Chapter 9
AN: I did post this chapter a day ago but I wanted to add some pieces. Sorry.
"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."- Lemony Snicket
Can sadness last forever? Does time truly heal all wounds? " She was-is the love of my life. The first day I met her, I pulled an icicle out of her abdomen, I know not a typical love story," I still remember that day. Cristina acted like she hated me, but by the end of it she had kissed me. I knew she wasn't just some girl I met and left. She was something real. "She should have left me though. I gave her hell for months. I pushed her past the limit," no one besides Callie and Meredith knew what I was talking about. The night I chocked her. I regret it everyday of my life. I used to wonder if she was still afraid to fall asleep in my arms. "She didn't though. She rode out the storm and melted into each other. We had our fair share of challenges. Time when our relationship was up against the wall. She may be gone but this isn't the end."She was gone and I was empty: it was a sunny day she would never see. Everyone was there I can not even tell you who was running the hospital: it must be vacant. Even the nurses she made fun of showed up. Meredith stood to my left, Derek right behind her: the two of us,Meredith and I, have not said anything to each other. What is there to say? "Hey your best friend died!" " Hey your wife died." Cristina would have made fun of us for standing her looking sad. She would be laughing that is for sure. She was fine she- we thought- would make it but then her stats dropped. The flatline still echoes in my ears. Her heart just stopped. The love of my life died in my arms. Our baby died with her: so I stand her and watch her-their- casket get lowered to the ground. I feel like I will be empty forever like a part of me died with them. Not a part, actually all of me. They were my life and now they are gone. How could I go one living without her? I can but I don't want to. We were supposed to have such a beautiful life. "Cristina." She can't respond. She will never respond. My eyes shot open and there I was in Cristina's hospital room. It was a dream she is still alive. My hand runs to her stomach and our tiny baby is still there, it's the first time I've felt the bump. It needed to happen. I needed to know that they were still both here somewhat safe and sound. That I was truly dreaming and they were palpable. I need Cristina to wake up. I need to hear her voice. I need to kiss her. She is still here but I miss her. No one has any idea when she will wake up: they say she needs time but that isn't enough for me. "Cris I need you to wake up. Please." I've been sitting here for days on end. I want to talk to her. See her smile. I caressed her cheek and stroked her hair. Derek was there, standing in the door way. "We need to talk about the possibility- of her not waking up. You know, we did all we could but.. it might not have been enough. Owen I'm sorry and I know you don't want to-" Shut up. "No Derek you don't know what I want. What I want is for you to get the hell out of here!" The two of us, Cristina and I, were alone again. "People are giving up on you Cristina. Prove them wrong. You know you love to do that. When everyone loses faith you give them a reason to hold one. You do magical things everyday. Be a part of one now." Meredith was now at the door- Derek just couldn't take no for an answer. "If you're here because of Derek you can go." It was harsh and I didn't mean for it to sound like that but I couldn't take the words back. "She's my person. I need to see her just as much as you do. You need to go though, you smell, when she wakes up she won't kiss you because you stink. Also, you should shave. Maybe get some food. Live outside of this room basically. I will stay with her until you come back. We have a lot of stuff to discuss."
Meredith's POV
She is to tiny for that big bed. Cristina looked like a child that fell asleep in her parents bedroom. Yet it's the first time in my life Cristina has ever looked peaceful: ironic isn't it? "You know Cristina we have seen each other lay in hospital beds one to many times. We must have a record of something." I just wanted her to wake up, say some stupid McDreamy joke, anything. I needed my person back,"Derek is being an ass. I need you to tell me that he is just a stupid boy. That he's dreamy but he isn't the sun, that I am. I just need your advice no matter how much you don't want to give it. I just want to hear your voice. You know this is the longest we have gone without speaking. Crazy isn't it? We have not danced it out or slept over in a week. Is this what life is supposed to be like? Are we leading normal lives in which our only person is our husband? Every time I bring you up he tells me to be realistic. He thinks you're a goner. I haven't slept at home since your surgery. I've been here every night in an on call room. I can't leave knowing that- never mind- also every time I see Derek we fight. We could never make it a night together. You need to wake up because I need to be right. I told him not to give up on you because you make miracles happen everyday and you will be a miracle. He doesn't know what happened and why you won't wake up but I know you're always full of surprises. This baby is a perfect example. Derek still doesn't know by the way, no offense but I don't think we could have another child right now. I'm trying to be the sun. A baby would just make me the moon again. He would hover and I would be suffocated. He still doesn't know about the miscarriage I need it to stay like that. You know how he is: he will look at me with those eyes like I will break any second. I just can't handle it. You though, you'll love it even when you hate it- being a mom not the baby of course. There will be nights when you will cry- yes you- because you are ready to give up. There will be times when you think you will die but you'll be fine. You, Owen, and that baby will all live long happy lives. Sometimes I think Owen drowns in his love for you: this entire week for example. I think is the first time he has left your side for more then five minutes. He's good for you though. You're crazy and he just balances you out. You make each other happy for the most part. So you need to wake up for me and for him. You can't show him everything and then take it all away. You're twisted but not selfish. So wake up. Stop dreaming and come back to reality. I need you back." I was crying and if Cristina was awake she would tell me to stop and be strong. I needed her back to keep me grounded. "You need to wake up I don't think he will be able to survive without you. I know I can't." Owen was back standing in the door way, he heard the end of what I was saying, it was true I had nothing to be ashamed of. "I'm going to go now."
