I'm back with a new chapter!
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NOT BETA'ED because I haven't heard a word from my beta since last Monday! As soon as I hear from her I will upload the beta'ed version.
This chapter is dedicated to all of you who believe in me and my story.
9. New memories
Tout. Tout.
Nervously I gnaw on my pen while I press my cell phone against my ear.
This shouldn't be so difficult, I think to myself. I'm just calling a man who has made it clear that he is interested in me. The worst thing he could do was to reject me and honestly, I was the master of rejections. I never cried over someone who didn't want me.
Tout. Tout.
Why isn't he picking up already? I am super anxious and every 'tout' makes me cringe.
It had taken me two days until I decided that I was going to call Ben and ask him out. I needed to remember what it was like to be courted by a man. I needed to remember that I was an attractive woman who could make men swoon over her if I really really wanted to.
Tout. Tout.
It is Tuesday morning, he probably is at work like me. I don't even know what he works as. Maybe he is a pilot and he is flying over the Atlantic ocean right now and he can't pick up his phone because he needs to concentrate on doing his job -
"Hello?" Suddenly Ben is talking into his phone. I'm back in my office where the walls are painted in an ugly yellow color and my chair is squeaky. I have to clear my throat before I am able to talk.
"Hey, Ben. It's Anastasia." My mouth feels dry.
"Excuse me?" He sounds irritated. If he can't even remember me, I probably shouldn't even bother to ask him out. I squeeze my eyes tightly. The childish wish to hang up is immense but I take a deep breath and try to stay positive.
"Uh, Ana from Ernie's and Seatdown?" Please remember me! I hate awkwardness.
"Oh, Ana!" He practically squeals in delight. "Sorry, I didn't know your full name was Anastasia."
"Yeah, I usually don't go by it. It sounds too formal, I don't know." Why I am telling him this? I have a huge foot in my mouth. Silently I curse at myself.
"It's a pretty name for a pretty girl."
"Thank you. Ben is also a great name." What the hell is wrong with me? I fidget with my pen. Maybe this will help me concentrate on my words. "I didn't interrupt you, right? I'm sure you are working."
"You aren't interrupting anything. So, Ana, how have you been?"
"Great." Well, that's a lie. "And you? Still hanging out at Ernie's?"
"Yes. And I am still hoping that I will meet you there again."
I blush and with a last plea to god, I go for the overkill.
"Maybe we could meet again on Friday night? It doesn't have to be Ernie's. There are other great restaurants in Seattle after all." Yeah, Ana. Talk about restaurants like a guidebook.
"Oh." Ben sounds surprised. "Oh! That would be awesome!"
His enthusiasm is kinda cute.
"I'm so happy that you called, Ana." He goes on. "I can't wait to meet you again."
We hang up after we agree on him picking me up from my place at 7pm and going to one of his favorite restaurants, 'La mia casa'. He swears that they have the best pizza of Seattle. We will see if that's true. I take a deep breath and lean back in my chair. I can be brave, I think to myself. I just called a guy and asked him out. Why was I making a huge deal out of this again? Calling him had been easy. Of course spending a whole night with him would be a tad more difficult but I promised myself to be more confident and brave. I am a strong, independent woman. A strong, independent woman who needed to concentrate on working again. I dive into work. The book called 'Indecent behavior and its effects on your surrounding' needs editing.
"Knock, knock."
I look up from my computer screen where I have been staring at the last forty-five minutes and come face to face with Luke. He is standing by the door with two folders in his hands. His red and white checkered shirt really suits him.
"Hey, little Ana." I'm the youngest of our group. That's why Luke insists on calling me 'little'. I smile at him and invite him in. He takes a seat on one of the brown chairs in front of my desk and puts his feet on the other. "Whatcha' doing?"
"Working? Like I am supposed to do?" I look at him skeptically. His visit has to have a purpose. I glance at the clock on my desk. It's not lunch time yet so that can't be the reason for his sudden appearance.
"What was the first thing I taught you when you started to work here?" He smirks at the memory. "Don't do more than you are supposed to do."
"Really, Luke?"
"Yeah, sweetie. If you keep working hard, Robert might expect the same from me."
