Chapter 22
Evening, the Fifth Day
Two hours later, the work crew returned to camp. Most went straight to their tents, but Wilson and Spock went to the map, taking with them PADDs and tricorders. They were soon deep in computation. Wilson looked happier than he had in days.
Ziem found the chief, who assigned her the first watch before leaving for bed himself. She checked the perimeters, and then decided to sit by the biggest fire pit and rough out her mission report. It didn't offer an unobstructed view of the camp, but no place did. She reasoned that her tricorder would alert her to any movement she needed to investigate. When she arrived she was surprised to see the captain, Doctor McCoy, and Lieutenant Uhura were already there, drinking from mugs and talking quietly around a large fire. Wanting to give them some privacy, Ziem turned to leave, but Uhura called out to her.
"Join us, Lieutenant Sabide. There's plenty of room. Do you want tea?" she asked. "We have a whole pot."
"No thank you. I have some work to do, and I would only spill it all over the equipment." replied Ziem, gesturing toward her PADD. Then she rolled a rock over to the table and sat down. She tried to be unobtrusive, although she knew she could never be unnoticed. The others continued their conversation, and she turned on her machine, determined to work.
She found it difficult to concentrate. She thought, What is wrong with me? I am four meters from the greatest hero I have ever had, and I turned down the opportunity to join him for tea. They didn't ask me to dance, to give a speech, to do anything even a little embarrassing, they asked if I wanted some tea. And I said no. I guess when I am an old woman I can tell my grandchildren that I served under James Tiberius Kirk, and one time I sat not that far away from him.
Sighing, she turned off the PADD and tried to call up enough courage to say, "I have thought about it, and I would like some tea, thank you." She couldn't do it.
The others seemed to have forgotten her. The doctor was telling a story about someone he had known at the academy. The young man had been locked out of his dorm after curfew and had climbed up through the garbage chute rather than take the demerits he would have received for awakening the door monitor. Lieutenant Uhura laughed but didn't say much. The captain must have known the young man too, because he kept interrupting the doctor to say, No, that's not true," or "Come on Bones, that is an exaggeration," but he never supplied any real corrections.
Ziem was enjoying the story, and trying not to disturb it by laughing aloud, when Ensign Chekov walked up to the fire.
"Sit down and join us." said the captain with a welcoming smile.
The ensign stood for a few seconds looking uncomfortable, and then said timidly, "Doctor McCoy, I think I am hurt."
"Well of course you are." said the doctor standing up with a sigh. "You've been here five days; it's too much to ask that you not be hurt."
"Sorry. I was fine until this afternoon, but it is getting worse." mumbled the young man, hanging his head.
"Well, let's see." said the doctor in a kinder voice. Chekov held out his right hand. When the doctor grasped it, he flinched a little. Looking concerned, Kirk got up and went to stand behind him, peering over his shoulder. The doctor continued to study the hand, stretching fingers and rotating the thumb. Chekov grimaced but said nothing.
The doctor said thoughtfully, "The big cut is definitely infected, and the smaller ones don't look great. But it's not too bad yet. I'll call and arrange transport up to the ship."
"No!" said Chekov pulling his hand back. "I can wait."
"It doesn't look that bad to me, and we will be out of here by noon tomorrow. He doesn't want to be sent home so close to the end. Just let him finish." said the captain. Chekov nodded, looking anxiously at McCoy.
"Thanks for the consult Dr. Kirk, but I feel like I am qualified to make this decision without assistance." McCoy said with a frown. "Sorry son, it really needs to be cleaned up."
"I should never have shown you." said Chekov bitterly. "You always say to come right away to the sick bay when I am hurt, but always I am sorry when I do." He looked resentfully at the doctor, and cradled his hand against his chest. He added, "This will make Lieutenant Lapinski happy. He will get to say over and over again how I couldn't finish the mission because I was so severely wounded in a fight with a chicken."
"Oh come on Bones! You can make this work!" said the captain, gesturing towards the ensign.
Dr. McCoy looked speculatively at the young man. Ziem knew he had a reputation for crankiness, and with his perpetual scowl he always looked grumpy, but she thought his eyes softened when he looked at his patient. He sighed and then said, "Okay Chekov, I'll tell you what. Because you came to me early, it's not too bad. I am going to have to open it, and clean it well. I can give you a hypo that should kill whatever's growing in there. I will look at it again in the morning, and if it's better, you can spend another couple hours in the sun since it means so much to you."
"Thank you, thank you Doctor McCoy. I appreciate so much you doing this!" Chekov said. Ziem had never seen anyone else who could change moods so quickly. It bothered her a little to find it so entertaining.
"Yeah, well, we will see how much you appreciate it when I lance that thing. It's going to hurt. It would be a lot more comfortable up on the ship." McCoy sounded grumpy again.
"I don't care. I want to stay." Chekov insisted.
"Fine, I'll wash up and we can get started then." said McCoy.
Ziem volunteered to get a field med kit from supply. McCoy must have forgotten she was there, he looked surprised to see her, but he agreed to her offer. He made Chekov push his sleeves past his elbows and wash with disinfectant. Once the stasis field was set up the doctor had the ensign kneel on a stone and slip his hand into it. He sprayed a sterilizing solution over the wound. Uhura and the captain joined Ziem at the makeshift surgical site to watch.
"Your hands are different colors." observed the captain.
"One is clean. It is the only part of me that is clean." laughed Chekov.
"I think I know how you got it infected then." said the doctor, checking vials and laying out instruments.
Chekov shrugged and said, "Maybe, but remember also I spent the entire mission cleaning bird shit off computer screens."
"Hmmm, that's right. Maybe two hypos of antibiotics then," mused the doctor. "You are supposed to wear gloves for that sort of work."
"I did. You do not appreciate the volume involved. It is in the gloves, my boots, my bed roll."
The captain laughed, "Your uniform."
Chekov looked down and smiled. He said, "You noticed?" Then he added cheerfully, "I shall always remember this as the shit planet."
The doctor grumbled, "They're all shit planets if you ask me." He picked up a scalpel and studied it briefly before frowning at the ensign and saying, "Okay, numbing something that inflamed would hurt as much as lancing it will, so I am going to just do it. Now remember, no whining. This is what you asked for, right?"
Chekov was beginning to look nervous, but nodded weakly. The doctor reached towards him.
"Wait!" said Captain Kirk. McCoy paused, scalpel raised; doctor and patient looked at the captain.
"Do you want Uhura to hold your hand?" Kirk asked solicitously.
Uhura shot the captain a cold, cold look. Chekov looked embarrassed, while he was distracted, the doctor sliced his wound. Chekov gasped and let loose with a long stream of what had to be more Russian swearing.
"Okay, let's clean this out." the doctor said and then went to work with antiseptic smelling swabs. Chekov got paler and continued to breathe heavily.
"You aren't going to faint are you?" asked the doctor crankily. Chekov shook his head and bit his lip.
