Chapter 9

It had been three days since they had returned to Portland. It had been decided that Nate would stay at the offices in the back rooms. Sophie took one of the rooms as well, deciding that she would rather be close to Nate than be alone in their apartment. They had been living together since moving to Portland. Hardison and Parker were already living there before this incident and Eliot decided he needed to be near in case something happened. So in all the entire team had ensconced themselves in the buildings.

During the last three days the team had regaled Nate with stories of their adventures. They had told him of their marks and the people they had helped. It had been decided between all of them that they avoid talking about Nate's personal life and the losses he had suffered. Nate listed to all of them and took in all of their stories. Although he felt comfortable with these people and he was sure that he could trust them, Nate knew that something was missing. They were hiding something from him. He had asked about himself before he had brought this team together and they had answered him. They had told him about his life as an investigator for an insurance company. Sophie especially had enthralled him with stories of how he had chased her around Europe. She had also explained the scar in his shoulder from a bullet. She had given it to him. He had been shocked and appalled and then amused when she told him the story and how he had returned the favour and left a scar on her back after shooting her in return. It was clear that they had had some kind of a relationship then, and from the way she looked at him they definitely had a relationship now…just how close they were he was not sure but he was sure that they were more than friends. Still he had noticed that they had not told him about anything personal, they had not told him who he really was. Nate spent time on his own too, alone in his room he racked his brain to come up with some clue as to who he really was and why he had a feeling he could not shake, a feeling of sadness.

It was on the morning of the fourth day that Nate dreamed of a little boy. A little boy lying in a hospital bed hooked up to numerous machines. He watched the boy die in his dreams and woke up screaming and crying out for the boy not to go. Sophie having heard the scream burst into his room. She saw him sitting on the bed sobbing inconsolably. Immediately she knew, in her heart she knew he had remembered something about Sam. It took a few minutes for Nate to register her standing there. He turned his tearstained face to her and the sadness and desolation in his blue eyes broke her heart.

"Sam…Sam was my…my son…?" Nate stammered trying to regain some of his composure and asking her to confirm what he knew already.

"Yes…" She said softly. She approached the bed and sat down next to him reaching out for him. He pulled away from her and wiped his eyes dry.

"Why didn't you tell me…why…? You tell me all of these stories about my life chasing you lot and then working with you all. My wonderful life…but you don't tell me I had a son…a son who died." Nate spat at her moving off the bed and walking to the window. Abruptly he turned back to her and his eyes bored into her. "What else have you not told me…what else about my life? How did my son die…why did he die…he was so young…was it an accident…was I responsible for his death…?" Nate asked his voice dropping to a whisper on the last question. It was something he did not even what to consider. God… what if he had been the cause of his son's death. That must be why they had not wanted to tell him about it. They had not wanted to tell him he was responsible for a young child's death…his own son. He walked over and grabbed the bottle of whiskey that stood on the sideboard against the wall and with shaking hands poured himself a full glass of the liquid, then down it all in one gulp. Pouring himself another glass he turned back to Sophie. "Well…"

"Nate…you…we…we just wanted to…" Sophie stumbled over her words not sure of what she should say. This was the moment she had dreaded since they had found Nate and found that he had no memory of himself or them. She had hoped that perhaps this memory would never return. She did not know what to say, she did not know how to comfort him. "You were NOT responsible for Sam's death, he had cancer Nate…he was sick and…and there was nothing that you could have done." Sophie suddenly said staring at the man she loved. She had to make him understand that. Perhaps he would be able to accept that now; perhaps she could make him see that now. Yes he had to relive Sam's death but maybe this time she could help him deal with it and accept that he was not responsible for it.

Nate stared at her for a long minute then draining the rest of his second drink poured himself a third. "You are holding something back…what is it…?" Nate asked her. He could read on her face that she was telling the truth, but not the whole truth. He wanted the whole truth. "Sophie…I…I need to know…" Nate said sitting down on the chair next to the sideboard. "I need to know everything…Please, you need to tell me."

Sophie stared at him. His memory was coming back and he would remember, he would remember everything. She knew she had to tell him. She had to tell him everything, now before he started to remember on his own and blamed them for not telling him. She knew it was going to be hard. How did she tell him that his son might have been saved if it had not been for the greed on the part of Ian Blackpoole and IYS Insurance? Tell him that his father had died because Victor Dubenich had wanted to hurt him, revenge himself on him. That his wife had been killed in a car accident and he had watched her die not two months ago. She did not think that she could do this alone. She needed the others there. They all needed to be there so that they could reassure him at the same time as telling him he had lost his family, he had gained another. She needed them there to assure him that he was needed. That he was an integral part of a family that loved him and cared for him. She needed them there for her sake as well as his.

"Ok…ok Nate, I will tell you everything, we will tell you everything. But we need to do it together. Can we do that?" Sophie asked a pleading look in her eyes.

Nate could see the conflict in her. He could see she was scared. She was scared of telling him about his life. He must have done something very bad…something she did not think he could live with. He looked down at the drink in his hand. He was an alcoholic…what did that mean…? Did it mean he was trying to forget, to drown out his pain, his guilt at what he had done? He needed to know. He downed the rest of the drink and picked up the bottle moving to the door. "Get them…we do this now." He said as he left the room making his way into the communal area to wait for the team.

Thanks Sphinx, stella and Carebear818 for your kind words of encouragement, and NashNurse and Leveragus I am glad you are enjoying it. Please keep the reviews coming they are so greatly appreciated.