Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or One Piece. I hereby challenge Oda and Kishimoto to a Taipei death match for the rights to their respective mangas. Don't duck me anymore! I'm coming for both of you, the gauntlet has been thrown!

Chapter 9: The Scenic Route

"Why are we not following my Eternal Pose to Alabasta?" Igaram asked angrily as Naruto did his best to keep the irritation off of his face, "We need to protect the princess!"

Naruto let out a sigh from his seat in the common room, "And I'm telling you that she'll be fine with the Strawhats. Besides, they're not getting there directly either, they have to do it the hard way and island hop. Aside from the fact that we can go straight there anytime we want our ship is faster than theirs."

Igaram didn't know what his point was, "Then why don't we go straight there?"

Naruto gave him an exasperated look, "Because I don't want to. I'll be damned if I'm just going to be waiting around for them to show up, and we have to go to where Noji-chan's Log Pose is telling us to go at some point eventually, so why not kill some time and get this island logged? We'll still beat them to Alabasta since we're still traveling in the same general direction."

The sound of doors slamming in the kitchen got Naruto's attention, forcing him to get up to see what the matter was. Naruto walked in to find Miss Valentine frowning as she checked through the cabinets, "Miss Valentine. What's the matter, are you alright?"

She looked at Naruto, pausing from her search through the kitchen, "Actually there's something wrong here. What the hell do you all eat on this ship? The majority of what I've found are canned rations, mostly of the meat variety, and instant food. Blech. The most edible thing I've found are a box of crackers that I'm certain are eaten in conjunction with the canned meat."

Naruto shrugged, "None of us can really cook, and my favorite food apparently doesn't exist anywhere otherwise this place would be full of it." He finished in a dark voice before lightening back up, "Do you really have that much of a problem with that?"

Miss Valentine placed her hands on her hips, "I do. How have you been living for so long off of this crap you have? And you have a woman on board as well? How has she been eating this the entire time? And she hasn't complained once about it?"

Naruto blinked, "She was the one that brought it onboard. Come to think of it, Noji-chan never eats with us, ever. But she does eat, I know she does, otherwise I would have noticed it and she would have been dead by now. I never really put much thought into it because as long as what I'm eating isn't ramen or anything equally as great I don't care about the things around me when I eat."

On cue, Nojiko walked into the room, "What's everyone doing in here?"

Miss Valentine walked up to her and looked her over, "You seem to be very well fed."

Naruto got a shiver down his back and backed away as Nojiko got a tick mark on her head, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Miss Valentine noticed the way her words could have been taken and laughed for a moment, "No, not like that. I mean, you don't seriously eat the stuff that I found in the cabinets do you?"

Nojiko scoffed, "Of course I don't. That stuff would kill me. The only ones that can stomach that crap are the blonde juggernaut here and the cast-iron stomach brothers asleep in their room. The only reason Soren never complained is because before this he was strapped to the front of the ship for almost a week. I'm sure any food he ended up getting in that situation was a welcome reprieve."

Naruto gave her a dry look, "I didn't buy this stuff Noji-chan you did. So what, pray tell, have you been eating all of this time, since all of the stuff in the cabinets apparently grosses you out."

Nojiko covered her mouth, "Um, actually just ignore all of that stuff about what I just said. I'm just a slightly picky eater."

Miss Valentine smiled and held up a small tin of unmarked food, "If this was what I had to choose from to eat on this ship then I would be picky too." She walked over to Nojiko and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "Why don't you just show me how exactly you've been surviving for all of this time while the men have all been eating like prisoners?" The two walked off deeper into the ship, probably to Nojiko's quarters.

Naruto's stared in disbelief where Nojiko had been standing, "Son of a bitch… Noji-chan's been holding out on me." A grin slowly crossed his face, "I knew I was rubbing off on her. I'm so proud."

Igaram took note of something, "If you're in here as is everyone else, then who is keeping the ship on course?"

Naruto shrugged, "My Kage Bunshin of course. It's like I'm working without even having to work, it's beautiful. Whoever said being a captain was hard obviously never had fully competent copies of themselves at the ready."

Igaram frowned visibly at the remark about his Kage Bunshin, "What manner of Akuma no Mi is that? I've never heard of a Devil Fruit that gave one the power of replication."

Naruto sat back down in the common room, "That's because it's not a power from any Devil Fruit. That's all me, I'm just special like that. You don't need a Devil Fruit to be strong, trust me. The only person on my crew that even has any Devil Fruit powers is Soren. Nojiko, Yosaku, and Johnny are a work in progress, but they're definitely getting there as far as I'm concerned."

This brought about more questions from Igaram about just who he had enlisted to assist him, 'What kind of monster can do the things he is capable of without any assistance from the fruits?'

Naruto leaned back and tried to get some shut eye only to be grabbed by the back collar of his sage coat by Miss Valentine, "Why so forceful? And man, you're kind of strong aren't you? That's deceptive."

She had a smile on her face as she turned him around like a dog grabbed by the scruff of its neck, "When we stop at the next island you're giving me money to go get real food for this tub. Nojiko already gave me the okay to tell you to do it. She told me how much you have on you as well, I'm sparing no expense for real food."

Naruto gave her a deadpan look, "And why can't you just swipe food from the stash that Nojiko obviously has in her room? Personally I can eat this shit until the sun freezes over and the sky falls down, and nobody else here is complaining."