"Trying not to whine?" asked the captain in an encouraging tone.
Chekov nodded, this time more vigorously, and he started to smile.
"See that Bones? You say no one ever listens to you, but they do." Kirk said.
The doctor snorted and dropped the swabs. "Definitely two hypos of antibiotics." he said, reaching behind him. Chekov closed his eyes. He grimaced with the shots but didn't say anything.
The doctor started to wrap Chekov's hand in a clean cloth. He said, "Well that's it. I took a specimen, and if it doesn't look better in the morning we can run it up to the lab. In the meantime I don't want to close the wound. Sit by the fire for a while so I can make sure it doesn't bleed too much, and then I'll put a sealant on it before you go to bed. I'll check it in the morning and we'll see how it looks then."
"Thank you Doctor McCoy." Chekov murmured. He moved gingerly over to the fire where he dropped to the ground and leaned his head against a stone seat.
McCoy went and sat at the fire too. Hewatched the young man for a few seconds and then said gruffly, "Keep your hand up. It will throb less."
Chekov complied with the doctor's instructions. He looked unhappily at his hand and sighed again.
"Do you want some tea Pasha?" asked Uhura kindly. The young man closed his eyes and nodded feebly. She reached towards the fire for the pot and then asked, "Are you sure you won't join us Lieutenant Sabide?" Ziem froze, uncertain what to do.
"Sit down Ziem. She makes great tea." said Chekov.
"Yes" laughed Uhura. "I have a special recipe. It calls for water and tea leaves."
"Better than the replicators" said Chekov.
"That's faint praise, but I will take it." Uhura said, "Lieutenant Sabide?"
Ziem took a deep breath. "Yes," she said, "I would like some tea. Please." Feeling incredibly awkward, she took a seat on the rock closest to Pasha. He smiled up at her, and wiggled back to lean against her leg. No one else seemed to notice, but it made her feel good, like she was helping him. He sighed and rested his head on her knee. She had to remind herself not to stroke his curls.
Lieutenant Uhura poured tea into cups salvaged from the ration packs. She walked carefully around the fire to hand one to Ziem, and then one to the ensign. Ziem admired the graceful way she moved. Back in her own seat, Uhura watched Chekov, smiling encouragingly at him. The flames were reflected in her dark eyes, and Ziem thought wistfully that it must be wonderful to be such a very lovely woman.
Movement caught Ziem's eye. The captain was sitting next to her. He was staring intently at the ensign. Captain Kirk kept subtly jerking his head toward Uhura and raising his eyebrows, he was clearly trying to pantomime something. Confused, Ziem looked down at Chekov and saw that he too was studying the lieutenant, but he looked thoughtful, like he was considering something. She saw the young man glance over at the captain, who nodded enthusiastically.
Chekov chewed on his bottom lip briefly, and then took a deep breath, sat up straighter, and said in a pathetic tone, "Lieutenant Uhura?"
"Yes Ensign Chekov?" Uhura answered in a gracious voice.
"I wish, well, please, could you would do something for me? It would be so helpful, I would do it myself, but," he sighed, "I have this very painful injury, and, well." He let his words trail off and looked sadly at the lieutenant.
"Don't even try Pasha," Uhura said briskly. "You know I don't think you're nearly as adorable as everyone else seems to."
Chekov looked up at Kirk. He didn't say anything, but his expression looked like he wanted help.
Kirk chuckled and whispered, "I have faith in your super power. Try again."
"Or you could just ask me like a grown up." said Uhura
Chekov sighed and then took a deep breath and speaking slowly, said, "Please, please, please. Remind Mr. Spock that I was not responsible for the chicken situation. I know he is angry about it. Please."
"I don't think Spock cares." said McCoy.
"He cares." Chekov said emphatically. "I can tell by way he stands so straight when he looks at me."
"He always stands like that, like he's got a rod up," began McCoy.
"No, he's right." Uhura interrupted. "Spock's, well, he's not upset. But he's...somewhat disturbed by some of the choices made on this mission." Looking at Chekov she added, "I don't think he blames you though."
Chekov said, "When we return to the ship I am to assist him in the analysis of the data we collected. That means after we finish alpha shift we will be spending many more hours together in a lab. Think about how it will be! Already sometimes he will work without speaking for six hours. I will have to sit there in the silence, and try not to be annoying."
"Probably failing at it entirely," interjected the captain, matching Chekov's mournful tone.
Chekov nodded and continued. "Yes, exactly captain. And Nyota, all the time, I will have to sit there and know he is disappointed in me. It will be horrible. I will be so nervous. I will probably accidently erase all the data, or hit my head and bleed all over the computer and cause a ship wide loss of power."
Kirk said, "He's not exaggerating Uhura. Anything could happen. Think of the ship."
Uhura frowned at the captain. "You know that isn't true." She looked over at Chekov and continued, "and I have told you many times that I wish you wouldn't talk that way about yourself."
Chekov pleaded, "He will listen to you. Please, please explain this for me." He sounded so desperate that Ziem knew she would never have been able to deny him anything.
Lieutenant Uhura closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. She opened her eyes and looked at Chekov skeptically. He said nothing, but continued to stare at her sadly. He did move his bandaged hand higher on his chest, and rubbed it absently with his good hand.
Finally Uhura sighed and said, "Oh, all right. If it is that important to you, I'll talk to him. But you really are making far too big a thing of this. He knows you weren't the ranking officer. Anyway, it isn't the first time he's been exposed to carnivores. He generally thinks highly of your abilities, Pasha. You don't have to worry."
The doctor said reflectively, "He's been exposed to carnivores, but he doesn't usually get to experience them with the kill still grasped firmly in both hands and dripping gore from its severed throat."
"Oh my God," moaned Chekov shaking his head. He sighed and then looked imploringly at Uhura. "You will remember? Please?" he begged.
"Calm down Pasha! I still think you are making much too big a deal out of this, but I said I would do it and I will. I'll talk to him at the first opportunity I get. I promise." Uhura shook her head as she spoke, but she smiled fondly at the young man.
"Thank you," murmured Chekov. Ziem saw him glance again over at the captain, who responded with a knowing smirk.
Ziem wondered why everyone seemed to think Uhura had so much sway with the first officer. She decided it was just assumed a communications officer would know how to say things in the most effective way, to whomever she spoke to.
"Thank you!" Chekov said again to Uhura. Again, he seemed to have recovered quite quickly. He grinned happily. Holding up both hands he added, "I feel so much better!"
"It doesn't take much to cure you apparently. I will remember that next time you need surgery." said the doctor dryly.
"But sir," said Chekov sweetly. "It would not work. You are a doctor, not a communications officer."
Kirk and Uhura both laughed, the captain very loudly. The doctor looked suspiciously at the ensign, who smiled at him angelically.
"Good one Chekov! He got you Bones! The boy is scoring right and left today!" said the captain.
"What the hell are you going on about?" the doctor said with a frown.
