A/N: Kept you waiting for this one, didn't I? Sorry. Injured my hand couple of weeks ago, haven't been able to write since. It's a nerve injury in my arm, which probably has to do with my shitty desk and chair which have caused me issues in the past.
I was unable to continue Camp NaNoWriMo, but I'm doing my best to catch up now. My arm is starting to get better, so I'm hoping to get back to full swing.
In case you guys didn't know, this story is also on Archive of Our Own. AO3's tagging system and formatting are much more advanced, so that is my preferred platform for writing these days.
FFN doesn't allow links, so open (don't play) this song in preparation:
Voltaire - Hallelujah
/watch?v=qIVRtYGvtd4
Chapter 9: The Captain of the Chargers
Harding and her small group offered us a veritable feast. The food was delicious.
Yet my appetite had all but vanished.
Usually my bouts of insomnia were accompanied by an increase in appetite. However, ever since our arrival on the coast my nerves were acting up. Anxiety and sleep deprivation didn't mix well. Everything was becoming so real, so fast. Just ten days ago Krem had dropped a figurative bomb on me, shattering all of my expectations of the next couple of weeks. I had thought I would have the time to relax with Cass, Solas, and Varric on our trip to Val Royeaux before we needed to recruit any new members into our party. But Krem had arrived and thrown me completely off guard.
I wasn't ready.
Ten days was nowhere near enough time to prepare for meeting the Iron Bull. He wasn't just any character. He was the reason I started playing Dragon Age in the first place.
I still remember the particular conversation which led to it. I had been chatting with a friend of mine about Star Trek, and happened to mention how Vulcans had a special term for a lover, friend and a soul mate — T'hy'la. She told me that hey, Dragon Age franchise's newest installation has a humanoid race with a similar term. You can even romance one of them!
I had been instantly intrigued by the idea. The next day I bought all three games and started playing. And boy, the games were nothing like I had played before.
The rest is history.
"Are you ready to go?" Cassandra asked. The walk from Harding's camp to the rendezvous point on the beach was short, barely five minutes.
I laughed, half hysterical. "No," I wheezed out, gripping my chest. "I think I'm dying."
"I am not surprised by your reaction," Solas said. "You are different from the other Qunari. This Iron Bull on the other hand, is not. They are mindless beasts, held back only by the strict teachings of the Qun."
"Hey," I muttered with a half-hearted glare. "The Iron Bull is nothing like that."
"Yeah, you're right," Varric drawled. "He's a Qunari spy, that's even worse. Absolutely nothing to worry about there."
"I'm not worried about that," I said, scratching the bit that connected my horn to my temple. "I'm worried because..."
"Yes?" Cassandra prompted.
"What if hedoesn'tlikeme?" I blurted out, burying my head in my hands.
"That is your main concern?" Cassandra groaned. "Herald..."
"Bull and Dorian," Varric reminded me with a smirk. "Isn't that right?"
Horrified, I whirled towards him. "Don't utter another word," I hissed. I was stupid to think Varric would let it go. I should have guessed he was eavesdropping back then. That's what you get for running your mouth and thinking you're dreaming.
"Just saying," he drawled with a shrug, "you didn't swear on my name."
I glanced around, paranoid that Bull's Chargers were somehow within the hearing distance. "Look, none of you can mention that incident ever again," I said, "Especially in front of the Iron Bull. Please."
Varric looked at me for a moment before rolling his eyes. "Deal," he said, "but you owe me one."
I sighed in relief, turning to Cassandra and Solas. "Pretty please with a cherry on top?" I pleaded.
Solas was amused. "Your business is your own."
Bitch, you say that now yet you blabbered to Varric about me asking Cullen for a game of chess?
Cassandra nodded in agreement, although I sensed that she was curious. "I agree with Solas. It is truly none of our business."
I let out a deep breath and crouched down, my forehead touching my knees. Disaster averted, if only just barely. I really didn't need the others talking in front of Bull and making me look like a creep. Even if I might have qualified as one. But hey, in my defence, a month ago I had no idea fictional characters were real.
Now if I only could manage to get a hold of my body and get back up.
"Adaar?" Cassandra asked. "Are you all right?"
"No," I muttered, "I can't seem to be able to move."
Solas and Cassandra helped me back to my shaky feet. There was something happening deep down in my gut, a feeling not unlike the one you get when riding a rollercoaster. And it was slowly increasing in intensity.
"Can you walk?" Solas asked, peering at my sweaty and pale face.
"I think so," I said weakly. "Just give me a moment."
