A/N: Okay, so I'm posting this before I draw myself away from this world and into the Realm of Studying For An AP Calculus Midterm (fun stuff…not). As usual, thanks for reading/reviewing; your feedback is always highly appreciated. The other half of this chapter will be posted on Friday cuz it's so dang long. Enjoy! As usual, I don't own Merlin; it's the property of BBC/NBC/SyFy/Arthurian legend dudes and dudesses.
Oh, and in Merlin's letter, the underlined words are supposed to be crossed out. Just a heads up.
Arien scurried up the steps to Gaius's chambers. It was early, but she wanted to surprise Merlin this morning. I hope I don't wake him, she thought as she opened the door.
A broom was moving violently across the floor by itself, sweeping the dirt from the floor into a large but tidy pile. Arien glanced around for anything that could possibly be moving the broom. Merlin was standing across the room, organizing several massive books; no one else was present. She checked the windows, looking for an open one that might let in a breeze. When she felt no wind, Arien shook her head a bit and blinked her eyes.
The broom was still moving. There was no explanation for this.
She walked as quietly as she could towards it and grabbed the handle to see if she could stop the thing. It protested against her grip, as if it wanted to sweep. "What in the world…?" she muttered, wondering how this could be happening.
Merlin glanced over his shoulder and saw that Arien was standing there. "Oh, Arien!" he exclaimed, flustered. The broom clattered to the floor. "I was just…um, cleaning?" he offered.
"Can you explain why the broom seems to have a mind of its own?" she inquired, her tone too innocent.
Merlin searched his head for some reason—other than magic—the broom would be sweeping the floor without any human assistance. "It's…a very special broom," he began. "Gaius saved it when Uther destroyed all magical objects."
"Really?" Arien wondered, her voice leaden with sarcasm. "Odd that someone so close to the king would be allowed to keep a magical object. Must've been a powerful spell to last all these years after the sorcerer died."
"Oh, he was very powerful," Merlin lied.
Arien's eyebrows arched angrily as she said, "Correct me if I'm wrong, Merlin, but I believe that a powerful sorcerer would spend his time doing better things than placing enchantments on brooms—especially ones that suddenly stop working."
"It just…gets tired," he offered, wishing that he'd been more prepared for an encounter like this.
"So when a powerful sorcerer enchants a kitchen broom, he can't even insure that the spell will last forever because the broom might get tired?" she asked, fighting to keep her voice relatively nonchalant.
"Mmhmm," he mumbled. There was no escaping this one.
"I deserve an explanation, Merlin," she stated levelly. "I gave you one."
He sighed heavily and racked his mind for any other excuse that he could give for a broom's independent motion. "All right. I'm a warlock, Arien," he confessed. "I've been doing magic since birth, but I've never used it for anything bad, I swear. I—can't tell anyone because, well, you've seen what Uther does to people like me."
"Let me see if I have this story correct, Merlin. You didn't speak to me for three days because I was keeping something from you—in order to protect myself?" Arien inquired, her tone finally revealing her emotions.
"Arien, I don't want this to happen again," Merlin pleaded. "I realized that I had no right to be angry with you because I'm doing the same thing."
"I really don't know what to say, Merlin. I've never seen anyone do that so nonchalantly," she replied. "And this is different. At least I'm not doing anything that is against the law of the king."
"Oh, and hiding from your fiancé is much better!" he snapped. "Because you're too afraid to walk up to someone with authority and explain what Brant's done!"
"At least I told you the truth about who I am!" she cried. "I didn't harbor some great illegal secret from the one I love!"
"I never asked for this," he hissed. "But without it, I'm nothing—nobody. I have nothing worth living for."
Seconds after Merlin spoke, he realized his mistake. "I'm sorry, Arien, I just…" he broke off, not sure of how to undo the damage he'd done.
"Didn't think. That's what you just did," she murmured.
Merlin took a step closer, wanting to do something to fix what he'd said, but she jumped back two paces. "You seem to have enough reasons to exist without me, Merlin, so I suppose I can just go," she said, trying unsuccessfully to fight the tears that were already running down her face.
