Summary: It's been nine months. Nine months since Roxas left. Sometimes I still wonder if he's alright. I wonder if he managed to find his way to his next life. I wonder if he managed to find his friend...
Pairings: AkuRoku, RikuxSora (Yes, that means this will be a shounen-ai story, in case you wondered. Don't like, don't read! Do like? All the better!)
Disclaimer: No! Whatever would make anybody think I owned Kingdom Hearts? Pfsh!
Thanks to: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall my muses (you know who you are ;P) and reviewers... Also the new ones: manic the hedgehog, Razer Athane and The Forbidden Fox.
Yep, this time I will keep it this short. Because you all know I love you anyway. Hehe.
Well, one last thing: The girl holding Roxas' hand is not Olette. Think of it, she would be as old as Sora now. Which would be about seventeen years older than Roxas. And that would be... ehm... more than weird.
But now, enjoy!
Child Again
Part 9 - Roxas:
That's just what I needed. One day without him. Only one day without constant thinking of him or my hopeless feelings. One day of just having fun, skateboarding and eating ice cream with a few of my friends…
But it's a bit… weird. I feel… guilty somehow. I could've told Axel at least, so he wouldn't have to worry about me…
No. He'll understand. I just can't see him today.
But it really feels weird! It's so easy to smile here, with all those people I barely know… When I'm with him I almost feel too ashamed to laugh. Especially since I realized my feelings for him changed from friendship to… something else, it seems to be harder to smile when he's around. Here, with these strangers it's easy.
Heh! Who am I trying to fool? I know exactly why I can laugh here but not with him. It's because this means nothing. These people here mean nothing to me. When I laugh here it's not me they see. It's just what I want them to see, a person I am not… But Axel knows who I am. He sees the real me. So if I laughed when I was with him it would mean everything. And I feel guilty when I'm with him, because I want to force my feelings on him even though I know he will never feel the same…
Fuck, when did things get so complicated? My head hurts already, my thoughts barely make sense anymore… Why do I even think of him now? I came here to forget about all this shit for once! Sometimes I think I do it on purpose. Think of him to make myself feel like shit, I mean. Sometimes I think I don't want to be happy. Sometimes I feel like I don't have the right to be happy… like I have to pay for a horrible mistake I once made. That's bullshit, I know. Hey, I'm fifteen, which kind of terrible crime could I have committed? Still…
Indeed, when did things get so complicated? Two years ago everything was wonderful. My life was perfect… Yeah, okay, I barely see my parents, but I have Sora and Namine, and Kairi and Riku who all care about me. And two years ago Axel was the best friend I could ever have wished for… True, he's sometimes pretty annoying, but I knew I could count on him, and I always knew he loved me. And I loved him, in an equally platonic, brotherly way. And then things changed. Got complicated.
And then there was this scene yesterday. Ha. Yesterday, after I told Axel I wasn't mad at him, everything seemed so clear to me… I should let him go, I thought. I should stop clinging to him like a five-year-old, I thought. He'd be better off without me, I thought. As if I really could let him go. As if I had the strength to move on. Ridiculous!
I can never let him go. -Not now. I just found him…-
But still I try to do just that the whole day already. I try to let him go. I try not to care about him spending his time with people other than me. I try not to think about him smiling at people who will never love him like I do. I try not to feel. I try to let go.
I didn't even resist when Keira started flirting with me, and to tell the truth I'm pretty proud of myself because of that. And now she's holding my hand, and even though it feels so wrong I let her. And I laugh with her and all the others, and I enjoy it and feel terrible about it.
And then I feel something. A… strange… burning sensation grazing my skin. I've never felt anything like it before, but still it feels so familiar it makes my eyes burn and my heart clench painfully.
-It felt like this when he looked at me.-
I look up, and something red catches my gaze… A bright, vibrant red, like a sunset.