Okay. You can do this. Fake it 'till you make it. Be professional. Act like you don't know him from Adam. Like you haven't read hundreds upon hundreds of fanfics about him. Oh god, will he be able to tell everything I'm thinking just from my hands or something?
Relax. Relax. He isn't Sherlock Holmes. Although, he might be equally as bad.
Shit. Not helping.
"The longer you worry about it, the worse it gets," Varric said finally, as if understanding my predicament. "We should just get it over with. Remember, his lieutenant is there. You've already met him."
Varric was right. Krem would be there. It would be okay. Better get it over with.
We descended down the face of a rocky hill. The gravel beneath our feet crumbled with every step we took, forcing us to move with extreme care. Eventually we came to stop on a hilltop with good visibility down to the beach, where we could see a group of people fighting. And in the middle of it all, a large Qunari swinging an axe.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. He was build like a brick house.
"They're fighting the Tevinter mercenaries," Cassandra said, "We should give them a hand. Adaar, maybe you should stay back. You still look a bit shaky."
Oh, hell no.
"No way," I said, "this is one fight I'm not missing out on."
Faster than Cassandra could react, I grabbed the shield from her back, laid it on the steep hill and stepped on it sideways. Pretending that the shield was a snowboard, I spread my feet as wide as I could, slightly adjusted my center of gravity and bend my knees until I found balance. The shield's leather straps provided some grip for my shoes.
Soon I was sliding down the hill faster than was possibly safe. It was idiotic, stupid and incredibly reckless, but I did it anyway. My makeshift snowboard naturally slowed down towards the end of the slope, so I jumped off, landing in a squat.
Right next to me stood an enemy archer, who hadn't noticed my approach until the shield I had used slid past him. He turned, bewildered, and was met with a maul to the face. Bloodstream filling with adrenaline, my previous anxiety faded to the background.
I looked back and saw Cassandra and Varric both gaping down at me, their mouths open. Even Solas's eyebrows were impossibly high.
"Come on!" I mouthed and gestured them to follow. They started descending down the hill at a considerably safer pace.
I turned back to the battle and recognised some of the Chargers. On the far side of the battlefield, fighting two armored mercenaries, was Krem, back to back to a muscular black guy who was probably Stitches. Some distance away from them stood a blonde haired elf with green vallaslin holding a bow, but no arrows. Definitely Dalish.
There were three more guys I recognised from the game. Another elf, a dwarf with a moustache, and a human. They must have been Rocky, Skinner, and Grim respectively. They fought alongside handful people who hadn't been in the game, and thus I had no idea who they were.
Then, at the center of the battle, there was the Iron Bull.
If I had thought he looked massive from afar, he was truly larger than life in person. I couldn't help but marvel, finally able to look upon him in high definition. Wide horns, massive biceps, covered in scars, and... shirtless. I was wearing two layers topped with a cloak, and the dude was fighting with no shirt on. It allowed me to observe the way his muscles moved in rhythm with every swing he delivered.
Maker, show me mercy.
I would've stayed to admire Bull's physique some more, but there was another archer not far from where I was standing and she hadn't spotted me yet. I tightened the grip on my maul. She was facing the direction where Bull was fighting and my approach took her by surprise, throwing off her aim just as she released the bow string. I didn't give her a chance to reach for her knives after the initial attack, instead opting for an overhead swing.
When she was no longer moving, I risked a glance towards the direction the enemy's arrow had gone. It had landed on the ground just a couple of feet from where Bull was fighting. Bull, who at that same exact moment chose to look towards its source.
Our eyes met, and Bull grinned.
My grip on the maul slackened, the feeling from earlier hitting me at full force. This time it didn't stop there though, instead it wriggled its way up and gripped my chest. There was no limit to it. At that moment, that feeling was my new reality, stretching over to infinity. I had heard countless love songs during my lifetime, and I finally understood what they all meant.
Then I blinked and Bull turned away.
What the fuck?
I grabbed my chest. The feeling was still there, albeit fainter. It fluttered up and down, from my stomach to my chest like... a butterfly. Oh. My. God. Did I have butterflies in my stomach? Was that an actual feeling people could experience?
I must have zoned out for the rest of the fight, because soon enough Varric was standing beside me.
"The Seeker wants to hurt you badly for that stunt you just pulled," he said.
"Hmm," I said.
Varric peered up at me. "You still in there?" he asked, waving a hand under my nose.
"Uh huh," I answered, nodding.
The Iron Bull was checking up on the Chargers. That meant he was going to walk over to us any minute now.