"Arien, no!" he exclaimed, but she was out the door before he could say anything else.
Why am I such an idiot around her? he wondered, disgusted with how he'd acted.
Magic was a very touchy subject in Camelot. The word alone was almost taboo and every sorcerer that came along was quickly killed or burned. Merlin had never been eager to bring a fate like that upon himself, but right now it seemed a bit less painful than facing what he'd said to Arien. He needed to fix this as quickly as he could.
Arien stood outside Gaius's door for a few minutes, crying. The fact that Merlin had magic wasn't bothering her as much as she'd expected—the thing that ate at the core of her being was the fact that he'd been so hypocritical. He hadn't talked to her for three days because she was doing the same thing as he was. She didn't know if she could believe any of his promises of love after she'd been treated so coldly by him.
The last thing she wanted to do was go down to the kitchens and work, but it was her duty. At least Merlin would not find her so easily if she was working.
She dragged her feet down the stairs and to the kitchens, unable to get Merlin out of her mind. It was almost sadistic of her to think about him—it hurt, but…somehow, all of her thoughts tied back to him. Stop. Just…think of working. Pour yourself into it, she thought as she walked into the kitchens.
That was her mantra for the morning—she worked and did not allow her mind to wander during her tasks—all of her passion was reserved for cooking and cleaning. It was not a joyous existence, but Arien knew that it was better than anything else.
Merlin had been noticeably distracted all day and it was beginning to irritate Arthur. After Merlin had somehow given Arthur seven crusts of bread for lunch, Arthur said, "Merlin, just…stop."
Merlin continued to idly fiddle with something on Arthur's dressing table. "MERLIN!" Arthur shouted, chucking a piece of bread at him.
"What?" Merlin snapped. "Sire," he added hastily.
"What is wrong with you today? I didn't think it could get worse than a few days ago, but today it's as if someone stole what little brain you have and threw it into the ocean!" Arthur snapped.
"Rough morning," Merlin muttered.
"Arien again?" Arthur asked exasperatedly.
Merlin nodded, turning his face away. "She learned something about me that…made her doubt everything," he confessed. "And now she's upset. Again."
"The two of you need to work this out," Arthur decided. "Go…talk to her, write her a letter, serenade her—I don't care, just fix it somehow and keep it fixed!"
"Thanks, Sire, but I don't know if I can," Merlin replied.
"If this is not fixed by tomorrow, I swear I'll go and talk to her myself," Arthur vowed.
"Yes, Sire," Merlin obeyed, going off to find a quill and paper.
He wanted to disobey Arthur because he knew that Arien wouldn't fall back into his arms so quickly. He'd just gone through the same thing a few days ago. That's the question—how was I feeling yesterday?
Betrayed.
Empty.
Broken.
Utterly alone.
Bitter.
That was enough for Merlin to formulate a semi-decent letter.
"A young man gave this to me while you were away, Arien," one of Arien's fellow kitchen workers told her as she handed Arien a folded piece of parchment.
Arien opened it and glanced quickly at it. When she saw Merlin's name at the bottom, she shoved it back into the kitchen maid's hands as if it were aflame. "Take it. Burn it, throw it away, whatever. I don't care what you do with it, just…make sure it stays away from me," she said bitterly, fighting back tears.
"He looked positively lovesick, Arien. If you don't write something back, the boy might kill himself!" the maid exclaimed.
"I doubt he'd have the nerve," Arien muttered. Immediately after saying that, she felt her heart jerk. No matter what, she didn't want Merlin dead.
"Just read it. I'm not saying you have to feel a certain way, but he deserves a chance," the maid urged her.
"I gave him one and he managed to destroy it in a matter of days," Arien replied, though she was beginning to consider reading whatever Merlin had to say if only because she couldn't stand the thought of him suffering. He'd upset her, but she did not want to make him miserable…again.
"At least read it, Arien," the maid pleaded. "He didn't put his soul on paper just to have you throw it away."
"Fine," she agreed, taking the parchment back from her fellow worker.