"Nothing, never mind, how did you hurt your hand anyway?" The captain asked, obviously trying to change the subject. "Was it a knife? You can tell me, you cut yourself didn't you?"
"No, a chicken" Chekov paused and looking up at Ziem asked, "What did it do? Not bite, you said. I can't remember what you told me to say."
"Oh, peck. The bird pecked you. Ziem replied.
"Peck, pecked. Yes that is right. Thank you." He turned to the captain and said, "A chicken pecked me."
"When you were wringing its neck? Was it trying to fight back? One last effort before it lost its battle to the Great Blanket Warrior of Death?" asked Kirk.
Chekov sighed and said, "No, when I was stealing eggs."
"You stole eggs?" asked Kirk. The ensign nodded and the captain continued, "Really Chekov, It seems like you spent an awful lot of time with these birds. When were you stealing eggs? And where did you steal eggs from?"
"Their nests."
"Obviously their nests, but where were the nests? Did you have to climb a tree?"
"They are by the river. There are maybe a thousand spread out along the rocks. I saw them when I was surveying alone, while you were gone. I spent some time analyzing them, since they weren't there in the original studies. However Burri says it is not unique or important, so it was probably not a good use of time."
"How did you find the rookery?" asked McCoy.
Chekov didn't answer; instead he looked inquiringly at Uhura.
"A rookery is an area where many birds have their nests together." she explained.
"More new words, lucky me." said Chekov quietly.
The Captain laughed again, but repeated, "When did you go egg stealing?"
"The day you left, while I was working in the field. But please let's not talk about it. I have had enough of chickens. I don't want to talk about chickens ever again." said Chekov firmly.
"You may as well tell us. You know Sulu will just drag it out of you eventually. We'll all hear it then." said the captain, smiling fondly at the ensign.
"True," said Chekov with a nod. "I will say I don't want to talk about it, and he will agree, but he will keep asking me questions until somehow I have told everything anyway."
"But you won't be mad, because somehow the way he does it makes you forget you didn't want to talk about it." said Uhura, also smiling.
"Yes, and also, it will seem much funnier when he gets me to tell it than when I was living it." laughed Chekov.
The officers sat quietly for a few minutes, smiling at the fire.
Eventually Chekov spoke again. "I would have liked this mission more if Hikaru were here."
"I agree, but everybody can't go on every one." said the captain. "Somebody has to watch my ship."
Chekov nodded and shifted in his seat. His hand, which had been resting on knee, dropped to the ground.
"Keep my work out of the dirt Chekov." snapped McCoy.
"Sorry, sorry." said Chekov, raising his hand again and looking guiltily at the doctor.
"I should go get you a cooling pad. It might help with the swelling. There will be some with the emergency packs." the doctor said thoughtfully.
"Don't bother Doctor McCoy, I just remembered, I have my own." said the ensign and he slipped off his pack and began to rummage through it. Triumphantly, he held up two cartons.
"Is that chocolate milk?" asked the captain.
"Yes, and when you open it becomes very cold. Will be perfect." said Chekov happily.
"I love that stuff. Way to be thinking creatively ensign. Now open them up and let's get them drunk." said the captain happily. Looking at the doctor he added, "Relax Bones, it would be rude not to have some, and anyway, he's doing it for his health."
"Oh for pity's sake," sputtered the doctor. "Don't use his health as an excuse."
Chekov popped the tops and handed one to the captain and one to Ziem. He looked so happy that Ziem couldn't say she didn't want any. She took a sip and handed the box back, he held it in his bandaged hand.
"Okay, that's good. Thanks." said the captain after a long drink. He handed his box to Uhura.
"I know! Chocolate milk is the best idea ever!" crowed Chekov.
Eventually, even McCoy shared the milk. The five of them sat around the fire and traded boxes back and forth. Ziem didn't talk, but the rest of them chattered happily about many topics. Eventually the doctor asked Chekov about constantly keeping his pack on. Pasha defended himself, saying, "I had no choice, between Burri and" he paused and searched for the correct word, then continued, "...unsympathetic fellow officers, I had to protect my possesions."
"I could keep it, help you out," the captain said. Pasha and Miss Uhura exchanged an amused look. Ziem got the impressioin they were sharing a private joke.
"That was the last of the milk sir," Pasha said.
"Well then, never mind," the captain said cheerfully.
"What else of any value could you possibly have in that thing? And we only have to look at you to know you didn't bring any clothes, so just spit it out." the doctor said.
"One delicious mac and cheese meal," Chekov said with a nod to the captain.
"Only one?" laughed the captain.
Chekov shrugged, "Somehow I ate three today."
"You ate three packets of macaroni and cheese?" sputtered the doctor. "In one day?"
Chekov glanced at the doctor and spoke more quickly, "Also three PADD batteries, two of which are depleted, my PADD, and one very dirty blanket. I rinsed it but I am still not quite comfortable putting my face on it. I am thinking it must be recycled."
"The one you used for hunting?" the doctor asked. Chekov nodded.
McCoy said, "Definitely recycle that."
"Right now I keep it in my pack and lay on that. Doesn't smell too bad, and is a very effective pillow." said Chekov proudly.
"Isn't it a little bumpy? I think it would be hard to sleep with your PADD and all those batteries." said Uhura.
Chekov shrugged and said, "I usually fall asleep with my PADD. I have woken up with my head on it many times." He seemed confused when the other officers all laughed.
"That is funny?" he asked.
"No, not really," said Uhura, "It's just...well of course you do."
"And I have a communicator," continued Chekov.
"Don't you keep that in your belt?" asked McCoy.
"I keep one in my belt."
"He takes two," said the captain. "I told the quartermaster it was okay."
"Why would," began the doctor.
"In case he loses one, or breaks it, or has it stolen, or gets it wet." said Captain Kirk. "All of which have happened, most more than one time. Remind us Mr. Chekov, how else you have broken them?"
The ensign smiled guiltily and said, "Are the specifics really so important? I prefer to look at it as, I have had some adventures."
The captain and doctor laughed. Miss Uhura only smiled, but very fondly.
In the time they had been sitting together it had gotten quite dark. The light of the fire made it impossible to see past the ring of rock stools, so when a disembodied, spectral face suddenly appeared Ziem jumped. "Ensign," Mr. Spock said in his usual dignified way, "I have come to enquire as to the state of your injury."
Chekov said, "Thank you Commander, my hand is fine. Doctor McCoy cleaned it and I shall be able to work tomorrow." He sounded a little shaky, but, she reminded herself, he was not responsible for the camp's security, she was. She reached over to turn the alarms up on her tricorder so that she wouldn't be taken unaware by any other visitors.
"You might be able to work tomorrow, and you might not. I won't know till I see that thing in the morning." McCoy said firmly. Turning to the first officer he added, "Spock, you about scared me half to death. You look like a floating head in that blue uniform. Could you announce yourself before you slink out of the woods next time?"
