Hey guys, its Nessy (LockNessMonster13) I am posting this without Dpower's consent, but I wanted to give you all a late Christmas present. Sorry for any errors, we wrote it a little while ago, so don't hate me! I hope you all enjoy it and had a good Christmas and hope you all to have a swell New Years. ~Nessy

Chapter 9: The Circle

Rose's POV

"Come in." I said to the loud knock on my door.

Tentative footsteps wandered into my room, and I closed my eyes as the strokes of the hair brush soothed me. "Rose? Are you alright?" Viktoria asked, walking into my room in her white night gown.

I kept brushing my hair, nodding through the calm strokes on my scalp. As I brushed, I looked at my complexion for the first time in weeks. My face had gone hollow, cheeks caved in and thin, my dim brown eyes filling with more sorrow and grief every moment. The dark splotches under my grim eyes aged me beyond my short 18 years, and the sharp edges of my worn down face gave me a violent and dead look, rather than my luscious and gleeful self. Pain washed through me, and I almost hunched over, ready to stop all of it, ready to shut everything out. My stomach was in knots, and the food that had once been a glorious feast now churned inside of me, making my pain worse. My lips were always pressed into a firm line, never showing my true feelings and only moving into a deep scowl or frown, and occasionally the sad grin.

I never believed myself to be capable of this type of misery and depression, never thought of this happening to me. I was caught in the desolate and unforgiving land that was sorrow, and I would not be able to break through unless I had Dimitri…

Dimitri. The reason behind all of my gloom. Anger flared through me, lighting my eyes on fire only for a small moment, then going back to unhappiness at the thought of him lying somewhere, dead or alive, unable to reach out to me.

I sighed, knowing where my own befuddled mind was bringing me. The circle of emotions was tiring, and I couldn't bring myself to feel the hope, the despair and the longing that came soon after the anger and sadness.

I heard Viktoria come forward. "At least one of us is." She said, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

Putting the brush down, I turned form the mirror on the vanity and faced her. Her eyes were tired, and her cheeks were tear streaked. All together, her body slumped towards the ground. I looked no better, but I had a hold on my emotions at this moment. I had built up my walls, and was much more stable.

I looked over her weak and tired state once again. "Viktoria, if you would like to return home…"

She jumped up, alert and ready, pointing a finger at me. The glint of anger in her eyes was the spark I needed to lift my heavy body up and come back to life. "What? Rose, you are sorely mistaken if you think I am going home now! We are already out here, tomorrow we go and see if he- Dimitri was seen here anytime, and then we see where he can be…" Her accusing arm fell slack, and her angry eyes suddenly had tears in them. There it was again, the circle of emotions. The room was silent for a moment, but when she spoke again, unmoved from her spot, her voice was cracked, and a lump was stuck in her throat. "And we will find him. We will. For you, for me, for my mother… He's alive. Out there somewhere. I know it. He couldn't die. He wouldn't. He wouldn't leave us again."

Realization hit me like a train. Flabbergasted, I worked it out through my exhausted mind, pushing aside all of my feelings and looking deep into hers. Viktoria, young sweet Viktoria, had already been left by her brother once. I could just imagine her, young, small, crying and holding onto his legs trying to force him to stay. I may have been his wife, his love…. but Viktoria had known him her entire life- and he had already disappeared from that life once. I couldn't let that happen again. I would do this. For her, for her brother. Strength surfaced in my perplexed mind and I tried to gasp onto it to keep it there.

For this to be finished; Dimitri, for now, had to be Viktoria's brother. Not my husband. Not my one true love.

"I'm sorry Viktoria. I understand," I said, not moving. "We'll find him. Alive or…"

"Don't." She said fiercely, swiping her hand in the air to silence me. "He's alive. He is."

I'm not sure if it was a child's mind, or she honestly believed that he was out there, just waiting, but I didn't dare doubt her.

"Go to bed. I'll see you in the morning." She said, walking out of the room quickly, shutting the door with force behind her. I sighed, hoping that she was truly okay. But I couldn't worry about that right now, or I would truly give up.

Hefting myself from the vanity chair I stumbled to bed, and I almost nearly tripped over the length of my night gown. I didn't realize just how tiring this entire ordeal had been until I practically collapsed into my bed. I closed my eyes, trying to forget about everything, though I knew that was impossible with all of the thoughts swirling in my brain. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tied to wish that my gruesome imagination would stop replaying Dimitri getting shot or blown to pieces in front of my eyes. Yet again, through my closed eyes, tears pooled and slowly trickled down my cheeks and onto the soft feather pillow under my heavy head. My thoughts taken up by the warm tears, sleep came and I was pulled into the unmoving blackness.

**VA**

August 15th

I woke up early in the morning, strangely rested. The sun had just risen, and I could hear the men and women outside begin to work the fields, bringing out the equipment and animals to maintain up keep. I lifted my body off of the bed, and slipped on my robe. I crept down the stairs and into the kitchen, hoping to find a servant for them to grind and make me coffee. The closer I got to the kitchen, the more I noticed an odd noise. It sounded like someone was getting sick. Very sick.

I pushed open the swinging door into the kitchen and saw Lissa, her petite body hunched over a small bucket in the corner of the cold room. She was still in her night clothes; her hair was pulled back roughly into a tie, and she was vomiting viciously into the bucket. She coughed, spit, and stood straight, wiping her mouth.

I stepped forward slowly, my eyes wide. "Lissa?" She jumped, body going rigid, but then relaxed when she realized it was I who had called her name.