Arien,
I know you won't talk to me if I approach you, so this is the only way I can think of to apologize (even though I know my words aren't important to you anymore). You trusted me with your secret—I should've given you a chance with mine. But I didn't because I'm afraid. I feel like I can't trust anyone here—they'd judge me because of Uther's opinion of magic. You weren't like that, I know, but I'm not sure if you think differently now.
Sorry, I'm really horrible at this. I don't know what I should say—the last thing I want is to say something and have it come out all wrong, like earlier today. I wasn't thinking (am I ever, I wonder?) and…stupid things just came out of my mouth. Lots of them, more than normal. Arien, if I could go back and change just one thing I said to you earlier today, I wouldn't do it just because I made such a mess of it all. It wasn't one mistake it was…a lot. You deserve an explanation, and I'm ready to give one right now. today. any time. whenever you want to hear one. It can be in front of all of Camelot for all I care, though that's not exactly my first choice.
I love you and feel like the horse stables probably did a few days ago before I cleaned them a few days ago. Worse, actually, since they weren't too horrible. (See what I meant about having no aptitude for this? I'm bringing up horse dung.) I can't think of anything worse than losing you over this. Everything I said was in pure anger. And yes, I know that there's a little truth to everything that everyone says when they're upset. I'll admit that I would feel like nothing if I didn't have it, but I know that if I somehow woke up and all of that was gone, I'd pray that you'd still be here—not necessarily even in love with me, just here in Camelot so that I'd have some reason to exist.
Words aren't working for me now, so if you want me to prove my feelings, I'll do it, no matter what it is. I'll find a way.
I won't stop loving you, Arien, even if you give up on me.
Affectionately,
Love,
Yours,
Merlin
Arien felt herself melting inside as she read it. She could almost see Merlin struggling to explain everything to her—gesturing wildly, breaking off in the middle of sentences, making himself look rather foolish. But she still was not thrilled that he'd kept something so colossal and life-changing a secret from her. Arien knew that not all sorcerers were evil, but magic was still a questionable ability. She wanted to talk to someone who knew Merlin well, preferably someone who also knew about his magic.
She glanced quickly around the kitchen. Everyone was preoccupied with something. Hopefully they wouldn't notice if she disappeared for a few minutes…or twenty. She needed to see the full picture and make sure that Merlin wasn't manipulating pretty words just to send her running into his arms.
It was high time to talk with Gaius.
"I need to talk with you about Merlin."
Arien's voice sent Gaius's head snapping straight up from his work. Apparently she was in a hurry; she'd simply opened the door and walked in. "Very well. What do you want to know?" he wondered cautiously.
"I'd appreciate it if you told me what he used his magic for. Aside from sweeping your floor," Arien stated crisply.
He did that again? I've told him countless times not to use magic so idly! Gaius mentally complained. To Arien, he said, "I don't know what would make you believe that Merlin is a sorcerer, but I can assure you that he is not."
"You're quite good at this," Arien remarked. "Although I suppose you're just trying to protect him. I saw him doing magic, Gaius, so it's useless to deny it."
"Arien, Merlin is like a son to me. I've done my best to raise him well, but apparently I neglected to mention that he should not lie about his abilities, especially when it's just getting girls to swoon over him," Gaius replied. "I think he owes me an explanation for all this."
"Well, you can go talk to him. I'll stop back here later—hopefully you'll feel free to explain a few things to me then," Arien responded, turning on her heel and leaving the room.
Gaius waited until she'd been gone for several minutes before continuing down the stairs. He didn't know if Arien had really seen Merlin using magic or if she was just trying to get information out of him, but he needed to make sure that Merlin knew what was happening.
It didn't take Gaius very long to find Merlin. He was moping around near Arthur's quarters, not doing anything obvious. "Merlin, Arien just came to see me," he muttered, taking a step closer to Merlin before continuing, "She claims to know about you."
"She does, Gaius. She saw the broom moving without anyone there to hold it. And I think we're over because of it," he replied glumly.
"I wouldn't place so much faith in that. She wanted to ask me about you. I just wanted to make sure that I didn't tell her something that could put you in danger," Gaius explained.