Varric noticed the direction of my gaze and chuckled deeply. "Good luck," he said. "I'll make sure to describe that face you're making accurately in my next book." He patted me on the back. "I'll leave you two to it."
What? Varric, no don't leave me alone–
"Hot damn, it's true," The Iron Bull said with a laugh. "Oh, the Chantry must love you. Qunari mercenary as the Herald of Andraste," he said with a small smile. "Who would've thought?"
I looked up at him. Yep. Up.
He was taller than me by at least half a feet. Everything I had so meticulously planned to say was completely erased from my mind. I could barely remember my own damn name.
After staring for far longer than was considered polite, I managed a meek, "Hello."
"Hello," The Iron Bull echoed back with a knowing smile. He tilted his head towards a rock and sat down. The tiny sliver of my mind that remained logical helpfully supplied his bad knee as a possible reason. It also added that maybe he was using the injury, obvious because of the metal brace, as a way to evaluate my reaction and garner additional sympathy.
I shook my head and tried to relax. This was fine. Bull was cool. Absolutely nothing to be nervous about. He was just a Ben-Hassrath agent capable of reading my every move and facial expression. No biggie.
"I assume you remember Cremisius Aclassi, my lieutenant," Bull said, waving his hand towards Krem.
Krem took that as a sign to approach us.
"Good to see you again," he greeted me and turned to his boss. "Throat cutters are done, chief."
"Already? Have them check again. I don't want any of these Tevinter bastards getting away," Bull said. "No offence, Krem."
"None taken," Krem said with a shrug. He turned to go and called out over his shoulder, "At least a bastard knows who his mother was. Puts him one up on you Qunari, right?"
Bull's gaze zeroed back onto me. "So," he said with a tiny smile. "You've seen us fight. We're expensive, but we're worth it." He laughed. "And I'm sure the Inquisition can afford us."
I nodded, still unable to speak, let alone negotiate a price.
"Wouldn't cost you anything personally of course," Bull said like he knew what I was thinking. "Unless you want to buy drinks later."
It was a joke. I knew that. Unfortunately my body didn't quite comprehend this fact, because I could feel my face heating up.
Bull's smile widened a little. "Your ambassador, what's her name?... Josephine. We'd go through her, get the payments set up," he explained. "Gold will take care of itself, don't worry about that. All that matters is that we're worth it."
"I know," I said, finally finding my voice.
Bull looked at me. "You do, do you?" he asked in a casual tone.
I scratched my horn absently, avoiding his gaze. "I saw you guys fight."
"You're not just getting the boys," The Iron Bull said. "You're getting me." Damn, I couldn't not look at him at that. He caught my gaze. "You need a frontline bodyguard, I'm your man. Whatever it is – demons, dragons. The bigger the better."
I nodded fervently.
Bull stood up and took a few steps towards me, still holding eye contact. "There's one more thing. Might be useful. Might piss you off."
I fully expected him to continue, but he didn't. He just stopped and stared at me, throwing me for a loop. I was sure this was when he was supposed to tell me he was a spy, and then make a joke about having a thing for redheads. My previous anxiety returned, turning my hands clammy.
"Yeah?" I asked, thinking maybe he just needed prompting.
The Iron Bull stared at me. The corner of his eye crinkled up slightly as his mouth stretched into a smile. "They're true," he said. "Those strange rumours about you."
I blinked. The what what now?
"You knew I was Ben-Hassrath even before you set a foot on this beach," the Iron Bull deduced.
Oh shit. Abort mission.
"I... uh..." I mumbled, not knowing how to react.
"But you came anyway," Bull pointed out, and burst into deep laughter. "I like that. Together with your grand entrance and what Krem told me, you're definitely not what I was expecting."
I looked up at him, mesmerized. Damn, if I didn't love hearing that laugh.
"I was going to tell you anyway, so it doesn't matter," Bull continued. "Since you know, I'll keep it short. The Ben-Hassrath are concerned about the Breach. Magic like that could cause trouble everywhere. I've been ordered to join the Inquisition, get close to the people in charge and send reports on what's happening."
Well, he wasn't wrong. Corypheus posed to threat to everyone. But still... My first instinct was to trust Bull, because I felt like I already knew him. But he was literally a spy, someone who was trained to manipulate people. Every logical bone in my body said that I should pay extreme caution around him.
Once again in the span of minutes, the Iron Bull read me like an open book.
"Relax," he said with a chuckle. "Whatever happened at that conclave thing, it's bad. Whatever I am, I'm on your side."