Luke has a love and hate relationship with Robert, our boss. Sometimes he praises the day he started to work for him because he is 'the most genius motherf-er on earth'. And sometimes he calls Robert names behind his back which I could never even think about. He thinks that Robert can be a fair, caring employer but in the same time he can be capitalistic and soul eating just for the profit he makes.
"What a crime." Sometimes I can be sarcastic. "But honestly what do you want?"
"Can't a guy visit his friend without being accused of wanting something?" He looks far more innocent than he actually is. I give him a long look and he rolls his eyes with a surrendering sigh. "Okay, you caught me. I am here to propose an exchange. These two super romantic love stories against a Sci-Fi trilogy I know you have. I also know that you hate Sci-Fi and you love hamburgers. I could buy you one at lunch." Luke gives me a pleading look.
"Fine." I say. To be honest I had cringed at the thought of editing something about aliens and their intergalactic wars. The possibility of editing two love stories is far more appealing.
"Nice." He cheers and hands me over the folders he is carrying. The assignment files are packed neatly into saran wraps with little notes of the authors within them. I open my drawer where I have put my big folder for 'Beyond the galaxy I, II, III' and hand it over to him. "You are the best, Ana."
"Thanks. You are not so bad yourself."
"I know." Luke smirks arrogantly. "And you aren't the only one who thinks that. Guess what happened this morning?"
"You mean apart from that you were late." We had been in a meeting when Luke rushed in thirty-six minutes late. He had excused himself to have overslept.
"Well ask me why I was late." I look at him skeptically. Where is he going with this?
"Fine. Why were you late?" I sigh petulantly.
"I met someone in the bus. A woman." He is giving me a full grin now. Oh dear. "Her name is Andrea. She was on her way to work while reading 'Space warriors'. You know, the book I edited last year which is also one of my favorites? We talked and got along pretty well. I missed my bus stop and that's why I was late. And tomorrow we are going to meet for coffee."
"Oh, wow. Luke, that sounds great." I'm honestly happy for my friend and I hope that this Andrea chick turns out to be decent. We don't need another Natalie. "What is she like?"
"No need to say that she is really pretty. She is funny, loves Star Wars and she doesn't seem to be crazy." His eyes zoom off. He is probably thinking about her. Oh boy. I had forgotten how Luke could be when he has a crush.
"Well, keep me updated. I want to hear everything about your date tomorrow." I smile at him and he thanks me before he gets up to leave.
"See you at lunch time. And thanks again for the trilogy." With a final wave he is gone and I'm left alone in my office. Back to work now, Ana.
"I really think you should wear the plum-colored dress. It would look amazing on you." Persistently Leila holds up the dress she thinks I should wear. I look at it skeptically. In my opinion it's far too sexy and business-like. I don't want to look like I'm having a meeting. I shake my head petulantly and she groans. Leila looks annoyed.
"You can't go in jeans!" I don't know why she keeps insisting on that. What's wrong with jeans? "Ana, I'm just trying to help you." Leila whines and throws the dress onto her bed. She turns around and starts rummaging in her wardrobe again. After she found out about my date with Ben – and I didn't tell her until an hour ago because I knew she would turn crazy and pester me with her enthusiasm – she declared herself as my make-up artist / hair stylist / fashion adviser and dragged me into her bedroom. Leila had started to pull out outfits from her own wardrobe – she even got a few items of my own – and muttered 'how are we going to get her ready in an hour?' under her breath. Before I told her about my date with Ben, she had been chilling with Christian on the couch. I had been wearing a cute peach colored top with long sleeves and light jeans paired with my black Converse and my black blazer. In my opinion I looked fine. But Leila thought it was a fashion crime to wear jeans on the first date.
"How about this one?" She holds up a white dress with long sleeves. "I might even let you wear that blazer of yours."
"What if I spill something on it?" The thought of ruining her dress was horrible. I could get clumsy when I was nervous. "Imagine what would happen if I spilled red wine on it!"
"Well, then try your best not to spill something!" She throws the dress toward me. "Try it on."
I curse myself while I get dressed. Why did I have to tell her about my date tonight? Couldn't I have said that I was going out with friends from work? I'm sure she would have believed me if I had told her that I was meeting Claire. I look to the mirror. The white dress does really look good but it is also short and I don't feel comfortable enough to move around in it.
