A/N: Posting three chapters today...this is the second! :)


Keep Me (The Black Keys)


Santana's POV


"What are you thinking about, San?"

I sat at the vanity in our bedroom early that morning, brushing through my massive tangles left over from an insane night of passion.

My body was still buzzing and so I was doing everything that I could to keep my hands busy.

To make matters worse, my mind had been drifting since I crawled out of bed a few hours ago.

Halfway between one personality and another.

But I was still in control.

That's just how I needed to be these days...so I just stayed busy and tried to push heavy thoughts away.

So far I had put a load of laundry in the washer, sterilized the baby's bottles and showered.

My mind though, still wasn't cooperating.


Quinn had slept through all of my moving around and I had been thankful for it.

She would have seen the disconnect.

And even though I was faithful in taking my medicine, sometimes I felt so stupid.

Like I couldn't get my mind to focus on certain things and so I was putting it off today.

Just for a little while.

Unfortunately...my mind didn't know how to work without them anymore because now, I sat trapped in thought and was finding it hard to get my constant stream of thoughts to stop.

I had been about to get up and take my medicine but then Quinn was awake and I didn't want to seem neglectful.

Maybe I would just let her think that I took them and then take them later before getting Ali.

She was watching me as I formed a plan and normally she would have called me on it...but instead...her asking me about my thoughts was her giving me a chance.

And I could have taken it.

I could have done things the proper way but I couldn't.

And I didn't know why.


I smiled at her as she laid there, looking like she had been the one that had been thoroughly fucked all night long.

She had a smug smile on her lips and her hair was sticking out at different angles.

I loved to stare at her and admire how she was still painfully beautiful.

And I silently thanked God that she was mine.

But then something floated through me.

And I knew that a lie was coming from my lips...but I couldn't stop it.

I felt guilty as I looked at her and then back at my reflection.

"I was thinking about Britt." I finally admitted before moving the brush through my hair again, her face fell and I knew that I had successfully thrown her off my trail.

"Oh." She said and my guilt just got bigger.

That wasn't how I wanted her to be.

But now she was looking like her world had fallen apart.

She shifted off the bed and began to strip out of the clothes that she had fallen asleep in.

Her mood was immediately shattered by my diversion and now it was too late to fix it.

Our night had been amazing but it was time to acknowledge the real world again.

Time to get back to our lives.


"Are you mad?" I asked as I watched her reflection in my mirror.

"A little but not at you." She muttered as she sat on the edge of the bed and looked at me.

"At yourself?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer just from the look in her eyes.

"I think that I knew about the abuse...and in the moment that I figured it out...I chose to ignore it."

Her head dropped as I swung around in my chair and stared at her in disbelief.

I was trying not be to be angry.

But suddenly, I was forgetting why I had brought up Brittany.

Now I wanted to explode.

I couldn't though...because she would know.

So, I schooled my face and tried to seem calm...

But I was failing miserably.

Was she serious?

Had she known?


"What do you mean by that, Q?" I finally snapped, giving up trying to appear anything but what I was.

She shrugged and I felt the irritation move through me.

She looked up at me and rolled her watery green eyes.

She was feeling insanely guilty and so was I.

But she had more to atone for than me.

I hadn't kept something like this from her.

How could she do this to me?

To Britt?

To those boys?


"It was just after Ali was born, I called Britt to ask her opinion about something baby related and Nicky answered her phone. He told me that he had to check to see if she could talk. That she hurt her head and was getting ice."

She wiped at her eyes.

"Ice? For her head and you thought that was something normal? Britt is the most coordinated person that we know...it's why she was a Cheerio...she doesn't fall or stumble...it's super rare. You know that!"

I felt my face scrunching up and she just shrugged again.

And that added to my irritation.

I gripped at my hair and let out a strangled scream.

Q looked at me with raised eyebrows before looking away from me.

"I'm sorry okay...look I asked him to have her call me back. But then I heard her in the background, she was whimpering and apologizing for something before I heard a thud. Then I heard Derek grumble and Nicky got nervous and whispered a quick bye before he hung up. That should have been it...but I just...didn't think about it anymore once I hung up."

"What?!" I said feeling my hand gripping hard on the handle of the brush.

I was resisting the urge to hurl it straight at her head.

Her eyes trailed towards the brush and then back at me.

Violent feelings surged through me and tears stung the corners of my eyes.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

My stomach was churning with disgust and disbelief.


"I don't know why I didn't think to connect the dots. It's just that I have broken bread with Derek...I've laughed with him. I have seen how sweet and attentive he is with her. Never would I have thought that he was beating his family."

My jaw wouldn't close as I pointed the brush at her with a shaking hand.

Was I over reacting?

Fuck no!

"You of all people...you have lived that life, Q...how were there no fucking red flags for you? Russell was the same way with you and Fran in public...but then he had you coughing up blood at home, how did you not see the signs?" I snapped at her again.

She nodded and then got to her feet.

But that wasn't good enough.

I knew that I wasn't helping her guilt but really I didn't give a shit at the moment.

"I fucked up...it's why I'm going to do everything that I can to make sure that nothing else happens to her. Calm down, San...please?"

She came to me and put a hand on my shoulder but I immediately shrugged her off.

"Don't...I can't even look at you right now...let alone let you touch me."

Her hand recoiled and she let out a sob before turning her back.

I watched her shoulders shake as she made her way into her closet...

She was going off to cry and I let her.

It was harsh but I couldn't help how I felt in that moment.


Ali was almost six months old and in all this time, Quinn had a million opportunities to say something.

"San..."

I looked up at her as she came out the closet and tossed clothes onto the bed.

It was a Saturday but she was still headed to work.

Obviously, she was going to fix this...but I couldn't control the emotions in me anymore.

