Never Be The Same – Red

A/N: I just wanted to set the stage for a moment before jumping into the "story". This is going to be my version of New Moon after Edward leaves Bella. Bella doesn't jump – Alice doesn't really interfere until her time in my version. I hope you like it. This song is one of the most amazing songs I have ever heard. When Bella sings it, you might aught to want to pull it up on youtube to listen to it at the same time...you will just have to imagine a girl singing it, lol. Also, there will be another song by Red in here, but it is to set up for Never Be The Same, so you can look it up too if you'd like. It's called "Already Over". One last thing, you will notice a few quotes from New Moon...and some that I have taken the liberty to change. I don't own anything recognizable.

BPOV

"It will be as if I never existed..."

I sat with his words echoing in my head...again. These past few months have been hell on me.

Jake was worried.

Charlie was worried.

Hell, even I was beginning to worry. I had never really been one to dwell on and harbor sadness, but it seemed that when Edward left me in the woods, he had permanently etched sorrow onto my soul.

At the worst point, Jake had found me...in the woods with my arms bleeding profusely. I had decided that I couldn't live with the pain Edward had inflicted on me and the pain I was constantly inflicting on all of those who I loved and still held dear to my heart.

I had decided to take matters into my own hands, go out into the woods far enough that Charlie wouldn't find me, slit my wrists, then wait for Victoria to find me or wait to bleed out so that my heart could finally have some peace.

I used a knife that I knew Charlie kept razor sharp for his fishing trips...and then just moments after I sank to my knees from the blood loss, I felt Jake's hot and powerful arms envelope me as he lifted me from the bracken I knelt upon.

He cussed me from the moment he picked me up right up until he took me to see the tribal doctor to be stitched up since the best doctor in town had pulled up his roots and left without a goodbye. Also, taking me to the tribal doctor would keep Charlie as far out of the loop as possible...so that he wouldn't have me committed.

I had overheard the midnight conversations with Rene he had been having. I knew that if I didn't soon straighten up, he would be contacting the home for the clinically insane in Seattle.

I'd rather die than go to a place where they would keep me drugged up. I knew that even if they had managed to keep me dopey, I would then be trapped in memories of Edward leaving me that I wouldn't be able to pull myself out of. There was no way in hell that it was going to happen to me.

After my episode, Charlie insisted on me spending any time he couldn't be home to keep an eye on me with Jake at the reservation. Charlie still to this day believed that I had fallen out on the beach and had managed to severely cut my wrists and arms on some rough coral.

Jesus. Was I SO prone to moments of life threatening idiocy that everyone just believed what was told to them about my "falling down"?

I believe, deep down, that Charlie really did know what was happening, but was choosing to believe that if he forced me to spend time with Jacob, I would heal.

Sadly, he was right.

After a few months of never-ending boredom on the reservation, I walked around town for a few hours. When I returned back to the house, I heard some of the loudest music I had ever heard coming from Jake's garage.

The only way to explain it was a beautiful mix of rock and metal and, God, it was my salvation.

I sat listening, like the enraptured teenager I was as Jake's little rock band played a song that they had written.

The words touched my heart...and felt like they were ripping the scabs from the wounds Edward had inflicted on my heart and were beginning to heal them immediately.

You never go,

You're always here (suffocating me)

Under my skin,

I cannot run away,

Fading slowly...

I'd give it all to you,

Letting go of me,

Reaching as I fall,

I know it's already over now,

Nothing left to lose,

Loving you again,

I know it's already over,

Already over now.

My best defense,

Running from you,

I can't resist,

Take all you want from me,

Breaking slowly...

I'd give it all to you,

Letting go of me,

Reaching as I fall,

I know it's already over now,

Nothing left to lose,

Loving you again,

I know it's already over,

Already over, now!

You're all I'm reaching for,

It's already over,

All I'm reaching for!

It's already over now.

I'd give it all to you,

I offer up my soul,

It's already over,

Already over now!

Give it all to you,

Letting go of me,

Reaching as I fall,

I know it's already over now,

Nothing left to lose,

Wanting you again!

I know it's already over now!

It's already over now!

I know it's already over,

Already over...

I stood still, struck dumb by the sheer emotion that flowed through me. Jake's words poured over my soul and I almost felt at peace...

Until I realized that Jake had written the song...for me...and was currently horrified that I had heard the words that he obviously never meant for me to hear.

My mind was racing a mile a minute until I, completely ignorant in my choice to do so, clapped. I clapped, hooted and hollered for all of them; Jake, Embry, Quil and Seth.