Axel is staring at me, his almond shaped eyes wide and hurt, his gaze trained on my hand holding Keira's, his lithe body tense. His make-up is smudged, his cheeks flushed slightly, and his breathing is uneven and frantic. Other than that he's not moving. All around him cheerful people stroll down the promenade, laughing and joking and chatting. He looks so out of place amidst all those happy people in their colorful clothes, his dark red and black attire making him stand out -like a Nobody amongst Heartless…-
… what?
"Axel…" I hear myself whisper hoarsely, and I don't dare to move when suddenly red and white flames explode all around him.
All around me people scream, all around him they run away in panic. Keira lets go of my hand and jumps up, runs away with the others. Somebody grabs my shoulder and tries to pull me away, but my hands hold onto the table tightly. They let go of me again and run away too, leaving me behind alone. I can't move. People scream, children cry, and I'm so fucking scared like I've never been before, but I can't move.
Flames seem to erupt right from the ground under his feet, from of his halfway raised hands. The fire wind around his slender frame almost snake-like. And his eyes, his beautiful eyes, those bright, emerald colored, wonderful eyes, even they seem to burn…
I watch him raise a hand mesmerized. Slender fingers move gracefully, form a perfect sphere made of pure fire, which floats right above his palm. The fire is gorgeous. I almost forgot how gorgeous it really is. Red and orange and yellow; it contrasts with its creator's pale skin and green eyes beautifully.
I feel a smile stretch my lips slightly, despite the imminent danger I seem to be in right now. Even though he'll probably throw this fireball any second, even though I might die soon, for the first time in a long time I dare to feel happy.
He found me. How could I ever doubt him? He always found me.
My friend, my partner, my lover. Organization XIII's No. 8, Flurry of Dancing Flames. Axel.
I close my eyes the exact moment he raises his hand, ready to throw the fireball. Such a hothead. He always had a hard time keeping his temper in check when he was around me.
And I wait… and wait… and can't hear anything but the fast pounding of my hurting heart. But I feel…
There is no heat. Where is the fire, the heat, the pain?
I open my eyes again, and I watch uncle Riku raising a strangely shaped weapon
-Way to the Dawn-
and right in front of him is something that looks like some kind of shield
-Dark Shield-
made out of hexagonally shaped elements. Flames flicker around the elements, finally dying down. Then the shield vanishes again. Uncle Riku throws something at me.
And finally I'm able to hear again, and immediately I wish I wasn't. Because even over the raging flames I can hear a cry, so full of sadness and pain and despair it breaks my heart over and over and over again.
Part 10 – Sora:
Roxas doesn't even move. Axel is going to throw the fireball any second now…
Fuck, why doesn't he run away?
"Roxas!" I yell as loud as I can, but he closes his eyes. Why the hell does he close his eyes?
I pull two keychains out of my pocket. I wanted to give them Roxas anyway, and now seems like a good moment to do just that…
"Riku," I call out and throw the keychains. He catches them with one hand, the other one already occupied by Way to the Dawn. He points at himself, then at Roxas.
He'll take care of Roxas. That leaves me to occupy Axel. I nod and call my Ultima Keyblade.
Part 11 – Riku:
Thank Kingdom Hearts we followed Axel…
Who would have thought he is still able to do those fire tricks?
I tighten my grip around Sora's keychains and Way to the Dawn. Let's hope I haven't forgotten my own tricks yet then…
It's hard to remember the Darkness after such a long time living without it. But I know the Darkness never left me. It is a part of me; a part I probably will never get rid of. It's hard, but I remember what it felt like to use the power of Darkness all too well. Somehow I manage to call a Dark Shield just before the surprisingly powerful fireball hits us.
Part 12 – Axel:
What are they doing here?
Riku is standing in front of Roxas now, his weapon raised, ready for battle, grim determination in his cold eyes. And then Sora attacks me, and I have to dodge his fast blows. The fire around me dies down, but the fire inside me burns hotter than ever. Oh, how good it feels, to feel this warmth again…
My eyes are drawn to Roxas again. He's staring at Riku, who just chucks something at him.
Roxas. My Roxas. Why did you leave me behind again?