Mr. Spock ignored the doctor and addressed the ensign. "Excellent. It is possible, perhaps even probable, that the screens of the tricorders will require a last cleaning prior to our return to the ship. Your work in that capacity has been efficient throughout the mission, it is gratifying to learn you will be available to fulfill that responsibility tomorrow."
"Yes sir." Chekov sighed. The captain chuckled and lightly punched the younger man's shoulder. Many times at work in security, Ziem had seen young men demonstrate affection that way. She could not however, imagine the chief doing it.
Lieutenant Uhura patted the rock next to her in an inviting way and said, "And you would hate to think of Ensign Chekov being hurt in anyway."
Mr. Spock took the offered seat. Sitting rigidly, he raised an eyebrow and replied, "Obviously lieutenant."
"Would you like some tea Mr. Spock?" asked Uhura.
"Please." said the commander. She poured him some. He took a sip and nodded his appreciation. Ziem was once again impressed by the daring of the communication officer. Not many of the crew would have been comfortable telling the Vulcan officer to do anything, certainly not where to sit. Ziem couldn't imagine doing so. Uhura seemed perfectly relaxed, and something in her manner even seemed to suggest she found the commander amusing.
"So Spock," began the captain. "Ensign Chekov tells us as soon as we get back to the ship you plan to hole up in a lab and analyze everything we did on this trip. What exactly are you going to be looking for?"
Mr. Spock took another sip before he replied. "Information gathered on any mission must be investigated, evaluated and stored captain."
"That is not really an answer Spock." the captain said.
Mr. Spock raised an eyebrow and looked at the captain. He continued. "As we have had difficulty with data retention on this mission it is particularly important. After we ascertain the accuracy of what we have transmitted, we will need to examine and catalogue the information. Our mission is to create a complete record for eventual reclamation of this land. Having fulfilled that responsibility, we will then need to begin our search for the individual responsible for infecting the mission's main frame with the virus that corrupted the data in the first place."
Mr. Spock drank some more tea. He continued, "I admit, I am somewhat unwilling to comment further on my goals. I have formulated a hypothesis to explain the data corruption, and am uncertain of the wisdom of discussing it."
"Why's that?" asked the captain.
Mr. Spock looked at the captain again. He was impassive as always, but Ziem somehow got the impression he was surprised to need to provide more details. Eventually he said, "The analysis has not yet begun. It is possible some information may be overlooked if one searches, even subconsciously, more strongly for those facts which support an assumption. It is a behavior I have observed before."
The doctor snorted and said, "Spock, everyone knows you would never leave even one stone unturned if there was a possibility there was dirt on the other side. You wouldn't let anything keep you from doing a thorough job. Don't worry about it."
"It is not my work I am concerned about doctor." The first officer said calmly, taking another sip.
There was a moment of silence. Then, "Oh," Chekov said. He looked over at Uhura again. At first she refused to meet his eye, and busied herself refilling her own mug, but when she did finally look up, she seemed flustered, maybe embarrassed. Ziem did not understand.
The doctor leaned forward and said, "Spock, are you honestly suggesting Ensign Chekov would be rendered unable to evaluate data just from hearing your brilliant thoughts on the matter?" Ziem wondered if the CMO understood how rank worked. His tone was dangerously close to insubordinate.
"A hypothesis doctor is a theory designed to explain a set of observations. It is not necessarily correct. But neither is it simply thoughts. Ensign Chekov is a human, and the tendency to maintain favorite suppositions even when they are not supported by facts is well documented in that species. I have many times observed it myself. My reticence is an attempt to avoid a situation of that sort."
"So you are saying yes Spock." the doctor sputtered. "Of all the many stupid things I have heard come out of your mouth," The captain cut him off.
"Bones, don't start." said the captain, but not angrily, more wearily Ziem thought. Perhaps even he was getting tired of Phadru.
"Fine," the doctor said angrily. He smiled unnaturally at the first officer and said, "Humor me Spock. Just go on and tell me, what's your guess?"
"Vulcans do not guess Doctor McCoy. Further, I believe I just stated that I have in fact formed a hypothesis based on my partial analysis of some of the relevant data." Spock reiterated firmly.
"I think then that I may have a hypothesis also," Chekov said slowly.
"Interesting, would you elaborate?" said Spock.
"Hold on just a darn minute Spock. Aren't you worried that him sharing his idea will somehow pollute your ability to write a fair and balanced report?" asked McCoy of Spock.
"Quite the opposite doctor, if I am aware of Ensign Chekov's preconceptions I will be better able to evaluate his work and can perhaps assist him in maintaining an unbiased examination." Ziem was beginning to notice that Commander Spock tended to sound particularly clipped when he talked to the doctor.
"So Spock, you are saying you don't want to tell him your idea, because it might prevent him from seeing at the whole picture, but he should tell you his, and not to worry, because you can always see the whole picture."
"Your analysis is quite imprecisely stated, but essentially correct."
"So basically you are saying you are good at this, and he isn't."
"Doctor, I said nothing of the sort," Mr. Spock said calmly. "Ensign Chekov is unusually thorough in his work, but he is human. It would be illogical to pretend otherwise."
"Is there no end to your arrogance?"
"My statement is factual doctor. To be arrogant about a statement of fact would also be illogical."
"You logically believe you are better," began McCoy.
"Stop." said the captain. Pointing to the doctor he added, "Bones, I mean it." After a few seconds of silence he turned to the ensign and said, "Chekov, talk."
The young man looked at the captain uncertainly. Kirk added, "I want to hear your hypothesis."
"Oh, it isn't really a hypothesis. I didn't analyze anything. I wasn't even thinking about the computers. It is just an idea that came to me after Burri left." Chekov said.
"Well go on, spit it out." said McCoy. Commander Spock stared at the young man, who surprised Ziem by not faltering. He seemed thoughtful, but not nervous.
"I think Spand did it." Chekov said.
"He didn't seem the type for cyber-crimes to me," said the captain.
Chekov said, "He almost certainly paid someone to do the actual work, but I think he is responsible for the virus."
"Explain ensign," said Mr. Spock.
"When he left I gave Burri a gift."
"That was kind of you," Miss Uhura said.
"It was not my idea, and it was not a big gift. He was eager to be gone, so I was surprised when he took the time to come back and thank me for it. I did not think he liked me. He had said that he did, but I did not believe him, because he was rude so often. I tended to get angry and not listen to what he actually said. I did the same thing to Commander Khose at the academy. Did you know him?"
"The Tellarite?" asked McCoy. Chekov nodded, and McCoy continued, "He was a patient occasionally, blood pressure issues. He had quite a mouth on him."
"He was brutal in evaluating our lab work. I had just started speaking Standard. If you think I am not good at it now, you should have heard me then. Every day he would ask me questions and then complain for thirty minutes he couldn't understand my answers. I thought he hated me, but then he recommended me for honors. I was shocked, but when I thought calmly about it I realized he actually had never criticized my work, he had only criticized me."
