Snape 9

Draco and Luna got to the edge of Diagon Alley. They took their wands and cast glamours over each other. They both turned into smartly dressed pirates. That was Draco's idea. He loved being a pirate. Luna loved playing along with Draco in his weird new life. They went into Diagon Alley holding hands. There was a celebration going on. There were all kinds of colorful ribbon banners hanging from everything; houses, trees, horses, you name it. Luna snagged one and added it to her greasy black pirate curls. It went strangely well with her black and red minidress and high heeled black suede knee boots that had little cuffs on top. Draco crept up to Ron Weasley's window to see how Hermione was getting on with his homunculus. Ron's homunculus had his hands held up in the air and Hermione was winding red knitting yarn around them to straighten it out and count the yards. Draco humphed. Not only was Hermione using him as a piece of furniture, and emasculating him, she had him dressed like bollocks. He was wearing some awful muggle blue jeans and a red sweat shirt. Ron's homunculus asked for a drink of water. She went to the sink right next to the window where Draco was spying. As she leaned over to get him some water from the sink, Draco reached in the window and pulled off a piece of her hair. She didn't seem to notice. He opened his belt bag and placed the tiny hair into a vial marked Hermione's hair. He slapped a masturbis totalis on both of them and ran away laughing with Luna.

Next, Draco dragged Luna to Harry Potter's house and peeked in Harry's window. Harry's homunculus was missing. Ginny brushed past him on the street. He grabbed a tiny piece of her hair too. She felt it and whirled around to see who did it. Draco made a poker face. She glared at him suspiciously, and then pushed her way through the sickeningly colorful muggle laden crowd to the front by the street. Draco was busy shoving her hair into a vial labeled Ginny's hair when he heard the crowd roar. A muggle flatbed truck drove very slowly around the corner. Harry's homunculus and Guilderoy Lockhart were standing on a heap of flowers and banners waving and grinning. A political election!?! Were those monsters running for mayor of Diagon Alley? Draco realized that there was virtually no way Harry Potter could lose a political election. He almost had to vomit thinking of Harry Potter letting millions of Muggles tour his world. Then, he realized that the real H.P. was in his power, back at home. Maybe he could turn this awful mess to his advantage, and even profit. The wheels in his head started turning like a Malfoy.

Draco took Luna out to several nice places. When the hostess at a fancy restaurant told Draco she couldn't admit Pirates, he turned her into a pirate and would not take the spell off until he and Luna got served. They ended their date on top of a tall business building Lucius had owned a share of. Luna had wanted pretty balloons, and Draco was feeling sadistic, so they compromised and settled on water balloons. Draco kissed the mysterious, luminescent LunaLovegood on her mysterious luminescent cheek. They smiled gently at each other and gigged as Draco dropped water balloons on muggles heads. They would pound on the door furiously, and then give up. Draco had bribed the door-goblin not to admit them in. They would finally stomp away, furious and swearing. The fact that Luna was laughing instead of lecturing Draco made him think that Luna was the perfect woman for him.

When Draco and Luna came home, nobody rushed to greet them. They had taken off the pirate glamours on the way back and were back in their light blue groovy hippie outfits. Luna thanked Draco for a perfect day and then retired to her room. "The perfect lady! Draco sighed. When he opened his Door, Harry and Ron were sitting on the bed looking bored. "Have the house elves fed you?" Draco asked. They nodded. "What are you doing?" Draco asked. "Nothing," they both said in unison. Draco stood on the bed behind them. Draco was just about to suggest a pillow fight and a game of truth or dare when his door snicked open. It was Bellatrix looking peevish. "I'm bored!" she announced to the back wall. She was dressed in black leather hot pants, a black lace top, black bra, black head band and black granny boots. She had on a ton of black Victorian mourning jewelry. "You look HOT!" Ron sputtered.

"Draco, love, what are you doing? You're supposed to be torturing them, not coddling them!" Bellatrix told him flatly. "I am!" Draco lied. "I just magically modified Harry Potter's head so I could F--- him in the ear!" Draco unzipped his pants and grabbed Harry by the head. He moved like he was sodding Potter's ear. "Take it, Harry! Take it in the ear!" Draco yelled menacingly. Harry, being quick on the uptake, yelled, "OW! Oh, the pain! It hurts Draco! It hurts! You sadist! You'll pay for this!" Draco yelled, "Exquisite pleasure! Humiliate Potter! Mmmmmph, Oh, Yeah!" Bellatrix nodded and looked satisfied. She said, "I was going out of my gourd! Wenny and Severus have locked themselves in the attic and they've been beating drums and chanting all day! It's driving me mad!" She pointed at Ron. "You, come with me!" Ron grinned and ran out of the room. The door slammed shut. Draco let go of Harry's head...... "F---ing my EAR?" Harry asked bemusedly. Draco looked sheepish. "Well, I had to tell her something. I just hope she only wants Ron for sex and not for some kind of sick torture she just came up with. The sudden banging on the wall told Draco that she did want Ron for sex. (Unless she had tied him to her giant oaken bed to lash him with a wet noodle or a cricket bat all night.)