I knew that while I was gone from the reservation, Jake had started up a little garage band to help let go of some pent up aggression.

"Bella," Jake said, his voice shaking slightly, "Hey. I thought you had went home...so I called the guys for a jam session. I'm really sorry you had to hear that, but it helps me cope with my feelings."

"Jacob Black!" I scolded, "You never told me that you guys were this good! I'm really proud of you guys! You made it sound like you guys never really played full songs, just played around with chords and stuff...but to write and play an entire song? Wow! I'm really impressed."

He kinda scuffed the toe of his sneaker on the ground and blushed a little bit while motioning to the other guys, "Well, they did most of the work – I just wrote the words to the song."

Seth chimed in, "Yeah, he wrote the words for the most amazing song of all time! As soon as we come up with enough material, we're gonna approach a record label in Seattle...see if we can get us a recording contract."

The other guys nodded enthusiastically.

"I want in," I added shyly, "I mean, if you guys don't mind a girl coming in and ruining your testosterone party..."

Jake looked to the other guys in the group and they all nodded their consent, "Well, we've heard you sing out here before and we'd love to be the next Evanescense. I think having you with us could be a selling point with the label."

After discussing some details with the guys, I went home to write my first song.

I never expected that THAT one song would end us up where it did.

~~~~**Flash forward two weeks**~~~~

I lay on my bed, writing and rewriting the song that we would eventually become known for. Throughout the entire writing process Edward's words rang through my head less and less...I didn't know whether to be sad that I wasn't hearing his musical voice anymore or to be happy that I was finally letting go, in a sense.

"I can see, I can still find, you're the only voice my heart can recognize, but I can't hear you now..."

This songwriting process was taking it's toll on me emotionally. I became so engrossed with the completion of this song that I didn't even really remember to eat as often as I should.

"You led me here, then I watched you disappear, you left this emptiness inside and I can't turn back time. NO! STAY! Nothing compares to you, nothing compares to you and I can't let you go..."

In some ways, this was therapeutic – I wasn't having nightmares anymore about him leaving. It seemed I was, in my own way, letting him go finally.

I was finally okay with the idea I may never see him again.

~*~*~*~Three years in the future~*~*~*~

EPOV

I sat in the house, mindlessly watching another news program. This has been my life after the biggest mistake of my never ending existence. We all moved to Oregon, just to be close for our efforts in dispatching Victoria.

Getting to and getting rid of her wasn't nearly the problem we had expected. We caught her outside Bella's house one night and quickly dragged her out into the woods to tear her apart so as not to alert or disturb Bella.

Ah, Bella. It seemed she had been having a hell of a time with our departure...a lot worse than the torture I had been dealing with on a daily basis since we left.

At least my family understood what I was going through...Bella really couldn't talk to anyone about what had transpired between us because of what we, my family and I, are. If Charlie wasn't thinking about having her committed before, he most definitely would if she finally sat down with him and told him that she had been in love with a vampire and his family...and that we had left her "because she no longer fit in with our world".

I was such a goddamned moron.

Who was I kidding? She was meant for this life. She was born to die the temporary death that all of us vampires do to start our never-ending eternity. No matter what I did or tried to keep her safe, she always managed to draw the next vampire within a five-hundred foot radius to her.

Jesus, I was so glad I couldn't tire, because protecting her all of the time would have exhausted me to the point of death.

Oh, my God, it's Bella!

I was shook from my internal ramblings by Alice's thoughts. I had made her promise me not to look at visions of Bella – to essentially block those visions so that Bella could have a shot at a normal, human life without us.

I became angry, until I realized that she wasn't the only one thinking it.

I followed what everyone else was doing and stared dazedly at the television screen. She was just as beautiful as she ever was...dressed in a simple pair of tight jeans and an equally tight, ripped t shirt and recently dyed black hair – she was a vision.

Shit! What was she doing on the Today Show?

I watched the interviewer as she smiled happily at Bella...and it took me a few moments to realize that she was asking questions...which were being answered.

"So, Bella," the woman started with a smile, "How did your group come up with the name for your band?"

Bella blushed a deep crimson, "Um, well, Blood Red Swans came from an inside joke between the guys and myself."

"It seems you are very close to all of the guys of the band, what about the rumors that "Already Over" is a song that Jacob Black, your lead guitarist, wrote for you...about his feelings for you?"

"Well, he actually did. I was in love for a long time with my first love...and Jake had some feelings for me that he had a really hard time getting over. Writing them down and putting them to music seemed to be therapeutic for him and helped him get over me...before I was able to break his heart."