I gave him a nervous smile. That sounded so flirty when he said it. However, it was up to me to make sure we had all the details on this deal, so I spoke up again.
"What kind of information would you need to send to the Ben-Hassrath?" I asked.
"Enough to keep my supervisors happy, nothing that would compromise your operations," Bull clarified with a small shrug. "The Qunari want to know if they need to launch an invasion to keep the whole damn world from falling apart. You let me send word of what you're doing and it will put some minds at ease. That's good for everyone."
The words 'Qunari' and 'launch an invasion' in a same sentence unnerved me deeply, but it's what I expected to hear so I nodded.
"Hmm," Bull said thoughtfully before continuing, "I also get reports from Ben-Hassrath agents all over Orlais. You sign me on and I'll share them with your people."
Huh. I had been under the impression he was going to share information about the Qunari and their possible movements, but I must have remembered that part incorrectly. Now that I thought about it however, that would have been too good of a deal.
I had to ask. "And what do we get in return?"
"Enemy movements, suspicious activity, intriguing gossip," Bull said with a smirk. "It's a bit of everything. Alone they're not much, but if your spymaster is worth a damn she'll put them to good use."
"She?" I asked. "I see you've done your research."
Bull chuckled. "I have a weakness for redheads."
"Don't we all?" I asked, finally breaking into a genuine smile. "However, Leliana would eat you for breakfast."
Bull's lips twitched upwards. "You don't have any other questions?" he asked.
"Not really," I said with a weak shrug. "Besides, I'm not the trained spy here. I doubt I could get you to tell me anything you weren't already planning to tell me."
There was a pause.
"Good point," Bull admitted. "What's it gonna be?"
"Oh," I said, my eyes wide. "You're in, of course. I thought that much was obvious. Just make sure to send all of your correspondence through Leliana so there won't be any trouble."
Bull chuckled. "Will do," he said and turned to call out, "Krem, tell men to stop drinking on the road. The Chargers just got hired!"
"What about the casks, chief?" Krem whined. "We just opened them up. With axes!"
"Find some way to seal them," Bull snarked back. "You're Tevinter, right? Try blood magic."
I smiled at their banter, and gathered up my confidence to speak again.
"The Iron Bull," I said, catching his attention. Calling him just Bull didn't seem appropriate, since he didn't know me. "We're headed to Val Royeaux next. But I was hoping you and the Chargers might help us deal with some trouble here on the Coast, first."
"Sure thing," Bull said easily. "Always up for some trouble."
Cassandra, Varric, and Solas had been standing off to the side. I motioned them over.
"This is Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast, Master Varric Tethras, and Solas, our resident mage," I introduced them with a wave of my hand. "Guys, this is the Iron Bull."
"Nice to meet you all," Bull said, glancing between them in a quick fashion.
Cassandra eyed him warily, and nodded stiffly in greeting. "Hello," she said plainly.
Solas nodded too, but didn't speak. I wondered what he was thinking.
"So, Tiny," Varric drawled, giving me a long sideways look. "Feathers here tells me you're a Qunari spy. Got any exciting stories?"
Varric must have remembered my comment about his initial nickname for me, and finally understood what I meant. After all, there was no other possible nickname for Bull.
If Bull was surprised at Varric's knowledge he didn't show it. "Hundreds," he said, but didn't elaborate.
"I was just telling him about the Blades of Hessarian," I explained. "We should get that over with before we leave for Jader. Um..." I trailed off and turned to Bull. "About that. I was kinda banking on you coming with us to Val Royeaux. That's how I convinced Leliana the trip here was worth it right now. She thinks I need a bodyguard."
"Really?" Bull asked, but shook his head. "I'm fine with that. You're the boss, it's your call."
I looked away, hoping my face wasn't physically capable of blushing any darker. In the games Bull calling the Inquisitor 'boss' was super endearing. But it made me embarrassed because of all the subtext I had managed to attach to the term.
"I suppose you plan on dueling their leader personally?" Cassandra asked, her arms crossed. Uh-oh. She was still mad at me for using her shield to surf down the hill. "...Since you don't seem to care about your safety."
Bull looked curiously between the two of us. "A duel?" he asked.
I briefly explained the situation.
"... If we win, they'll follow my orders and work for the Inquisition."
Bull whistled. "Nice. What's the problem?"
"You cannot duel their leader!" Cassandra said, throwing up her arms. "You barely handle yourself in fights with backup."
I stiffened. "You said I was getting better just weeks ago. Were you lying?"