Uhura said, "Very common for the Tellarites. Traditionally, they consider what we might call polite conversation to be a wasted opportunity for self-expression. He respected you enough to insult you. He would have expected you to respond in kind."
The captain added, "Now that I think about it, you're right Chekov. There really are some similarities between Tellarites and Phadruans. When we were at the compound everyone was either bragging or complaining about everything. No one could just ask for the milk. First they would say the milk was bad, and then they had to call you inattentive for not guessing they would want milk, and then finally they would insult the hosts for not putting out more pitchers so they wouldn't need to ask."
Chekov nodded and continued. "I began to worry that I had been unfair to Burri, so I tried to remember everything he had ever said to me. I decided he wasn't trying to be rude, it is just how he communicates. Then it occurred to me that he had told me many times that I was wasting my time surveying. He said that his entire clan already knew it. I had believed he was just denigrating our work. But I wondered if instead he was trying to give me information he thought would be useful to me in the way he was most comfortable speaking? But, how would he have known? As a servant he would not have been a part of any important discussions about the factory. I remembered that he had also told me many times nothing happened at the clan compound without him knowing. I believe he heard it discussed; maybe at home, or maybe when he drove them to our location, but he heard enough that he was certain we would not be using our data. If the clan knew of the bug and Spand is the leader of the clan, then I believe it is reasonable to conclude Spand is responsible for it."
No one spoke for several seconds. Chekov looked around the fire hopefully. Getting no response he said quietly, "As I said, it is just an idea. I did not consider any real evidence. Perhaps, I am wrong."
"Actually, it makes sense; it's a more likely explanation than I have been able to come up with. Tell us Spock, what do you think?" said McCoy.
Mr. Spock brought his fingers together, tapped them and began to speak. "If you recall from the pre mission meeting on the ship our discussion of Phadru's political environment, then you will remember the vigorous commitment expressed by the governing body to the development of this particular site for the smelter. You may recall too, that all reports stated both the planetary and local authorities were insistent that they would be responsible for every aspect of the development. The vehemence of those statements lead me to believe that it is possible; indeed perhaps likely, that many Phadruans would be comfortable interfering with Federation work to accomplish a goal they were committed to.
"I then considered that most members of a society capable of inclusion in the Federation would know that a program such as the one inserted into the mainframe for this mission could not go undetected for any length of time. Phadru is quite unusual in that almost no meaningful work is done by the actual inhabitants. I thought it unlikely many citizens of Phadru would have a realistic idea of what those who do work regularly with machines would or would not notice. This too seemed to me to suggest those responsible could be Phadruan.
"I observed during the visit by Spand and his sons that they were dismissive of the value and usefulness of our work. They seemed to find our very presence entertaining. Each son stated several times that they would never allow anything to prevent the development. I experienced the same response many times while attending theā¦" Spock paused, clearly uncertain how to refer to the party he had attended, "activities presented by the Truleyphadru clan. It seemed a common belief among the beings in attendance that the Federation was purposely creating obstacles to prevent the project, and that those most directly affected by the planned development should act to facilitate the process. I spoke with no one in the compound who demonstrated any reasonable understanding of our assignment or the work required to finish it. I spoke with many that considered the development an essential first step to help their clan reach a social prominence that seemed very important to them.
"My perceptions were reinforced through my discussions with Burri. He was, as Mr. Chekov has said, quite specific in his statements regarding the usefulness of our work. He also reported to me that the entire clan knew our work was meaningless, and that eventually I would know it too. I too came to believe he was expressing knowledge of our data difficulties.
"Finally, I reflected on possible beneficiaries of altering the data on our computers. There were very few. There are no known competitors for the development, and if there were, it would have been more logical that they try to influence the project far earlier in the proceedings. Similarly, at this late date there seemed to be no benefit to any other clan to interfere with the work. It seemed impossible that any being with any reasonable understanding of the Federation, the corporate world, current technology, or general business principles could have thought that overriding our work and replacing it with previously recorded data would be an efficient way to influence the development.
"Having deemed unlikely an attempt to stop the development, I then considered the opposite. Could this program be some misguided attempt to assist the development? That too seemed to me implausible, as it seemed anyone capable of using the technology required to accomplish the goal would never have chosen it as a reasonable one in the first place. On further reflection, I have however, come to the conclusion that this unlikely scenario is in fact the correct one. The perpetrators were Phadruan, and the Phadruans most benefitted by the factory were led by Spand. I believe Spand is responsible for the new programming."
"Really?" asked Chekov and McCoy at the same time.
"As I have explained." said Mr. Spock. He seemed to consider the discussion finished and raised his tea to his lips to take another delicate sip.
McCoy frowned at him and said, "So you reached the same conclusion as Chekov, it just took you twice as long and three times as many words."
"The ensign and I independently reached the same conclusion. As I have said, we will need to compare our suppositions with the actual evidence when we return to the ship." replied Spock.
McCoy turned to Chekov and asked, "How 'bout it son, you got a plan to keep Spock from being blinded by his assumptions? Going to be able help him perform an unbiased examination of the evidence?"
The young man didn't reply, but shifted uncomfortably in his seat and stared at his sore hand.
"Doctor," began Mr. Spock, but the Captain interrupted.
"I am going to agree with both of you. Spand is responsible for the virus. Although I am absolutely certain he paid someone else to create and activate it. The real question is what we shall do with the information." asked Captain Kirk.
"You don't need to do anything with it." McCoy said. "You'll need to report it and let the authorities deal with it."
"Again, I must remind you that we have only assumptions of guilt at this point. Any real proof is still in the future." Spock said.
"Right Spock, and consider, our actual mission was to do the analysis while we made sure we kept the Truleyphadru happy and cooperative. We've done that. Chekov was able to bypass the mission mainframe and back up all the data on board, right?" The captain looked at the ensign, who nodded. "And the Phadruans, or whoever the guilty party is, still think they were able to be in charge of the information we received, for whatever reason they thought that was a good idea, right?" The captain looked at his crewmembers for support. McCoy looked skeptical, and Spock non committal, but Uhura and Chekov nodded. The captain continued, "Then what would be the benefit of accusing the clan leader of a crime? It couldn't possibly speed up the project that we all want finished, and it might slow it down considerably. It goes against our own goals. I say we just pretend we never noticed the program, return to the ship and make our reports reflecting the information we saved, and go on to the next, hopefully more exciting mission."
"Captain, to do so would require the purposeful exclusion of information from our reports." Mr. Spock said.
The captain answered quickly. "Not necessarily Spock. We just allow someone else to decide if there was a crime." The Vulcan raised an eyebrow. His expression did not change, but Ziem had the distinct impression he did not agree.
