She doesn't always take care of everyone's personal business, but this time (which might be the last time) she wants to get things right.
So she helps Jacob, not only for Jacob's sake, but to help all of the Hugo Gernsback crew, who don't deserve to be Ronald Taylor's toys forever. She helps Miranda not only because she wants Miranda's support, but because Oriana has (as far as Shepard knows) never harmed anyone, and because Henry Lawson reminds her of a James Bond villain. (One loop there was actually a vid made in which James Bond teamed up with "Commander Shepard'' to take down a sinister intergalactic crime syndicate. It was notable for the smoldering intensity between the two leads, whose actors left their respective partners to hook up in a splashy celebrity scandal. She should check and see if it exists in this loop, though she's not sure if Garrus would find it amusing or enraging.) She helps Grunt because it is just plain fun to kill a thresher maw on foot, especially when Garrus knows what's coming and begs her for the use of the grenade launcher, just this once. (She also enjoys the sex afterwards, in the shower, once they have washed off the thresher maw goop.)
One day Garrus comes up to the Loft looking distant. "Hey, what's wrong?" asks Shepard.
It's a minute or two before he answers. "I got the tip on Sidonis."
"Oh." She crosses the room to sit on the couch next to him. "Should we head for the Citadel, then?"
"Depends on how badly you want to give Harkin a beatdown. I can already tell you I'm going to let Sidonis go."
The first time through, she'd stood with her head between rifle and target, her heart pounding, her nerves prickling with the awareness of the crosshairs on the back of her skull. She'd never been truly afraid that Garrus would shoot her, even that first time, but she couldn't help but be aware. And that first time, she'd listened to Sidonis's faltering excuses and to the rage and pain in Garrus's voice, and she'd stepped aside. She'd already been more than half in love with him, trying her best to hide it as she wondered whether there was even the slightest chance that her feelings might be returned. And she couldn't forgive Sidonis for what he'd done, and she'd thought Garrus deserved to handle the situation his way. He hadn't expressed any regret to her until months later, quietly, a little confession—they'd both done things they regretted, after all, that was simply the nature of what they did—and on subsequent loops, she'd put more effort into saving the traitor's life, sometimes successfully, sometimes not.
Now she leans against his arm on the couch. "Really?"
"Yeah. It's..." He shifts his weight and leans into her. "I mean, I brought him onto the team, knowing what would happen. And I told you before, if it's not one traitor, it's another. It's like there's a part to play, and he's the one who has to play it. So... it's hard to hate him for that. I think... I think he punishes himself enough, honestly."
She sneaks an arm around him, silent support. "We could just send Bailey a tip about Fade."
"Yeah. That ought to do the job."
She's been thinking about what he said, a moment ago. "Do you remember talking to Javik about similarities between his cycle and this one?"
"Kind of. Why?"
"They had the same kinds of conflicts we did. Different species, similar issues. The rachni wars, the krogan rebellions, the Morning War, even the First Contact War and Cerberus. It's... like there's a template, something working behind the scenes to push things in a certain direction."
He goes very still. "The Reapers?"
"Or the Catalyst. Or something."
"And you think they're pushing us in these loops, too?"
"Maybe. I don't know." She sighs. "I feel like this isn't a new idea, we already thought it was something to do with the Catalyst or the Crucible. And maybe it doesn't really matter what's causing it."
"Maybe. But I think you said it more clearly just now." He's absent-mindedly stroking her leg. "Not everything is the same between cycles. The Prothean Empire was very different from Council Space. As Javik kept reminding us."
"Mm, yeah. I hope that means we can make a difference here."
"Me too," he says quietly.
#
After Tali's trial, Shepard tells Joker to set course for Illium. She takes Tali and Garrus and meets up with Liara at her apartment. Shepard is nervous, watching while the others scan for bugs. She knows she needs to take a chance, and it seems unfair to keep leaving Tali out of these conversations, but she hates the thought of losing Tali's trust, considering everything they've been through. She's practiced her speech.
"Tali, there's something I need to tell you," she says once they've settled down.
"Okay," says Tali, with a touch of wariness. "Is something wrong?"
"Yes. No. Sort of." This was not what she'd practiced. "Listen, this is going to sound strange, and I need you to let me finish before you ask questions."