Nojiko walked in behind Miss Valentine with a stern look on her face, "Mostly it's because I don't really have enough for the two of us to last for much longer. But she brought up a pretty interesting point."

Miss Valentine dropped Naruto back in his seat and walked around, "You guys aren't getting any nutrition at all from the stuff you're eating. I'm surprised none of you have rickets or something yet."

Naruto made an uncaring noise, "I can't get sick and I can't catch diseases. I'm too awesome to fall ill to anything. But I see your point though. I need my pack mules- err… Johnny and Yosaku in top condition so that I don't have to do the menial chores around here, one of them already caught scurvy once. And they're too stupid to see that the shit they eat is not going to help them keep from catching it again."

Naruto looked out at the two women standing in front of him, "Fine. Buy some stuff that's actually edible for those with more than a handful of brain cells. But still, none of us can cook, so I don't know what you could possibly get that we can make."

Miss Valentine laughed, "Well then you're lucky I'm here."

Nojiko looked at her strangely, "You can actually cook?"

Miss Valentine posed proudly, "Well I specialize in making chocolate things, but I'm not too bad at making other things too."

Naruto pointed at her, "That's way more than anyone else can say, that's for damn sure. If you're sure you want to give it a shot then go for it. It obviously can't be any worse than the crap everyone's been eating."

Nojiko shook her head at Naruto, "You said that you didn't notice that the food was bad."

"No I didn't." Naruto denied, "I said I didn't care. I knew what I was eating was one step above garbage but I didn't care, it didn't bother me."

Igaram held up an open can of potted meat and smelled it before gagging and tossing it placing it aside, "You are the most insane man on the face of the planet."

Naruto shrugged, "I prefer 'unpredictable' personally. Now if no one has anything that they need from me, I'm going to go do some more stuff that would make you all question the physical boundaries of things… You would call it training." Naruto proceeded to head outside the ship and jump onto the surface of the water before running off into the distance.

Igaram and Miss Valentine were out on deck as they watched him run off atop the surface of the water, "Who the hell is this guy?" Miss Valentine yelled.

Nojiko smiled, "He's complicated."

XxX

"Naruto-aniki!" Johnny and Yosaku yelled simultaneously, fleeing across the deck, "Call Samehada off!" Following at their heels was the scaly sentient sword, now seemingly way more massive than usual and completely uncovered by its normal bandages, growling at them with teeth bared at them from the top the entire way.

Naruto put on a pondering look, "Hmm… No. You both looked like you were getting stagnant with your training and this way you can stay on your toes. I might have given Samehada a little too much chakra though. If you keep complaining about it I'll increase your weights and see how you do then."

BANG

Naruto leaned to the side to avoid a shot before throwing a fist full of shuriken behind him. Nojiko shrieked and rolled out of the way of the sharp weapons before firing at Naruto again, "Hold still so I can hit you, and stop throwing those stupid bladed stars at me!"

Naruto grinned, "Now if I did that, how would you ever learn how to hit me. I can assure you that I'll probably be the hardest thing you ever shoot at. If you can hit me, you can hit anything. Now back to dodging Noji-chan!" Naruto yelled as he chucked more shuriken at her, "Oh you're so lucky I can't afford to use the real thing and have to throw the blunted training ones at you."

Miss Valentine stood near the wheel of the ship watching in amusement, "I've heard of multitasking but never like this."

"Yo Uzumaki!" Soren yelled from the crow's nest, "We're coming up on some land here!"

Naruto looked up at the acid-spitter and nodded. He placed his fingers to his mouth and whistled, "Samehada! Come here, you can stop tormenting Johnny and Yosaku now."

Samehada was currently locked in a clash with the two men who were marveling at how strong an unwielded sword could be. It disengaged and returned to Naruto's hand, purring as he gave it some chakra before rewrapping it to return it to normal size and sealing it back up.

BANG

Nojiko attempted one final shot at Naruto before he burst into smoke and ended up replacing himself with one of the bullseyes strewn about on deck. Nojiko suddenly ducked and rolled just as Naruto appeared behind her and made to wrap his arms around her with a kunai in one of his hands.

Naruto blinked in surprise, "How did you know that was coming? There was no way in hell you actually felt my presence just now, I made sure of it."

From her place on the ground from where she rolled to Nojiko shrugged, "I don't know. Something just told me you were going to do something like that so I rolled out of the way. The same thing happened the other day when we did this and you ended up cutting that wire that had all of those weapons hidden in a trap. I stayed away from that place for the entire fight, and then when we were done you went over and took the trap apart."

Naruto looked at her strangely, "And you didn't tell me this because? The entire time I figured you just didn't feel like using the entire ship to run away from me that day. You wouldn't go over there no matter how hard I tried to corral you."

Nojiko couldn't really answer him, "It was like I knew what you were going to do."

Naruto stared at her for a few moments before grabbing her chin and tilting it up to examine her eyes, "Hmm. No, no spinning evil red eyes. Good, because that would have been a little too much for me to handle right now."

The way Naruto had been intently looking into her eyes put a blush on Nojiko's face, "Naruto-kun what are you doing?"

Naruto grinned down at her, "What? You can make out with me in a tavern but I can't even touch your face Noji-chan? That's not fair at all."

Nojiko pouted and turned away with the blush still on her face, "Damn you Nami…" Nojiko mumbled, "I was drunk. You can't hold that against me."

