Hey Guys!

Okayyy... I know that I am probably THE worst author ever! I have not updated since February and I am extremely sorry for the ungodly long wait. Those effing teachers of mine decided that the students are robots and they HAVE TO give us so much goddamn homework that I almost die doing it.

God!

I am rambling soooooo much!

On with the story!

Warning: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE and AWESOMNESS OF ITACHI UCHIHA ))))

Disclaimer: NO NARUTO STILL!

ON with the story!

Enjoy!

Chapter 8: Guilty

Sasuke's POV

There is a mess everywhere I look. I want to find something settled, to find someone settled, but I can't. All I see is mess. Blood. And shreds of innocence.

I have always been reserved. Afraid to give out myself to another. It did not happen only after the massacre.

In my childhood, I remember watching my father. He was like me. He was unemotional and cold. He said that being like that makes one strong. He said that love weakens. He said that Uchiha's are supposed to be cold and emotionless. He said that we were killing mechanisms. He said that nobody was worthy of love. He said that love, in general, did not exist.

I say, he shot a pile of bullshit. .

But then… In contrast with him, there was my mother. She was…. She was everything my father was not. She was gentle and kind and just flawless. Even as a child I could see that my father did not deserve her, even as a child I could see that she was unhappy. Unhappy, because my father would rather die than show anyone love. I remember often waking up in the middle of the night, finding gentle sobs wrecking my mother's fragile body as she cried on the balcony. Not that she would ever show it to us - to me and Itachi. No. With us she seemed the happiest person on the entire planet. Now that I look back, she probably was the happiest with us.

Her misery… her mistake, so to say was that she was unconditionally in love with my father. She loved him for…. Fuck. I will never understand why she did love him. For all I know, she would do anything…. Anything… to be by his side.

And then… then there was Itachi…

Itachi…

My Brother….

I remember the last time we talked….

Flashback.

Finally…

Fucking Finally he is lying there…. Only counted minutes left….

I made it.

I got my revenge.

-So, who is pathetic now, you bastard? - I yell at him, wanting him to fucking know, to fucking feel his loss, to fucking feel pain at least once in his screwed up life.

-Ahhh…. Foolish little brother…. - he murmurs, making me clench my jaw in fury. He doesn't fucking get to call me a brother.

I noiselessly move towards him, my katana ready to stab him…. To bathe in his filthy blood… to smell of revenge.

But then…

He speaks.

-You know, Sasuke… The only person I killed with satisfaction was father.

That makes me stop….

-Did you know that he was cheating on mother? Or better yet, did you know that he was abusing her constantly?

-Shut up!

-Yes little brother, he beat her….

-Don't….

-He fucking raped her….

-Just….

-And she…. She fucking loved him! Foolish, foolish, foolish! She was a stupid woman…

-Do not dare to insult my mother! Don't you fucking dare.

-Ahh, Sasuke she was my mother as well…

-You have no right to call -

-And I loved her-

-Yeah, right and that is why you killed -

-But, she was foolish to love father. He never did deserve her. She was too valuable, too perfect for him…

I drop my katana, my body hitting ground as well.

I lie down next to him, knowing that he is not any harm.

-I saw her crying sometimes, you know…. - I whisper in an extremely hushed tone.

-I know. I would…. Often watch you…. When I - he coughs - would return from the missions. - coughing again - you would be hiding behind the door of the balcony and she would be on her knees outside, sobbing…

Seconds pass as his coughs get more violent… I know that death will touch him soon…

-Sasuke?

-Hn.

-Do not live on fathers principles…

Pause.

-It is okay to love.

And then… he is gone.

And I….

I feel nothing…

Just emptiness…

Numbness…

Was not this what I had always wanted?

End of Flashback.

That emptiness never did fully go away…. Especially after I understood what he meant. How could I ever forgive myself?

In what way did I have a right to be happy, when I had killed the possible happiness of my flesh and blood?

Especially now…. Especially after reading her diary…. Especially after feeling like a failure….

I wish….

I wish he had succeeded me that day….

I wish that he had been the one to live.

I finally stand up to my feet… my knees aching from the rough texture of the wooden floor. I straighten up, feeling lost… what the fuck do I do now?

What if she doesn't wake up?

What if she will never hear…. That…. That… I…..

FUCK.

Get the act together Uchiha. - I urge myself as I contemplate what to do with the rest of my fucked up life.

