels?"

"Why's the second cutest girl in the class gotta be a crossdresser?"

*Wham*

That last comment was not popular with the girls. The murmur surrounding Ranma was replaced with excessive violence for a few agonizing seconds.

"Second cutest?" Ranma managed to mutter.

"We all got a pretty good look yesterday," a boy blushed. "Easily second to Hibari. Better chest too."

"Well, that last bit is definitely true. I do get a pretty good rack with the curse," Ranma replied smugly. "But I'm tellin' you guys, I'm really a guy. It's just I picked up this curse in China. Cold water turns me into a girl, but hot water fixes it."

"Because that makes sense," a girl with long auburn and a headband snickered.

Ranma's mind was racing, trying to figure out how to prove that he wasn't just disguising himself as a guy when the teacher arrived (just a tiny bit late). The pig-tailed boy let out a sigh of relief, knowing that class would buy him some time to think about how to better explain it. Right?

"So, Saotome-kun," the teacher began, "It's quite inappropriate that you've tricked the whole school and snuck yourself into the boys' change room. We really must change your registration. I must say, I'm also disappointed in Hibari-chan for allowing this to happen."

Ranma's eye twitched. Both at the accusation and his view on the situation with Hibari. The blonde was following the response with obvious interest.

"How can I prove-" Ranma began, until his eyes lit up with a realisation, and he yanked his red silk shirt off, revealing a toned male chest, "There! See! Male."

The girls gasped, first at the thought of a girl taking her shirt of in front of the whole class, and then at what most saw as the very pleasant sight of Ranma's muscular torso. The boys groaned with disappointment for much the same reasons. Ranma gave them all a smug smile.

"B-but, yesterday... those were definitely..." Haruki started.

"Like I said: Magic. It's a transformation curse," Ranma replied.

"Still, how do we know which form is real?" Ken asked.

"Cold water turns me female, hot water returns me to male. Wouldn't be much of a curse if the transformation only worked on the rarer type of water," Ranma replied.

"Unless you really wanted to ruin someone's ability to have hot baths," a girl with short hair and a baggy sweater shrugged. Ranma was momentarily distracted by the fact that the large English letters on her shirt read 'BOY'.

'Why would a girl wear a shirt like that?' he wondered.

"Well then... It is very upstanding of you then that you did not use your curse to sneak into the girls change room or restrooms," Iwasaki-sensei nodded sagely.

"Why would I want to be in those? I'm a guy!" Ranma replied, scratching his head with confusion.

"And I was starting to believe that Ranma was a boy," Ken said quietly to Haruki. "No real guy would turn that opportunity down."

Ranma just slumped into his chair and stared at the ceiling. The class generally calmed down as the teacher remembered she had lessons for the day, though eyes kept landing on Ranma (a mix of curiosity and the fact that he'd forgotten to put his shirt back on).


"Tomorrow's gonna be even worse," Ranma mumbled as they walked home. "Gym class. Everyone has water bottles. Yay..."

"I thought you were firm on not having feminine modesty?" Hibari asked teasingly.

"That's different from not wanting to be harassed," Ranma shot back defensively. "I like going casually without a shirt. I don't like being leered at."

Hibari was about to reply when a determined little bluenette marched past angrily. Suzume stormed into the Oozora home, ignoring any greetings as she made a beeline for the kitchen. Unsurprisingly she found Tsugumi hard at work on dinner.

"Remember, it's got to be extra perfect tonight," the young girl ordered.

"Don't worry, I remembered," her eldest sister replied calmly, "I'm making sure it's special."

"What's going on with Suzume?" Hibari asked as the blonde slid into the kitchen (Ranma close behind, also curious). "Ohhh... is it her first period?"

Tsugumi dropped the pot she was filling in the sink, luckily it didn't splash too much. Ranma grew a bit pale.

"No, no," Tsugumi stammered as she filled the pot back up. "She just has some friends coming over for a study session, so she wants everything perfect."

"Oh," Hibari nodded.

"What's a period? Do we celebrate if I have one? Is it bad if I don't?" Suzume asked nervously.

"Don't worry about it," Hibari replied reassuringly. "To tell the truth, I haven't had my first yet either."

