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I'm so, so, so, so, so (x 1 million) sorry. I know that I completely ignored the deadline I set for myself and didn't update for two fricking months and I know I have no excusable reason except writer's block is a side effect of depression. I'm so damn sorry and I wish this was a really long chapter to make it up to you guys but I promise the next one (next week) will definitely be way longer.
Ruthless
Chapter 9: Not Everything Is As It Seems
[Bella's POV]
I wish I could say that I handled all this like a boss ass bitch, but I can't. That would be a total lie. I actually excused myself from Carlisle's office and locked myself into the bathroom. It killed me on the inside to see tears streaking my pale cheeks once again, but I couldn't control the overwhelming sadness and anger bubbling inside of me. My mother would be so upset to see me like this, but she would also tell me to be brave. She would tell me that women were much stronger than men and the only way to prove it was to show it. I had to show them that they couldn't bring me down. I had to put on a mask of indifference and take everything in stride.
I couldn't do that.
Could I? Was there a way for me to survive this hellhole of a marriage?
Well there was only one way to find out.
Assward wanted to marry me based off the Bella Swan he thought I was, but he didn't know who I really was. He had never met the real Bella Swan. Once he did, though, he would change his mind and decide not to marry me. He would regret having ever let the thought of marriage cross his mind. That was exactly what I was going to do. I was going to show him who I really was. I was going to make him regret ever meeting me.
Watch out, Cullen. You just signed yourself to your own worst nightmare.
Squaring my shoulders, I opened the bathroom door and paused when I heard the laughter coming from downstairs. They really had no clue what was coming to them.
Everyone except for Esme was gathered in the living room, talking animatedly in their own groups. Charlie and Carlisle were discussing a recent political scandal while Jasper chimed in from the side. Assward and Emmett were teasing Alice, who was being defended by the Ice Witch herself. They all turned their attention to me the moment I stepped into the room and I blushed.
"Esme wanted to have a word with you, Isabella," Carlisle told me kindly, though I knew better than to trust him. He had made me sign my life over to his devil spawn. He was just as bad as the rest. "She's in the kitchen now."
I nodded and hurried out of the room, feeling the weight of all those gazes on me. Esme was humming to herself as she stirred a pot of soup on the stove and when I walked in, she looked up with a soft smile.
"How are you feeling?" she asked quietly, abandoning the soup to wrap me in her arms.
For the moment, I let all my hate and anger slip away, allowing myself the rare touch of motherly love. A mother's love was addicting, but unfortunately, I hadn't had a dose in years.
"Scared," I admitted, my eyes closing of their own accord as tears threatened to make an appearance again. "I'm furious that my life is being stolen from me, but at the same time I can't help but wondering if there was some way to prevent this. I'm doing this for my father but perhaps I could've done more. I could've saved more money or gotten more shifts. Just somehow, there has to be a way I could've stopped this from happening."
My voice cracked as I slowly poured my heart out to this gentle woman, the mother of the devil. I shouldn't be trusting her with all this, but I had been so long. So long since I'd had anyone look at me the way a mother might.
"Sweetheart, your life isn't being stolen from you. Life is about changes and right now, your life is being changed drastically. You don't know the future, Bella. You don't know if this is a bad change or a good change. You've got to let go of the what ifs, they're only going to cut you," she whispered, pulling back to grip my wet face in her soft hands. She gave me a crooked smile and wiped away the tears. "This is still your life, Bella. You may not have control over certain things, but you can control how to react to them. You can turn this situation around and make the best of it. This wasn't the life you were aiming for, but now you're just got to alter your choices. You can still have all that you want, you've just got to open your eyes and allow yourself to live."
I smiled back at her sadly, understanding what she was trying to tell me.
"I get it, Esme. I really do, but I'm terrified. I'm scared of your son and being married to him is my worse nightmare, no offence," I added apologetically, but she just chuckled. "He hates me, Esme, and I - er, I'm not exactly fond of him either. We're going to end up killing each other before a week is up. This marriage is just going to blow up in our faces. Besides, it's not just about your son. I don't want to be married at all. I want to go to university and be a free woman. You told me you once believed in the Freedom Age and my mother raised me with the same beliefs. You've got to understand me when I tell you that I just want a life where men don't control me. I want to be independent and show others that I'm stronger than what society tells me."
By the end of my tirade, I was outright sobbing, something I hadn't done in front of anyone since my mother left me. Everything about Esme screamed kindness and unconditional motherly love. This incredible quality about her terrified me because it made me open up to her and that was absolutely dangerous.
"Honey, I wish I had more time than stolen moments in the kitchen so I could tell you my own story. I'm sure you're wondering what made me go from a Freedom Age believer to a traditional housewife, but I just need you to know for now that everything is not how it seems," she murmured soothingly. "One day, I will tell you my own story since we only have a few minutes before dinner is to be served."
I nodded and before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Please tell me Carlisle doesn't beat you."