"No," Cassandra said with a sigh. "You truly are getting better. But this is too dangerous."
"I say we just kill them all," Bull said.
I was pretty sure that was a test. Later in the game Bull was pretty upfront about how he lets people charge at him. That way he always gives them a choice.
He was testing me?
Varric laughed. "You don't know the Herald," he said. "He wants to hand out second chances like candy."
I pouted. "We'll do that when we finally have enough resources to house prisoners," I reminded him. "So far there's been more than enough killing, so we're not letting this chance past us. Besides," I said and looked Bull in the eye, "their leader is a total asshole."
Bull laughed. "Whatever you say."
"Despite the duel, we're still left with the issue of the Crest," Solas said. He'd been strangely quiet since he walked over with Cass and Varric. Probably more than wary of Bull, and quite rightly so. They both had secrets upon secrets. "We do not have it, nor the instructions for making one."
"My boys can help with that," Bull said. "They just need to catch a couple of their men and get intel."
"Our best chance is finding the actual Mercy's Crest. It should be round and flat, attached to a leather cord with serpentstone in the middle?" I described it from memory. "If we can't find the Crest itself, then we need to at least find the instructions for making one."
"Right." Bull nodded. "I'll let the boys know."
I hesitated. "Tell them to be careful. The Blades aren't beyond taking prisoners in order to have leverage against us. They really don't like that people call me the Herald of Andraste."
"Don't worry," Bull said with a confident grin. "They know what they're doing."
I wrung my hands. There was really nothing I could do. The Chargers were professionals, hundreds of times more experienced than me. They would be fine. I was just worried because it was the Storm Coast, and if things went ape shit later, it might be the last place they ever saw.
Nope, not going there.
Bull was staring at me oddly. "Really," he repeated. "They'll be fine."
After informing the Chargers their new orders, Bull split up with them, joining our little group instead. We were going to close the rifts on the coast while waiting for the Chargers to return. Cassandra walked next to me. She kept throwing suspicious glances at Bull, who walked in front of us and chatted with Varric. Solas was just behind them. Millie and the other two scouts kept an eye on our rear.
I looked at Cassandra. "Something you'd like to say?"
Her face scrunched up in frustration. "Despite what you said, I don't trust him," she said.
"I know you don't, and I get it," I said, "but you don't need to trust him, not really."
Cassandra looked at me, confused. "I don't?"
I raised an eyebrow. "You only need to trust me."
"Herald," welp, there it is again, "it doesn't work like that. He's a Qunari spy."
"Yeah, and?" I asked. "If I hadn't already known, he would have told us. That's a good sign."
Cassandra sighed. "You're not taking this seriously enough."
There was a deafening roar in the distance, accompanied by the crackle of electricity. It was the Vinsomer. At an instant, I scrambled and caught up with Bull and Varric. They were both frozen in place staring in the direction of the sound. The dragon wasn't near enough to be visible through the fog, but judging by the sound it was close enough that I could guess what the Iron Bull was thinking.
Bull turned to look at me and opened his mouth.
"No," I interrupted.
He raised an eyebrow. "No?" he repeated.
"No, we're not fighting the dragon," I said, and then grinned. "Not yet, anyway. We need more than one mage for a dragon fight."
I distantly heard Cassandra groan in disgust.
"Nice," Bull said, deep and guttural, and grinned back at me.
We stared at each other until Varric asked, "Feathers, where did you get the idea for that stunt you pulled with the Seeker's shield?"
I looked away from Bull, still grinning. "Oh, I kind of reacted without thinking. I absolutely love snowboarding, and despite the fact that shield surfing looks really dangerous, I've always wanted to try it."
The mental images of shield surfing characters such as Legolas from Lord of the Rings and Link from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild flashed through my mind. Seriously, it was the coolest shit ever.
"Snowboarding?" Bull asked, raising an eyebrow. "Sounds interesting."
"It is!" I beamed at him. "I used to go every winter with my brother. You use this kind of... well, board," I said and gestured with my hands, "to slide down snowy mountains or hills. Normally you use protective equipment and special boots for it. So don't try what I did at home, kids."
Bull snorted. "It's certainly one creative way to use a shield."
I wiggled my eyebrows. "Right?"
"You're right, it does look dangerous," Cassandra said, not amused. "And it dented my shield rather badly."
"Sorry?" I said, wincing. "I'll get you a new one, I promise."
Cassandra shook her head. "Just don't do it again. I thought you were going to break your neck."
"Where did you grow up, if sliding down a snowy hill was a fun past time?" Bull asked, eyeing me curiously. "Guessing that wasn't the Free Marches."