Shit. I do not even know how to live without her… she is a constant in my life. Seeing her odd, apple-shaped eyes, so full of kindness and irritating amount of love is something I never dreamed of getting by without. Yes, she may annoy me sometimes, but then again, I wouldn't have it any other way.

She gave me everything.

A home.

Three beautiful children.

Her body.

Her heart.

Her soul.

Her life….

And I did what?

I fucking abused her mentally.

Cheated on her.

Took her for granted.

Yeah, payback is a bitch Uchiha.

I sigh as I am suddenly hit with a pile of bricks and remember.

Children.

Shit.

What kind of father am I?

I am out of the mansion in an instant, running towards Naruto's house. The air seems brisk, cutting my face with invisible knives of the wind. As I approach the door I hesitate.

What do I tell them?

As if someone from the inside can sense my presence, the door is opened, revealing a rather tired-looking Naruto.

-Sasuke? What are you doing here? Where were you? You just disappeared somewhere for the day!

I glare at my best friend.

-Who the fuck are you my friggin' mother? I am here to see my children dobe.

-Well, that is reach coming from you teme. Since the mission, you have fucking forgotten their existence! - he all but yells.

-Don't you dare -

-Fuck you Uchiha, Kakashi has been taking a better care of your wife than you have!

Now that hit a nerve.

-What did you just say?

-You heard what I said perfectly clear! He has not left her side since yesterday afternoon.

-That son of a -

-Shut the fuck up Sasuke! He has been doing your job, you should be fucking grateful for it! You are never there!

-Well screw me for wanting to grieve my failure alone! - I shout before I realize what I am saying.

I look up and that bastard is grinning at me. Smug son of a bitch.

-Oh, so you are done with yelling? - I taunt.

-Well, I did hear what I wanted.

-Fuck you. - I mutter.

-Not a chance.

I groan at his stupidity.

-So where are the kids?

-Well, Lily and Itachi are in bed, but Ami is up talking to Hina.

He lets me pass and I enter, moving towards the living room. There she is, my beautiful girl, sitting with Hinata, her eyes puffy and red from crying.

-Ami… - I murmur and she immediately turns around, rushing to me.

-Daddy!

I kneel down to her level and take her in my arms, knowing that she needs the comfort now. I feel terrible for treating my children the way I have these past days. I had been selfish once again, only ever considering my needs and forgetting about theirs.

I nod at Hinata in recognition before I breathe deeply as I speak.

-Ami, I think we should talk.

I see panic flash in her eyes quickly explain.

-Do not worry sweet girl, mother will be well.

-Okay. - She says and I can see it in her eyes that she believes me.

-Maybe we could go out to the bedroom? - I ask her and she nods, tugging at my sleeve to follow her.

We silently make our way up the stairs, entering a guest bedroom. She sits on the bed as I take a sea close to her.

-Daddy?

She breaks me from my thoughts, her voice urging me to finally admit my lies…

-Sweetie… there is one thing I think you should know about the mission.

She moves in closer, her eyes wide with fear.

-Do you remember that I told you why your mother got injured?

-Yes… you told me she could not protect herself…. - she whispered, hiccupping as tears sprung to her eyes.

-Well… Ami… I want you to know that I regret it, but I am afraid, that is not quite true…

-You… you lied? - she seems somewhat surprised, but not really angry. - but daddy, why did you lie? Mamma always says that lying is bad.

My lips twitch as I force myself not to smile. She reminds me so much of Sakura. She has the same abundance of innocence.

-I am sorry sweetie. I… I don't know how to explain Ami… I am not good at this….

-I know… - she replies, smiling knowingly.

-You do? - I ask surprised.

-Yeah… Mamma always says that.

-Really?

-Yes. Well there was this one time when Lily asked her why Mamma always says 'I love you' and kisses us, while you do not. Mamma said that it is hard for you to do so, because you prefer to show us that you love us rather than tell us….

As the words fall from her lips, I am stunned to silence….

-You do right? - she suddenly asks.

-Do what?

-Love us… I mean, you do love us right?

-Of course I do. - I reply quickly. Shit, what father am I? letting my child doubt my love for her. - Honey, you, Lily and Itachi are everything to me. I do… I do - shit. - love you.

-What about mommy?

-What about her?

-Do you love her too? Is she your everything too?

I am struck with the question.

I open my mouth two seconds too late and she sighs.