Naruto chuckled, "I won't. But I did hold you against me when we were kissing. Anyway, I just got hit with some déjà vu and was looking for something in your eyes that might have told me just how you did that just now. I would say that you sensed me, but you and I both know that you didn't because you seemed surprised yourself that you pulled it off." Naruto pulled her to her feet and walked over to the wheel to pull them into port.

Miss Valentine walked down to where Nojiko was standing with a smile on her face, "You like him huh?"

Nojiko averted her gaze, "I think I somewhat confessed to him and kissed him at Whiskey Peak. He seems to be waiting on me to go any further though, he said something about me getting to know him better, but he's so secretive. You wouldn't think he was by talking to him, but we actually know next to nothing about him."

XxX

Naruto stretched out his legs as he, Johnny, Yosaku, Nojiko, Soren, and Miss Valentine found themselves on dry land, "Alright, Igaram is watching the ship along with a mess of Kage Bunshin. Just head back to the ship when you're done with whatever it is you're doing while we're here."

"Ahem." Miss Valentine held her hand out in an expectant gesture, "The money for the food?" She said somewhat impatiently.

Naruto gave her a perturbed look, "You're getting awfully frisky now that you know I won't flat out kill you aren't you? You're lucky that you're so hot or else I'd give you the Soren treatment just out of principle." He then proceeded to hand her a wad of bills, "Noji-chan, go with her please and make sure everything stays on the up and up."

"Sure thing Naruto-kun." Nojiko said offhandedly before disappearing into the village with Miss Valentine.

Naruto then turned to Johnny and Yosaku, "You two-."

Yosaku cut him off with a roll of the eyes, "We know aniki. Don't do anything stupid, and find you the second that things don't seem right."

"And?" Naruto asked impatiently.

Johnny sighed, "If we do wind up getting in a fight and we lose, prepare to get our asses kicked upon our return to the ship."

Naruto gave him a steely look, "Because?"

Both men sighed and answered simultaneously, "It's all tough love."

"Good men." Naruto said, satisfied with their answers, "Now get out of here." As the two swordsmen went their own way he turned to Soren, "And that means that you're with me."

Soren grinned cheekily, "What? You still don't trust me?"

Naruto shook his head, "It's not necessarily that. It's just if you flip out again at the sight of some Marines I'm going to have to drag you out of there before you get us all busted. You understand, I need to keep my crew and our guests safe."

Soren sighed, "You don't understand man, but I'll just wait. I won't do anything in case we come across any Marines here, you have my word, but one of these days you're going to see what I see when I see one of those uniforms, especially since you have a bounty on you."

"Shouldn't you have one too?" Naruto asked as they both made their way into the village, "Now that I mention it, that Hina lady knew who you were when she first saw us, and I think they were stationed there to come after you in the first place because they weren't even on me until we started fighting."

Soren averted his gaze from Naruto's direction, "Your point is?"

Naruto's eye twitched, "What the hell did you do to them Soren? If you're stuck being my responsibility I need to know what kind of backwater crap you were getting into before you met me."

"Oh not much really…" Soren started, "Training, stealing, fighting guys with bounties for sport, killing a vice admiral…" He said in a small voice.

"What?" Naruto asked indignantly.

"What 'what'?" Soren asked in return.

"That last thing you said." Naruto tried to pry, giving Soren a scrutinizing glance, "What was that?"

Soren played dumb, "Fighting guys with bounties for sport?"

"Soren!" Naruto yelled, "Seriously, what was that last part? Repeat that for me please, I need to hear it again to make sure I'm not insane."

He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "Well you see, I kind of killed a vice-admiral a few months ago. But I swear it was completely legit! He totally had it coming, he was a complete and total douchebag!"

Naruto's eye twitched, "So when I found you…"

Soren nodded, "Yep, I was pretty much on the run, hiding on that island. I'm insulted though, all they sent after me was a captain? I'm worth at least a commodore coming after me, even if it was just a feeler." He looked over at Naruto tentatively, "So what does this mean?"

Naruto shrugged, "Nothing. I just needed to know what you did. A vice-admiral… really? Was he strong?"

Soren moved his hand in a wishy-washy fashion, "He was in the Giants Squad. All he really had on me was size… and strength… and girth, and maybe durability. Look, the point is I beat him, killed him, and now I've got a bounty. And it's probably bigger than yours."

"Maybe." Naruto said, "If I got 55 million for killing a punk-ass captain and his unit then I can only imagine what you got for killing a vice-admiral that was a giant."

"The vice-admiral, and a shitload of his men, but that charge is complete bullshit because he killed them his damn self when he was trying to hit me. They just used me as a scapegoat. The Giants Squad is pissed off at me though."

Naruto grinned, "You've got enemies huh? I like that. It keeps things interesting."

Soren returned his grin with one of his own, "What about you Uzumaki? Have you got any enemies?"

Naruto shook his head, "Nah. All of my real enemies died a long time ago. I'll probably be making some more while I'm helping you all achieve your goals, so don't worry about that."

"My goals?" Soren asked, "Are you considering me a part of your crew?"

Naruto's grin turned wry, "Are you saying that you really don't consider yourself one of the crew at this point? The other day you pretty much said you were going to fight Crocodile with us, which means that you're fighting someone I directed you to fight."

Soren scoffed, "I'm not amped for fighting Crocodile because you told me to. I'm excited to do it because if I can beat him that means that I'm all the closer to being ready to kill the Shichibukai that I really want to destroy."