"That looks good." She looks at me from head to toe. But then she shakes her head. "It's not really you." Thank god! I take it off and hand it over to her. It feels weird to be half-naked around her in nothing but my underwear – she made me wear that one set I had bought years ago after Paul cheated on me. It was skin-colored, frilly and totally uncomfortable. It looked hot though. I had bought in a moment of passive aggressive thoughts. Yeah, see what you are missing, Paul. Stinky bastard.
"Hand me over your top." Leila is holding a blue skater skirt of hers in her hands and she has a thoughtful expression on her face. I reach out to my peach colored top and give it to her. She holds it over the skirt and a pleased smile forms on her lips. "This is it!"
"Isn't it too cold for a skirt?" I raise an eyebrow doubtfully. I don't intend to freeze my lady parts just for the cause of looking good.
She rolls her eyes with a sigh. "You can wear tights if you really must. And I assume I can't persuade you to wear high heels, right?" I had told her that I was wearing Converse and nothing else. Deal breaker. "Okay, try these on. I will look for matching thighs in your room."
I slip into the skirt and the top. The skirts is thigh-high and it dances around me when I twirl. I really need to wear my tights under this. With a sigh I take a seat on Leila's bed and fidget with the hem of her bed sheets. I inspect the design of it. It's mint green with bubbles printed on it. I wonder when Leila has bought that one. I look around in her room. The past few weeks I haven't been in here that much because usually Christian was present. Leila has light yellow painted walls, wooden furniture and black and white tartan patterned rug. Her bed is facing her window on which's still she has put different kind of plants and flowers. She has a big wardrobe near the door and a desk where her laptop lays. Over it hangs a pinboard full of pictures and Polaroids she has taken of her friends. Leila never forgot to take her camera with her whenever we took a trip somewhere. She always takes pictures of us without us noticing. If we are lucky we will look decent.
"Can I come in?" I look up and see Christian standing at the door. He is leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed at his chest.
"Sure." I feel awkward inviting him to Leila's room. Technically it's his room too. I shift around on the bed to make room for him to sit. He walks up toward me and sits down beside me. I notice that he is wearing sweats and an old band T-shirt.
"Nervous?" He asks me with an attentive look. "I mean for your date."
I take a deep breath and nod. "Yeah." Nervous doesn't even come close to what I feel. I am fearing that I might have a mental breakdown. It's not because of Ben, he isn't the one who makes me nervous. Just the pure thought of going out again – or how Mia calls it: cannonballing into the dating world – makes me anxious and sweaty. Nothing more attractive than a sweaty, anxious woman, right?
"I know exactly how you feel." Christian says with his gray eyes zooming off to whatever he is remembering right now. "I felt the same way when I started dating again when Susannah broke up with me because of another douche."
"Susannah?" My interest is peaked. I don't remember having heard the name 'Susannah' out of his mouth.
"My ex." He explains with a frown. "My cheating ex." Oh. He has been cheated on? Why would someone cheat on him?
"Leila told me a bit about your past relationships, Ana." He goes on with a caring smile. "I can totally understand how you felt and how you feel now. After Susannah cheated on me and we broke up, I was heartbroken and I thought I would never be able to forget her and what she has done to me. Hell, I was dumb enough to believe that she was the one."
He shakes his head at his own stupidity. I can't look away from him. Why is he telling me this right now?
"But as you can see she clearly wasn't the one." Christian jokes with a half smile. "Otherwise I wouldn't be here." Is Leila the one for him? Don't go there, Ana.
"How did you forget her? And what she has done to you?" I ask curiously.
"It took me a while but I started going out again. I met new people and tried to gain new memories. I told myself over and over again that I needed to be brave because otherwise I would never get over it." Being brave sounded good. That's what I am trying to do. "What I wanted to say to you, Ana, be brave and be bold. Give this guy a chance even if he isn't the one. You can only forget about the past if you gain new memories."
I look down to my hands and think about what he has said. Gaining new memories to forget about the past. I like the sound of that.