A loud cry crawls up my throat, and I'm too upset to hold it back. At the same time the cry bursts from my mouth new flames erupt around me, even hotter than before. Only this can soothe the pain I'm feeling…
Part 13 – Roxas:
There is the fire again, and I can see my brother retreat a few steps. The flames follow every move Axel makes. He doesn't stop crying.
My hands tighten around the keychains.
Uncle Riku moves, hastily creating another one of those shields to protect Sora from a new fireball. Sora raises a hand himself.
"Blizzaga!" he shouts, making a circling motion with his hand. A barrier of clear ice forms around the fiery demon, Axel, but instantly starts to melt again. Axel throws more fireballs, and it vanishes in a cloud of smoke.
Then he spreads his arms, flames dancing over his body, his slender limbs, and shadows start to dart around his fingers. They form circular shapes made out of fire and smoke, quickly solidifying to create weapons I know all too well.
Axel looks up again, his delicately chiseled features deformed by the pure hatred burning in his eyes. His slender hands hold two chakrams, his long, black coat flutters around his lithe body, making him appear like a demon… or a fiery angel, who has come to avenge my sins.
Part 14 – Sora:
Oh, not again…
Axel raises his weapons, crosses his arms in front of his chest before throwing them with all of his might. He's throwing them at my brother.
Riku reacts immediately, lunging at Roxas the same moment I jump at Axel. I tighten the grip around my keyblade.
Riku manages to knock one of the chakrams aside, then he grabs Roxas' arm and wrenches him to the ground with him harshly. The second spiked wheel hits the big glass window of the café, and it shatters with a deafening clash. Axel reaches out, and both weapons whirl back to him.
I don't dare to hit him with all of my strength, fearing I could hurt him. He doesn't want to hurt Roxas, I know he doesn't. He quickly parries my attack with one of his chakrams, his face contorted into a mask of fury and pain.
Part 15 – Riku:
I don't know how I do it, but somehow I manage to wrench Roxas aside before the chakram decapitates him. The weapon whizzes past us, and even here I can feel the heat it emits.
I try to shield Roxas from the shards of the window as good as I can. He's still paralyzed by fear, clinging to me while looking at the keychains in his hand. His gaze wanders to Axel, then back to the keychains, and back to Axel again when Sora attacks him. Sora holds back, I can see that even from back here. Axel parries the first blow, throwing a chakram again. Sora dodges it, rebounding with a quick roll and countering another fireball with a simple ice spell. A cloud made out of steam spreads between them, and Sora attacks again.
"Roxas," I yell and shake the unmoving boy rudely. He doesn't react at all.
Part 16 – Axel:
I fight off a half-hearted blow, throwing one of my weapons at my enemy. It's hard to focus, fury blanketing my thoughts with a blood red veil, turning my enemy into a faceless creature. He wants to keep me from punishing Roxas for his cruelty, that's the only thing I still know.
The fire burns even hotter than before, and I let out a small part of it. My faceless opponent parries it with a laughably low dosed ice spell, then comes at me again. Before he reaches me he jumps, trying to hit me from above. I leap to the side, catching the weapon I threw before, warding off the next blow by crossing my trusty chakrams over my head.
Then I hear something. Someone's calling out… a name. His name. The heat increases.
Part 17 – Roxas:
I can hear Riku calling out my name, but I can't do anything. I'm still unable to move, clasping the keychains tighter in my hands. Flames rage around the two combatants, the air around them flickering, ash is raining down on us; the air reeks of burnt wood and other things.
"Holy Darkness, Roxas! You have to help us!" Riku bellows at me, and I can distinguish anger and a bit fear out of his usually so calm voice. "You have to do something! He could hurt somebody, or we have to hurt him to stop him! Do you want that?"
What? No, of course I don't want that! Nobody should get hurt… But… I…
"Fuck," Riku curses, letting go of me and sprinting right at the ring of flames, jumping over it and swatting aside one of the dangerous weapons, which has been thrown at my brother. Sora and Riku both attack Axel now, and he seems to have a hard time dodging their fast blows. A few of them break through his defense, and I can hear him scream with pain before he retreats.