"So, there is nothing between you two?"

"God," Bella sighed, "Nothing romantic. Jake is like the brother I never had. He brought me back from a very dark time in my life. He helped me heal and showed me that there was another way for me to heal...I just needed to let the music in."

"So, your debut song, "Never Be The Same" isn't about your love for Jacob?"

I had to give the interviewer credit...once she got her mind set on something, she damn sure didn't give up easily.

Bella laughed, completely oblivious to where the woman was trying desperately to lead her, "'Never Be The Same' was written about the very first love of my life..."

My breath caught in a ball in my throat and I felt like I was choking.

"I won't say his name to protect his identity, but when he left, I was emotionally dead. Really fucked up. I didn't want to live anymore. He essentially took my will to live when he left with my heart. It took writing this song for me to realize that he hadn't taken MY heart, he had taken his back...and that was something I could live with. My world had revolved around him for so long that when he left, I felt like mine had ceased it's own rotation...once I sat down and started writing this, it began to finally heal the part of me that had been damaged."

"Can you explain the true meaning behind this story...for those out there that don't find it painfully obvious?"

Dear God, no.

"It's about giving yourself to someone so fully that when they decide that you're no longer compatible, it crushes you. You're constantly engulfed in these memories...these promises of the yesterdays you shared together...and you're having a damned hard time letting go. It's about not giving up on love, even though the person you just KNEW would be your future couldn't see you as theirs. It's the only way I could have ever truly begged my side of the story...as he didn't give me a fucking chance to say my peace...so now I can finally be free of all of the pain and misery he caused when he left me alone and in the darkest part of my soul."

"Well, do you hope that this idiotic mystery man hears this song and contacts you?"

"At first, I did, but now that I'm fully healed, I honestly don't know what I'd say to him if he did come back into my life."

My heart began to break little by little listening to her talk about our past relationship.

"Well, you heard it first here, ladies and gentlemen, if you're the mystery man behind the first of what I feel is to be a long line of number one songs for Blood Red Swans, you might just be too late to fix what you broke. Now, let's hear it for Blood Red Swans! They're performing their very first number one hit right here for you all right now! Give it up for "Never Be The Same"!"

I sat transfixed as I watched Bella gracefully approach the stage set up in the middle of Time Square of New York. She nimbly placed her hands on the stage and swung her entire body up onto the platform. She approached the only open microphone and turned to Jacob and the other unknown guys of the group smiling in their directions as a sign to start the music.

Mellow and sad guitar chords flowed out from the speakers for a few seconds before I heard the most beautiful sound I had ever heard...Bella's voice. She looked at the camera with an almost peaceful look on her face as she began to sing:

"I know you, who are you now? Look into my eyes if you can't remember, do you remember? Oh, I can see, I can still find, you're the only voice my heart can recognize, but I can't hear you now, yeah. I'll never be the same, I'm caught inside the memories, the promises, our yesterdays, when I belonged to you. I just can't walk away, 'cause after loving you, I could never be the same..."

My stone heart broke a little more with every word that passed her glossy, rosy lips.

"And how can I pretend I never knew you...like it was all a dream? No, I know I'll never forget the way I always felt with you beside me, and how you loved me then, yeah...I'll never be the same, I'm caught inside the memories, the promises, our yesterdays, when I belonged to you, I just can't walk away, 'cause after loving you, I can never be the same..."

She reached for the camera time and time again, and each time she reached I fought my urges to reach back to her. I knew she was just on the tv screen, not here in front of me. The pain and emotion in her voice was breaking me down...but it was nothing compared to the next thing I heard come from her mouth:

"You led me here, then I watched you disappear. You left this emptiness inside and I can't turn back time...NO! STAY! Nothing compares to you, nothing compares to you and I can't let you go, can't let you go...I CAN'T LET GO! I'll never be the same, not after loving you, not after loving you, no, I'll never be the same, I'm caught inside the memories, the promises, our yesterdays, when I belonged to you...I just can't walk away, 'cause after loving you, I could never be the same...I can never be the same...I will never be the same..."

With each whoa, I felt a little bit more of myself shatter until I was crying tearless sobs. Who knew that something so horrible could be turned into something so beautiful?

"I just can't walk away, no, I can't walk away...from you."

The crowd erupted into screams for the woman I once thought was my future. How was I to know that she felt as deeply for me as I did her? Humans were never supposed to feel as deeply and as permanently as vampires.

This is impossible.