Merlin met Gaius's eyes hopefully. "I wrote to her today and tried to sort the whole thing out. Maybe she's talking to you because of that," he pondered.
"I'll let you know as soon as she speaks with me," Gaius promised Merlin.
At long last, the day was over.
Arien had been looking for an excuse to see Gaius ever since he'd dodged her questions about Merlin earlier. She'd been lucky to escape punishment for abandoning her duties for that short amount of time—she had not dared leave again. Hopefully Merlin would be busy elsewhere when she went to speak with Gaius.
The steps that led to his chambers seemed to fly by beneath her feet. This time, she knocked on the door, which Gaius answered. "I assume you've straightened things out with Merlin and made sure that he's all right about us talking about this," Arien said immediately.
"Yes, I did speak with him and he explained to me that you know about his magic," Gaius muttered, closing the door behind Arien. "What exactly did you want to know?"
"How does he use his magic?" Arien wondered bluntly.
Gaius was slightly taken aback by her bluntness, but explained, "I don't know what he used it for before he came to Camelot, but since he became Arthur's servant, he often uses it to defend Arthur. And he uses it to do his chores quite often, although I keep warning him that he shouldn't use it to accomplish anything that can be done without it."
Arien kept her tone nonchalant as she inquired, "And have you ever seen him do anything wrong or bad to anyone because of this?"
"Merlin wouldn't harm a fly with his magic. He'd do anything to save a life, even if it meant risking his—and he has, plenty of times. He may put on the façade that he doesn't like Arthur, but Merlin has saved his life at least a dozen times," Gaius clarified.
"Gaius, I sincerely hope you aren't lying to me, because I'm about to base some very important decisions on your opinion," Arien told him, painfully stoic.
"I understand that you and Merlin are having some…rough times, but I wouldn't lie to you. He'd just end up being even more miserable over losing you after he thought that everything was all right, and I don't want to see that happen to him," Gaius confessed.
"Thank you, Gaius. I appreciate your honesty," Arien said crisply before exiting Gaius's chambers.
She ran down the stairs, heading for Arthur's chambers. Disturbing the prince wasn't the most intelligent idea she'd had all day, but since he spent so much time with Merlin, he'd be able to help her make her final decision. Trying not to think about what she was doing, Arien banged on the prince's doors. "Who is it?" the prince called lazily.
"Just…Arien," she replied rather meekly.
"Come in, then," he beckoned.
Arien awkwardly opened the door and walked in. "Um, Your Highness, I was wondering if we could discuss something," she muttered.
Arthur strode into sight. "I hope it's about Merlin," he said.
"Actually, yes," she confessed. "I…learned something about him this morning, and for a while I wasn't sure where things would go between us. So I decided to get your opinion on him. And please be honest because if you don't, this'll fall apart all over again."
"Well, I'll tell you everything you need to know about Merlin. He's defiant, somewhat lazy, an idiot, and doesn't seem to learn from his mistakes," Arthur began. "He's also unbelievably loyal, honest, and doesn't do anything halfway—except his work."
Arien's eyes widened in shock. There was no doubt that Arthur had been completely honest with her—he would have left out half of what he said otherwise. "Thank you, my lord. I appreciate your honesty. You've given me something very important," she murmured, curtsying to Arthur.
"I only hope that you're going to patch things up with him. He's an absolute wreck without you," Arthur informed her. "It was so bad that I actually had to give him time to somehow contact you."
Arien bit back a laugh. "I hope he'll be a bit more…awake tomorrow, my liege. Speaking of Merlin…where is he, Sire?" she wondered.
Arthur shifted his eyes around the room a few times before answering rather uncomfortably, "In the stocks. I had to punish him somehow, so…"
"I understand, my lord," Arien replied. But I don't have to be fond of it. "Thank you, Prince Arthur," she said, curtsying one last time before leaving him alone in his quarters.
Tired of running, Arien walked quickly to the stocks. Not to her surprise, there was a crowd of people throwing rotten fruit at Merlin. She stood alongside a nearby wall, waiting until everyone had finished and was going back to get more fruit. Then she sprinted to Merlin's side. "As soon as you're out of here, we're going to talk," she whispered to him.