"Thanks, Christian." The braveness I have promised myself makes me do something I never would have done before: I reach out to one of his hands in a friendly gesture. Deep down I want to hug him, not because I am lusting after him. I am truly thankful for his words. He looks at me, surprised at my sudden touch. But then he smiles at me and grasps my hand firmly. Nervously he scratches the side of his head after we let go.
"Anyway. I have four episodes of 'The Big Bang Theory' to watch. Have fun on your date, Ana." he excuses himself, leaving me to myself. I look up to the ceiling where Leila's lamp which looks like a plastic jellyfish is hanging. Taking deep breaths I count to ten, hoping that this will relax me. I wasn't this nervous on my first date. Joshua, my first boyfriend, had taken me to a rundown fast food restaurant because that was all he could afford and afterward we made out in the back of his car. I was 17 years old and I clearly didn't have high standards back then.
"Found your tights." Leila emerges with a pair of black, shiny tights in her hands. "And I decided that you shouldn't wear that blazer of yours. I think you have a nice black coat somewhere in your closet. I will look for it." I slip into the tights, feeling thankful because now I won't freeze my legs off. It's awfully cold for November. When I'm fully clothed and Leila has given me her commendation she starts working on my hair, trying to curl it with a curling iron. I suck at these kind of things and I really appreciate her help. As dominant as she can be when it comes to fashion and make-up, I also trust her decisions. After she has curled my brown mess of hair and clipped it on one side behind my ear, she tells me to apply just a little of lip gloss and mascara. "Make your eyes look huge." she says before she leaves me to myself again because she has to pee.
I do what I'm told and leave her bedroom afterward. Christian is sitting on our couch with his feet on the coffee table crossed at his ankles. He is eating popcorn our of a bowl and on the table stands a bottle of beer. I look to the watch around my wrist and notice that it's half an hour until 7. I don't know why Leila was panicking about getting me ready, she was overreacting as always. I join Christian on the couch and he briefly looks away from the TV to stare at me. I blush and squirm under his stare.
"You look great. Popcorn?" Is he calling me popcorn, I think for a second. The thought of an exclusive nickname shouldn't make my heart flutter like that. Perplexed I look at him. He is holding the bowl of popcorn toward me with a smile on his lips. Oh. He means popcorn as in food. Silly me. Shyly I grab a handful and start munching on it one at a time.
"Thanks." I say to him and turn my attention to the TV. Like he said he is watching TBBT.
We are awkwardly silent beside each other which is funny because since or book fair trip we – especially I – had managed to relax whenever we were together. But I assume that my awkwardness and my silence tonight has nothing to do with him. I'm just anxious because of my date with Ben and the opportunity to gain new memories. I liked the way Christian described it. Gaining new ones to forget the old ones. I think that should be my mantra from now on.
"Where is Ben taking you?" Christian asks me suddenly without looking away from the screen were Sheldon Cooper and his friends are having dinner in the living room while bantering about something. From the corner of my eye I glance at Christian and I see how he eats popcorn rather gracefully.
"La mia casa." I mumble. "An Italian restaurant."
"Oh. I heard about that place. People say they have great food."
"Ben said the pizza is great." I'm more the pasta kind of girl to be honest.
"Hmm." He nods, now distracted from TBBT.
My phone rings, announcing a new message. Maybe he is canceling, I am horrified at that thought. But thankfully, it's a new message from Mia in our group chat.
Mia: Anastasia Rose Steele! I can't believe you didn't tell us about Ben! Shame on you!
She is as dramatic as always. Before I can type in an answer, Kate chips in.
Kate: What did she do? Please tell me she called him!
Leila: You bet you sweet ass she did!
Isn't she in the bathroom? Why has she her phone with her? Strange.
Mia: She has a freaking date with him and she didn't tell us! Shame on her!
Kate: OMG! You guys are my OTP! Well, after me and Elliott of course.
Kate and Elliott had left the bar together last Saturday. No need to say that they had spent the night with each other and Kate had described as earth shatteringly good.
Mia: You can't be your own OTP.
Kate: I can and I am, bitch.
Leila: Guys, concentrate on Ben and Ana please. Or how I call them 'Benana'. Like banana. You get it? Lol.
For the love of god.