Tali nods, so Shepard continues, "I seem to be stuck in some kind of... temporal loop. This is the thirteenth time I've done this mission. And what comes after, the whole war with the Reapers." She explains how talking to the Catalyst and making a choice seems to loop her back to the beginning of the mission.
Tali's eyes have been growing wider. She touches something on her omni-tool and holds it out toward Shepard. "Shepard... are you feeling all right? I know you've been under a lot of strain, and who knows what kind of tech Cerberus used to revive you..."
"I'm not delusional," says Shepard, feeling weary.
Garrus backs her up, just like always. "She's not. It's happening to me, too."
Tali turns to look at him, her head cocked to the side. "So you've gone through all this with her?"
"Not with her. I've been in... other loops, I guess, with other Shepards. We got split up after the first time, and we haven't been back together until now."
Tali turns to Liara. "What about you?"
Liara shakes her head. "No. I'm not experiencing the loop effect. They're telling the truth, though. I've read it from their memories."
Tali starts fidgeting, twining her long fingers together. "This is awfully difficult to accept, Shepard."
"I know. I was hoping... I'd like you to trust me, Tali. We want to find a way to stop it, and I'd like your help."
She looks at Shepard. "Of course I trust you, Shepard. I just... wish I could verify what you're saying." There's a moment of silence. "Does this mean the Normandy's destroyed over and over?"
"Yeah. That happens every time."
"Keelah. I'm so sorry, Shepard." She hesitates again. "Are we... going to survive this mission?"
Shepard suddenly gets an idea, and wonders why this didn't occur to her before. "There's some variation in the mission, but I think we're prepared enough this time. Listen, I can tell you exactly what will happen on the Collector Base. You can remember that—in fact, you can record a copy of it—and then you can compare. Would that help convince you?"
"It would help," Tali admits.
Shepard describes their progress through the Collector Base as best she can remember it; pretty well, after all those trips. Garrus fills in some details as they go along.
"That's... very detailed," Tali says when they've finished. "I'm nearly convinced just listening to you." She tips her head to the side. "I wonder if it has anything to do with the dark energy anomalies we've been seeing."
Shepard shrugs. "I really don't know."
Garrus points out, "The Crucible does seem to be designed to channel immense amounts of energy."
"Hm," says Tali. "The real problem may be to subvert this Catalyst AI you mentioned."
"That's one of the reasons I want your help," Shepard tells her.
Tali nods. "I'll work on it."
#
Shepard has been putting off going to Alchera until Garrus catches her scowling at Hackett's message, wraps his arms around her from behind, and murmurs, "I'll go with you, if you want."
"It's not that big a deal to go alone, it's just out of our way."
"Mm-hm. I'm sure that's exactly why you've been putting it off, even though we've been to Omega a couple of times since you got the message."
"Are you spying on my messages?" she grumbles, but there's no real resentment.
They take the shuttle down to the frozen surface. Shepard looks at the wreckage of her ship, her Normandy, her first command, strewn about her in an arrangment that's subtly familiar, even though it's different every time. Her boots crunch in the snow as she walks about, looking at the shattered ship and collecting the sets of tags. Garrus follows her without saying anything; he's always been good at knowing when to stay silent. She puts the memorial where she usually does, right in front of the piece that bears the ship's name.
When she turns around, he's looking at the frozen hulk of the Mako. "Think you can get it running again?" she asks.
He snorts. "Please, Shepard. Of course I can get it running. I've had plenty of practice."
"Hm." She takes a closer look, appraising. "You know... it might just come in handy."
It takes the crew a couple of hours to free the tank from the ice. Jacob initially gripes about the effort of getting it on the ship, but then grows surprisingly enthusiastic and winds up helping Garrus with the repairs. Miranda comes down to the cargo hold and looks at them as if the Mako is a noxious insect that they are inexplicably trying to revive. "Commander, I fail to see why you're wasting time and resources on restoring the M35 when we already have the Hammerhead—"
"Pffft," says Shepard. "The Mako is far more durable. Plus, it's more cold-resistant, seats more, and by the time Garrus is done with it, it'll have better armaments." She gives Miranda a pleading look. "And it gives me warm, nostalgic feelings. Aren't you concerned about my psychological well-being?"
Miranda snorts. "Fine, Shepard, have it your way." She leaves, but there's a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.