Shit, shit. Of course he had done his research.
"I've lived in lots of places," I said, trying not to sweat. Technically it wasn't a lie.
Bull gave me an amused look. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to," he said.
"I didn't know you have a brother," Cassandra said curiously.
"Well, yes, we haven't really talked much about my family," I said and kicked a small pebble. "He's long dead."
There was an awkward silence.
"I'm sorry," Cassandra said. "I shouldn't have–"
"No, it's fine," I said, avoiding her gaze. "No way you would have known. Besides, it happened years ago."
Varric coughed. "Tiny, you were saying about giant-baiting...?"
Fighting beside the Iron Bull was glorious. There was a certain amount of feral glee on his face whenever he swung around that huge axe of his. I have to admit I found myself spacing out and staring at him more than once when we fought. It happened mostly when everyone else was occupied and I was supposed to concentrate on closing the rifts.
The Iron Bull was ripped. Yes, I said it. It was impossible to forget Bull's later banter with Varric, and the words Bull wanted the author to use when describing him in the book about the Inquisition.
It was true though. He was ripped.
Another rift closed with a bang, and I rubbed at my poor hand, the one with the Anchor on it. This was the second rift we'd closed in the span of an hour. I poked at my fingers, and I could feel the touch distantly, almost like someone else was doing it. The feeling was weird, like half of my hand was asleep. It was most concentrated around my pinky finger. My hand tingled, and it reminded me of all the times I had slept in an awkward position and accidentally cut off the circulation in my arm.
"That should be the last of them," I said, shaking my hand. "We can head back to camp."
"Good job," Cassandra said giving me a small smile. I smiled back.
"Is the mark hurting?" Solas asked, stepping closer to peer at my hand curiously.
I shook my head. "Not really," I explained. "It just feels numb."
"Let me see," Solas commanded. He took my offered hand and looked it over, his brow furrowed. He must have done some sort of Ancient Elvhen Magic ™ because the numbness receded, restoring my hand it's full range of feeling again. He stepped back, giving me my hand back. "Did that help?"
In the background, I heard Bull grunt uncomfortably at the blatant display of magic.
"Yeah," I said, staring down at it and wiggling my fingers. "That's much better. Thanks."
Once again, I was reminded of the inevitable. Better not to get fucking attached, because in little over a year's time, I would be walking around with only one arm. That is, if Corypheus didn't kill me first.
"It is no trouble," Solas said, his hands behind his back.
We started walking back to camp, and Bull made his way to my left side.
"So, how did a Vashot mercenary end up as the Herald of Andraste?" he asked. "I've heard about your work with the Valo-Kas, of course, so I know why you were there. But the information about what happened at the Conclave isn't exactly reliable."
I very pointedly didn't look at the others. Leliana had helped me to come up with a cover story and drilled it into my head just for situations like these. I didn't intend to explain the whole 'from another world' bit to Bull until I knew we could really trust him. I mean, I already kind of trusted him... But it really wasn't the sort of information the Qunari should get their hands on.
... Also, I knowing his reaction to the whole Fade thing during Adamant, I didn't want to freak him out.
"I don't remember," I said. It wasn't exactly a lie, so I felt confident enough to make eye contact. "They say I walked out of a rift. My last memory is just from moments before the whole place exploded. Can't remember much from before, either. For example, the details about my mercenary career are all fuzzy."
The last part was true, at least. I had no idea how I ended up in the Temple in the first place, or what had truly happened in the Fade. For all I knew, the whole thing was very different from the game's cut scene. I doubted it, but it was possible. There was no sure way to know until we recovered my memories from the fade at Adamant.
"Hmm," Bull said thoughtfully, gazing at me. "Explains how you fight, at least."
"You mean badly?" I asked with an embarrassed laugh.
"Nah, I wouldn't say that," he said. "It's like you have the how, but not the why."
Interesting. "What do you mean?"
"It's like your body knows what it's doing," he grunted. "But your head doesn't."
"So like... muscle memory?" I asked hesitantly. "If you do something enough that it becomes routine, you can sort of do it with your eyes closed?"
"Maybe. Doesn't explain the Seer thing."
Varric, who had been listening to our conversation, chuckled. "When he woke up, Feathers didn't even know the date, or how to correctly set up a tent," he said. "Whatever knowledge he gained in the Fade, it's a double edged sword."
"That's non-essential information," I argued, sticking my tongue out.
"How does that work, exactly?" Bull asked.
