"I love you Freddie Benson"
That's what she said, then she left, left before I could respond, or react, or say anything. Why? And what do I do about it? I wish I knew what was going on inside her head, how I should respond. The last time a girl told me that, it was Sam just as we broke up. Before that it was Carly while she was temporarily infatuated with me, so my track record isn't great with girls and the 'L' word. I really need to talk to her, but tonight? She obviously ran for a reason, so should I leave her be? It's all just so confusing. And if I DID talk to her, what would I say?
Actually that one's easy – I'd say it back. It's been building for a while, and after everything that's happened recently: my talk with Tom, the dates we've had, the time we've spent together, how often I think of her while we're apart, THAT kiss from a few minutes ago – I'm ready to tell her how I feel. I just wish she'd given me the chance tonight.
So now what? It's not the sort of thing I want to say for the first time over the phone, or video-chat or text message – that'd be stupid. And I can't go racing after her – I don't have a car here. We'd tentatively arranged to see each other on Tuesday. Can I wait that long? How can I contact her WITHOUT addressing this? If only she'd let me respond rather than leaving.
I find myself sat in the communal area of my dorm. A beep on my phone brings me out of my reverie. An e-mail from Carly?
Hey Freddie.
Don't panic, but I've been thinking. I know you're still angry and upset about what Sam and I posted on the iCarly website, I think I've found a way to fix a little of the damage. Next time you're home (probably Thanksgiving?) we could do a one-off show, with you involved, and make sure the record is put straight, that everyone knows that we were wrong, that we're sorry, and we'd apologise to you on air. I know it can't change the past, but it would hopefully make things better going forwards. I hope you and Tori are well and that you'll feel that you want to talk to me soon.
Love,
Carly
Suddenly the other big issue in my life comes back to the fore. My relationship with Tori, and improving relations with my classmates, had put the problems with Carly and Sam to the back of my mind. The prospect of an on-air apology was appealing, and would hopefully help to show people that I wasn't the villain of the piece. However I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be in Seattle for Thanksgiving, my work had suggested that they'd want me in the downtown store for the traditional Black Friday chaos. I was hoping, therefore, to get an invite to Tori's for the evening – assuming they had no other plans for the long weekend.
I decided that I would talk to Carly. If nothing else it would take my mind off the whole Tori issue, or maybe I could get a second opinion on what to do. It would also help to clear the air a bit. I WAS still upset about what they'd done, but both girls HAD now apologised to me and they had at least tried to come up with a plan to make things better. If I was lucky she'd still be on-line and available for a webchat. Unfortunately that wasn't the case, so instead I just sent her an e-mail saying that what she suggested sounded good and that it would be nice to talk to her sometime. I suggested a video chat tomorrow night.
With the iCarly issue resolved, for now anyway, I turned my attention back to my girlfriend's actions. With me not having a car in LA I checked the local bus schedules. There was no bus tonight but a reasonable service for tomorrow – I reckon I can be at her house for around 10 o'clock with no difficulty. Now I just need to spend some time figuring out what to say and how to say it.
The rest of my evening was spent playing possible conversations out in my mind, trying to visualise how Tori would respond to whatever I could say – but ultimately I was just driving myself insane and getting absolutely nowhere, so eventually I decided to hit the sack and worry about it in the morning. Of course, instead I found myself worrying about it for half the night, sleeping fitfully and hoping that I didn't disturb Tom too much. Sadly that proved to be too much to hope for.
"Dude, what was your problem last night?" he asked during breakfast.
"Stuff on my mind" I said non-committally.
"Girl trouble?" he guessed.
"I hope not, I just need to see her and talk to her about a couple of things – I'm gonna get the bus over there after breakfast and see if we can sort stuff out."
"Ok, good luck."
"Thanks."
The bus seemed to take an age to get to Tori's neighbourhood. Fortunately I knew the area well enough, having spent most of the summer around there, so I was able to walk quickly from the stop to her house. It was a little after 10 when I arrived and I noticed André's car in the driveway – she had said they'd be practising some of the songs and music for the show today. I rang the doorbell and Tori answered.
"Hi Freddie" she said, sounding a little surprised at my arrival. I noticed that she looked a little more dishevelled than usual (though I would never tell her that!) and wondered whether she too was a little sleep-deprived after last night. "Why didn't you say you were coming over? I could have picked you up."
I followed her into the house and said hello to André.
"I needed to speak to you, and in person" I began. "I couldn't do this over the phone and I couldn't talk to you without talking about it, so I came over. André, could you give us a minute?"