Captain Kirk said, "Mr. Spock, I know it is important to you to be complete," Dr. McCoy snorted, the captain pretended not to hear and continued, "you go ahead and include a description of every problem we had in your final report. You can even research their cause and describe in detail how you investigated it. List all your conclusions. Make sure you include theories you investigated and rejected. And when you are finished, we will just send it back to Starfleet through regular channels, and hopefully the factory will be built before anyone gets around to reading it."
Mister Spock acknowledged the captain by raising his eyebrow even higher. Pasha looked at Uhura with wide eyes. She frowned at the captain. Only the doctor did not seem bothered by what he heard.
"Jim might be onto something. His idea would solve a lot of problems." said McCoy.
Chekov asked slowly, "Would you still want me to run a trace on the bug?"
"Our report could hardly be considered complete if you did not." said Mr. Spock.
"No, he's right. It might cause more problems than it solves. What will you do with the information if it leads directly back to Spand? McCoy asked. "Once you knew for sure you would have to include that piece of information in your report."
"I saw nothing at the compound to make me believe anyone in the clan, and certainly not Spand, has the ability or equipment to override the programing on our computers. If you do the trace and it leads somewhere else though, the information might help strengthen Starfleet's defenses against cyber-attack. I say we do it." said Captain Kirk.
"I suppose you could always say the trace was not successful if it does show the virus originated in the clan compound." said Chekov thoughtfully.
"The captain is not going to lie!" said Uhura.
"Oh, I thought that was what he is planning." said Chekov.
"No, no ensign, your captain is simply planning to make the report as boring as possible and hope it will get buried in a big pile and not get paid any attention." said McCoy.
"Maybe I don't understand," Chekov said uncertainly.
The captain laughed, "Maybe I should go write it out on some eggs, it seems like you don't have any trouble with those."
"Great, now we are back to chickens. Maybe Jim, you should finish outlining your plan to avoid reporting a crime before we begin again on chickens?" asked the doctor.
"I am not avoiding anything Bones, we will report everything. I'm just saying we don't need to rush it. Spock and Chekov can do their little investigation." Spock opened his mouth to interrupt, and the captain spoke more quickly. "This will of course be exhaustive and complete, in addition to reviewing and rechecking all the data it will require interviews, actually very lengthy discussions, with everyone involved even peripherally in the mission." Chekov turned his head to stare at the captain with dismay. The captain smiled more broadly, averted his eyes, and kept talking. "When they have investigated everything, Spock should write up their conclusions and then give them to me to review. I will do so, taking my time and doing a very thorough evaluation of their work. When I am finished, I will very shortly send the document right off to Starfleet, through normal channels of course. Is that acceptable to everyone?"
No one responded. McCoy frowned at the captain, and Spock stared at him with his eyebrow raised higher than Ziem would have believed it would go. Chekov gazed at the fire and sighed. Uhura finally said, "You know, it isn't that your idea is so bad. I get that you're the captain, and ultimately responsible for everything. I imagine avoidance is probably a very common way to deal with confusing situations like this so far out here. It is just that, you are so pleased to get to do things your own way instead of by the book."
"And that," said the captain, throwing out his arms expansively and smiling boldly, "is why you all love me!"
"Hmm." said the doctor. "You are always mighty sure everyone loves you, with very little evidence to back you up I think. Anyway, you'll have to do what you think is right with those reports Jim. Not that there was any chance you weren't going to do just what you wanted anyway."
"Probably," laughed the captain, "but I'm always interested to hear what the best and brightest have to say."
"Before you completely disregard it," said McCoy.
The captain nodded and said in the same happy tone, "I always consider it carefully before I usually disregard it." McCoy shook his head, but smiled wryly at his friend.
The captain looked excited, like he was eager for someone to challenge him. No one did. His crew sat quietly and stared at the fire. The stillness seemed to frustrate him. He started to look bored and drummed on his leg with his fingers restlessly. He looked around and eventually his eyes settled on Chekov, who sat with his brow furrowed, thinking.
"You had a good idea there Chekov." said Kirk.
"I had a good idea?" asked Pasha nervously.
"Your idea to just say the trace didn't work. And it wouldn't bother me at all to do it. It would make you look pretty incompetent though." the captain.
"Me?"
"Sure, Everyone would know you did all the scut work for the report, they wouldn't think Mr. Spock couldn't run a trace successfully."
Chekov shrugged and said, "No one would think about it for very long."
The captain asked, "Yeah, but wouldn't you hate for people think you failed?"
"I do not think I would care." said Chekov, but he sounded uncertain.
"I just know that I couldn't stand for people to think I wasn't good at something if I knew that I was." said the captain.
"I can't imagine the circumstances in which you would be able to keep your pleasure in your talents to yourself anyway." said Uhura drily. No matter how many times she heard it, Ziem could not help feeling shocked when the lieutenant spoke that way. Chief Giotto would have never tolerated it.
Captain Kirk didn't seem bothered at all. He smiled confidently and said, "True, I'm not one to fake modesty. I am capable of a lot, sometimes I almost impress myself."
McCoy snorted. "That's for sure." he said. The entire conversation was making Ziem quite anxious.
"None of you would really want me to hide my abilities. It would be wrong. Like, oh I don't know, throwing a basketball game or maybe even...losing a chess game on purpose." said Kirk, giving Chekov a knowing look.
The younger man threw a desperate look to Uhura, who shook her head at him before turning to the captain to say firmly, "None of us would know anything about that."
"How about you, Chekov? The captain asked, "Does anything I'm saying resonate with you?"
"No sir."
"But?" asked the captain.
"Nothing sir, I am certain you understand this better than I do sir."
"Always remember ensign," interjected the doctor, "differently may not mean better."
The young man clutched his bandaged hand to his chest, and rubbed it nervously. Finally he said, "Captain, sometimes I just want to watch vids."
"Did he say he wants to watch vids? I don't get it. Uhura, what is that boy going on about?" asked McCoy.
"Nothing." said Uhura emphatically, sending Chekov a fierce stare. "He's talking about nothing, and he has nothing else to say."
Chekov nodded nervously and went back to rubbing his hand.
The captain waited several seconds before saying with a sly grin, "Yeah, you don't know what you're saying and you don't have any idea what I'm saying. It's probably the pain of your chicken induced injury making you confused."
"And it is chickens again," the doctor grumbled. He turned to Chekov. "I almost feel sorry for you this time son. He's never going to let it go." Chekov sighed. The doctor continued, "Don't you feel even a little guilty James?"
"About what?"
"Well let's see, turning a blind eye to a crime,"
"I am facilitating a Federation project by not stressing what is really a minor inconvenience that might look slightly criminal on paper."
"How about using your first officer's compulsive behaviors to further your own plans?"
"He is going to do a thorough job anyway, I am just encouraging his natural talents."
"Continuing to bring up chickens."
"Alright, I am guilty of that, but face it Bones, the chickens are funny."
"Hmm," said the doctor, "if you say so, but how about tormenting your most eager-to-please admirer, who I have told you a million times can't tell when you are teasing."