Tsugumi lost her grip on the pot in shock, dropping it. As it crashed on the floor the cold water inside splashed Ranma (and a decent amount of the kitchen honestly).

"How about you Ranma? Have you had your first period yet?" Hibari giggled.

The petite redhead seemed to lose all colour as his eyes went blank. A tumbleweed blew past and bounced off his head.

"Is that a yes?" Hibari asked.

"It might be possible that the possibility never occurred to him," Tsugumi replied, before turning a reassuring face to Ranma. "If you do have one, just let me know and I will help you out. I had to go without any real lessons as mother had passed on... but I won't make you do that."

The redhead had some colour return along with basic signs of life, but was shivering and twitching disconcertingly. Hibari shrugged and turned back to her blue haired little sister.

"So, are their any boys in the group? Or is it all girls?"

"Th-there's one boy," Suzume said as she blushed.

"Oh! Little sis has a boyfriend!" Hibari giggled. "Do you need tips on seduction?"

"It's not like that!" the bluenette fumed. "He's... he's my sweetheart."

"Ah, well, then you'll definitely need some seduction tips!" the blonde replied as she laughed.

"She's too young for that!" Ranma shouted, breaking out of his mini-coma.

"I suppose that's true," Hibari admitted reluctantly. "Maybe you'd like some tips though? Can't rely on that cute figure of yours for everything."

"I don't want to be dragged into that perverted world of yours either," Ranma fumed and stormed off.

"Come on, I'll just give you a couple pointers," Hibari replied, rushing ahead of the smaller teen.

Hibari flopped down in Ranma's path, lying in a provocative and seemingly helpless pose, giving the redhead bedroom eyes.

"Oops," Hibari said, sliding the loose collar of her shirt down one shoulder. "I fell. If only a manly martial artist could help me up."

Ranma began to blush as red as his hair and a bit of steam shot out his ears, 'That's a guy... And I'm a guy... But he's too cute... And am I really a guy right now? But he called me manly still... But a guy shouldn't want a manly guy... And-'

The stuttering train of thought was firmly derailed when Ibari stormed open a door, glaring down at the child he considered his only son. The yakuza father had heard Hibari's statement, and was too enraged to notice Ranma was currently in girl mode (which would have shifted his view on the issue a bit if he had noticed it... though he would still have disagreed with the approach).

"How many times have I told you not to act like that!?" Ibari shouted as Hibari scrambled to her feet.

"I will not have my son acting so girly! Show some compassion for your father's weak heart!" Ibari continued to shout as he stormed after the blonde.

Ranma shook his head and pulled his still soaked shirt off to wring it out. He headed off towards the washroom to change back before the guests arrived, which involved walking past the genkan. He reached the front area about the same time as there was a knock at the door. A thug in casual clothing answered in aggressively, his head seeming to swell up frighteningly (though Ranma knew it was a classic illusion used by many martial artists that was also popular with more skilled thugs).

"Who are you three?" he hissed.

Three terrified children scattered away from the door. One girl with twintails managed to stammer: "We-we-we're Suzume's friends."

"WHAAAT? You lot?"

A furious streak of blue shot up behind the thug, and as Suzume's form slowed enough to be seen Ranma suddenly noticed an oversized mallet in the young girl's hands. The thug was lying out cold beneath her and the mallet vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

"Impressive," Ranma muttered to himself. "The sudden mallet technique. I'm still figuring that one out..."

"It's okay," Suzume reassured her friends after she took a few calming breaths.

The three other children entered the building nervously, while Suzume smiled calmly at them. They noticed Ranma, and he just gave them a friendly wave. The boy began to blush bright red, which confused Ranma. Why was he blushing?

"Ranma! Your shirt!" Suzume shouted angrily.

"Oh. Right!" the redhead mumbled.

As Ranma pulled his shirt on quickly to sprint towards the bath Hibari ran into view with her father close behind. The mustachioed man attempted to remove Hibari's skirt, causing her to dodge and slide into Ranma's arms. Ranma caught her and received a tight hug as thanks.

"Take those ridiculous girly clothes of right now!" Ibari yelled, before noticing the group of children who now formed an audience. Nervously her turned to them. "Oh, h-hello there."

