Hello lovely readers, and welcome to the last chapter of Part One of this story!
So recently I have been re-watching Shiki in preparation for writing Part Two. I last saw it over a year ago, and although I'm pretty good at remembering details, Shiki has quite a large character cast and I need to re-familiarize myself with some of them. Part One really only had two characters (unless you count Tatsumi showing up for a chapter to bully our main pair and then running off again,) but Part Two will involve more characters from the series. So look forward to that once I finish re-watching the show!
In spite of my (often crazy) schedule and prepping for Part Two, I really wanted to publish this chapter by today, so I pulled an all-nighter to make it happen. The reason I wanted to do it today is because...dun dun dun...today is the official birthday of this lovely little fic! (Woot woot!) It was first published exactly one year ago, and through many trials and tribulations I have managed to keep it going. I'm really grateful for all the support I've received. This story is a labor of love, just like everything I write, and you guys have really made it worthwhile. Anyway, I know it's silly, but it just felt right to bring Part One to its conclusion today. I can't really say it's come full-circle, because the story's not done yet, but maybe...half-circle? One-third-circle? Something like that.
Anyway, please be aware that this chapter has a lot of feels. So brace yourselves. I'll see you in Part Two, and thanks for coming along for the ride! :)
When he had first risen as an okiagari, Tohru had hated the daytime. The hours between sunrise and sunset seemed engineered to pose a fearsome threat to his kind in a whole myriad of ways. First, there was the sunlight that could burn him given even an instant of exposure. Then there was the fact that the dawn brought with it an irresistible loss of consciousness which he was powerless to fight against. Humans needed sleep too, but they could choose when, where, and how much to sleep. Okiagari had no say in the matter- wherever they were, no matter how safe or unsafe, they would fall into a comatose slumber which almost nothing could wake them from. He had heard stories of okiagari being impaled by wooden stakes during the humans' daylight counteroffensive raids, and still not waking up, even as they were consumed by their final deaths. The knowledge that anything could be done to him while he was in that state of daily, locked-in sleep terrified him beyond what words could describe.
Now that he was alone, however, Tohru welcomed the daylight. It meant he did not have to think. Without thought there was no worry, no fear, no pain. Okiagari did not even dream while in that void of murky slumber, so there were no nightmares to infest his mind. When the sun dropped below the trees and he awoke, the real nightmares came. Or rather, he was the real nightmare, and although he could run from everything and everyone else, the one awful presence he could never, ever escape was his own.
He did not understand why Natsuno had left. Pacing the width of the cabin, the okiagari battered possibilities around relentlessly in his aching mind. Perhaps he had decided to accept Tatsumi's offer to join him and Sunako, although that did not seem like Natsuno at all. Perhaps he had set out after Tatsumi to try to kill him. Perhaps he had gone to seek out his parents or locate a new place to stay now that humans were returning to Sotoba. Or perhaps- perhaps- the one stabbing, frightening thought that lay in the corner of Tohru's mind like a spider on the wall, which he wanted to stay away from but could not help eyeing again and again…. Perhaps Natsuno had simply decided to go wherever he wanted to go. Perhaps he had thought better of his previous determination and realized that Tohru was just too guilty, too useless, too needy, too entirely fucked-up to keep around for any reason. It was not a difficult conclusion to come to, and it explained why the jinrou had ordered him to stay here- Natsuno would not want to deal with Tohru trying to follow him out of desperation. He would want his former friend to remain at the cabin so he could put as much distance between them as possible, and damn whatever happened to him when the humans found him.
It shamed Tohru to know that this was exactly what he would have done- tried to follow Natsuno- if only he had any idea which way the jinrou had gone. His presence had been completely absent from the forest when Tohru had awoken that night, and his scent was masked by the choking clouds of ash that rolled through the air upon the breeze. Natsuno had far better senses than he did, but that didn't really matter at this point- the jinrou was not trying to locate him. Tohru could think of nothing else to do besides wait at the cabin in the increasingly frantic hope that Natsuno had told him to stay here because he wanted to be able to find him when he returned. A night passed in a thick cloud of fear, broken only by the rising rays of dawn the next morning. Tohru slept outside his ragged mind and returned to it the next night to wait, shivering intensely, for any sign of the familiar presence in the forest. The cold heart of the darkness denied him either hope or reprieve. Another night grated by. Then another.
He's not coming back, Tohru thought numbly. Why would he? The only thing I do is suck his blood, irritate him, and remind him of the life I stole and the trust I broke. I bleed him out in every way.
The first night he spent pacing ceaselessly after waking to find his former friend gone. The second night he ventured into the woods in each of the four directions, trying to search out any clue that might tell him the jinrou had passed by. He could not go too far from the cabin, however, or he risked being caught under the sunrise. By that time his hunger was beginning to gnaw at his body, and it frightened him to know he had no means of sustaining himself without Natsuno. There were no humans in Sotoba at night, when he was awake, which was both a blessing and a curse. He supposed he ought to be glad he was prevented by distance from hurting them- if they had stayed overnight in the ruined village, he truly did not know if he would have been able to restrain himself from tearing into their necks. At the same time, the hunger hurt. It felt as if he were being charred by sunlight from the inside out. On the third night he struggled to stand for long periods of time, and no matter which position he moved into, his body was in constant torment.