Draco turned his attentions to Harry. "How do you like being bad, so Far?" He asked Harry. "Oh, I love it!" Harry replied. "I love all the parties and the sex. My life was work work work. I never realized life could be like this." Draco turned the light in his room blue. He was missing Luna already. He took the girl out all day and not as much as a 'thank you hand job.' She was smart, withholding sex for a Malfoy proposal, now that Draco had had a taste, no doubt. No point in going to her room and begging her. He decided to have some fun with Harry instead. He peeled off Harry's awful gray shirt with awful buttons down the front and ran his hands up and down Harry's ripply little chest. He made a mental note to stop letting Harry dress himself. The boom box started playing music by itself Draco had bewitched it to go on in his presence and play music to suit his moods. It was playing David Bowie selections. He walked behind Harry and pushed his back. Harry fell face down on the bed. Draco started working on his pants. Harry grabbed the head board to steady himself. He knew what was coming. Funny, no protests, though. Maybe he was telling the truth about liking being bad. Draco was laying on his back in a second flat. Harry would not be getting it in the ear after all. Draco kissed Harry's cheek, and decided to make this last a long time. Harry was not fighting or complaining.

Within the next hour, Harry was surprised to find that adult Draco was more beautiful than him in every way, more well endowed, longer lasting and a generous lover. He also found that Draco's childhood meanness had been completely replaced with a charming and sweet personality. When Draco had finished the third time, a drenched sweaty Harry squirmed out from under him and – to Draco's astonishment – climbed on top. Draco let Harry have his way out of sheer bemusement. He never dreamed that one day he would be with Harry that way. It was amazing. It was like he was completely forgiven for being the monster he had been once upon a time. Hary wsa really knocking himself out, trying to be impressive too.

Bellatrix and Ron were still pounding the wall in the next room. Wenny and Severus were still in the attic doing whatever weird ritual it was that they were up to up there. The incense they were burning was oozing through the walls. It smelled like nag champa. Draco made a mental note to pick up some different incense. Draco listened carefully and his boom box stopped playing. They were playing Stevie Nicks CDs. He imagined them up there bopping Trelawney and almost pissed himself laughing. Of course that was not what they were doing. So exactly what the devil were they doing? Harry took Draco's laughter as mockery, clutched his golden hips and really gave it to him. Draco's turn to clutch the headboard screaming, as his gorgeous, blond hair whipped around.

Harry fell asleep on Draco's bed face down, spent and Draco was sneaking the two vials of hair he had harvested into his dresser drawer when his door swung open again. "I told you I'm busy sodding Harry on the ear!" He snapped. Luna walked in, smirking, in a long robe made of baby soft -ice blue feathers. She brought a house elf with a cold pitcher of ice water and some cups and sandwiches. The house elf was sent from the room. The door was locked. Luna looked around approvingly. The room looked all blue and the boom box was still playing soft David Bowie songs. Draco had also added a small table and chair in the corner. They were sinister looking pieces of furniture with ornate carving and black stain, but they made his nearly empty gray room look less like a dungeon. Draco set the table and they had some sandwiches while Harry slept. Draco bit in expecting them to be meat. Gah! He said. Luna had made them herself. One was peanut butter with little pebbles of a noxious substance called strawberry Nestle Quik on some kind of soft white sissy bread. Another sandwich was two thin slices of whole wheat with an awful thing called a cucumber in between. A third itty bitty sandwich had peanut butter, banana slices and something called marshmallow fluff in it. Draco gagged on Luna's cooking. If it wasn't pure sugar, it was horrid vegetables. All he wanted was a glob of beef and some mead. He drank the water. The water was good. Bonking Harry had dehydrated him. Draco was just enjoying the silence with Luna when he noticed that she was taking her robe off. She was wearing a bunch of sparkly neclaces under the robe and nothing else. Draco had helped her fetch her things from town earlier. His eyes bulged. He didn't have the strength to have sex. He had just finished soundly tally whacking Harry into the mattress all night long.