Part 18 – Sora:
The sand beneath his feet melts, turns into glass. It's too hot! The fire, it is way too hot!
Part 19 – Riku:
What's wrong with him? He's such a good boy usually… Roxas must mean more to him than we thought…
He throws the chakrams at us again, and again Sora and I bat them aside with our own weapons.
Part 20 – Axel:
More heat! The fire, it has to be hotter than this! I can't beat them like this; it's too weak, too weak! I need more heat! More fire, more, more!
Part 21 – Roxas:
No, he can't! He mustn't do that! He would hurt my brother -my Other- and Uncle Riku, and he would kill himself! I can't let this happen! I can't watch him do this without doing anything to stop him again! I can't let him die this time!
I call Oathkeeper and Oblivion.
Part 22 – Sora:
Axel dodges us again, then he lets go of his weapons. They start to circle around him, leaving trails of pure fire in their wake.
Not again!
Part 23 – Riku:
He floats about three or four feet above the ground now, spreading his arms, chakrams circling him. His eyes are closed, his hands clenched into tight fists. The fire is too hot, we can't get closer…
What is he doing?
Part 24 – Axel:
Yes… more… More heat, more fire, more strength! I concentrate every ounce of energy my hurting body has to give, and it's wonderful… The pain is not important, because the fire inside me is pure and destructive…
Part 25 – Roxas:
I leap over the wall of fire surrounding them, rush past Riku and Sora, who try to protect themselves with a Dark Shield coated with ice. The flames are torrid, but I don't mind. They even seem to back away from me. I can't help but smile.
He was never able to hurt me.
Part 26 – Sora:
"Roxas!" I yell, trying to follow him. Riku holds me back, pulls me behind our barrier again.
My brother holds his keyblades in his hands as he heads for Axel, ignoring the flames the redhead still is concentrating around himself.
It's too dangerous! He can't do that alone…
I try to break free from Riku's grip again, but he only holds tighter onto me. He drops Way to the Dawn, throwing both arms around my waist to hold me back. Ultima clatters to the ground as well when I reach out to my brother. I'm barely able to make out his small frame amidst this inferno.
But… the fire doesn't seem to reach him… No, the flames even seem to back off…
Roxas jumps right at the, still circling, chakrams.
Part 27 – Riku:
It's fairly difficult to hold Sora back. I still work out, but he's P.E. teacher in one of the local high schools, so he probably has an advantage over me there…
But suddenly he stops struggling against my already weakening grip. I look up and can't hold back a surprised gasp.
The fire doesn't even touch Roxas! It seems like the flames avoid him somehow…
But there are still the weapons circling Axel. The redhead's eyes are still closed; he doesn't seem to notice Roxas at all…
Roxas leaps right at the chakrams, Oathkeeper and Oblivion crossed in front of his chest. And in the very last moment possible, both keyblades jerk upwards, the keyblades getting caught between the handles of the chakrams. Roxas flings them aside forcefully, as if he already did that thousands of times before, then he drops his own weapons.
The keyblades vanish. Roxas crashes into Axel, dragging him to the ground.
Part 28 – Axel:
I can hear a loud clank, and far, far away I can feel my chakrams moving away from me. Then something collides with me, and pure, hot, agonizing pain explodes inside me.
I scream loudly, then the air flees my lungs as I hit the ground. I tear my eyes open, and for a moment I can't see a thing… then the world turns red and white, and the pain spreads, and I cry out again. It hurts, it burns so terribly, liquid fire seems to burn its way through my veins…
"Axel." Only a whisper, barely distinguishable over the roaring flames and my own screaming, and yet the gentle voice soothes the pain somehow. A cool hand brushes over my cheek. My eyes flutter closed for a second, and despite the pain I try to move closer to this blissful coolness with a small sigh.