Snix was here now...pushing me backwards...fighting for control.

We were sharing a look and both of us felt betrayed.

Q went to touch me again but this time, I jumped to my feet and attempted to storm past her.

But then I felt her hand come around my arm a second later in an iron grip and I had no choice but to stop.

And then the complete split happened.


"I swear to God, if you don't let me go...you will fucking regret it."

Her eyes squinted and tears dripped down her cheeks as Snix threatened her.

We were staring each other down and she was nodding in understanding.

Seeing what I had been trying to hide from her all along.

But that didn't matter to me.

Not anymore.

"San...please don't do this...you know that the doctor said that you can't be around Ali like this...why don't you go take your meds, baby...please?"

"Don't you think that I know what not to do?" I yelled at her before storming out of the room and slamming the door.

My emotions were on high and I was trying to breathe through them.

Snix was settling down and I was able to step forward again...but I still felt off.


I didn't see Q again as I walked right out the door and hailed a cab.

As I sat in the cab, I tried to think over the conversation.

I analyzed everything and I saw how big of an ass I was being.

But she had been wrong too.

She saw me breaking down and she continued to tell me what she had done.

Continued to increase my ire instead of helping me stay level.

It wasn't us not communicating for once, it was over communicating...over simplifying.

But it was done.

And my guilt was back.

Right now, I just needed her to fix this...to help Britt and to not be so fucking selfish.

And I know that I was being irrational...but sometimes I just don't get why she has to be so fucking secretive!

I'm her wife for goodness sake!


See what I mean about manipulative?

I got to Papi's house, excited to see my little munchkin and he stopped me at the door.

"Papi, what's up?"

"Dios te bendiga." He said as he looked me over.

"Bendicion." I leaned in and kissed his cheek but he still didn't move.

Instead, he looked at me with a cocked eyebrow.

"Did you take your medicine, Santana?" He asked with a cold look in his eyes.

I rolled my eyes, knowing that Quinn had called him.

She had snitched me out...

But I deserved it.

She was putting our daughter first...which I seemed to forget.


"No." I said without dropping my head. "I haven't."

"Take them."

"I will...can I go inside first?"

I looked around at the busy street but still he wouldn't move to let me pass him.

"You know the rules...and because of a spat with your wife, you were willing to break them."

Suddenly, I was the one feeling selfish.

I heard the baby crying and I felt a throb in my boobs.

She was hungry and my body knew it.

I looked up at my father and then nodded as I dug out my little pill keeper thingy that Q had bought me.

Ready to fix my mistake like I wanted Quinn to do.

I needed to practice what I preached.


Papi actually stood there while I slipped the pills in my mouth and then he waited with me while they kicked in...

For a whole twenty minutes.

Ali was making that grunting noise that she does when she's eating and so I knew that Tish was taking care of her needs.

But that should be me.

I was grateful though...that it wasn't.

Over and over, I have said to my family and promised my wife that I would always put my daughter first.

That I would never jeopardize her.

And that I would do everything in my power to make sure that my illness didn't affect her.

I wasn't angry anymore as the timer on Papi's watch went off.

He held his arms open to me and I fell into them.

I let him hold me there and I found myself comforted and clear headed.

"Gracias, Papi." I mumbled against his chest.

"Don't do that again...entiendes?"

"Yes, Papi."

"Good...now go see your little girl."

"Oh thank God!"


"Hey, I'm better now...thank you for looking out for me." I said quietly as I brushed my fingers over a soft cheek.

"Always."

"I know."

"Please don't be mad at me San...I fucked up and I'm working on fixing it...just...we are doing so well an-"

Ali smiled in her sleep and I couldn't help but smiling too.

"Q...baby, breathe." I said quietly, not wanting to disturb my daughter as she drooled against my shirt.

I heard Q take a deep breath and then let out a big whoosh in my ear.

"It's just...I don't...please?" She said.

"I'm not going to lie...I'm upset that you didn't say something to me about what you heard...but I'm not mad at you. Part of me exploding was me being trapped between me and Snix. I messed up too. But you know what...something amazing happened too."

"What?"

"When I got here and saw that even with the way I stormed out of the house, you still called to make sure that I took my medicine. I knew that you were worried...that even with me being like that...you still cared. You had an oversight. But you realize it and who knows maybe she would have chosen to stay with him. She needs us now and despite everything...we are going to help her. You are going to help her and really, baby love, that's all that I can ask for."


"Yea?"

"Well...maybe one more thing?"

"Okay...shoot."

"Can you forgive me for acting like an A-S-S." I said with a smile.

"Are you really spelling that word out?" She laughed.

"If she is going to be the first Latina president, she can't have a foul mouth like her Mami...now can she?"

"Oh San...baby never change."

"Only for the better...I promise and if you want me on my knees again...well all you have to do is ask." I said with a growl.

"But sex talk is okay?" She laughed and I chuckled.

"She's asleep."

"You realize that makes no sense right?"

"Shhh...I'm trying to apologize here."

She let out a giggle and then I could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

"Okay...go ahead."

"I'm really sorry for not doing what I was supposed to do and trying to hide it from you. I bring up the knees only because...well...last night was like an atonement for me slipping up and...so if you want too...it's okay...I feel bad about how things ended up this morning, about how I acted...especially since, last night was so magical, so cleansing and super wanky."

"Mmm, don't I know it. I'll think about it." She purred and I felt a tremble race through me but then I heard someone call her name and she paused. "You have got to be shitting me!."

I could hear her shuffling around and then I heard her gasp.

"Q...baby what is it?"

"San...ask Tish if she can watch the baby a little longer. I think that you should get down here...bring your dad...we might need a doctor."


A/N: Keep them real...That's my promise!