*Okay guys, this chapter is rough. Like, the angst is super strong and the language is through the roof. However... it is probably one of my favorite chapters of the story because of how raw and real it is.

Chapter 9 - the Fight

Leanne's chat with Rollie had been five days ago. Five long, stressful, emotional days ago. And Leanne had had just about enough. She never did get a chance to talk to Ethan about what was bothering her so much, and her frustration and fear had been so bottled up that she thought she was going to explode.

They had finally released Ethan earlier that morning. Rollie saying that after 8 days in the hospital there wasn't much more they could do for him. He was eating fine, he had no problems with his eye, and he was able to get around with the crutches relatively well. Campbell was still worried about Ethan's arm, but they all agreed that only time would tell as to how bad the damage actually was.

Leanne had quietly driven Ethan to his place after they both agreed that staying at his small apartment was better for him than her big house. She had offered to make him some breakfast, but his main concern had been a real "shower", a cup of real coffee, and his bed. She told him that was fine and that she was going to run home and pack a bag right quick. She instructed him to wait to take his shower until after that, just in case he needed help.

And that had been the catalyst.

First they fought over whether or not he was capable of taking a shower on his own. Then they fought over her "telling" him what to do. Then it was the coffee that she made. The fact that he refused to sleep on his back. The way she typed too loud while he was trying to sleep. The way he whined when his arm started hurting.

They fought constantly. All day. From the second they got to his place until this very moment. And Leanne had had enough.

And if Ethan asked her one more time, "What was wrong?" she was going to lose her ever-loving mind. She loved him, but right now, she wasn't liking him very much, and it showed.

"I'm done talking to you Ethan." Leanne was trying to stay calm. He just asked her what was bothering her for probably the tenth time today, and she had simply had enough. She had been trying to finally get in a nap, but every time she closed her eyes, she saw him. Busted and broken and dead. Laying on the table in the morgue, his eyes lifeless. And she had bolted out of bed without a second thought. Something that apparently, Ethan didn't appreciate.

"Look at me Leanne." Ethan's voice was soft, but the hint of annoyance in his tone caused Leanne to stop in her tracks.

"What?!" She shouted back, "What do you want?! Why do you insist on talking about this so much?" Her hands went to her hips, and then she crossed her arms over her chest, and then she ran her fingers through her hair. Her fidgeting doing little to help her nerves.

"Because something's bothering you," Ethan reached out his hands toward her, angry that he couldn't just walk over and scoop her up like he would any other time. "And I can't stand seeing you this upset and not knowing why."

"Why?! You don't know why I'm so upset?!" Throwing her hands in the air she let out another angry sigh, returning to her pacing as she gathered her thoughts. She stopped, her fingers threading through her hair again as she turned to face him. "I'm upset because every time I close my goddamn eyes I see an image of the man that I love laying on a table in the morgue." Her voice trembled, as did her hands, and she stepped backward to lean against the wall. "But then when I open my eyes it's not real. You're right there. And my brain and my heart can't seem to connect on that issue and it's killing me."

"What are you so scared of Leanne?" Ethan's voice was raised, his anger growing at the stupidity of this conversation. "I'm right here! And I'm fine!" He ran his good hand through his hair and leaned forward. "I don't get it. How many more times do I have to say it?"

Leanne leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes. "I'm scared because I can't lose anyone else Ethan." She sobbed as she sank down against the wall, her head going into her hands. "I'm so scared that you're going to leave me just like they did."

Ethan let out a sigh as he pushed himself up on to his good foot, grabbing a hold of his crutches that rested next to the bed. "Leanne please..." He didn't know what to say to make her feel better. He felt like he had already used what little sweet talking he had in him for the day. They had been at each other's throats since breakfast and he didn't have the energy left to fight anymore. "I'm sorry you're so upset." He gave up on trying to move towards her when he realized that she wasn't going to get up from her spot on the floor. "Please just talk to me."

"What is there to talk about Ethan?" Her voice was raised and she smacked her head gently against the wall behind her.

"Anything Leanne." Ethan let out a sigh. "Everything. Just talk to me. I love you and I just want to work through whatever this is that's bothering you so that we can move on."

"Move on?" Leanne let out a slight chuckle that sent chills down Ethan's spine. "We can't just move on from this Ethan."

"Why the hell not?" Ethan screamed back. He was so tired of fighting. He was so tired of her not believing him.

"Because you were hit by a fucking car!" Leanne yelled, her voice so loud that Ethan was pretty sure he saw the picture frame on his nightstand shake. An image of the two of them taken at Christmas smiling back at him. He wished they could just go back to those people. Those people were happy and so madly in love that it made everyone sick.