"Suddenly I need the bathroom" he declared and left the two of us alone in the living area. I took her hand, sat on the couch, pulling her down next to me, looked her in the eyes and began,
"I spent all night thinking – about what you said to me – I played out a million possible scenarios and conversations between us – but none of them sounded sensible, so I'll just do it this way. I love you too, Tori Vega". Then I kissed her. She kissed back.
"I'm so glad to hear you say that Freddie" she said, a huge smile on her face.
"I would have told you last night if you had stayed around. Why didn't you?" I asked. She took a deep breath.
"I didn't want to pressure you. I just sprung it on you and didn't want you to either feel you HAD to say it – or have the awkwardness of us being stood there with you feeling unable to say it. It was the right time for me to tell you, but I didn't know if it was time for you as well."
I really wasn't sure how to respond to that so I decided not to. I simply leaned in and began making out with her again. André emerged a few seconds later and observed,
"I see everything's chill then for you two."
Tori reluctantly pulled away.
"Yeah" she said with a broad smile. "We gotta rehearse" she said, looking disappointed. "Stick around, we'll get the songs down then we can just hang for the rest of the day."
"Sounds like a plan" I said, grinning.
Wow, Tori had told me that the songs sounded good – I didn't realise just HOW good though. I still hadn't heard her duet with Jade (she wasn't here after all) but the others sound great. I can't wait for opening night when Tori's giving them absolutely everything. After they'd finished rehearsing them, we sat having lunch, talking about everything and nothing, then André decided to head home and leave us to it, though he may have been influenced by Trina's return. We exchanged pleasantries with the elder Vega sister before Tori and I decided a walk in the local park was in order.
"I got an e-mail from Carly last night" I told her. Her body tensed noticeably, her hand tightening around mine.
"What did she want?"
"To make things better. She's suggested doing an iCarly special the next time I'm in Seattle and trying to undo the damage that they caused to my reputation."
"Oh, well it's good that they're trying to make things right I guess, especially as you'd be across the hall from Carly. It would make your life easier, wouldn't it?"
"It would, yes. I've arranged to video chat with her tonight. At least start to rebuild things."
"Sounds good. You want me in on it?"
"Thanks for the offer, but it's probably better if it's just the two of us for now – unless Sam is there as usual of course."
"No problem."
We strolled round the park talking idly for a little longer before Tori drove me back to campus.
"So" she said, placing her arms round my back and pulling me close, "see you on Tuesday?"
"Definitely" I said, smiling at her before leaning in for a kiss.
"Love you" she said as we finally parted.
"Love you too" I said and waved as she got into her car.
Tom couldn't fail to notice the broad smile on my face as I entered the communal area and took a seat on the couch.
"I see everything's fine again" he observed.
"Yep" I said.
"Great – I might actually get some sleep tonight!"
"Sorry about that. Hopefully it won't happen again now. So what are you watching?"
"Just the football."
I sat watching with him for a few minutes before fixing myself something to eat then headed back to my room to prepare for my talk with Carly.
"Hey Carls, how are you?" I began.
"Hi Freddie", her smile was radiant. It had been far too long since I'd really seen her smile like that.
"How's school?" I asked. We spent the next few minutes comparing notes on classes and courses – I got the feeling that she was desperately trying to avoid the topic of coursemates, for obvious reasons, until I brought it up.
"Things are better with the guys on my course," I said, "After a while they heard my side of the story, and they accepted it." I decided not to mention Friday night. Fun as it had been I really didn't want Carly or Sam scouring Splashface to see if it had been uploaded yet.
"Yes, I saw you were singing with them on Friday" she said. Oh great, she already knows.
"You saw that?" I groaned. "I guess that means Sam has as well."
"Yes, you sang it well enough but I think Sam has spent the last two days watching the video over and over and laughing."
I decided a quick change of subject was in order.
"So, an iCarly special"
"Yes" she said, smile fading and putting on a more serious expression. "I'm glad things are better for you at UCLA, but we still need to do something to put this right for you, so what do you think about doing an episode when you're back for Thanksgiving."
"Sounds good in theory, but I don't think I'll be back for Thanksgiving. I probably need to be at work on Black Friday, so it looks like I'll be down here."
"Oh, that sucks" she said. "I was really hoping to catch up over that weekend. I guess we'll have to wait for Christmas and do it then."
We spent the rest of our chat talking about what was going on in our lives, mine with Tori (I kept it simple, I didn't feel the time was right to reveal the latest developments so I stuck to telling her about our nice meal on Saturday night and that things were going really well), her latest love interest (like all the others it had been a short-lived infatuation and not gone anywhere), Sam, Spencer then signed off, agreeing to talk again during the week and to start to come up with some ideas for the iCarly "comeback".