He craned his neck in an attempt to meet her eyes. "Thanks, Arien," he murmured.
"You're welcome," she replied, squeezing his hand briefly.
A fresh crowd was coming, baskets loaded with rotten fruit. Arien hurried out of the way and anxiously waited for Merlin's time in the stocks to be up. She wanted to hear the explanation of his magical abilities from his own mouth, just to make sure she was making the right decision.
Eventually, a guard released Merlin and he stood up straight, stretching his neck and arms. Arien walked over to him, her heart racing. "I'll help you get rid of some of this," she offered, "and you can tell me the full story."
"All right," he agreed.
They walked up the long flight of stairs to Gaius's tower in contemplative silence. Merlin was wondering what Arien's decision would be. She had been civil enough to him so far, but civility might not lead back to romance.
Meanwhile, Arien's heart was racing as she thought of everything that Arthur and Gaius had told her about Merlin. She only needed his side of the story before she made a final decision about their relationship. I think I already know, she realized as Merlin opened the door.
She followed him inside and sat at one of the benches as he got a bowl for the various vegetables and fruits covering his head, neck, and shoulders.
"So Merlin, please explain your magic to me," Arien asked, pulling something that vaguely resembled an apple out of Merlin's hair.
"I've had it ever since I can remember. It's not something I've ever had to study or think about—it just happens. I can move things with my eyes, slow them down, and sometimes I learn spells and use those. It's like…breathing, I guess," he explained. "But I've never use it for anything bad," he added hastily.
"Can you show me something?" she asked innocently. This was his last test.
"Sure, of course," he promised.
He muttered a few unintelligible words, cupping his hands together. He opened his hands, revealing an exquisite white rose with pink edges. "There," he said, presenting Arien with the flower.
"Well Merlin…I made my decision a while ago, but now it's final. I will gladly give you a second chance," Arien said, no longer pulling lettuce off of Merlin's neck.
If they were allowed a normal relationship, they would have shared a kiss with no hesitation. Instead, they embraced momentarily before they both realized that Merlin was still covered in rotten food.
"Thank you, Arien. I'm so glad you decided not to give up," Merlin confessed, visibly relieved by her decision.
"Well, after reading your note, I spoke with Gaius and Arthur, and they said a few things that led me to it," she explained, beginning to pick the food off of Merlin again.
"Can't say I blame you, after I hid something like that," he remarked.
Arien laughed. "Well, I think I understand it, finally. Now that we've both revealed our most precious secrets, I hope there's nothing else that needs to be said," she declared.
"Well, now that you know everything about my…ability, I should explain that, according to the dragon that Uther keeps imprisoned under his castle, it's my destiny to protect Arthur," Merlin informed her, perfectly serious.
Arien stared at him in shock for a moment. "I wasn't being completely serious when I asked that, but I appreciate your honesty," she replied, her tone softening. "Hmm, I'm afraid I don't have anything quite that interesting to explain. You already know that I wanted to be a bard, so…I suppose I could tell you that I am literate, as are all of my siblings, and once wrote a love song."
"For who?" Merlin wondered. Somehow, he'd expected Arien to be new to the field of romance.
"No one," she confessed, rolling her eyes as she recalled that foolishness. "It was absolutely atrocious. I'm sure that I could write something a bit better now."
"Then what were you singing yesterday?" he inquired.
"An old song that I heard from a bard in Greendale a few years back. I loved it so much that I asked the bard to write it down for me. It's much more beautiful with the harp, but I never learned to play," Arien clarified, a note of sorrow in her voice at the end.
"You have a talent for singing, Arien," Merlin said to her. "Don't give up on it."
"I haven't. It's just…not right for me to leave Camelot right now. If I ever feel like I'm supposed to go, I will, but now…I like it a bit too much to leave," she confessed, gently touching Merlin's arm.
"I'm glad," he revealed, hugging her quickly. "We should be leaving soon, though."
"All right. I'll see you tomorrow," she replied before leaving the chamber, making sure that the door was thoroughly closed behind her. She was sure that Merlin wouldn't appreciate any more unexpected visitors.
