{Karkat,Feferi}

Karkat stared at the seadweller in vacant confusion. It wasn't the first time someone had approached him about his romantic expertise but this was... just... weird.

"Karcrab, I just don't know what to do any more! This whole thing is just so glubbing messed up!"

Indeed, he agreed with this whole heartedly, as the poor misguided Feferi had somehow managed to achieve the dreaded MATESPRIT-AUSPISTICE/MOIRAIL-AUSPISTICE/KISMESIS-A USPISTICE 3x DOUBLE REACHAROUND COMBO. That is possibly the biggest mind-fuck in all of quadrant history. Therefore, it has also been a romcom staple for eons and he knew more than enough about it to rescue her.

"Alright, I'll tell you what to do. Listen VERY fucking carefully or the three of you will be caught in a completly unwilling auspisticism for the rest of your natural lives," Karkat inhaled deeply. "First, you need to confirm your feelings for Eridan. It's REALLY goddam important that neither you or Sollux actually give a flying fuck about him. It's fine if you're friends or some shit, but you CANNOT fall back on your moirailegience if it already fell through. You CANNOT!"

Feferi, poor simple uneducated Feferi, looked helpless and totally confused.

"Well, that's one of the problems!" She fiddled with her goggles nervously. "I'm afraid that he's going to go off the deep end without me but I know I'm not pale for him anymore!"

"The only solution for that is for you to move on and get yourself a new moirail. Him too. But we aren't talking about that right now."

"Oh, shell! I reelly don't think I could stand for another one any time soon. Are you sure that's the only way to stop him?"

"Eridan is pretty messed up and no one is really giving a shit, so he seeks out attention from anyone he's even remotely close to. As you should already know, you are the person he was always closest to. He wants to still be friends with you, but he's conflicted by his caliginous attraction for Sollux, who being the ass he is, would never give him a chance in the first place. Not to mention his left over red feelings for you, in two fucking quadrants. It's leading him to unconsciously try and start up a whirlwind greyrom between all of you."

Karkat rubbed one of his eyes tiredly, and restrained a yawn. He was really beginning to hate past-Karkat for setting the 'no sleep' rule in place, but he knew past-himself had done it for the best. Actually, it made him hate that idiot even more.

"You seem exhausted!"

Feferi's worried cry shook him out of his thoughts. He tried to glare at her, but found he could barely keep his eyes open.

"No. Fuck," He put a hand to his forehead. "Where was I?"

"You were talking aboat Eridan's state of mind, but you don't look too good!" She frowned, concerned. "Do you want to take a rest in the horn pile? I'll pay Gamzee for you if you want!"

"Fuck that," A grumpy expression settled on his face. "Just- shut up. I'm not done yet."

"Whale, if you say so..."

"Anyways, moving on to that lisping douche-nozzle..."