If I didn't know better, I would have sworn that I was dreaming...the worst possible nightmare I could have ever dreamed of. I broke her. My God. The amount of pain I heard in that song was enough that I almost felt as full of anguish as I had upon my turning. The fire of my transformation only overshadowed this pain by mere ounces.

As I looked up at the television screen, they zeroed in on Bella's beautiful face one more time, just in time to catch a beatific smile graced her features...then the screen showed a damn cat litter commercial. I clawed at the screen, desperate for one more glimpse of her, only to be pulled back by none other than Alice.

"Edward, I know you're hurting. I didn't see this until she was on the screen. I'm assuming it's because of the dogs that's in her band. You can't go see her, Edward. You just can't. Your future disappears and I can't see anything after that. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She was shaking me by the shoulders but I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face. I would gladly die at the hands of those wretched dogs if it meant I got to see her one more time.

The announcer came back on and mentioned that Blood Red Swans were kicking off their four month US tour tonight in New York at Madison Square Garden.

That gave me just over twelve hours to get a ticket, get to her and tell her how I felt before they jet-setted off to the next stop on their tour.

I broke from Alice's grasp and crashed through the front door, a shower of splinters raining all over the front yard as I heard the calls from my family members calling me back to them grow more and more faint.

Exactly eight hours later, I was crossing into the state of New York. I had used my cell phone to purchase a ticket at the last second while I was running. Last stop before the venue was a clothing store.

I threw my credit card down on the counter along with a pair of fitted jeans and a button-down polo shirt. The girl behind the counter looked startled for a moment until she saw the vampiric beauty that I possessed and then quickly went about ringing up my purchases.

Only minutes later, I was dressed in my new attire and speeding toward the woman who so wholly held my heart in her delicate hands.

An hour later I was walking through the doors to the arena. I could smell her scent so concentrated in this area that my heart clenched in my chest as random memories flitted through my mind.

Most of the fans that were here for tonight's show were already here and in their seats. While I sat down front, I listened to bits of each of their different conversations.

"What do you think the guy who broke her heart looks like?" "Obviously he'd have to be a god, 'cause she is one hot ass woman."

"She had to have been really broken when he left her, you can hear the anguish in her when she sings that song. I hope I never feel pain like that."

Fuck. Listening to these people aren't really helping matters.

"Bella, listen to me!" Okay, now Jacob's voice was DEFINITELY one that I wanted to pay attention to, "I'm not trying to start shit with you! That fucking bloodsucker is out there! I can smell him! I'm not sure I want us to go out with him out there!"

"Jake. Stop!" Bella's voice was angry...and commanding...it was a tone I'd never heard in her voice before, "I don't give a fuck if he IS out there! These people have paid a lot of fucking money to hear our music! How do you expect to be able to make more music for people to listen to if we go down in history as the only act that couldn't grow the balls to face our past head on for our fans and bomb before we have our FIRST fucking concert?"

Everything she said made sense...technically, I was just there to hear the music. I hadn't made my mind up to speak to her or not.

The opening act came on...they were mediocre at best, even the crowd shared my sentiments about them.

Finally, the lights in the arena went down and a deafening rumble roared through the speakers as strobe lights flickered from everywhere on the stage. On the giant screen behind the stage, a carnival game was being played.

Carnival music filled the air as pure white swans rotated on a vertical circle just behind a "grassy" area. From the standpoint of the viewer, you were the shooter. A shotgun was raised at the swans and several deafening shots rang out before one of the shots hit a swan right in the chest. As the circle continued its rotation, the blood dripping from the wounded swan landed on the other ones, staining their beautiful white plumage an angry red. More shots rang out as more swans fell, before one swan was left unscathed. The swan began to come to life and released herself from the metal rings imprisoning her ankles before coming to stand right in the center of the screen, staring out over the audience. She opened her beak to speak and Bella's soft voice floated out of the speakers:

"Time heals all wounds for your kind. You're not good for me. You're mind is nothing more than a sieve and in time, you will forget me. You were never right for me from the beginning. I don't want you. It will be as I've never existed."

I felt nausea twist my stomach in knots as the words I so carelessly said to her all those years ago were flung back to me. Her voice became harder as the next words were said:

