The one I love
Chapter 9
Syaoran didn't blink for a moment staring at me confused. I reckoned he was wondering how Eriol even got in touch in the first place. He had become very much of a loner after he broke up with Tomoyo. He separated himself from the group and spent his time working on his book and teaching at a local university.
"So..." Syaoran finally spoke lost for words "Was this at your fathers house?"
I nodded "Yes. I really needed someone to talk to."
"Someone to talk to..." he muttered coldly to himself.
He sat on the bed and asked "Did you kiss him back."
I went up to him and sat next to him "For a moment." I knew this would upset him and he would ask about all the details.
He ran his hands through his fair and lines of stress appeared on his forehead "Why did you do that for?"
I raised my shoulders, the guilt swallowing me. For a moment I forgot why. It felt stupid for even confiding with Eriol. We were hardly ever friends. He was mostly Syaoran's cousin and Tomoyo's boyfriend.
"I did it because I thought I was getting even with you. It was stupid and immature for me to think that way. I know."
He shook his head "Unbelievable."
I touched his hand gently "I'm sorry." These words were becoming so common with us for the past few months. They felt overused and meaningless.
"Does he kiss better than I do." He said with disdain.
"I'm not going to answer that." I said calmly.
He was quiet. Thinking and I sat patiently waiting for him approval to feel better.
"I guess we have both made mistakes." He said standing up. "Im going to wash up and get ready for bed."
His calm reaction hurt me even more than a display of anger. I wish he told me that I had been unfair. I was the insecure one with trust issues. He was not without guilt, he stopped talking to me about things that were genuinely important and kept a portion of his life somewhat of a secret from me.
When he walked into the bathroom I heard Riley call me from her cage. I went to attend her. She was in high spirit unlike her parents. Her eyes were wide open, glimmering and ready to cease the night. She was developing a habit where she would sleep for an hour then stay up till midnight. We tried not to play with her or give her any attention but she did not care.
I carried her and took her to our room. There was a greater chance of her falling asleep in our bed. From the looks of it, Syaoran and I would not be doing anything in bed that would call for her not to be there.
Syaoran walked in from the bathroom "Well, not this again."
"I know right. I wish Riley could just love sleeping as much as Ryu did." I said as I tucked her in our bed and she attempted to me a story.
We could not sleep after 2 hours passed. She was in the middle of us singing songs and moving around. After 2 hours Syaoran got out of bed.
"I'm going out to see which restaurants are open." I sat up surprised.
"Um...its 11pm." I said.
He pulled up a pair of demin trousers and put on a t-shirt. "I know. Im just craving fast food right now."
I raised an eyebrow.
"Maybe you can take Riley with you. She always falls asleep during a drive."
Syaoran shook his head "Some other time. Do you want me to get you anything."
"Um...an ice-cream."
He nodded giving me a long gaze that made me both worried and suspicious. Suddenly he was gone. Slamming the front door on his way out. I did not know what to expect but he was definitely furious and trying to contain himself.
He was gone for an hour before he reappeared in the bedroom with a bag of fast food and an ice-cream. Riley was still awake and I had found myself playing with her and singing to her.
"Ice-cream and a burger." He said getting into bed.
He handed me the ice-cream "Where did you go."
"Um...Mcdonalds and then I went to Eriols house."
I gawked at him "To do what?"
"Kick his ass of course." He said in a casual tone.
"Wait...let me get this straight...you went to his house and assaulted him."
He took a bite out of the burger "Yes. I have a feeling we aren't friends anymore."
I was quiet and started with my ice-cream. I was not sure what to think. Perhaps he was right for doing that. It was a betrayal on Eriols part to try to kiss me. Syaoran trusted him. He was even the best man at our wedding.
We eventually slept that night. We tried singing and reading to her. We tried rocking her and playing with her. In the end, Syaoran put her for a drive around the block and she fell asleep.
...
That next day at work, I got an unexpected visitor. I was doing sketches for a great project I was hired to do on a contractual basis, a woman appeared in my cubicle. She smiled at me.
"So you do work here...Sakura Li." She said in a tone that would make one thing we were familiar with each other.
"Hi...Meiling." I said confused. How did she find out where I would be.
"Lets have coffee." She said happily.
I looked around me. The other artists in the room were staring at me.
"Um...alright." I said.
I put my pen down and followed Meiling as she walked in front of me. Swinging her hips and getting the attention of everyone in the room.
We went to the cafe downstairs. I was nervous. What could she possibly want with me. Did she have more information about her moments with my husband. Was she going to solemnly swear to stay away or was this an attempt for us to build a friendship.
I sat down and she kept this smirk on her face.
"You are really quiet. Bet you didn't expect to see me."
I pulled my dress over my knees nervous and intimidated. "No. I didn't. How did you even know where I was."
"I've been following you on twitter." she laughed to herself "A little starkerish...I know."
"A little." I agreed.
"Well. You don't need to worry. I just need to talk to you about Syaoran and you can't tell him I did this."