The captain glanced at Pasha and smiled, "I have lots of admirers," he said. The ensign looked at him sadly, and then looked away. The captain laughed and said, "Fine, I will drop it for now, but I can not promise we will not be discussing this again." Pasha frowned. The captain laughed again. He stood up, stretched and asked, "Are you tired Bones? I'm exhausted. Giotto got us up at the crack. Do you think that guy ever sleeps? I didn't see him relax for one second last night. I think I'm going to go on to bed."
"I'll be there shortly, I got to clean up my surgery suite there." said McCoy, nodding his toward the used med kit, which was still littering the table.
"I'll help." said Uhura. Chekov nodded. They both stood, and Chekov reached down to help the doctor up. Ziem stood too, thinking it might be protocol.
The doctor scowled, but took the proffered hand and said, "I guess I'm a little too used to nurses doing all the tidying. I keep looking over there and expecting all that to be gone."
"Do you want me to get Lieutenant Sascheja for you sir?" asked Chekov.
"No ensign, that's quite alright." The doctor said drily.
The captain choked on a laugh, and said, "I would kind of like to see you go tell Sascheja the doctor said to wake her up so that she could clean up after him. Think she'd have anything to say to you about that Bones?" He reached out to pat the younger man's curls, "You are really very entertaining, you know that right?" Chekov didn't answer, but gave the commanding officer a sad smile.
Still laughing Kirk said, "Okay I'll, see you in the morning." and walked off towards the tents.
"Let me see the hand Pavel." said McCoy, flipping on the steri field and opening a pair of gloves. Chekov complied, holding his hand out, but his attention was on Kirk; he watched until he couldn't see the other man anymore. Then he turned to Uhura.
"He knows." he hissed.
"He doesn't know," she whispered fiercely. "He suspects. He's just fishing. Don't react and you'll be fine."
"Who knows what?" asked the doctor, poking at the wound.
Uhura looked questioningly at Chekov, who shrugged. "Pasha lets the captain win at chess. Well, it's probably more accurate to say he actively encourages the captain winning when they play chess." she said.
"Really?" asked McCoy, looking up from his work. Chekov, looking miserable, nodded.
"That's a smart move son." said the doctor returning to his work. "I'd keep it up if I were you."
Chekov looked dejected. Watching him kneeling, with his beautiful eyes downcast, and his hand splayed open under the field lights from the med kit, Ziem felt like her heart was melting.
McCoy scowled and said, "Consider your options carefully. Do you want to spend all your free time playing chess?" Chekov shook his head. "Well, if you beat him you will be playing a lot. He won't be able to stand it. Then too, consider if you want to apply yourself, start beating Captain Kirk regularly, and then watch him make out your duty assignment for the next month?"
"Definitely no." said Chekov.
"Well then, you better stick with denying everything." said McCoy briskly. "Now, as to this hand, it actually looks pretty good. I think I am going to risk closing it so you don't get it dirty tonight. I still want to see it in the morning, but I think you're home free."
"Thank you Doctor McCoy." Chekov said woodenly. He continued to look crestfallen, staring at the ground. Uhura looked at him and sighed.
"Remember when you said not talking was a victory?" She said. "Look at this as a battle. Ignoring him is a tactic. You can do it."
Chekov looked at her sadly. "I am not like you Nyota. I know I am going to confess and ruin everything."
Uhura was holding up a recycling unit so that McCoy could push the used supplies into it. She frowned at Chekov and said, "Oh for goodness sake. Do what you do every other time you want to get your own way. Any time he brings it up, just open your eyes wide and look sad."
Ziem assumed Pasha would be hurt by the lieutenant's comment, but instead he looked thoughtful.
"I suppose I could try," he said. "Do you really think it would work?"
"Well, I don't know for sure, but you seem to have pretty good luck with it. Even if he doesn't buy into it his yeomen surely will. They'll all think he's picking on you. So at the very least you'll get the satisfaction of seeing him served cold coffee." said Uhura.
"Sure son," said the doctor, "it will work great. Every time he implies you're a cheat, just concentrate on looking fawn like."
"I think the preferred term is puppy like." said Uhura, hiding a smile.
"Truthfully, I am not crazy about either one," said Chekov, "but I must admit, having even a pathetic plan is better than none. I am beginning to feel more confident now that I have an idea of what to do." His expression brightened and he added, "and we know how he feels about breakfast. I think there is a good chance maybe that once he gets cold coffee he will forget about me!"
"Somehow in one hour I've involuntarily acquiesced to the captain's plan to confound Starfleet and the ensign's plan to do the same to the captain." said McCoy. "You never know; when you get up each morning, what you will do before the day ends, do you?"
"Not on this crew anyway, like Pasha said, we have some adventures." agreed Uhura, folding closed the recycling unit and tucking it under her arm for later disposal.
"Aren't we lucky?" asked Chekov, smiling brightly at his crewmates.
"Indeed Ensign Chekov. Although there is no such thing as luck, I too have found my inclusion in the crew of the Enterprise to be a source of satisfaction." Ziem had forgotten Mr. Spock until he spoke from his seat by the fire. Lieutenant Uhura turned towards the Vulcan officer. Ziem was surprised by the brilliance of the smile she gave him.
"Luck, satisfaction, nightmare, whatever you want to call it, we'll all tolerate it a lot better tomorrow if we get some sleep tonight. Good night and I'll see you in the morning." said the doctor. He sounded far less gruff than usual. Picking up the supplies, he walked off towards the tents. Uhura and Mr. Spock followed. Ziem could hear them speaking quietly together as they walked away. Pasha lingered by the fire.
"You have first watch?" he asked. She nodded and he continued. "I hope you can rest afterwards. It will be busy tomorrow Ziem. I am afraid we will not be able to talk, so I wanted to tell you that I enjoyed meeting you, and I hope that we will see each other on the ship."
"I hope so too." said Ziem quietly; her heart began to beat heavily in her chest.
"Geoff has breakfast with me when he works beta shift. You could come with him sometime." he suggested.
"I'd like that." said Ziem, her heart thumped.
"Okay, that will be fun." he said with a pleased smile. "Good night Ziem."
"Good night." she replied. As he turned to go she called out, "Pasha?" He turned back with a smile. "Are you really going to try to trick the captain?"
He shrugged and said, "I don't like to think of it like that, but I guess I am."
"Do you think it will work?"
He looked thoughtful, then shrugged again and said, "I would guess not, but then, I did not think it would work on Lieutenant Uhura today either. He told me it would, and he was right. So it is worth trying, I think."
"Captain Kirk told you to do that?" asked Ziem.
"It was all his idea. He could tell I was worried about Mr. Spock, he said to ask her to fix it. He said she would help me if I made it clear I really needed her to do so." He smiled mischievously and added, "Actually he said she wouldn't able to say no if I totally groveled. I think my way to say it is more dignified. Do you agree?"
"I guess so. But couldn't you have just asked her?"