Ana: Ha ha ha. You are so funny, Leila. Aren't you in the bathroom? Why are you texting us?
Mia: You text us while you poop? Gross.
Leila: I went to your room while it took you an eternity to apply mascara, bitch. Be thankful that I am searching something for you to wear.
Kate: What are you wearing, Ana?
Ana: Kate, are you trying to have phone sex with me? I'm not into girls.
Kate: Oh honey, if I really wanted you I could easily seduce you ;)
I laugh loudly and shake my head at Kate's words. Christian looks at me questioningly and I just gesture toward my cell phone.
"The girls are pestering me." I explain to him and he nods.
Mia: Seriously though. What are you wearing for your date? Leila please tell me, you helped her.
Ana: Thanks, Mia. It's good to see how much you trust my decisions.
Mia: The Ana I know would wear jeans to a date.
"Seriously? What's wrong with jeans?" I ask out loud, annoyed at my friends determination to end my long lasting relationship with jeans. I love them and honestly my ass looks great in them.
"Nothing wrong with jeans. Why are you asking?" Christian questions me confusedly. Oh dear. He must think that I am crazy for blurting out something like this.
"Uhh, the girls are kinda against the thought of wearing jeans on a date. That's why Leila has squeezed me into this thing." With two fingers I lift the hem of my skirt slightly. "They think jeans look too casual."
He snickers. "Well, let me tell you how men think. Men think that jeans make women's asses look great. And men really like great looking asses."
His gray eyes are full with amusement and he shakes his head at a thought before he takes a sip of his beer.
"Nice to hear that men think that way." I confess and look back to my cell phone again.
"Men also like skirts. They have their advantages." Christian mumbles under his breath. I flush deep crimson and bite my lip to suppress a laughter.
Leila: Don't worry I made her wear one of my skirts, the blue one I got last summer, remember? And she got to wear a peach colored long sleeved top with black thighs underneath the skirt.
Mia: Shoes?
Leila: Converse. Black.
Kate: No heels? Shame.
Leila: Tell me about it 'eye roll'.
Ana: Converse rock!
Mia: Where is he taking you? Dinner?
Ana: Yes. At 'La mia casa'.
Kate: Nice. Have fun, baby. And we want all the deets when you're back!
Mia: Leila, snap a picture of her outfit! Ana, have fun and good luck! It's Friday, 13th after all. Lol.
Lucky me. The first date on such a day. If I was as superstitious as Leila I might have freaked out. My best friend emerges from my room with my black coat in her hands. She places on our armchair.
"Get up, Ana. I need to snap a picture." She demands and I roll my eyes at her as I get up from my seat reluctantly. I pose for her while she holds up her cell phone to take a photo of me.
"Super." She exclaims before she sends it to our group. I don't even dare to look at their reactions to my outfit. Leila walks up to her boyfriend's side and sits down beside him. She gives a quick kiss before she steals the popcorn bowl from his hands. They chuckle and whisper something at each other. I look away, unsure what to do until Ben comes to pick me up. The best thing to do is to wait for him while watching TV, I think. I hope he is punctual. I sit down on the armchair this time and cross my legs so my skirt rises up a little. I need to be careful while I am outside. No need to give the rest of the world a peep show.
"Whoa. Slow down, baby. You might get drunk." Leila laughs suddenly and I look toward her. Christian is taking a huge sip of his beer before placing the bottle fiercely onto the coffee table. Leila bubbles about him getting drunk and falling asleep if he keeps up drinking so much beer tonight. Christian is usually the more relaxed beer drinker, he always says that he likes to enjoy and not rush. Suddenly I catch Christian looking at me out of the corner of his eye. It's quick and for a moment I think he wants to say something but he remains silent. I don't know what has happened to him, his sudden strange behavior intrigues me.
The doorbell rings and I look at my watch. Great. He is punctual.
"Time for your date, Ana." Leila squeals before she goes to let Ben in.
See you next time.
Melii
P.S.: I'm already working on a new story and I wonder if I should upload the first chapter just to see how people react to it. Would you guys be interested? You should know that I would upload the first chapter but the next upload would be after I finish Table Number 4 or Thrill. Please leave me an answer.