"You told me to forget you...but you know what? Fuck you. It's not that easy. Nothing worth having in this life comes easy. You should have understood that and fought for our love. Not left me alone and unprotected. It took me a long time to finally forgive you, you know. But there are some permanent ramifications for your actions – I've been left with paralyzing HATE for you. I hate you. I hate how you controlled me instead of viewing me as your equal. YOU'RE as responsible for the death of that girl all those years ago as if you pulled the trigger yourself. I hope you like what you see and can live with yourself, parasite. Enjoy the show."

In a sudden burst of light, the swan stuck the shotgun in her own mouth and pulled the trigger as blood spattered everywhere over the screen, which promptly turned a sickening blood red before going black.

The crowd cheered as I watched horror-struck. I would have vomited on the floor, had I been able to.

All at once, the lights on stage came on and the Blood Red Swans were all in their respective places on the stage.

They opened with a song that I assumed was the song Jacob wrote for Bella. I believe the name was Already Over.

I cried tearless sobs as Bella sang words that tore at my heart with every note. I know I deserved it. God, I deserved so much worse for what I put her through.

I sat through each of the songs and each one killed me a little bit more. Finally, the show was one song away from being over – they were about to perform "Never Be The Same".

Bella had been the only member of her band who had not seen me yet. As the opening notes to the song started, her eyes aimlessly roamed the crowd before finally seeing me.

Her breath hitched only a moment before Bella the performer kicked into gear and she gave the performance of a lifetime. Her eyes never left mine throughout the song.

When she sang, "NO! STAY!", I wanted nothing more than to rush the stage, pull her into my arms and never let go.

They took their bows after the song and left the stage – which immediately went black and the screen behind the stage lit up again.

Russian Roulette by Rihanna blasted through the speakers as the same scene from before the show played again, this time, the swan didn't talk or shoot itself, it aimed the gun out over the audience and pulled the trigger and as the last shots of the song rang out over the audience, the screen flashed completely yellow as if we were seeing the gun going off those times.

The audience went wild and I, using vampire speed knowing that no one would see me, left the auditorium. I raced to the tour bus parked around back that waited to whisk Bella away to her next destination.

I waited in the shadows until I heard them approaching. Jacob was still very angry and could smell me out here.

I didn't care if they killed me afterward, I just needed for her to listen to me for just a second before they took her.

Bella came through the door and walked directly over to me, "What do you want, Edward?"

Her voice was tight with anger. She waited patiently for a few moments while I collected my thoughts.

"Bella, I love you. I know I will never have another opportunity to be with you again, I just needed you to know that I lied that day. I do love you. I have never stopped loving you and it has all but killed me every day since we left." I poured my heart out, knowing that this just may very well be the next time we ever talk.

"Is that all, Edward?" she asked. I nodded. "Okay. I appreciate you coming all this way to tell me that, Edward. I'm sad to say how much joy it gives me knowing that you were hurting all of this time too, but it's the truth. Don't come to me again, Edward. This time you will be allowed to leave unharmed, but next time, I WILL allow Jake and the rest of the guys to take you out. Goodbye, Edward."

She immediately got on the bus, following directly after her were her guard dogs.

I stood completely immobile and watched her drive out of my life forever.

A/N: Yeah, I suck. I know. I've always wanted to have Bella have a chance to have her say and be a strong woman about it...not the pushover that SM made her to be. She just took him back. Granted, I am 110% Team Cullen, but he really should have had his ass beat by her for doing what he did, regardless of his reasoning behind it.

Leave me some love and let me know what you think. :)

Lyrics:

I know you, who are you now?

Look into my eyes if you can't remember,

Do you remember?

(Oh)

I can see, I can still find,

You're the only voice my heart can recognize,

But I can't hear you now...

(yeah)

I'll never be the same,

I'm caught inside the memories, the promises,

Our yesterdays, when I belonged to you,

I just can't walk away,

'Cause after loving you,

I can never be the same.

And how can I pretend I never knew you?

Like it was all a dream...

(no)

I know I'll never forget,

The way I always felt with you beside me,

And how you love me then...

(yeah)

I'll never be the same,

I'm caught inside the memories, the promises,

Our yesterdays, when I belonged to you,

I just can't walk away,

'Cause after loving you,

I could never be the same...

You led me here,

Then I watched you disappear,

You left this emptiness inside,

And I can't turn back time...

NO!

STAY!

Nothing compares to you,

Nothing compares to you,

I can't let you go,

Can't let you go,

I can't let go!

I'll never be the same,

Not after loving you,

Not after loving you...

(no)

I'll never be the same,

I'm caught inside the memories, the promises,

Our yesterdays, when I belonged to you,

I just can't walk away,

'Cause after loving you,

I could never be the same...

I can never be the same,

I will never be the same,

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

I just can't walk away,

No, I can't walk away...from you.