Chekov said ruefully, "Like she said? Like a grown up? I do not think so. She doesn't like to be given responsibility for Mr. Spock. I would never have said anything without the captain's encouragement."
Ziem thought again that the command crew all seemed to have great faith in the powers of Lieutenant Uhura's communication skills.
"I was not comfortable today, just now." She wasn't comfortable talking about it either, but she wanted him to know she cared.
"Just now?" He seemed confused. "Oh, you mean when the captain was teasing me." She nodded. He said thoughtfully, "You know the doctor is wrong, I usually do know, I just can't think what to say." He smiled and added, "Do not worry, now that I have a plan I feel better about the chess part. Anyway, it bothered me more when Mr. Spock implied I was not good at research. He is probably right. He usually is. And the captain is right too. Chickens are funny."
"You don't seem very upset."
"I am not." He looked at her closely, and then asked, "Are you? But Ziem, I am lucky. It is impossible to tease a stranger; the joke only works if you personalize it. The captain of my ship knows me that well. How many ensigns can say that?"
She suddenly felt very overwhelmed. She wanted to be alone and think. "Sleep well Pasha." she said. She worried she sounded abrupt, but he didn't seem bothered at all.
He smiled. "I will, thank you Ziem," he said.
After he left Ziem sat in the dark and thought. She knew she should start her report, but instead she replayed the evening in her mind. I finally spent time in the company of Captain Kirk. I can literally write home about it. I wonder what I should say. She considered her commanding officer. He was nothing like what she had always assumed. He was maybe less noble, but much more interesting. Lieutenant Uhura had said he didn't need anyone else to praise him, and now Ziem understood what she had meant. But she still wasn't sure she agreed.
He liked to do the unexpected. The captain had gotten the doctor to let Pasha finish the mission. Pasha was an ensign; there were probably 75 others on the ship, many of them perfectly capable of taking over for him. But the captain, despite having teased him for the entire length of the mission, had obviously cared about how this particular ensign felt, and had arranged for him to stay. She thought she might like the real captain, kind and funny, more than the imaginary one she had admired for so long.
Of course, she admired Mr. Giotto too. She knew that in the same situation he might have had similar feelings, but he would never have allowed them to supersede routine. Nor could she imagine the chief counseling any ensign on how to get a lieutenant to do a favor for them. He would always value the mission above the individual, and she had always respected that.
She knew the common Starfleet stereotype of the faceless red shirt, but far from resenting it, Ziem had always considered it to be a worthy, maybe even, the very best objective of service. She followed the rules to the letter, and put as little of her individuality in to each situation as was practically possible. Sometimes she had even wondered if one of the reasons she hated being the largest person in her division was that she knew she was never nondescript. She strove to be an essential but interchangeable member of the team.
Until this mission she had never questioned that goal. Her childhood on Bahz had prepared her well for it, and as a being uncomfortable with much attention, she longed for anonymity. But the captain did the opposite. Perhaps because they were such a small group, and had been through so much together, or perhaps because they were a stable unit and didn't have the frequent personnel changes inherent in security, or maybe because of the influence of their charismatic leader, but every member of the bridge crew did too. I only just noticed this. And I should be truthful; I only noticed it because I am watching Pasha so closely, which is embarrassing. Normally, I do my job, and I don't care about who I am doing it with. But he kind of interests me, which is ridiculous, because he is too young and way, way too small for me. And I should have said that when he asked me to breakfast. I am being stupid. Her heart began to beat hard again. She shook her head and willed herself not to think of it any more.
She tried again to start her report. She turned on the PADD and opened a new page. But her imagination kept returning to the conversation in which the captain had told Pasha how to get Miss Uhura to help him. It was really very impressive, for one person to be able to describe to a second how to move a third. The captain had to know both of them very well. Suddenly it occurred to Ziem that there wasn't a single being on the ship who knew her well enough to be able to do that. I always think how painful it is for people to notice the odd things about me, but I forget that those are usually the things people treasure most in their friends.
She sat very still. Do I have friends? She wasn't sure. She had people she ate with, and many people she talked with, about work mostly, but she had never felt left out. She told herself firmly to stop thinking and reached up to adjust the brightness on her screen. She entered the date on her work, but then stopped again. She stared into space and remembered Pasha's hands on her arms as he told Burri she had won their race. She had been so happy. Her response had been disproportionate to her involvement. She remembered the water fight and then the turtle hunt she hadn't joined. She thought about the star gazing she hadn't done. She felt wistful. She shook her head and told herself to stop being so foolish. I didn't want to do those things at the time; it is silly to regret them now.
She turned her thoughts back to the captain, who she had admired for so long. He was different, and so was his bridge crew. They were a team, but they were far from faceless. She wondered if that was a good thing. When she watched them together, she felt like it was. It helped them be bigger than the sum of their individual parts. But there were downsides too. Ziem thought about Tim Lapinski, who was so bitter about his role on the ship. He was right; he would never be a part of the bridge crew. She wasn't certain what his specialty was, had never thought to ask, he was probably competent, but if he had the skills to compete with whomever he would have needed to replace he would have already been there. He didn't have the right personality to work his way into the captain's little group any way. The captain didn't like him. He took too much pleasure in other's misfortune. She couldn't bring herself to be sorry for him, but she could understand what he felt. Being valued for your self was wonderful, being excluded for it was painful.
Maybe no one knew her, but at least no one could tease her like the doctor did the first officer, or Miss Uhura did both Pasha and the captain. Captain Kirk teased apparently everyone he knew, even the chief, but he especially teased the member of the bridge crew. I wouldn't want that. I am glad no one knows me well enough to laugh at me. I couldn't stand it.
She shifted uncomfortably and rubbed her chin. Of course, Pasha is right. You can only tease someone you know well, and those may be the people you care about the most. She thought about how Pasha looked to Uhura when he didn't understand. It occurred to her that she had no one she could ask for help with just a glance.
I spend my off time trying not to be noticed, and my work time trying to do whatever the book says I should be doing. I said I wanted to be unremarkable, but maybe what I really wanted was to be perfect. And that means that no one knows me, and I don't really know anyone. It sounds sad, but it is comfortable, and I have been satisfied. I still should be. But what if I am missing something important? What if everyone knows everyone except for me? I wonder if Geoff has a whole group of beings that love his constant interest in food, and cares about his wall ball scores, maybe cares about everything that happens to him. I never paid attention so I don't know. He might. Maybe it's his rugby team. Or maybe it's the guys he patrols with. Maybe even Pasha is part of his little group. I guess if the bridge crew is a family, then maybe they would have cousins in engineering and security. If I were different, if I could bring myself to be watching less and worrying less, could I have that? Would I want that?
Ziem shook her head. She wasn't sure what she wanted. This mission was exhausting. She needed to get back to the ship. She needed to be where she knew what to expect and what to do. And when she got there, she needed to have her report ready. Determinedly, she turned back to the tricorder and began to touch buttons.