-I knew you didn't…

-No, no sweetie, it is not like that it's just…. Complicated.

-Then why is not Naruto and Hinata's love complicated? What about Neji and Ten-Ten? And Auntie Ino and Shikamaru? I don't know why but when I see them, I see the love, but when you look at mommy I cannot. You do not kiss her, you do not hug her…

Tears gather in her eyes again as she whispers:

-Sometimes, at night, she cries…

I feel as a total dick as I listen to her. Immediately I lean in to hug her, but she does not let me. Instead she looks up at me, her eyes full of fear.

-You won't leave us, will you daddy? Mamma loves you, I can tell….

I clutch her to my chest tightly, reassuring her over and over again that I will never abandon her and our family. And I know that I am telling an absolute truth. After Ami calms down a little, I start to speak again.

-Ami… I had been telling you about the mission.

-Yes dad.

-Sakura…. She… she did not die because she failed to protect herself… she died because…. Because she saved me….

There is an eerie silence in the room as I hold my breath, awaiting her reaction.

What I do not expect is for her to hug me tighter and whisper again and again that she knew that her momma would do anything for daddy to save him. Finally, finally after what seems like hours she looks up, her cheeks stained from tears.

-But momma will be well right?

-Yes. - I assure her with a deep sigh. I wish so fucking much that I knew it for sure.

I tuck her into bed, assuring her that I will take her and the twins to the hospital the following morning and that we would all go back to the mansion. I slip out quietly after Ami falls asleep. I look around to find another guest bedroom and discover it in the end of the hallway. I enter without a sound only to find my twins resting peacefully. Itachi is lying with his head to the side, holding Lily's hand, whine she hugs him, her face buried in his chest. I smile softly as I stroke her hair, getting lost in the moment. I retreat minutes later, having made up my mind.

I have enough money to not take missions for a while. Hell, I have enough money to not move a finger my entire life. So, until Sakura is better, I will take care of the children.

No more indifference. No more mistakes.

I will not wallow in self-pity.

If I want to make it better for us, to save our family, to save her, then I will have to work my ass off. She deserves every fucking speck of it.

I say a quiet goodnight to Naruto and make my way to the hospital, determined to see my wife.

No way in hell am I letting Kakashi care for her.

I confidently stride in the hospital, nodding at a half-asleep receptionist. I reach Sakura's room and am about to open the door when I hear a deep, oh-too familiar voice.

-…Please Sakura…. Please…. Do not do this to me…. I have given you up for another man…. I have coped with you being in another's arms, but it was only because I knew of your physical health and well-being… I have been watching you…. Watching you as he drained all the happiness from you…. I have been watching you give your everything to him… to him, when he never deserved it… loving him, like I could only wish you loved me…. Holding him like I only ever long for you to hold me….. Shit… seeing you like this… chained to a bed and hardly surviving kills me…. Comparing a woman you are today and a radiant child you once were makes me want to punish myself… For not trying hard enough, for not being there enough, for letting you do this… you are a broken angel, whom I long to heal… I long for your heart, even a part of it, so I can mend it. I love you my beautiful cherry blossom… if you would just have me…..

In a move so fast and yet so burningly slow, the man leans in to capture my Sakura's lips.

With Sharringan activated and the immense fury tainting my vision red, I rip the door open and growl…..

-Get your filthy hands off of my wife, Kakashi.

… and then I launch at him.

A/N: Aaand this is where we leave it!

I know that leaving another cliffie is kinda mean, but what can I say? I am EVIL ))))

Anyway, two things:

I want to express my DEEP concern and grieve for the tragedy of Japan! I BELIEVE that Japan is strong enough to go through this and just as it has made a miracle and recovered from the consequences of atomic bombing, it will undergo this crisis with her head held up high!

Secondly, I wanted to tell you that since the school is coming to an end, I am starting my exams in several weeks. Thus I will have to study LOADS of crazy stuff. BUT, I do promise to squeeze in one update at the boarderline of MAY and JUNE. After that I am all to fanfiction and this story for the summer.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for sticking with me throughout this story! Thank you for patiently waiting for the chapters! I promise to somehow make it up to you.

FINALLY I WANT TO THANK Minami to Yuri no Hana FOR HER AMAZING IDEA OF MAKING SASUKE-TEME JEALOUS.

Read AND Review it please!

Love,

NotYourGirl 555