Now it was nearing the end of the fourth night, and he could barely move at all. He had crawled into the bathroom and sought out water from the tub, in order to have something to drink. However, his body was not fooled. No other liquid besides human blood contained the necessary ingredients he needed to keep himself healthy- as healthy as a dead person could be. Tohru wondered what happened to okiagari who were prevented from feeding for long periods of time. Did they go insane? Did they shrivel up into helpless, pathetic husks? Was it possible for him to actually die of thirst? He certainly felt like he was dying. The pain had carved a gaping hole in his abdomen that nearly blinded him with agony every time he tried to move. Dying for the first time had not hurt nearly this much. Since he had been under Megumi's trance, he honestly did not remember much about it aside from a constant weariness which had ended in a profound sleep. He should have stayed in that sleep forever. This was….so deeply, god-awfully painful…. It appalled him to realize he had forced Ritsuko to endure this kind of torment while she had been locked in the cage with her nursing friend. How the hell had she summoned the will to keep from biting? If he had a human in front of him now, while he was half-mad with this raging, cursed hunger, he had no doubt what the outcome would be. Even though she had begged him to let her friend go, it had taken him so long to finally relent….he had made her last days a living hell, and now it seemed karma had come along to retaliate…. And worst of all, worse than the pain and hunger and torturing uncertainty of waiting for someone he was increasingly sure would not come, were the visions. He did not know if his thirst was causing him to hallucinate, or if his mind was finally caving in with guilt, but he had begun to see things in the silent chasm of the night.
At first he saw them only in the corners of his eyes. Human-like shapes that flickered in and out of existence like fluttering moth wings in the dark. They caused him to curl up in fear, as if he were a child quaking in his bed after watching a horror movie, imagining every shadow to be a hand. But their forms had hands- and feet- and arms- and faces. The first time he saw the fully fledged apparition of the little, balding old man standing there before him, he had screamed as if he were being killed. The man did nothing but stand there, staring at him with filmy dead eyes. Those pale eyes held more accusation and inspired more fear than any words or acts of violence ever could. Tohru arched his back and scrambled over the floor until he hit the wall, cringing in terror. He had no idea how long the specter stood there, staring emptily at him in the barren night. The okiagari knelt brokenly in the corner and begged it to go away. He screamed out for Ritsuko, Aoi, Tamotsu, his mother and father. He cried for Natsuno to come back and save him. No one came.
There were more of them now. They were standing around him as his strength failed, as he slid down the wall to the floor, quaking with terror. Young men and young women. Old men and old women. He had watched them all die, seen the life rush out of their bloodless faces as he consumed it, as he ended them. Now they were watching him as he struggled on the ground, alone and without any comfort. They were waiting to see him end. There was no hatred in their faces. There was only accusation, the certain knowledge of what he had done imprinted onto the last moments of their lives. They needed to know the monster was gone. Tohru gasped raggedly, his claws skidding useless across the tile. How much longer would he lie here and suffer like this? How deeply did they want to see him hurt? He could not stand to look at them, but some sort of paralysis was setting into his bones, like rigor mortis, and he could not turn away or even close his eyes. The okiagari whimpered and stared helplessly into their faces. They were standing all around him, forming a solid barrier which let in no light. As he watched, they seemed to grow taller and taller, stretching out like reflections in a distorted mirror, towering higher, higher….or perhaps it was he who was falling away from them, falling into the depths…. Darkness. Cold. He was so, so cold. He was so cold he felt that he was burning. Was this what it was like for a murderer to die and go to hell, escorted there by the condemning stares of his victims?
Tohru gave a tiny, desperate cry as he heard a deafening drum begin to beat. It sounded like an execution's cadence, like a final judgment being handed down. The drum became waves pounding on a coastline, became the torrid beating of a heart, became the rumble of footfalls upon the floor. From behind the wall of ghostly specters, one more appeared. The bodies of the expressionless dead were parting ways for him, looking at him as though he was the executioner, the one who would render judgment. The tall, dauntless figure shouldered his way past the others as if they were not there, and Tohru stared up into the living eyes of his most distinctive victim.
Everything became black as the wall of shadows closed over him. He felt a strong force take him, pull him, up or down he did not know. He felt something warm and rich and wet in his mouth, and he knew that it needed to be in his mouth and there needed to be more of it, more-! The okiagari whimpered in pure need as the liquid flow became swifter, bleeding down his throat and quenching his aching, parched body. He let it come, though he had no power to force it. There was nothing for him to do but lie here and pray the flow continued.
Time passed. He did not know how much. He was beginning to become aware that he had a body. Before he had been made up of pure agony, and he might as well have been a damned spirit floating through the night. Now he could feel his legs and arms, his chest and face. And he could also feel something that was not him- another body, warmer, beside him, supporting him with one hand and pressing its other to his lips. He could feel his eyes. His eyes were closed. Trembling, Tohru peeled them open and saw the same face he had seen before the darkness crashed over him. That face was alone. There were no others. There was only him, and his eyes were bright and alive and very worried.