When I open my eyes again, more colors rush into my vision. Next to red there's also the light blue of the sky, the gentle turquoise of the sea, the rich green of the palm trees, the light beige of the fine sand at the beach. But more than anything else the golden hue of his disheveled hair catches my attention, and even more so the luscious, rich, soothing blue depths of his eyes which make the color of the sky seem petty in comparison.
Organization XIII's No. 13, the Key of Destiny…
"Roxas…" I whisper, ignoring my whole body protesting with horrible pains. It also protests against the shaky smile spreading over my face.
I've found him.
Part 29 – Roxas:
Like thousand times before I let my keyblades get caught between the handles of his chakrams and hurl them aside with all of my strength. This was always his weakness. It takes too long for him to retrieve them if I manage to toss them away far enough. All around me the flames hiss and crackle, but they don't touch me. Just like back then as well.
I let go of Oathkeeper and Oblivion and jump, catching hold of the smooth leather of his coat. I crash right into him, dragging him to the ground with me. He screams, then gasps surprised when we hit the ground, tearing his eyes open and screaming again, even louder and shriller and more pained than before. His eyes, they seem so far away… He doesn't even seem so see me…
I hoist myself up to my knees, leaning over him and reaching out to touch him. His skin seems to glow. He's such an idiot… his limit could have killed him…
"Axel," I whisper gently and rest my hand on his flushed cheek. First he flinches away from my touch, but then he closes his eyes and sighs, pressing his face against my palm. His skin feels unhealthily hot, but it's not too late. Thank Kingdom Hearts.
He opens his eyes again, and slowly, oh so slowly his gaze focuses on me. Again I lose myself in their emerald depths, but this time I don't feel guilty because of it. And he recognizes me. He finally recognizes me again, just like I recognized him. The phantom which haunted my dreams, the red-haired man who was the most important person in my life even when he still was a mere Nobody, finally he has a face. How ironic. He has been with me all this time, but I was too blind to realize it. All the guilt, all the pain I went through, the fear of forgetting my precious stranger over my crush on my best friend, it was without any reason. Because it was him all this time. Who else could ever be my best friend?
"Roxas," he breathes with difficulty, and then he smiles. He smiles at me, like I always wanted him to. And everything else fades away, until the only thing left is him and me, both of us smiling.
He has found me.
Part 30 – Axel:
He smiles at me, and the pain seems to fade away. He smiles just like he did back then, happy, yet guarded, relieved, yet with this almost indiscernible trace of sadness remaining in his eyes…
"Roxas," I whisper again, and now tears well up in my eyes. I was so dense… How could I not recognize him? How could I not see how much he meant to me? How could I hurt him so much?
"Shhh…" he coos and brushes a single finger over my lips gently. It hurts, and I can't help but flinch back again. "Don't talk, you idiot."
Behind him I can make out Sora and Riku, both of them seemingly relieved, yet very worried as they eye me up.
"Is he okay?" Riku asks quietly, sounding quite worried, kneeling down next to Roxas. He reaches out as if he wanted to touch my arm, but he doesn't dare to actually touch me. Sora kneels down next to me as well.
They are… my family. Riku was probably the one who came closest to substitute a father for me, and Sora cared for me just like for his own brother… And I thank them by almost destroying the fucking promenade… no, the whole fucking island!
"I'm… sorry…" I manage to rasp out, but Sora immediately shakes his head and smiles his trademark smile, warm and caring.
"It's alright," he says quietly, and even Riku smiles now. Barely visible, but it's there.
"You really shouldn't talk," Riku adds, now just as composed as always again. "Are you hurt?"
Oh, if you count feeling like you are being burnt alive as 'hurt'…
"Of course he is," Sora replies instead of me, smiling again. But this time his smile seems strangely sad. "Just like the last time he used this limit…"
Crap… seems like he did notice it after all…
"Axel," Roxas says again, and again I can't help but smile hearing my name coming from his lips. He bends over me again. "You have to hold the fire back."
"Can't…" I hiss sharply, gasping when he gently takes my hand. Ouch!