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "And that would be…"

Soren smirked at him darkly, "You'll know because when I see him I'll be tearing his head off."

XxX

Igaram noticed Yosaku and Johnny reboarding the ship not too long after disembarking, "Did you finish your business that quickly?"

Johnny and Yosaku looked at one another before Yosaku spoke up, "We didn't really have anything to do. We were just killing time and stretching our legs out."

Johnny nodded, "Yeah, we just wanted a little break from training. But we thought we should come back and help hold down the ship until Naruto-aniki and everyone else make it back."

"Why would that be?" Igaram asked genuinely.

"Because." Yosaku started, "We aren't sure, but we saw a ship that was like ours not far from here. That means that it's a Marine ship. It looked personalized though, like Naruto-aniki's ship, but without the orange."

Igaram stroked his chin in concern, "So the Marines are after you all."

Johnny cut in, "Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions. I didn't see any Marine markings on it. Maybe someone took a Marine ship like the way Naruto-aniki did. It could just be another pirate you know."

XxX

"Are you done yet?" Naruto whined, "I want to go already and the Log Pose already readjusted. Let's go."

Nojiko glared at him, "Shut up Naruto-kun. Just because you can stomach the crap on the ship doesn't mean I can. Miss Valentine is taking care to make sure that we have fresh foods and ingredients." Naruto and Soren had linked up with Nojiko and Miss Valentine in the marketplace where the women were still shopping.

Naruto whined, "But I'm bored! Let's go already! I want to see what makes the Grand Line so scary. Other than the Sea King, the huge continent, and the super-hot princess dancing for my aesthetic pleasure I haven't seen jack on this trip."

"I'm almost done." Miss Valentine claimed, "Now make some of your copies to grab the bags full of stuff. " She lifted her arms to show them covered in full bags that were soon cleared off by the requested Kage Bunshin that set off to drop them at the ship, "I just need to get us some fruits and vegetables and then we'll be good for quite a while."

"I already have tons of lemon juice on board." Soren suggested, "What about that?"

Miss Valentine laughed at him, shaking her head, "You are all so lucky. I'm not going to say anything more than that. Just know that you're all extremely lucky."

Soren opened his mouth to respond when a flyer hit him in the face. Naruto pulled the piece of paper off and read it, his eyes widening the entire way, "You're kidding me right?" He flipped it over to show a poster of Soren's wanted picture, "200 million beli. You've got to be fucking with me."

Soren laughed nervously, "I told you I've killed a lot of Marines. A lot of Marines. Like a ridiculous, exorbitant, ludicrous amount of Marines. I'm like the boogeyman of the Marines at this point."

"Listen to the man." Came a stern, calm voice, getting the attention of amassed people, "For the last three years, Soren has been evading and killing Marines set out to detain him. Including Vice-Admiral Declan of the Giant Squad."

Soren chuckled at the sound of the voice, "Drake…" The man in question was somewhat muscular. He had reddish-brown hair and lengthy sideburns, and had on a white-plumed cocked hat, with a domino mask on his face. On his chin was the marking of an X. He wore knee-high boots and gloves that came to his elbows, leather pants, and an open leather shirt, revealing another X mark on his chest. His belt held in a saber as well as a four-bladed axe.

Soren grinned as he looked at the man, "X. Drake. You've sure come far from rear admiral haven't you? And that scar on your chin didn't heal too well did it? You shouldn't have gotten in my and Declan's way."

"Yes…" Drake said, "You and Vice-Admiral Declan."

(Flashback – 11 months prior)

A giant stood in front of an entire village of people with long black hair, a Marines cap, and a closed Marine coat. He stood between the villagers and their village with his amassed underling Marines standing around him, "By order of the Marines, we have discovered that Soren of the Plague has been identified as taking refuge in this village. Therefore a thorough search is ordered to be conducted for his whereabouts."

The sight of the massive man unnerved many of the villagers, but upon hearing that all that was to take place was a simple search, they visibly calmed down. They were calm, right until he leapt into the air and crushed a building before kicking another. As the villagers panicked once more he let out a deep laugh, "What more thorough way to search an area of suspicion than to flat out destroy it?"

He continued to kick over and destroy more and more buildings, reducing the village to rubble, laughing the entire time as the Marines kept the people from doing anything, even if any were a match for a true giant.

"Oi!" A voice called from one of the destroyed buildings, "What the hell?" Rubble was tossed aside to reveal a rather scuffed up Soren rubbing his head. He noticed the destruction that had been wrought around him, "Hey, what happened here? This was actually a nice place?"

"So this is Soren." The giant called out, "I thought you would be bigger."

Soren looked up at the figure towering over him, "I don't think you really have an impartial opinion on that front."

"I am Vice-Admiral Declan." The giant turned back towards the villagers, "So you were aiding and abetting a fugitive of the World Government were you? You should all know the penalty for treason." Before he could continue he yelled in pain at a burning sensation on his leg around his ankle. He looked down to see his pants eaten away and his flesh visibly burning.

A misty haze flew from Soren's body, "They had nothing to do with me being here. None of them knew, I stole everything I ate and drank and none of them were aware of my presence. There was no reason to destroy this place just to smoke me out."

Declan stood up straight as he ignored the burning in his leg, "As long as you are eventually brought down the destruction of this village is an acceptable price."

Soren frowned, "So you're one of those kinds of people aren't you? Fine, that means that I won't have to feel bad about cutting you down to size big boy."