My face was flaming at this point, but I couldn't take my question back. Either way, I didn't want to because I needed to know the truth. If Esme believed in domestic abuse being a conventional piece of the traditional housewife, then I was out. There was no fucking way I would stay even a second under this roof.
Esme stared into my eyes, looking for something. She must've found it because she shook her head firmly.
"Is that your greatest fear? That Edward will beat you?" she asked slowly, her gaze wary.
I nodded hesitantly.
"I understand that my youngest doesn't exactly have the best control over his temper and he has trouble keeping himself in check often," she began, choosing her words carefully. "However, I have raised all of my children to morals I believe any human being should have. I've taught them to never lay a hand on any woman. I understand that you've heard the rumors about my family and many of them are true. You will be a part of this family and that means you will be learning of the profession all the men in this family take a part in, sometimes the women too."
My eyebrows shot into my hairline at her words. I understood exactly what she was implying. I was marrying into a family of criminals, one that clearly defied many laws of this society. She was telling me that she and her daughter-in-laws were a part of their criminal activities, but I found that hard to find. According the society we lived in, women weren't supposed to work, especially as criminals.
"I know you don't believe me, but you'll see what I mean eventually," she told me with a giggle. "When I first married Carlisle, he locked his gun up every night in fear that I would shoot him."
Then, with a wink, she turned away to focus on the soup, humming once again. I was left staring at her with wide eyes, nearly paralyzed with shock. I opened my mouth several times and then closed it, still unsure of how to react. Thankfully, I was saved by Emmett shuffling into the kitchen with a hopeful smile on his face.
"Mom? Is dinner ready yet? I'm starving," he said loudly and then, laughed at the look on my face. "What happened to you, Tiny Swan? You look like you just saw a ghost."
I shook my head quickly and rushed to help set up the dining. Just as I was placing the fourth plate down, Alice appeared at my elbow with a handful of cutlery and a soft smile. I pursed my lips and continued with my task, trying to ignore her presence.
"You didn't have to do that, Bella," Esme called from the doorway as she carried in a steaming pot of roast beef. "You're a guest and it's awfully sinful of me to make you work."
"Really, Esme, I don't mind. I love to help," I told her with a small smile.
"Besides, mom, she's practically family now," Alice added, shooting me a wink.
My eyebrows rose again and I just stared at her defiantly, not believing that she was actually making a joke out of the fact that my life was officially fucked over.
"Lighten up, Bella," she told me, laughing under her breath. "It's not as bad as it seems."
"For you maybe, but I'm not particularly fond of being associated with criminals and especially not marrying one," I hissed pointedly.
She just nodded thoughtfully and then asked, "I used to think the same thing, but then I realized that Jasper with a gun is the hottest thing ever."
I snorted loudly just as Charlie walked into the room. He gave me a disapproving look as I blushed deeply when Carlisle followed behind him.
Dinner started off awkwardly as we all confused the fuck out of ourselves picking seats. I hated everyone here except for Esme and my father, though I wasn't quite fond of him either at the moment. However, Esme ended up sitting on Carlisle's left again and my father on his right. From then on it was Emmett - since he was the eldest son, Jasper, and Assward on one side of the table with us girls opposite to them. I was sitting next to Alice, which was better than the Ice Bitch, with the devil across from me.
I assumed dinner would be a quiet affair for the women because, well, that's what I'd always been told it had to be. My mother was a lovely spirit who loved to gush about her day and since Charlie loved her so, he listened to her every word in earnest. After she left, silence was most tangible at mealtimes, the echoes of her laughter still lingering. The few times I'd had dinner with the Webers or the Hales, the women remained quiet while the men discussed loudly whatever suited their liking. Even though I hated it, it was comfortable because it was the only way I knew.
So when everyone chimed into the men's discussion about Mayor Cope's retirement, including all the women, I was beyond shocked. This household just got weirder and weirder.
"He was the best mayor we've had for a while now," Alice piped in. "It's a shame to see him go."
"I don't know, he was pretty backwards when it came to technological advancements. He refused to update the local library's manual paper cataloging system to an automated computer," Rosalie pointed out.
"That was a big scandal wasn't it, considering that his sister-in-law managed the library?" Jasper added.
"I suppose a reelection will do this town some good," Carlisle mused. "Mayor Cope cut down the library's funding by half so they could make a second baseball diamond."
"He also carried out the annual summer picnic in an attempt to raise awareness for child obesity," Alice chimed in. "He really did care about the youth of this town. After all, they're the ones who're going to take care of Forks after the elders."
Even Charlie put his two cents in, so the only ones not speaking up were Assward and me. We both glared down at our plates, him stuffing his face and me pushing my food around. Esme snuck looks of concern in our direction, but didn't say anything.
Eventually, just as I was finishing up with the meager portion on my plate, Carlisle addressed me.
"Isabella, you've hardly eaten anything. Are you feeling alright?" He asked, concern lacing his words even though I knew better than to believe it.
I nodded and mumbled, "I'm fine. I'm just not too hungry tonight."
"It's been a stressful week," Esme sympathized, nodding gently at me.