"Yes, you can," he disagrees, softly kissing my fingertips. That hurts too, yet not nearly as bad as it should. Partly because the tender gesture surprises me, as Roxas was never the type to show his affection like this… partly because his closeness alone somehow seems to lessen the pain. He always had that effect on me. "You didn't release your limit," he whispers. "You have to hold the fire back. You have to seal it in your mind. It can't hurt you if you don't let it." He smiles again. "You're the 'Flurry of Dancing Flames' after all."
Yeah… that's me… That was me, a long time ago. I can do this; I didn't release the limit after all…
I close my eyes and concentrate. I don't focus on the fire, or the already shrinking flames all around us though; I concentrate on Roxas, on the soothing, right now almost chilly feeling of his small hand in mine. I draw the coolness right through my skin, let it grow in my fingers, my hand… It smothers the fire inside me, erases the pain, sooths my sore nerves, and it grows inside me as if this was the most natural thing in the world. I feel cold for a moment, but as much as I hate the cold it doesn't feel uncomfortable at all, because at the same time almost unnatural, pleasant warmth spreads inside me, and this feeling originates from our joint hands as well. I've never felt something this weird yet wonderful before. With his help I fight back, smother the fire and lock it in my heart. It's even easier than back when I was a Nobody…
I open my eyes again with a satisfied sigh, and he's still there, looking down at me a little dazed. I squeeze his hand gently before I let go, then I prop myself up with both hands, sitting up and staying like this when red and black dots start to dance in front of my eyes.
I'm almost thrown back into the sand when Roxas flings himself at me. I return his quite forceful embrace smiling, even though my limbs still feel heavy and tingly and weird. That's only a sign of regeneration, nothing to worry about.
"You moron!" he whispers shakily, hugging me closer. "Why do you have to overdo everything like that all the time?"
"I'm sorry," I reply sheepishly. "I didn't think, I… I just… I'm sorry…"
"It's alright," he sniffs and lets go of me again. "Just… don't do it again, okay?"
"As long as you don't leave me again…" I agree… But then I frown. Again? But…
What just happened?
Why is everything burnt? Why… What…
Roxas frowns too, staring at me blankly for a moment. Then he blushes, letting go of me and scooting away from me a bit, blushing even more when he notices how close to me he just was. But why was he so close? I don't want to complain, it's just weird…
"They're forgetting again…" Sora whispers disbelievingly, and both Roxas and me turn to stare at him confused. Suddenly tears well up in his deep blue eyes. "They are forgetting again!" he repeats, sitting down next to us, slumping and hiding his face in his hands. He utters a sound that reminds me of a sob, but it also sounds like a weak, tired sigh.
"Oh no, they won't!" Riku suddenly hisses, jumping up gracefully and raising his hand, narrowing his eyes at a point behind the horizon. I already want to ask him what the hell he's doing, but then… then… something opens right in front of him, something that looks like a black, shadowy gap in reality. Weird description for the weirdest thing I ever saw in my life!
Roxas next to me yelps surprised, and I can't stop staring at this… thing, not even when Riku turns around to glare at us. Huh! He's scary when he glares…
I'm way too slow, I can't even raise my arms protectively when he grabs my collar and hoists me up effortlessly. That's odd; usually I'm faster than him… I feel so strange… So weak and tired, as if I hadn't slept for days…
Next to me Sora 'helps' Roxas almost the same way. I try to break free from Riku's painful grip, but it's no use. He just drags me through that strange portal, Sora and Roxas right behind us.
Author's Notes: Yay, perspective changes! And yeah, I only did so many of them to avoid writing a full-fledged fight scene. Cuz I'm lazy like that.
Oh, and don't think I forgot to reply to your reviews from the last chapter! I will do that, but I have a MAJOR exam on Monday (Actually I should be studying for that right now, but I can't leave you guys with this AWFUL cliffy even longer... And yes, I am aware this cliffhanger is almost as bad. :/ Sorry.), so I will reply to those sometime next week. I hope you don't mind.
Wish me luck, and don't forget to review! Bye!