She threw a small and tired smile over her shoulder, her sharp delicate eyes looking my appearance. She seemed to relax when she saw I was alone. "What are you doing up so early Rose?"

"I was just looking for a servant to make me coffee." I said slowly, wanting her to turn towards me.

Seeing her like this- little Lissa sick and alone, frightened me. I was only moments away from going over and shaking her roughly ad screaming at her for not telling me she was ill.

She did not turn towards me as she nodded, though, trying to ignore what I was about to ask next by scurrying to the servants quarters. "Not so fast." She froze in her tracks, knowing there was no way out of my questioning. She sighed and turned completely towards me for the first time. I gasped as the sheer cotton fabric of her night gown settled over her stomach.

Emotions wafted through me, confusion, realization, anger, empathy and happiness. She was pregnant, and her rounded protruding stomach proved it. I thought back to yesterday, just now realizing that she had been wearing a work apron over her already massive dress, not allowing me to see what was underneath.

"How far along are you?" I asked, not being able to tear my eyes away from her growing stomach.

Resting her hands on her stomach, a small happy smile lit her tired features. "Seven months."

Shocked, I quickly did the math in my head. "But that means-"

Anger bubbled up in her fragile voice. "Yes, that means that Christian and I conceived before we were married. I know. I have stayed inside for months not wanting any of the old crones to see. Christian and I got married immediately because of our… situation."

I shushed her, needing more answers, answers that were now detrimental to me. "What… what was happening only a moment ago?" I said, my voice shaking, hoping that it was not as it seemed. "Was it the food?"

Her light blond eyebrows pushed together in confusion. "No of course not. Morning sickness. It was terrible in the first few months, but it has gotten much better, only once every week or so. I try not to wake Christian, he worries to much the dear, and that is why I am down here. According to the doctor, the sickness doesn't usually last this long, I am just- Rose? Rose what's wrong?" Lissa said, noticing my eyes go wide and my sudden need to lean on the wall.

"Oh god. Oh god. No, no, no, no!" I shouted, my back against the wall and my hands on my face, ready to scratch out my own eyes.

Lissa held onto me, seeing exactly how fragile I was. "Rose, tell me what's wrong!" She said, franticly searching my body, though I hadn't touched anything.

My wide eyes snapped up to hers, my mouth rushing to catch up to my frazzled brain. "Dimitri and I made love the day after my birthday… on the trip I was sick… I just believed I hadn't bled because of the stress, Olena said that was normal! The mood swings- it wasn't just because Dimitri was gone! Oh no! No! No! I can't do this alone! I need him!" I shoved myself off the wall, and out of Lissa's arms. I jolted out of the kitchen and up the stairs into my room. I could hear Lissa's footsteps behind me, but she wasn't as quick because of her pregnancy. I rushed into my room, leaving the door ajar. I made it to the mirror and ripped up the night dress to about my stomach.

There it was, visible only to the knowing eye. The bump was small, not nearly large as Lissa's, but none the less, it could mean only a single thing. A thing that had me begging the heavens to take it away, to be left in peace, if only for a small amount of time until I find Dimitri.

Yes, I did want a child, honestly, but now? In the middle of all this chaos, one thousand miles from my home? Even if I was able to give birth here- or even get home well enough to give birth there- I was putting the child at a tremendous risk.

I hurriedly sat on the ground, suddenly nauseous and light headed. Lissa came forwards, sat down strategically next to me, and allowed me to lean on her. My eyes somehow would not allow me to cry, not allow me to grieve, because at that moment, I was overcome with happiness. I didn't laugh or cry in jubilance, or rejoice like a normal person would have- no. For a simple fact, I just simply couldn't. It was as if the happy thoughts and the terrified feelings all canceled each other out, and I was left in an infinite grey zone- floating above everything.

Though a thousand things were flitting though my mind, my body was numb. My lips tingled, my arms drooped to my sides, and my legs were bricks attached to my heavy body.

"What am I to do?" I managed to croak out of the unbreakable barrier that was my own lips.

Lissa sighed. "I suggest that since you are already 5 months along, that you stay here. And I do mean stay, being pregnant is rough, and I know that you came here looking for Dimitri… but if he was alive or dead, I believe he would want this child to be brought into the world unharmed before anything was done to help him."

"Oh Lissa, if only it were that easy…" I forced my body to work, and it stumbled to the bed. I sat on the edge, my energy coming to an abrupt end. "My heart aches and burns every moment that I am not with him… my dreams are filled with him… I simply cannot sit here doing nothing while he is out there suffering!"

She sighed again, sitting on the vanities chair. "Rose, don't you think that if he was able to… he would have come here or to at the very least Tara so he could get a horse and supplies to travel back to you?" She questioned.

"That's the very thing!" I said, exhausted to the brink of collapsing. "What if he can't? What if he has been badly wounded and fighting away a dangerous infection as we speak?" I fell backwards, my feet dangling of the edge of the bed, just staring at the ceiling.

I heard Lissa rise and find her way towards the door. She stopped midway. "Rose, my best friend, I know you are strong, you have more strength than even some men that I am acquainted with, but darling, even you can't do this by yourself."

We waded in silence as I thought delicately about my answer. A bubbled giggle busted thought my lips as I thought of the day we found Dimitri had to leave.

"My wife, my love, I will never leave you. I will be there, in your heart."

"I won't be alone." I could feel her curiosity burn through the room. "He told me that he would be with me." I placed one hand over my chest, and one snaked over my slightly rounded belly. "In my heart."

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