Declan laughed uproariously, "Do you have any idea what you've gotten yourself into boy? Killing so much has gotten you the worst kind of attention. You're fighting the best of the best now, and I don't leave scum like you alive to even give you the opportunity of rotting in Impel Down." He kicked debris directly at Soren in an effort to crush him.

Soren jumped high into the air to dodge and began running across the ruined landscape to close the distance between the hulking existence of the giant and himself. Declan slapped his massive hand across the ground and kicked up dust and debris directly in the path of the charging Soren. As the diminutive Soren was caught in the smoke, Declan leapt into the air and belly splashed directly where he had kicked up the smokescreen.

Grinning to himself he chuckled as he figured that he had crushed Soren underneath him.

"Man that would have sucked if that had actually worked."

Declan looked onto his back to see Soren standing there, "What? How did you survive that?"

Soren sweatdropped, "I moved. You didn't seriously think I was going to stand in a cloud of dust and wait for it to clear did you?"

Declan growled to himself, "I would have seen you move if you had left the dust cloud. No one is that fast without using Soru."

Soren grinned, "Well I don't really know what that is. And you probably should have rolled over or something because you gave me the chance to do this; Ibi Ibi no Tsume (Rot Rot Claws)." Soren dug his nails into Declan's back, getting a good hold of him due to his acid powers giving him a good grip. As Declan cried in pain, Soren placed his body flat against his back, "I'm not done yet, Ibi Ibi no Hifu (Rot Rot Skin)."

With a loud sizzling noise, Soren slowly melted into Declan's back. The giant rolled along the ground, screaming in pain as Soren dissolved through Declan's back muscles. Declan rolled over many of the Marines positioned around the outside of the destroyed village as his innards were liquefied. The villagers broke into a panic and scattered away from the scene while the Marines tried in vain to calm their Vice-Admiral down, some paying for it with their lives.

Eventually he came to a stop, laying on his back with one final death rattle as Soren emerged from the bubbling mass that used to be his chest with a frown on his face, "That guy was really a Vice-Admiral? He must've been fast tracked or something."

(End Flashback)

Soren nodded a wiped a tear of joyous reminiscence from his eye, "Yeah… good times. And don't blame me for that scar on your chin. I didn't tell you to try and stop the idiot from rolling around like he was on fire."

Naruto gave him a dry look while the women looked at Soren apprehensively, "You melted him from the back to the chest…"

"Quite." Drake said, "I have never understood your animosity towards the Marines."

Soren shrugged, "That's because you aren't me. You're just lucky that you quit, otherwise I'd be kicking your ass right now for even trying to hold a civil conversation with me. As a matter of fact I'm still getting kind of pissed off by talking to you."

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "How do you just quit? I figured that if the Marines were anything like my military you couldn't just quit." Naruto stared at Drake for a moment before pointing, "You went rogue didn't you?"

"Yep." Soren chirped, "And that's why I mildly respect this bastard. Because he didn't buy into all of that absolute justice bullshit I hear the Marines spouting all the time and decided to go his own way. You do know that they're going to come for your ass right? You knew way too much to just leave Mr. Rear Admiral."

Drake let an almost unnoticeable smile cross his face, "My bounty is higher than yours, 222 million to be exact. Dr. Vegapunk really doesn't want me walking around privy to some of the things I know about the Marines."

Naruto sweatdropped, "You know, I'm starting to think that the size of your bounty is more about politics than being a bad motherfucker like I originally thought if you two have bounties bigger than me."

Soren growled, "I'm not weak Uzumaki. You got me off guard the first time. I didn't know you could control water."

Naruto smirked, "There are still a lot of things about me that you don't know."

Drake grew tired of the conversation, "Well I have nothing more to really say. I will leave you with this however. Beware the Pacifista, and stay away from Kaidou, he's mine." With that he turned and headed off his own way.

Naruto waved and yelled off at the retreating Drake, "I don't even know who or what any of the last three things you talked about are! And I'm not entirely sure that I care!" Naruto pointed his thumb at Drake, "He seemed nice."

Soren chuckled, "You haven't fought him before. Are we done here? The blast from the recent past was fun and everything, but staying here doesn't seem like such a good idea if Drake is here. The Marines really are more than likely on his ass, and I fight Marines on my own terms."

"I'm not sure." Naruto turned to the women, "Are you all ready or what?"

Nojiko looked at Soren, "Y-Yeah. I guess we're all ready." She got a wordless nod from Miss Valentine.

XxX

(Two Days Later)

"Stop being afraid of Soren Noji-chan." Naruto said, sighing as he sat in a meditative stance on the deck of the ship, "Are you a Marine?"

Nojiko, now dressed in white fur-lined parka with the hood pulled up and black mittens as it had gotten snappishly cold all of a sudden, shook her head, "No."

"Are you… whoever it is that Soren wants to kill and drink fruit punch from his skull?"

"No." Nojiko said again before cringing, "I seriously hope not."

"Well then." Naruto said brightly, "Stop being so skittish around him, he's not going to hurt you. Sheesh, you would think that after spending time with me you would be used to hanging out with crazy people."

Nojiko twirled her pistol on her finger, "You aren't 'go off and kill me' crazy. You're 'aww he's so dumb and cute, he can't possibly take care of himself' crazy." She winked at him, "That's the good crazy, it's why I'm here."

Naruto sniffed, "Uh huh… And here I thought that you were here because I'm sexy." He smirked, "That's why Miss Valentine is here."

