Chapter 10: Arc of Time

Castiel's heart beats furiously as he follows Dean outside to the impala. He slides into the passenger seat, looking at his feet the entire time. He tries not to let his mind dwell on the image he has of Dean limping slightly, and the grimace on his face each time his injured foot stepped onto the hard ground. Instead, Castiel tries to plan out what to say to Dean.

His mind is racing as he realizes that this could be the end of everything. Maybe Dean didn't want him here anymore, or maybe he wanted someone else. He reminds himself to breathe, as he watches the outside begin to stream past him, blurring his vision slightly. Castiel sneaks a glance at Dean, who looks serious, but not angry.

Dean must notice, because he looks over at Castiel, their eyes catching. Dean's lips curve upwards in a small, reassuring grin.

"Are you hungry or anything?" Deans asks, his flicking quickly back to the road for a moment, then back towards Castiel.

"No...not particularly"

Castiel can't fathom eating right now. He feels nervous, unsure of what to expect from Dean. They had shared so much intimacy, more than Castiel had ever experienced before. Maybe he had done something wrong. The logical side of him reminds him to calm down, and not get upset until it is necessary.

Dean sighs a little, "Ok, well, maybe we can just park somewhere and talk".

Castiel nods back, looking down at his hands. His fingers intertwine, weaving a net, and he can already feel the annoyingly human perspiration beginning to form on them.

The car pulls into an empty lot, somewhere just outside a park. Dean turns the ignition and the low rum of the impala dies, leaving only silence between them. Castiel looks at Dean, turning his whole body to face him this time.

Dean lets out a small breathe before smiling at Cas. "I owe you an apology man. I'm sorry for taking off." he starts, hesitating slightly. He runs his hands over his pants and leans back into his chair before continuing, looking at Castiel for a cue.

"Oh, um, that's ok, Dean" Castiel says, unsure of what else he can say. It wasn't often that Dean apologized for his behavior, so Cas felt slightly better already. Anyway, his anger towards Dean had nearly dissipated once he had seen Dean walk in the door injured.

Dean shakes his head and laughs a little to himself. "This is hard...you know me, no touchy-feely crap."

"You don't have to if you don't want to" Cas says quietly, hoping that Dean doesn't take him up on the offer.

"No, Cas, the difference is that I want to...with you. I'm just not very good at it."

Castiel smiles and raises his eyes from his lap. His heart is still in his throat and his stomach is turning, but this conversation seems to be going in a good direction.

"I'm glad, Dean. I just...I was confused, and-"

"I know, I know" Dean interrupts, "and that's my fault". Dean takes a deep breathe and closes his eyes for a moment before looking at Cas again.

"Look Cas, I don't understand a lot right now. One thing I do know though, is that you make me happy. Happier than any of the blonde haired girls, drinking whiskey in a bar...or anything like that. So ya man, I'm confused too but not really about how I feel about you. It's just new to me, and it scared me honestly."

Castiel can feel a large grin spreading across his face, and he reaches across the seat to grab a hold of Dean's hand. His fingers caress the rough callouses and he squeezes, but doesn't let go. His mind wraps around Dean's words, their meaning. The reassurance coats him like honey, but does little to calm the butterflies in his stomach.

He cocks his head to the side slightly, choosing his words carefully.

"You told me not to walk out on you. I feel the same way, Dean. About everything." Castiel can feel his cheeks begin to burn again, and his hands perspire. If he had a soul, it seemed like this is what it would feel like to have it laid bare in front of someone else. His eyes meet Dean's eyes, and Dean's face seems to fall slightly.

"I didn't mean to do that to you," he says, running his free hand through his hair. "God, I'm a hypocrite", he says sadly.

Castiel shakes his head at Dean, and inches closer. "You're such a good man, the best I've ever known. We have been through much, and you always put me back together when I'm a mess."

Dean laughs gently, his eyes shining slightly. "You do the same for me, Cas. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose you."

Their eyes meet, Castiel's filling with water. Dean leans forward slowly, pulling Castiel closer. Their foreheads rest against each other, as they both smile in the darkness. The dark doesn't seem as daunting anymore, and Castiel feels invincible when he is with Dean. Castiel's eyes close, as he feels Dean's rough fingers wiping away the tears on his cheeks, followed by a soft brush against his lips.

Dean pulls back and smirks slightly before turning the keys in the ignition again. Castiel pouts his lips slightly and glares slightly at Dean, who notices and laughs. He reaches over Castiel and opens the glove-box, fumbling around slightly before finding whatever he was looking for.

"We aren't heading back yet" he says, grinning as he pops in an old looking tape. "This was my dads but he didn't listen to it much because it reminded him of Mom. I've always liked it though." His hands expertly skip several tracks. Apparently he has a particular song in mind.

"Scoot back" Dean says, gesturing for Castiel to lean back against the passenger side door. Castiel obliges, as Dean turns to face the same direction and lean back into Castiel's lap. His head is resting on Castiel's stomach and he looks up to smile softly. Cas can't help thinking that Dean is really bossy, but that it is sort of nice sometimes. Like now. He wraps one arm around Dean, resting his hand on Dean's stomach, while the other hand idly strokes Dean's hair, which still smells like fresh shampoo and a little like wood chips.

"You gotta listen to this song, Cas. It's really, really good," Dean says suddenly, tilting his head up towards Cas. Cas nods and closes his eyes, resting his lips on the top of Dean's head. The gentle guitar sounds fill the air, and the softness of the song is surprising. Most of Dean's music involved catchy guitar riffs and heavy drum lines. This was a pleasant change. Not that Castiel ever really paid much attention to music, but this seemed important to Dean, and he felt himself enjoying the words a lot more than the lyrics of most songs. He smiles slightly, as he realizes it is a love song...and that Dean was sharing it with him.

"I like this, Dean," he whispers into Dean's ear, as the song ends. Dean reaches up and rewinds the tape, starting the same song over again, before settling back into Castiel's embrace.

"It's called In My Life. It's by The Beatles. My mom loved them."

"She had good taste."

Dean nods and starts to sing along with the music, humming here and there. Castiel closes his eyes and reaches both arms around Dean, holding him close. Cas can't help but want this to go on forever. He had been broken so many times, he had lost himself for a while too, but Dean never gave up on him. He'd finally found his only little slice of heaven, and it was worth everything he had given up. He didn't know how he fell, he still couldn't remember, but he couldn't help but feel slightly grateful for it now. All he had to do was hold onto this moment, and he knew that he could never feel lost again.

The warmth of Dean's body against his, the firmness of Dean's arms that are reaching up around Castiel's neck, pulling him into a long kiss.

"Yes, this is heaven" Castiel murmurs between kisses.