"Which is why we ought be heading home now," Charlie added, clearing his throat at he glanced at his watch. "Bella hasn't slept too well the past couple nights so she's going to turn in early tonight."
I glowered down at my plate, happy that we were leaving but pissed at Charlie for speaking for me. I didn't like him telling the enemy that I hadn't been up to par. For all I knew, they could use any tidbit of info to drug me up and kill me.
Of course, they didn't need to go through all that work. Legally, I was about to be bound to their family. I was already ensnared in their trap. They just had to let the trapdoor down and fall down it would the moment I became Mrs. Edward Cullen.
Ew. Let's not even go over how cold the shiver running down my spine was.
"Oh no! You haven't even eaten dessert yet!" Esme protested, hushing away Charlie's protests.
Of course, once he saw her huge homemade cherry pie, he quieted himself and grabbed a fork. Typical Charlie.
I had to admit, though. The pie was fantastic, just like everything else Esme made. I was still shocked that Alice and the Ice Bitch didn't do any cooking, which was practically unheard of for any daughter-in-law.
Goodbyes were awkward as the children – I use the term loosely when considering Emmett's size – hung back as the adults hugged and chatted. I was standing by the door, ready to bolt out the moment Charlie was finished. Alice approached me and I glared as she started to reach out to hug me but pulled back at the last second.
"I know you're not exactly jumping for joy at the events that are taking place but I want you to know that I'm always here if you need anything. We're going to be sisters soon and I really want us to put the animosity aside," she said hopefully, wringing her hands at her waist.
"Thanks," I muttered, more because it was a mandated response rather than I meant it. There was no way I would look to a Cullen for help. They were all criminals. They couldn't be trusted. I was still wary of how easily I opened up to Esme, but I blamed that on my lack of a mother figure.
"Sleep tight, Tiny Swan," Emmett boomed, winking at me.
Edward glared at Emmett before turning to give me the dirtiest look he could imagine. I just scoffed and shook my head at him. Who the fuck did he think he was, trying to scare me? Nothing was scarier than signing my life over to him and I'd already done that, hadn't I?
"Goodnight, sweetheart," Esme crooned in my ear as she hugged me tight. "We'll be seeing you soon."
I shook hands with the doctor, not meeting his eyes, and followed Charlie out the door.
The car ride was quiet and I kept my gaze firmly out the window. I refused to look at Charlie, not after the betrayal he out me through. Once we got home, I raced up the stairs, trying to avoid any run in with him. Just as I reached the second floor landing, I heard him call out from the foot of the stairs.
"Goodnight, Bella."
I froze on the spot for a moment before ignoring him and locking myself in my room. After the stressful day and even more stressful week I'd just had, I really lose consciousness for a couple hours. Sleep was the perfect way to forget all my problems and fucked up life for a little while.
I pulled out a tank top and pajama bottoms from my closet and quickly changed into them, right in the middle of my room. I highly doubted anyone would be looking at me through the window at this time at night and even if they were, there wasn't much for them to see. For a moment, I just stood there, letting the weight of the entire day just press down on my shoulders. I let out a loud sigh and just as I turned towards my bed, there was a loud crash as the windowpane shattered.
I was petrified with fear for a moment before the sound of gunshots woke me. Pieces of plaster and glass flew everywhere as bullets flew through the air, tearing through the walls of my bedroom and all my possessions. I was nearly blindsided as my pillow burst into a cloud of feathers and as the vase on my table shot chunks of ceramic everywhere. I choked back a scream and ran towards the bedroom door, cowering inwards to try and avoid being hit. My hands trembled as I rushed to unlock the door and just as I curled a hand around the doorknob, a bullet whizzed past my ear, narrowly missing me.
The door slammed open to reveal Charlie and he reached forward to grab me with one hand. His other arm was bleeding profusely, the bullet wound vividly alarming.
"Dad!" I shrieked as more bullets soared through the air.
"They have us surrounded, Bella. Hide in the attic," he yelled over the gunshots.
I turned to run towards the master bedroom when a loud scream pierced the air. I looked over my shoulder to see Charlie fallen on the ground, clutching his bleeding leg. His eyes met mine and for the barest of seconds, I felt the fear overwhelm me.
The last thing I heard before blacking out was an unfamiliar male's voice.
*Hi *tentatively peeks over from behind bullet proof wall*
I cannot apologize enough for updating two months late but I have to say that real life is a bitch. I've been suffering from depression – a side effect of my bipolarity – for a long time now and many times it affects my writing. Factor in senior year exams and voila! No update for two goddamn months. I swear I'll continue posting regularly again and I won't disappear for months on end again.
Thank you for all the concerned reviews and PMs. I really appreciate the love and support you guys provide and I swear I won't let you down again. I would especially like to thank edwardbelladiva004, Juliet Palamino, princesspglouie, 4utureOlympian, and li-spar1 for their touching PMs. I have yet to go through the whole massive pile of reviews but from what I've read so far, I'm so amazed and thankful for you all.
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Next Update: Friday, February 7th, 2014