Suzume looked ready to blow a fuse and she stormed up to her father, glaring at him with a look that could melt steel, "Daddy! You! You... You IDIOT!"

The grumpy blue haired girl stormed off, leaving her father heartbroken and her friends terrified. Ibari hurried after his youngest, wanting to appease her. The other kids looked ready to flee until the calming maternal presence of Tsugumi appeared.

"Don't worry, there's no need to be scared," she told them, smiling calmly. "Lots of folks look scary, but they're quite friendly."

As if to prove the point the gorilla-like Seiji appeared and gave everyone a frightening but genuine smile. The fact that Tsugumi kept up her calm expression assured the children, who followed her to the dining room. There they found Ibari calming his youngest, who had at last stopped crying. Ranma (once more himself) and Hibari sat at the table near the younger kids, and Tsubame arrived soon after. Then it was just a short wait until Tsugumi returned carrying the food for everyone. (Genma was out with his friend Soun once more, which meant more food for everyone else.)

To Ranma's surprise Ibari suddenly cleared his throat and then clapped. Dark curtains descended over the open air walls of the room, while one of the closed walls opened to reveal a stage. Ranma had begun eating, so only half listened to what the yakuza father said about the play as Seiji and several other thugs marched onto the stage carrying sheathed swords. When the action started Ranma was surprised to see the blades were made of actual metal, but was still more invested in the meal. He made sure to avoid a rather burnt bit of egg that Suzume was trying to convince her 'sweetheart' to eat.

That conversation was broken when a sword flew out of someone's hands and landed firmly in the table between Ranma and the young boy. All three young guests screamed and fled the room. Suzume boiled over in under second and had a mallet in her hand once more.

"Daddy you idiot!" she shouted as she chased her father around the room, swinging aggressively.

"Her temper always flares up when she's got a crush," Tsubame sighed.

"A temper like that'll only be more of a problem as she gets older," Ranma grumbled.


A half hour later Suzume had calmed down, and was hard at work on her studying when she noticed that her 'sweetheart' Katigiri kept zoning out and blushing. The blue haired girl gave him a friendly wink, like she had seen her older sibling Hibari do many times, but was upset to find the boy didn't seem to notice her.

"All of your sisters are so beautiful," the twintails girl said, trying to distract Suzume from whatever was making her grumpy.

"Yeah... and that redhead," Katigiri said wistfully. "Wish she'd been at dinner."

"Katigiri-kun is in love!" the second girl laughed

Suzume's face lost it's colour as she felt her heart break. She tried to dive back into her homework, but found it hard to concentrate. The other kids were growing bored too and they decided to call it a night. Tsugumi, Hibari, and Ranma went to see them off.

"Feel free to come back any time," Tsugumi smiled.

"Thanks for having us," Katigiri replied.

"Bye-bye," the twintails girl waved.

"Bye," Suzume waved back.

Once the kids had left Hibari gave Suzume a friendly prod with her elbow, "So, how was your sweetheart? He was definitely cute."

Suzume just gave a grumpy mumble.

"Maybe practice your cooking a bit more before trying to make him eat any?" Ranma offered as an option.

"Ranma... You idiot!" the blue haired girl grumbled as she stormed off to her room.

Suzume slammed the door behind her, flopped on to her bed, and began to cry.

'Stupid Katigiri. And idiot daddy. And stupid Ranma,' she thought grumpily to herself.

Her pouting was interrupted by a strange 'bwee' noise. Turning a light on she discovered an adorable black piglet with a cute yellow and black bandana around his neck. He seemed completely confused by his surroundings, and looked up at the girl in terror. Suzume noticed her window was open, but still wondered how a little piglet got up to the second floor. Also what he was doing out, considering it had been raining on and off all night.

"Hello little thing, are you okay?" she smiled as she approached him, "Aren't you just the cutest little guy. My name is Suzume. Do you have an owner?"

She was surprised when the piglet seemed to shake its head.

"Aren't you a clever piggy," the blue haired youngest Oozora smiled, "Well, if you don't have a home, would you like to stay with me? I've always wanted a pet. I'll get you some food! Tsugumi managed to make leftovers today. Big sis' cooking is really good. She's been teaching me, but I'm still not very good."