I shrugged. "I know some stuff, but I don't know other stuff. It's a mixed bag."
"You knew I was Ben-Hassrath," Bull said, thoughtful, "and recognised Krem in Haven."
"Yep," I said. "And for example, I could have bet on the colour of the breeches you were wearing when we met, and won."
Bull raised an eyebrow and looked down at his trousers. They were those ridiculous green things with purple vertical stripes. "How is that an essential detail?" he asked.
"It tells me you have zero fashion sense," I said, causing Varric to laugh. "I do love the leather harness. And the eye patch. Very strapping," I added with a wink.
"Yeah?" Bull asked, his lips twisting into a smirk. "Thanks."
I blushed, realising what I'd just said. "If you're into that sort of thing." I coughed. "I wouldn't know."
Varric laughed again, but this time it was directed at me.
Turns out I was worried about nothing.
After we had made our way back to camp, the Chargers came back in time for dinner. And lo and behold, they found the actual amulet. Apparently someone in the Blades had planned a coup d'etat, but had failed. The Chargers easily relieved the two Blades's agents of their weapons, their knowledge, and lastly the Mercy's Crest. The Iron Bull probably told them the real reason why we needed the Crest, because they didn't kill the Blades and instead took them as captives. It was easy enough for Harding's men to supervise them until their leader was dealt with.
By the time they returned the sun had already started to set, so we left the actual fight for the next day.
The Chargers set up their tents next to ours. Since Scout Harding didn't have that many men with her, they easily fit within the Inquisition campsite. They stuck together during dinner and discussed their new orders with the Iron Bull. I couldn't help but keep glancing at them at the corner of my eye, half amazed and half curious at their presence. After we had eaten, I helped Cassandra to draft a report on the acquisition of the Bull's Chargers, making sure to mention Adan's insistence on needing an actual healer to help him.
Later that night, I walked over to the edge of camp to where our horses were located, and started brushing Freya. She snorted at me, as if saying, 'about time'. I sighed and gave her a treat, which she snatched up and munched on happily.
"Cute horse."
I whirled around dagger in hand.
Bull raised his hands in surrender. "Whoa, it's just me."
I stared at him blankly, then turned my gaze down to the dagger in my grip. Where the hell did that reflex suddenly come from? I didn't have any self defence training in martial arts, least of all with knives and daggers. Truly weirded out by the reflex, I put it back into its holster.
"Sorry, you startled me," I said with an awkward laugh.
"Hmm. So I see."
I looked up at Bull. He was leaning against a tree, seemingly relaxed, but his face was unreadable.
"Are you really okay coming to Val Royeaux with us?" I asked. "It's kind of short notice."
Bull chuckled. "Why wouldn't I be?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said, now feeling stupid for asking and frustrated at my own reaction. The butterflies in my gut fluttered at the thought. "Maybe you don't like boats. Maybe Val Royeaux sucks ass."
"Hah! Val Royeaux isn't my favourite place in Thedas, that much is true," Bull said with a tiny smirk. "Too many rich humans stuffed into one place. Makes it harder for someone like me to blend in."
"And boats?"
"Not a problem," he said. "But since you mentioned it, I'm assuming you don't enjoy them much."
Turning my face into Freya's fur, I groaned. "I'm going to die."
"You'll live," Bull said steadily. "I told you. You've got me now."
I lifted my head slightly. "Are you going to fight the sea?"
He laughed. "No, but I've got a few tricks up my sleeve."
"You don't have sleeves," I snorted. Freya neighed in agreement.
Bull blinked his eye slowly. "Part of my charm."
Oh my god. Did he just... wink?
"Did you just wink?" I wheezed out, my breath catching. "Did you just fucking wink?"
Damn, I love you, I thought. Then immediately regretted it, because my face heated up faster than I could react. Mortified, I lowered my face back into Freya's mane. Brain freeze, ice cream, cold floor under your toes in the morning, I listed in my head, trying to get my traitor body to cool down.
"You still breathing?" came Bull's voice.
"No," I muttered.
"Chief, stop flirting with the Herald," Krem's voice floated from the direction of the campfire. "I need a word."
Thank god. I made a mad dash past the two of them, not caring how stupid I looked, because at that point I just needed to get out of there. As I made it closer to the campfire, I heard the sound of armor clinking and the soft sound of hand meeting flesh.
"What?" Bull said defensively. "He likes it."
He wasn't wrong. I did like it. It was just my own reactions which made me wish I could sink deep into the ground and never be seen again. I had never been able to keep a straight face during the flirting scenes of the game, and it was ten times worse in person.