"Yeah right." He heard from inside, "You knocked me out and captured me remember? The only reason I'm still here is because it was either die alone when Crocodile comes for me, or go out with a fighting chance and die with you and yours. The second option seemed better at the time." Miss Valentine finished, laughing from inside.

"Aww." Naruto drawled, "You say that now, but pretty soon you're gonna love me. I just know it." Naruto shunshined from his spot to directly behind Nojiko, "Noji-chan lo-." The sound of a gun cocking and the pistol being placed under his chin made him stop, "Seriously, how are you doing that? It's creepy."

Nojiko shrugged, "I don't know, but I like it. I can tell when you're going to do this stuff Naruto-kun. I don't think it works on anyone else but you though." Nojiko put the gun down and giggled when Naruto wrapped his arms around her.

Soren yelled down from the crow's nest, "Why is it so fucking cold!" Soren sniffed up a nose drip, "I fucking hate the Grand Line! Wasn't it like spring a few days ago?"

Naruto yelled up to him, "Either get a coat from the shit the Marines left on this ship, or get a girl to snuggle with like me." Naruto accentuated this by giving Nojiko a squeeze, "Either way I want you to shut the hell up about it being cold out here. You don't hear Johnny, Yosaku, Miss Valentine, or Igaram complaining about it. They were smart enough to change into winter clothes."

"No!" Soren yelled down, "I'm not wearing a goddamned Marine coat!"

"Then freeze your balls off for all I care you dumbass! They don't even have the Marine insignia on them!" Naruto yelled at him as he escorted Nojiko inside.

Soren got a tick mark on his head, "Oh go fuck Nojiko you bastard!"

"Fine!" Naruto yelled back, "I will!"

BANG

"Oh come on Noji-chan, that was basically a dare!"

BANG

"Whatever. You know you want me to."

BANG

"Ha! That's three shots, you're out! Whatcha gonna do now Noji-chan?"

CRACK

"Ow…"

XxX

(One Day Later)

"Well, well, well." Naruto spoke from his position at the wheel, "See Igaram?" Naruto gestured to the ship out ahead of them to the familiar ram-headed ship, "It looks like we caught them again. I told you our ship was faster than theirs."

Igaram got restless as he realized that Vivi was extremely close once more, "Well hurry up and take me ashore so that I can find the princess."

Naruto shook his head pitifully, "Slow down guard dog." Naruto made a Kage Bunshin to pull the boat somewhere near the Going Merry while he cupped his hands by his mouth, "Johnny, Yosaku, you're with me. We're going with Igaram to find the Strawhats."

"Hai Naruto-aniki!" Both men ran up to Naruto, decked out in winter gear, and stood at attention.

Naruto sweatdropped at how fast they had made it over to him, 'Kami… Do they adjust to the new weights I keep giving them in just one day? How is that even possible?' "Right. Well get ready to disembark." He turned to Soren who was still in the crow's nest, "You're in charge, don't sink my ship, and keep the girls safe."

Soren, covered in blankets, stood up and looked down, "What the hell could possibly happen?" He took a moment to think before sighing, "Okay yeah nevermind, you've got it."

"Good." Naruto then grabbed everyone and shunshined to shore while his Kage Bunshin continued to maneuver the ship.

After trudging through the snow of the unidentified island they eventually came upon a town buried in what appeared to be an avalanche, with villagers attempting to dig it out. Naruto walked up to the closest person, "Hey, sorry to bother you in the middle of what you guys are doing, but I have a question. I know it sounds somewhat odd, but have you seen a guy with a long nose, a guy with three swords, or a guy with a straw hat?"

One of the villagers spoke up, "A few of those people sound like the ones that Dalton and all of the others took up the mountain by the ropeway."

Naruto frowned, "Any telling when this ropeway will come back down so I can take my people up there? They're friends of ours." He looked around vacantly, "Where are we anyway?"

"You're on Drum Island." One of the villagers helpfully supplied, "And we don't know. The only trolley that leads up there has already been taken."

Naruto sighed and pinched the space between his eyes, "Of course it has… Well thanks. I'll get up there somehow."

With that, Naruto got directions and took off with Igaram, Yosaku, and Johnny towards the indicated mountain. As they neared the foot of the mountain Naruto looked at the mountain disdainfully, "I'm only taking one of you up this thing, the other two are climbing. Feel free to divvy up the responsibility of who does what amongst yourselves."

Johnny and Yosaku argued amongst themselves for a moment before coming to a decision that Johnny spoke up with, "We'll climb if you let us take our weights off."

Naruto shrugged, "Fair enough." With a hand-sign and a glow of the bands on their wrists and ankles the two sighed in relief and began getting reacquainted with not being weighed down, "Now get going."

Igaram watched skeptically, 'Like relinquishing a few pounds of weight would really make a difference when they actually start climbing.' In a burst of snow, Johnny and Yosaku ran and began climbing the face of the cliff with their bare hands, dropping Igaram's jaw in disbelief.

Naruto wiped a fake tear in pride, "I'm so proud of them! They better not die of hypothermia on the way up though…" He then turned to Igaram with a disdainful look on his face, "Let's get this over with…"

"You can't honestly say." Igaram started, "That you're going to climb this mountain while carrying me are you."