"Tohru…."
The okiagari gasped and flung himself toward the owner of the voice, falling gracelessly onto him and knocking them both to the ground. He clung to him desperately, feeling his shirt and his shoulders and the curve of his collarbone. He was solid. Not a ghost. Not a ghost. He had come back for him….
Tohru cried, burying his face into the other's side and sobbing violently, like the bursting of a dam. He had been too afraid to cry all this time, and now he could not help himself. The hovering figure of the jinrou folded him into his arms and murmured lowly. Tohru was too out of sorts to tell what he was saying, but the tone was comforting and soft. His battered mind burrowed into it like a feather pillow.
Eventually he felt the jinrou lift him up and carry him over to the bed. He laid him down and started to stand up again; the okiagari's hand shot out and clamped around him like a vice. "Please don't leave me. Please don't, please don't, please…."
Natsuno knelt down by the bed and allowed the other to cling to his arm. "It's all right. I won't."
"Where were you?" Tohru shivered as his tone hit a traumatized, pleading pitch. "I was….I was so…."
"I went to the city," the jinrou explained, "to find us a new place to live." Now that he had been fed, Tohru's normal senses were returning. He could see clearly again. Natsuno still looked rather like himself; he was wearing new clothes, but if anything, he looked even more unkempt than before. There were several large tears down the sleeves of his blazer.
The okiagari tried to stifle a tiny sob. "Y-You could have told me where you were going! Or when you'd be back!"
"I'm sorry." Natsuno's hand brushed the edges of his hair. "I didn't know where I was going, or when I'd be back. I intended to come back after the second night, but I was….delayed."
An ominous shadow passed briefly over the jinrou's face, and Tohru sensed there was something more behind that word. At the moment, however, he was far too exhausted to delve deeply into any kind of discussion. He shuddered and clutched more tightly at the other's sleeve. "B-But you're here now, right? You're here to stay? You're not going away again?"
"Not away from you, no." Natsuno responded with a toss of his head. "But we are going to leave here tonight. It took a lot of doing, but I've secured an apartment in a suitable location. It will be much safer, and Tatsumi will be far less likely to find and attack us among thousands of other people than out in the woods all by ourselves."
If Tohru had been in a normal state of mind, he would have questioned how they were going to make this plan work. Now, however, he was too weak and distracted to care about the details, as long as it meant he would not be left alone again. He nodded quickly and shut his eyes, trying to calm his frightened mind. From deep inside his psyche, he felt the primitive tug of sleep brought on by rising daylight. Moaning softly, he peered over Natsuno's head to see the door cracked open, a single thread of light spooling slowly across the floor. "Mmmmm….I….I won't….be able to get there….myself…."
"I know. I wouldn't have made you walk in the open even if it was nighttime. It's not safe yet." Natsuno reached his free arm across the floor and upended the stack of things atop the steamer trunk. "I'll carry you there in this. Although I probably won't be able to fit in some of the other supplies with you in there, but they're all replaceable things, anyway…." Tohru allowed the jinrou to slide his arms under him and hoist him off the bed and into the cavernous trunk. "Anything in particular you want to keep?"
The okiagari turned his head languidly around the room. "There….that…." He pushed himself up and pointed urgently toward his photo board, determined not to leave it behind.
Natsuno nodded in recognition and fetched it, lowering it into the trunk beside him. "I'll put some blankets in here too to soften the trip. Although you're probably going to be pretty stiff tonight…."
Tohru seized his hand as the jinrou made to stand up. Natsuno allowed it, and the blonde boy could not help thinking that before, he surely would have slapped him away. He lowered his eyes to their fingers. "Natsuno….I….I just….t-thank you for coming back. I wasn't….okay….while you were gone. I was scared….I was really scared you wouldn't come back, ever, and then I wouldn't….be okay….forever."
Tohru felt the jinrou's body shift, and then a reassuring hand was placed upon his head. "I know you were scared, Tohru. I know, and I'm really sorry for that. I had to leave to find a safe place, but I was always coming back to bring you with me. There was never any doubt about that."
The okiagari felt a soft breeze against his cheek from the crack in the open door. He could barely keep his eyes open to see the Natsuno's face; his eyes that were sincere, not accusing; his blessed, living eyes. "I….I'm glad…."
"Get some sleep now, Tohru," the jinrou said, sitting up and slowly withdrawing his hand. "You really need it. I know I've said this before, but when you wake up, we'll be somewhere else. Away from here." He nodded, stuffed a blanket over him, and brought the lid down, sealing the other once again in darkness. This time, however, the darkness was warm. He could feel the heat from Natsuno's blood pooling inside him, sweeping away his pain. The trunk jostled a little as the jinrou lifted it over his shoulder. "You all right in there?"
"I'm okay." Tohru nestled weakly into the blanket, feeling the pictures of his old life rustling against his skin. He gave a tiny, tentative, hopeful smile. "You're really gonna carry me all the way out of the forest, city kid?"
Natsuno scoffed and gave the trunk a gentle toss. "What, so you think urban life is soft? Come on then, country boy. I'm taking you to the big city."