Dereks POV
Meredith had just left Cristina's room and was headed toward and on call room. I entered after her and locked the door: she whipped her head around "Get out." She hated me right now. "Why?" I shot her the eyes, the one she couldn't resist. " because your negative attitude makes me sick to my stomach. All I hear is how I'm thinking unrealistically. I'm not Zola you don't need to speak to me like I think unicorns are real. I'm a person you know." She was now sitting on the bed her head in her hands. "Oh please Meredith don't be dramatic." Her eyes were aflame. "Are you kidding me Derek! If I was in that bed would you be thinking like this. Would you want my doctor to give up on me so easily. To call it quits and tell you to give up. You are unbelievable." There were tears in my eyes and I made my way over to her. By the time I sat down there was a river upon her face. "She can't die Derek. What am I supposed to do without her? I can't even go to you because-" I kissed her for the first time in a week. She hasn't been home since Cristina's accident. She has seen Zola but she hasn't been there to put her to bed. This is the first time I've spent more then five minutes with her in the past seven days. She's the one who broke the kiss first. "We said no running but how am I supposed to stay and talk to you." I felt terrible. " I just don't want you to get hurt." Stupid answer, she was already hurt. " it wouldn't be the first time I've felt pain. I just want your support. I want the husband Derek not the doctor Shepherd." It broke my heart that she felt so alone. " I'm never leaving you Mer." She looked up at me and I knew that we would be okay. I knew that her hatred for me was only momentarily and that when Cristina was fine that would too would be fine.
Later in the day.. (Owens POV)
" She's right you know I can't live without you." My hand entangled in hers. That's when it happened: no way it was a muscle spasm. She squeezed my hand. "Cristina.." Her eyes slowly opened. There she was. I was tearing up, I obviously wants her to wake up but there were parts of me that started to believe that she wouldn't. Yet her she was. "Hi," her voice so subtle it was barely audible. "Hi." There was a giant smile on my face. Her hand rushed over to her tiny bump: " the baby is fine." Her giant eyes looked at mine "I thought I was going to die- that both of us would die. All I could think about was you. How mean I've been to you and how you would be alone. I told myself I couldn't leave because you said we would have such a nice life. I didn't want to miss it." She was lovely, a vision of beauty. "Do you know how much I love you Cristina Yang?" Of course she did not not, no one besides myself would know my vast love for her. " How long was I out for?" She looked so sad and I couldn't tell why. "A week." Her stats dropped in an instant. One second she was talking the next she was convulsing. Doctors, nurses, everyone rushed in and in the midst of that I was pushed out of the room and told to stay in the hallway. I put my head against the window but the quickly drew the blinds. Meredith was sprinting towards the door but Derek was waiting for her, he was in with Cristina but her knew Meredith too was paged 911, but he didn't want her in there. Still, Meredith ran like a bull at Derek by he caught her: she was kicking and screaming " Let me go. I need to see her," Derek was struggling with getting Meredith away from the door handle. Love is a powerful thing. I made my way over to where the couple was fighting: " Meredith just come stay over here. Let Derek help her: the quicker he gets back the better chance Cristina has." She knew it was true Derek is great at what he does so she sulked toward me tears streaming down her face. Maybe I was about to live my dream.
AN: I left you with a somewhat cliff hanger. What do you think will happen. If Cristina is alive what do you think will happen? I really want to write a story that all of you want to read so please leave me some suggestions. Also, I'm thinking of starting another story probably a Mer/Der story where would you like it to pick up from. When they first met? Should Derek have died? Please give me suggestions.