Luna had something under her cape. It was a flat cardboard box containing a muggle game called Twister. "I'm teaching you yoga." she exclaimed. Draco's clothes were removed. Then, they spun a spinny thing and then crawled all over each other on the floor on a mat with giant brightly colored dots all over it. Draco was pretty sure that this was not how yoga was done, but he couldn't bare to tell Luna, as she spun the thingy, placed her right hand on a blue dot, closed her eyes and chanted, "Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" He didn't want to have sex again, but all this crawling around naked with Luna was getting to him. He looked at his Baphomet statue on the dresser and thought 'O Oh Great Baphomet, help me!' A second later, there was a sharp knock at his door. Bellatrix blasted through his locking spell and opened the door. She was dressed smartly in a black suit and so was Ron.

"Draco! Wake up! It's already noon!" He gaped at them. He hadn't slept at all and light was coming in the window. "Draco! Put something smart on and dress her too. Then come upstairs. There's a wonderful surprise for you! Draco could not compute what had just been said. Had Bellatrix actually been grinning? Was Weasley actually wearing a suit? Draco stood up dumbly and pointed his wand at himself. He was dressed in a black suit like Ron's. No time to think. He zapped Luna and she was dressed in a Slytherin green two piece suit. She still had those sparkly necklaces on, though. Draco could not remember how a woman's blouse was constructed, so Luna's chest was bare under her suit jacket. He zapped the button and made it sparkly to match her necklaces and then grabbed her hand and dragged her up to the attic. What did Bellatrix have in store?

Horrible light poured in every window. Draco was nearly blinded and walked into the empty stockade he had recently sexually tortured Harry in. Severus and Wenny were looking tired, but grinning from ear to ear. Two gorgeous blond people lay on identical tables in the middle of the room covered in blankets sleeping. Ron took Luna's arm and Bellatrix took Draco's arm. They lead them to the tables. Draco gasped. "Mom! Dad! They're here and they're alive!" He stumbled over a piece of a coffin that was left carelessly on the floor. "They're asleep." Severus informed him. "We wanted you to be here when they open their eyes."

Draco looked at the man and his eyes filled with giant tears of joy. Luna squeezed his hand. They stepped over all the junk and went to Severus. Luna placed a hand on his shoulder and a hand on Wenny's shoulder. Draco fell in his lap hugging him and crying. Ron was having a groovy time playing with all the illicit magickal items in the room. There were tables and tables of bottles and texts and Wenny's necronomicon. Ron started reading it. Relatively simple, he thought. Lots of elementary wizarding stuff in there. Ron figured he could do those spells. Draco got up and stood over his sleeping parents, touching their beautiful faces, and stroking their hair. He wanted to kiss Lucius, but couldn't with people watching. And, he feared that once Lucius was awake, the chance would never come up again. Nobody made a sound. They were all deeply touched as they watched Draco pick up his sleeping father's hand, and gazed into his face. It was Narcissa who woke up first.

She gave a low moan that escalated into a scream as she looked around the room. Draco grabbed his mother around the shoulders to reassure her. "Lucius...you look so young. Where are we?" She asked. "Mom, it's me, Draco. I'm all grown up now." He told her. She looked confused. "Daddy is here too and he'll wake up in a second. Draco told her. She asked, "Did we all die? Did we all go to the good place, or the bad place?" Her eyes darted around the room full of people she had believed to be dead. "Mom, we're in the shrieking shack." Draco told her.

Draco felt a hand clawing at his side. "Daddy! Mum, daddy is awake too!" Draco said like a little boy opening Yuletide presents. Narcissa had just blacked out again. "Draco, I had a dream that you turned into a sod." Lucius said. "It's all true, dad." Draco told his blurry eyed father. Luna stepped up beside Draco and kicked his ankle. Lucius moaned in agony. "Dad, this is my new fiancee, Luna Lovegood," Draco told Lucius to get his mind off of sodomy. "Fiancee!" Luna gasped as if she had just won a game show. Yeah, it must be pretty hard to get someone to marry you when you claim to see nargles and fairies that nobody else can see all the time. While Luna rejoiced and hugged Draco, Lucius sputtered something unintelligable about mudbloods and contracts to Pansy Parkinson's parents. Draco pinned Lucius to the table. "Dad, she's a pureblood." Lucius said, "aaaaah," looked enlightened, and then fell back into slumber. Severus ordered Draco and Luna back to their rooms because he felt Lucius and Narcissa needed more rest before they could survive more excitement. Actually, he had hoped Draco's sex life would be the last thing they asked about.