I sat next to Varric, who was grinning widely, scribbling into his notebook.
"Not another word," I said, my face dropping to my hands.
"I didn't say anything," he replied innocently.
Maker help me. If this kept on, I wasn't going to be able to function whenever Bull was around. I didn't even want to imagine what would happen when Dorian joined us. It was going to be a disaster. Although... If they focused on each other, I might be able to pretend I was just a fly on the wall.
"You'll get used to it," Varric said suddenly, with a surprisingly serious tone.
I glanced at him. "Oh?"
"Speaking from experience, yes," he continued glumly.
Oh. Oohh. Was he talking about Bianca? It was hard to imagine Varric so flustered because of a lady.
Krem and Bull joined us eventually and sat next to each other on the opposite side of the fire. Krem gave me an encouraging smile, while Bull very pointedly didn't look at me, instead leaning back against a tree stump and closing his eye. The soft light of the campfire flickered over his scarred face, and I felt a twinge in my chest.
"Why won't you treat our new friends to a song," Varric drawled. "What a better way for them to get to know you? Worked well enough for us."
I glanced at Solas and Cassandra. They both looked indifferent, but seemingly not against the idea.
"Sing something nice," said one of Leliana's scouts. "It's been ages since I've heard a bard."
I coughed. "Well, I'm not really a bard..." I trailed off, taking in the faces of the other scouts. They had all been softly talking to each other earlier, but now they looked at me expectantly. "Oh, all right."
Krem leaned forward. "You sing?"
I shrugged. "It's a hobby."
"Go on then," Krem said and elbowed Bull, who opened his eye.
"Okay," I said, my voice squeaking. I turned my gaze to the flames. "Umm. I hope ya'll like this one."
I took a couple of deep breaths and stared into the fire in order to calm my nerves. I tapped the simple rhythm on my thighs, counted to twenty, and started to sing.
I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips, she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
I risked a glance at Bull, who was staring at me. I mustered a small smile.
Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
At this point most of the listeners had caught onto the simple melody, so during the chorus I was joined by a few of the scouts and, surprisingly enough, Krem.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
I closed my eyes, approaching the most demanding parts of the song.
There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
The holy dove was moving too,
And every breath we drew, was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
I drew a deep breath and opened my eyes, keeping my gaze unfocused.
Maybe there's a God above
But all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It's not a cry you hear at night,
It's not somebody who's seen the light,
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
I gave you all, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I had to touch
I told the truth, I never came to fool you
And I'm sorry that it went all wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
In the final chorus, most of the people around me were repeating the phrase.
Hallelujah... Hallelujah
Hallelujah... Hallelujah
Hallelujah... Hallelujah
Hallelujah...
The last notes hung in the air and nobody spoke. I broke the silence by reaching for my water canteen and taking a couple of big gulps. This particular song always wrung the living hell out of me, including my voice. Couple of the agents clapped politely. I smiled at them.
Just like that, most of them dispersed and started talking amongst each other, leaving the core people of our party alone once again.
"You didn't learn that song in Orlais," Bull commented.
I shook my head. "Nope."
"And you said you're not a bard." He eyed me thoughtfully. "Hmm."
Cassandra put a hand on my shoulder. "That was a beautiful song," she said, and hesitated. "What kind of meaning does it have?"
I nodded, mindful of Bull and others who might have been listening. We had agreed not to talk about my world in front of people who I weren't already aware of it. "It has several religious references," I said vaguely. "Plus 'hallelujah' literally means 'praise god'."
"Interesting," Varric muttered, already scribbling down the lyrics onto his notebook, like he always did after hearing a new song.
"Indeed," Bull repeated, still watching me closely.
I swallowed. "It's way better when sung with instruments," I said, avoiding his gaze. "I'm afraid without a good guitar to accompany it, my interpretation falls rather flat."
"Boss," Bull said, "I don't know shit about music, but that was definitely not flat."
I chanced a look and saw him staring into the fire, his brow furrowed in thought. Krem, who sitting beside him, nodded in agreement.
Cassandra drew my attention back to her. "Now that we're all still here, we should go over tomorrow's plan," she said pointedly. "You said the this Mercy's Crest should allow you to challenge the leader of the Blades."
I nodded. "Yeah. It might be just me, or he might allow a small group to fight against him," I said, doing my best to remember the details. It admittedly wasn't much. "He has a bunch of mabari which he'll sic onto us, so we should be prepared for anything."
"Dogs, huh?" Varric mused.
We needed a plan.