"I know Leanne!" He held up his injured arm and foot, gesturing back and forth with his right hand. "I'm really fucking aware of that!" He huffed, dropping his limbs back down and shaking his head, fighting off another round of tears. "But I'm fine Leanne. I'm going to be just fine. I'm not dead."

"How dare you?" She shouted, pointing a shaky finger at him. "How fucking dare you?"

"Whaaat?" Ethan clenched his fist in rage, his throat burning in anger, his heart racing in his chest. "I'm not dead Leanne! Look at me!" He waited for her to look up but she never did. "I'm sorry that you lost your family Leanne. I am. And I understand your fear and your hurt and even your grief. And I've been nothing but supportive of it all over the past year. But I'm not them. I'm not John. And I'm not dead!"

Growling in frustration Leanne threw the closest object at him, knocking him in the knee with her shoe. "I hate you!" She screamed back.

"Whatever Leanne." Ethan sighed. He was done fighting. He didn't even know how something as simple as asking her what was wrong would amount to all this. "I love you. And that's never going to change. But if you can't accept that..." He moved his hand between them slowly, choking back a sob, "then I don't know what to do anymore."

"Whatever Ethan." Leanne sighed, running her hands through her tangled hair. "This shit is a joke. You don't love me and you know it. Why are we even doing this anymore?"

"I don't..." Ethan was shocked. He was hurt and appalled and he felt betrayed. "How fucking dare you?"

His voice was loud, louder than Leanne had ever heard it and she turned to face him with tearfilled eyes. "I can't do this anymore Ethan." She whispered, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Fuck you Leanne." Words she never thought she'd hear. Not in a million years. And especially never from him. "I gave up my whole life for you. I gave up a fucking deployment so that we could be together." He shouted, waving his good arm around in front of him.

Leanne's face fell and she felt her heart stop in her chest. "You did what?"

Ethan sighed, sinking down against the mattress. "I was offered another deployment." He ran his hand over his tired eyes and leaned his head back.

"When?" Her voice was barely audible, and she picked herself up from off the bedroom floor with a groan.

"2 months ago." He flopped back on the bed, bringing his arm over his eyes and he sighed. His head hurt. His arm hurt. But more importantly, his heart hurt.

"You..." Leanne choked back a sob and made her way toward the bed slowly. "You never told me." She whispered.

Ethan let out a sigh and sat up again, looking at her with sad eyes. "I didn't want you to know because I didn't want you to freak out about me possibly leaving again." His voice was hoarse, from all the shouting, or maybe it was from all the crying, he wasn't really sure. "I didn't tell anyone. Not even Noa."

Leanne looked him up and down and let out a whimper, another round of tears hitting her full force. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to respond. She just stood there, tears falling down her face, trembling.

She wanted to go to him now. She was so exhausted and all she wanted was to be in his arms. "I'm sorry." She let out a breathless apology, her sobs becoming uncontrollable.

Ethan looked up at her through his tear soaked eyes and his heart shattered into a million pieces. He had done this to her. He had broken her. He couldn't believe that he had just ruined all of the hard work that he had been doing for the last year and half. He had been fighting for her since the day he arrived, and he had just thrown all that down the drain by yelling at her like she was some stupid child. He felt ridiculous. He felt stupid. He felt ashamed.

"So am I." He whispered softly, rubbing at his eyes angrily. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. And for whatever else I did that upset you so much." He leaned forward, resting his elbow on his knee and sobbed.

Leanne's heart broke at the sight in front of her. Ethan was normally so strong. So composed and so together. Yet, here he was, crying like a small child. And it was all her fault. Sobbing to herself she moved herself forward until she was standing in front of him. Reaching out, she ran her trembling fingers through his disheveled hair, praying that he would look up without her having to speak. And he did. Her hazel eyes meeting his blue-gray ones. And her heart stopped when he began to speak.

"If you want to leave you can." His voice was nothing but a whisper. "I'm sure I can get Mario and Noa to stay with me for a few more days."

Shaking her head back and forth Leanne reached out for him, her hands taking his face gently between them. "I don't want to leave." She said softly.

Ethan let out a sigh. "I think it might be for the best."

Leanne let out a sob and brought a hand to her mouth, covering it as she tried to keep back the noises of pain and anger that she was dying to let out.

"I just…" Ethan sighed again and looked back down at his hands, "I think we need some time Leanne." He looked back up at her and choked back a sob of his own. "We need to figure out if this is what we really want."

Leanne nodded her head slightly, though she didn't believe his words for a second. "Okay." She barely got the words out before another round of tears hit, and she turned away from him, grabbing her bag off of the floor and walking out the door without another sound.

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