Naruto groaned, "Trust me. I hate the idea just as much as you do, but if I didn't do it you would just bitch about not being able to see the princess, and I really doubt that you're capable of climbing this thing yourself. Hell, Johnny and Yosaku might not be able to do it, that was why I had them take their weights off so that they had a fighting chance of pulling it off. Consider it training."

He still didn't feel comfortable with doing it, "How would you even accomplish it?"

Naruto rolled his eyes, "I'm going to throw you on my back and run up the wall until we reach the top. I don't have to run, but I want this nightmare to be over as soon as I can and running up a sheer cliff wall is the fastest way to make that happen. Now shut up and get on, and we never speak of this to anyone by pain of your horrible, horrible death." Naruto threatened as he lowered himself to the ground to allow Igaram to climb on his back.

After getting the large man situated on his back, Naruto bounced on his toes a few times before jerking his neck to the sides, cracking it to warm up. He then set out in a reasonable sprint up the wall, ignoring Igaram yelling by his head as the gravity started taking hold.

XxX

(Two Hours Later)

Igaram continued screaming as Naruto blasted past the edge of the mountaintop and landed on his feet at the peak. Naruto got a tick mark on his head and dumped the man in the snow, "Shut the hell up! I should have dropped you the second you started wailing in my damn ear! You're so lucky that killing you would have probably gotten the princess upset at me!" He blinked for a moment, "Actually come to think of it she doesn't know you're still alive, so I can just drop you over the edge for my trouble."

Igaram backed away in fear, "What about your two crewmates? They haven't arrived yet from where you passed them."

Naruto stopped his murderous thoughts, "Huh, yeah. But they aren't as fast as me. I'm sure they're fine though."

XxX

(With Johnny and Yosaku)

Both men stood against a cliff wall, "Hey Johnny." Yosaku asked, his hand slowly pulling his sword from the scabbard on his back.

"Yeah Yosaku?" Johnny responded, his fingers trailing the hilt of the sword at his waist.

"Should we try to kill Naruto-aniki when we get out of this? I mean I know we would lose and everything, but this is a justifiable reason if I ever had one to do so." Yosaku stated with a twitching eyebrow, "I could deal with the daily asskickings and increasing our weights just for kicks. I could handle doing all of the useless chores that he has us do because he's a lazy-ass. I could even deal with him siccing a living sword on us, but passing us after jumping off one of these things heads and leaving us to our own fate is unforgivable!"

Johnny sighed, "I think we should just shut up and fight. And then if we survive this we can worry about climbing the rest of the mountain. And then if we're still alive after that we can think about maybe trying to beat up Naruto-aniki. I'm sure he'll tap dance on the back of our heads if we just ask him to later."

Standing in front of them were about two dozen massive snow rabbits with claws and sharp teeth bared at them.

Yosaku rolled his shoulders as he held his massive nodachi out in front of him, "We could always just turn around and try to climb before they attempt to tear chunks out of our asses."

Johnny stroked his chin with his free hand in thought, "Possibly…" He then got a feral smirk on his face, "But that's not what Naruto-aniki would do in this case."

Yosaku rolled his eyes, "Kick their asses?"

Johnny nodded, "The one who gets the least has to take all of the chores until Alabasta. No arguments, no negotiations, and the loser also has to sharpen the winner's sword on command with their own whetstone."

Yosaku shrugged, "You're on." He ducked down and picked up a snowball, "Bring it on you furry bastards!" He then pelted one of the massive carnivorous rabbits with it, setting off a chain reaction of the snarling beasts rushing at the madly grinning swordsmen.

XxX

(With Naruto and Igaram)

Naruto sniffed and nodded confidently, "Yeah, they're fine, and if they aren't then I'll just go down and get them a little bit later." He looked ahead of them, "Get up and look alive curly."

Igaram looked up where Naruto was looking to see a massive castle with tons of people outside of it. The two made their way through the crowd to find Usopp and Vivi at the head of the people. Naruto walked up behind them, looking at the open door of the castle, "So what's going on?"

Usopp kept his eyes forward and answered, "Luffy beat up the king here and now everybody else is inside."

Naruto nodded, "I would ask what the hell you all ended up getting into to cause Luffy to beat up a king, but I have a feeling that any explanation you could give me would make me call him an idiot at least once and laugh uproariously at least twice."

Usopp turned around at the sound of the familiar voice only to yell in surprise, "Naruto? What are you doing here?"

Vivi looked at Naruto, equally surprised that she saw him again, "Mr. Whiskers?"

"Hey." Naruto frowned, "Now that's not nice. I told Miss All Sunday to tell you all I said I'll see you soon, and after I came all this way to give the princess here something special." Naruto reached into the crowd and dragged Igaram out by his shoulder, "I believe you were missing this."

Vivi looked at Igaram in shock before launching herself at him in a hug, "I thought you were killed when you tried to sail away Igaram!"

Igaram patted her back consolingly, "It's alright princess. This man saved me from the explosion and offered his services to help me meet up with you and take me to Alabasta to assist us. He has been most surprising thus far."

"Yeah, I'm awesome." Naruto said dismissively, "Now what the hell is going on around here?"

XxX

(Two Hours Later)

Naruto sat in Nami's room, provided for her in her sickness, with a dry look on his face, "So you're basically telling me you ended up pulling off a glorified coup de tat and you weren't even trying the entire time?" Getting a nod from Luffy who was sitting crosslegged on the floor a grin slowly started making its way across his face, "That… Is… Awesome!"

Luffy's grin matched Naruto's own, "I know right?" Luffy then blinked in confusion, "But what are you doing here?"