House elves were summoned and Lucius and Narcissa were levitated to the master bedroom. Severus and Wenny still slept in the bedroom in the shrieking shack at the foot of the doorway toDraco's castle. Wenny and Severus suddenly had new issues to contend with. Up until now, they had not bothered to tie the knot. And, everybody had just entered the house through their bedroom. It had always been all right because everyone either shared their bed or their secrets. But, now, it might become an issue if that was the way Lucius felt about sodomy. Severus grabbed an armload of the potions that were still necessary to help Lucius and Narcissa recover.

Ron and Bellatrix remained in the attic. "Oh Rooooon, You look very fetching in Armani." Bellatrix advanced on Ron with a wicked smile. Ron backed slowly away from her, remembering that this room had torture racks in it and that Draco said Bellatrix was absolutely kinky for torture. "How would you like to be my slave poodle?" Ron gulped. "Ron, Be my special boyfriend and carry some things down stairs for me. And not a word to the house elves." She kissed Ron lightly and then started heaping the necronomicon and scrolls into his arms. "Put these in the room adjoining to my room. You will sleep there from now on." Ron did as he was told.

Luna had gone back to her room. She spent all bloody day in her room. Draco wondered what she could be doing in there. He was on his gorgeous flat stomach, looking things up on the muggle internet. Harry was on his knees begging Draco for attention. "Please, Draco, please look at me. Touch me. I'm going mad with fear," Harry begged. Draco said, "Well then, read a book." He tossed Harry a copy of Beowulf. If Harry had been more studious, he could have avoided being ensnared. If Harry had read more often, Draco often thought he could have been a better student than Hermione. Harry had an excellent mind. He'd defeated Voldemort. That took some thinking.

Instead, the book hit the wall across the room and fell on the floor. Harry sullenly lifted Draco's muscular, lean calf and slowly pulled off his sock. He started giving Draco an excellent foot massage. Draco looked back and saw two smouldering green eyes looking at him with unabashed lust. He ignored Harry and went back to ordering incense and some new clothes for Harry on the electronic Bay. Suddenly, his big toe felt very warm. "Harry, are you sucking my toe?" He asked.

"No." Draco's toe got cold as the word escaped Harry's lips. Then, it got warm again.

"Harry, I'm making some changes to your wardrobe. I think you'll look dashing when I'm finished with you."

"Mmpth."

"Harry, I'm so glad we're friends now." Draco felt a tongue sliding all over the bottom of his handsome foot.

"Mmm, yeah."

"Harry, I'm serious. We need to turn you evil so that I can keep you safe."

"Mmm-hmmmm," Harry said as he sucked Draco's toes all at once.

"Harry, what would you be if you could be anything?"

"A pedicurist, or a shoe salesman." Draco heard a smacking sound like Harry was licking his whiskers.

"Oh, Harry!" Draco shouted, "Do try to concentrate! I was a shoe salesman. Awful business. The owner used to sod me."

"Owner?" Harry asked.

"I was a slave, Harry."

Harry gasped. "Oooooh, details!" Draco told Harry the sad tale of how he was passed from family to family, beaten, raped, underfed, attacked and then forced to prostitute for a job in a shoe shop to stay alive. Harry felt just terrible. He had always assumed that Draco had taken all his galleons out of the bank and had gone into hiding. When Draco had finished his sad tale, Harry said, "Tell me about the wizard's feet again!" Draco flung Harry on his back and climbed on top of him. He started kissing Harry and telling him about the shoes and the feet and the smells between kisses. Harry became aroused. Draco got on all fours. Harry got behind him and started whipping his pants down. At just that moment the door popped open and Severus wheeled Lucius in on a wheelchair. Harry locked eyes with Lucius and promptly fainted dead away.

"Right, my son's a sod and he's engaged to a mudblood." Lucius said out loud as if speaking to the back wall. Then, his eyes fell on Baphomet. He wheeled himself over to the statue. "Severus told me our bank accounts are still intact." Draco nodded. Being of age, Draco had automatically received a massive inheritance. "But this was a stroke of brilliance! You managed to save my Baphomet!" Lucius picked up the statue. He gave Baphomet's left breast a quarter turn, right breast a half turn and then pulled on the statue's phallus. It's mouth came opened and a gob of priceless jewels spilled out of it's mouth. Lucius emptied out the Baphomet and wheeled himself over to Severus. "If Draco can admit to being gay and loving muggles, I just want to say that I have been in love with you since the first time I saw you," Lucius said to Severus. He turned abruptly, and wheeled away while Severus, Draco, and Baphomet watched him go with their mouths hanging wide opened. A house elf wandered in with smelling salts for Harry, Severus closed his mouth and followed Lucius down the hall.