I looked at her. My eyes kept meeting this tiny mole next to her lips. Then I looked at her crimson lips and finding lipstick stains on Syaoran's shirt. There was a pinch in my heart as I tried to forget it.
"So, Syaoran told me to stay away from him...in a much tone of course." she sighed "Im not offended. I mean if some bitch tried to seduce my husband I would want her out of our lives."
"I didn't ask Syaoran to do that."
She leaned in "Maybe you didn't ask him but that's what you want right?"
I was silent.
"Anyway. I figured you know the truth and thought that I clarify it. I don't know why but I think it's necessary that you know the entire story from both sides."
"Alright. What happened."
She took a deep breath "Ever since I moved here, I've made no friends. Like people don't like me and I don't get why. Syaoran was the only person who was nice to be and offered me friendship. Our friendship came easy of course because we were friends as children and as a little girl I did like him. I just didn't know in what way. So the past few months, it was nice having a friend and not eating alone in the break room." she had tears in her eyes "and that's all it was for him. A gesture of friendship to someone who was living a lonely life. I don't know what I was thinking. I knew he didn't see me as more than a friend and he was married but the moment we were alone I tried to force myself on him. He rejected me. He was disgusted and told me how much he loves you."
She paused to look at me "It was a moment of weakness I suppose."
"I see."
"So, the next day I apologized and asked him to erase that from his memory. That I felt humiliated that I had become this person. And he did forget about it. He was still a friend. He still invited me to your house because he desperately wanted us to be friends. I guess he knew that if you knew what I had done, you would not give me a chance."
The waiter interrupted her. He both quickly ordered.
"Contrary to popular belief." she said "I'm not a horrible person. Yes, I am weak. But Im not horrible."
I shot her a smile and saw I had tears in my eyes.
"So, don't be so hard on him."
"I won't." I said.
She drank her cappuccino "I'm moving to Hong Kong anyway?"
"Is because of me?"
She took a deep breath "Because Im lonely here. I want to be with my family."
As I drove home after the meeting I felt ashamed. I had overreacted. I did not inquire, instead I presumed. I was putting my marriage under the rocks. I wanted to see Syaoran. I wanted to apologies and thank him for being a wonderful person. A wonderful father.
As I parked into the garage, my phone rang. It was Eriol from the caller ID. I contemplated if I should pick up. It made more sense to put an end to what ever he thought would happen between us once and for all.
"Hi." I said hastily. I wanted to make this as quick and as painless as possible.
"Sakura, Syaoran came in last night, started throwing punches..."
"Yea. What did you think was going to happen when he found out." I interjected.
"I understand. Yes. I just...I just wanna talk to you. I miss you."
I was surprised. Eriol must be on drugs, I thought.
"Eriol, please don't call me anymore. You need to respect Syaoran and I."
"Okay." he said then hung up.
I took a deep breath and erased my call history. I assumed it would make Syaoran furious to even know I answered the call.
When I got in the house through the garden entrance into the kitchen where I found Ryu doing his homework. He lifted his eyes, smiling from ear to ear. The gaps in his teeth showing.
"You're home." He said elated.
I smiled "And you are doing your homework. Do you need help." I said proud of him.
"Na...Mom...I don't really hate homework." He said now pretending to concentrate hard.
"You are the first kid to ever say that. Im glad. Where is your father?"
He raised his head up and said "Up stairs. Playing with Riley."
I walked to Ryu and ran my hands through his hair messing it up playfully.
"Mom. I;m trying to focus." he said.
I laughed a little "What do you want to have for dinner."
He finally looked at me "Bacon and toast."
"Why do I even bother asking."
"...and no vegetables please."
As I was bout to walk away. He grabbed the help of my blazer and asked in a whisper "Are you and Dad going to fight again."
My heart sunk and i realized I was so busy being mad and we were so busy arguing that we did not realize that he was witnessing all this.
"No. Why would you say that."
He released my blazer "Because you fight alot these days."
"Um..." I pulled the chair out from across him. "We only argue because sometimes we don't understand each other and get mad at each other trying to express ourselves."
Ryu was confused "what do you mean."
"Its like when you are out playing with your friends and I tell you to come in early. You get mad at me because you don't understand why Im making you come in early. The truth is, the only reason I do that is because its getting dark outside and I want you to be safe. I don't want to loose you. So with your dad, sometimes we are so scared of loosing each other, we just end up fighting about it."
"That's silly." he said.
"Very silly."
He nodded and started to write in his book "So, you are not getting a divorce."
I shook my head "No. We love each other too much."
"Promise?"
I shook my head confidently "Promise."
When I looked up I noticed Syaoran had been eavesdropping from the other room. He looked at me and smiled.
"I don't want us to be like my parents." He whispered to me as we cuddled up in bed.
"Me too."
...
The things that eventually lead to distance between us had nothing to do with affairs or our work schedules. In fact it came from nowhere, when we were content with each other for the period time and circumstances allowed us. Our happiness had diminished because of something so small. I can not remember when we started arguing but during that time