Naruto pointed a thumb at Igaram who was doting over Vivi; asking her questions about how she had been and how the Strawhats had treated her, "Because this guy was obsessive and wanted us to head straight to Alabasta. We were going to just keep island hopping since our ship is faster than yours and we figured we would beat you there or catch you anyway. Looks like we caught you."

Zoro looked around, "Didn't you have more people with you last time? Where's the bald guy? And where is Nami's sister?"

Naruto waved off his concern, "They're on the ship. I only took Igaram, Johnny, and Yosaku ashore."

Zoro kept looking around, "Where are they, outside?"

Naruto looked away sheepishly, "Uh… yeah. Sure let's go with that. It's technically accurate."

XxX

(With Johnny and Yosaku)

"17!" Johnny yelled as he straight slashed through one of the massive rabbits before jumping away from the pounce of another.

"17 my ass!" Yosaku yelled as he held off one of them with his blade, "We took out like half of them with tandem moves! They don't count!"

Johnny resheathed his sword as he found himself surrounded by three of his foes, "Yeah they do. I beat them so they count towards my score! Yosen Ikssen (Primary Flash)!" In the blink of an eye, Johnny drew his uchigatana in a circle around his body with a spin, only the shining tip of his blade was visible, "20…" He said as the rabbits dropped around him.

Yosaku grinned, "Well in that case then…" the red headgear wearing man tensed his muscles and dug his feet deep into the snow before lifting the still struggling rabbit in the air with his sword before bringing it down in one mighty downward swing forward, "Inryoku Tsukamidasu (Gravity Grabber)!" As he slammed the rabbit into the ground, a shockwave ripped out from where he hit the ground, carrying forward and sweeping up five more rabbits into its wake, throwing them off the mountainside.

Yosaku turned to Johnny with his nodachi sitting on his shoulder and a shit-eating grin on his face, "28."

Johnny had a tick mark on his head as more rabbits came bounding up towards them both, "Smug bastard… we're not done yet."

XxX

(The Next Day – Back out at Sea)

Naruto decided to travel the last leg of the trip to Alabasta alongside the Strawhats as the two ships proceeded to sail closely next to one another. It didn't take much to rid the other crew of their suspicions about Miss Valentine once Naruto had explained the entire situation, how he caught her, how assassins came for her, and how she was actually pretty helpful.

He was currently amusing himself alongside Soren on the Going Merry at the expense of one blue-nosed reindeer who had decided to leave Drum Island with Luffy and his crew. The two were sitting out near the figurehead of the ship, chuckling to themselves as the humanoid reindeer tried concealing himself behind the mast. 'Trying' is the keyword here since he was only hiding half of his face, the rest of his body was sticking out in clear view.

Naruto looked at the little reindeer with a massive smile on his face, "This is so amazing… I don't even think I have to say anything."

Soren snickered, "Do you think the rubber guy would hand him over to us to join our crew? I wonder if he could fly a sleigh if I hooked him up to one."

Nami's fists crashed down on the top of both men's heads, "Stop teasing poor Chopper!"

Soren sat back up with a growling expression, "Orange chick I will melt-."

Naruto got behind Soren and slapped a hand over his mouth, "We weren't teasing him Nami-chan, honestly. A talking reindeer is actually badass, I kind of wish I had him on my crew." Naruto held his hand over an increasingly agitated Soren's mouth as he attempted to flirt with Nami, "So tell me how much you've been missing me while I've been gone Nami-chan. Has it been lonely at night without a blonde teddy bear to hold onto?"

"Hey!" Sanji yelled as he stormed up to Naruto, "Who are you to say such thing like that to Nami-chan? If anyone here is her blonde teddy bear it's me!"

Naruto opened his mouth to begin an argument but stopped short as he felt his hand burning. He let go of Soren's mouth as a mist of acid came out, actually spraying Sanji in the face, putting a smirk on his face.

Naruto and Sanji both hopped around the deck, one holding his hand, the other holding his face, "Damn it Soren! Could you just ask me to let go of you like a normal person?"

Sanji ran around aimlessly, "Gah! My eyes! This won't mess my face up will it?"

Soren laughed loudly, "No, just jump into the ocean to neutralize the Devil Fruit power, you'll both be fine. Stop crying you wimps."

Both did as instructed and upon entering the water yelled out in pain once more as they vaulted into the air, landing back on the ship glaring at Soren who decided to jump the short distance between the two ships to return to Naruto's. They were currently sailing close to a hotspot when he had directed them to jump in the water. Naruto watched Soren leave and put a hand on Sanji's shoulder, "I'll tie him to the front of my ship later in his sleep." That actually put a smile on Sanji's face.

No one else was really paying attention while they were passing through the steam produced by the underwater volcano as Luffy and Usopp were fishing, Zoro was sleeping over on Naruto's ship as it was markedly quieter, and Nami had gone over to Chopper and Vivi who had been talking with Nojiko who had come over to visit with her sister. However one cry of alarm from Luffy, Usopp, and even Vivi's duck Carue alerted everyone else, "AAAHHHHH! WE CAUGHT AN OKAMA!"

"A what?" Was the intelligent reply from Naruto.

Nothing much to say. I've got stuff to do in the morning. Hope your weekend doesn't suck. Stay out of jail, I know I'll be trying to. Next chapter should be fairly destructive to my own estimation, so later.

Kenchi out.