Jordan: This chapter is new and improved. Due to the fact that I was supremely unsatisfied with the last version of it, we decided to improve it.

Max: How is it better than before?

Jordan: We included some extra scenes and fixed up some others.

Tom: Yet will it survive...THE JUDGEMENT?!?!??!

Jordan: Just read it already...


Chapter Nine

Gales of Severance (Or: Of Course, You Realize This Means WAR! Part 2)


"Where IS HE?!" Pokey screeched.

Josephine shut her eyes, feverently hoping that Pokey would shut up. Sure, he was her boss, but she could only tolerate so much...And she still found it hard to believe that he was older than her. He certainly didn't act like it...

Yokuba's voice tore her from her thoughts. "Now, now, King P, no need to be impa--"

"He's been gone for AN ENTIRE HOUR!!! What's taking him so long?! And what's he doing, anyway?! It's bad enough that Kavma gave instructions only to HIM, but I'm not told what he needs to do! I'm the KING!!! I'm--"

Thankfully for Josephine's eardrums, the door of the blimp opened to reveal that unmasked fellow from before. He leapt into the blimp, then suddenly fell to his knees in exhaustion.

"Clyde!" In a flash, Josephine had rushed forward, ready with bandages and whatever. "What happened? Did you succeed? Who gave you those bruises?!"

"What happened to your helmet?" Pokey demanded. "That thing was expensive!"

Completey ignoring Pokey, Clyde opened his mouth to speak...and only managed a slight squeak.

Pokey dissolved into laughter at this, while Yokuba looked as if he found the scene totally awkward. Clyde, on the other hand, looked totally frustrated, attempting to speak several more times, with the same result. Josephine just sighed. "Don't worry, Clyde, I have some medicine right here...if it weren't for that accident last year.."

Clyde looked rather embarrassed, giving Pokey a glare tat was totally ignored. "Don't worry about it, Clyde. Let me fix that up for you, you know how Graineon gets when you come back home so battered..."


Both bros. landed in the garden the same time Princess did. As they got up to their feet, she actually licked her bat in anticipation. "I am SO going to enjoy this..." she purred.

Both Mario and Luigi recoiled at this. Clearly, they had never met anyone so nasty before...

Proof that some worlds should never mix.

"Here I come, loooooosers!" Princess called gleefully. Before either of them could reacted, she darted forward, nailing Mario in the jaw with her bat and sending him crashing into a wall. As she turned to Luigi, the green plumber shrieked and ducked, miraculously avoiding a swing that could've taken his head off. As Princess lifted the bat up for a downwards swing, Luigi actually punched her in the stomach, sending her toppling into a bush.

Tumbling out of said bush with leaves in her hair, she no longer looked playfull. If anything, she looked beyond restraint.

"Oh, you BASTARD! You're getting special treatment!" With that, she reached behind herself and pulled out a…flask?

Luigi was, understandably, baffled. Is she thirsty?

However, this did not seem to be the case, as she uncorked it and poured whatever was in it over her bat, then proceeded to drink the rest. Then, as a finale, she snapped her fingers, and the bat spontaneously combusted before the bros.' eyes.

Luigi was now extremely close to wetting himself. First, Spartans. Then evil women with flaming bats? Not one of his good days.

"Here's some of my SPECIAL TREATMENT!!!!!!!! Have a taste, SAUCY BOY!" She followed this up with impaling her bat into the ground, creating a pyro-shockwave headed toward the green ! Of course, she never noticed the boot sailing toward her face. Mario followed this up with two kicks, then his famous "Mario Spin", ending with what I suppose is his "patented" Super Jump Punch, send Princess upward in a shower of coins, coupled with a shriek.

(Kaitlin: Look up his moveset in "Smash Bros." if you haven't a clue what we mean.)

As the evil lady landed in a heap, Mario turned to his brother. "Are you okay?"

Luigi nodded, though his knees were still shaking. "Y-yeah..." I need to stop being afraid so much...

The sound of crying interrupted their thoughts. Princess was on her knees, her face in her hands. She was actually crying. Both brothers looked at each other, baffled, then Mario edged toward her, looking aprehensive. "Are you oka--"

"GOTCHA!" Before either of them could so much as blink, Princess had knocked Mario off his feet and stood over him, holding her bat over her head. "I am so going to enjoy this, you SON OF A 38)!!!"

Without thinking about what he was doing, Luigi lunged foward--

WHAM!
--and landed a fist to Princess's cheek, once again sending her flying.

As Luigi helped Mario up, Princess extracted herself from the tulips, her expression being of one filled with British-inspired Clown Rage (TM). "Oh, you two are SO !#$!%$ DEAD!" Looking livid, she pulled out a...

...Well, okay, I'm not entirely sure what it was, but it looked like one of those plasma grenades you'd find in, I don't know, Halo. She threw it to the ground, and it blossomed into what appeared to be a black, oval-shaped portal thingamajiggywhateveritwasorsomethingandotherandyetitresembledsomethingyouwouldfindin--

"GET ON WITH IT!!!!"

Mff....ANYwho, Princess then lifted up her bat, readying it like she was about to--oh, dear.

"BATTER UP, ASSHOLES!!!" What happened next was unspeakable. Okay, fine--as soon as she shrieked, she swung her bat at the same time a--a THING---erupted from the portal, and as soon as the bat made contact with it, it practically exploded forth toward the bros. Mario dodged out of the way, while Luigi was almost petrified with terror, and it was only Mario grabbing him by the arm and pulling him out of the way that saved him from certain beheadament or whatever the word is.

The THING she launched, on the other hand, hit the castle wall with squishy spleauuurch. I'd give an accurate description of it, but forget it--it's too icky. It slid down with a sound that is indescribable, then slowly got up on its--appendages--with gross noises that made both bros almost gag. It didn't have a face, so they couldn't tell if it was looking at them or not.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang, almost like a gunshot, then the THING exploded in a thousand billion icky pieces. Mario grabbed Luigi, and then dove behind a hedge to avoid the icky remnants of whatever it was. Princess, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that pieces of goo were hitting her dress, was even more angry than before. "WHO THE #$!% DID THAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?"

Both Bros popped their heads out from behind the hedge. Princess turned to them, her features distorted by Austrailian Clown Rage (TM). "YOU $%#% LITTLE--" She stopped ranting long enough to notice the looks on their faces. "What the HELL are you looking at?!"

Mario suddenly flinched at what he saw next. Often encountering oppenents that both figuratively and literaly brought a gun to a knife fight, the sudden apearance of a red LED pointer light shakily listing back and froth across Princess' forehead was nonetheless surprising.

"WHAT?!" she shrieked. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU--"

BANG!

She suddenly was flipped backward, almost as if she had been beaned in the head, and she fell to the ground with a loud "WAUGH!" Both bros winced, but were even more surprised when she got back up. Other than a large bruise on her head, she looked relativeley unharmed.

"Who the HELL--" she started, but then stopped. Her face took on a look of annoyance. "Oh, HELL no...what the HELL is he doing HERE?! He should looking for that damned--oh, whatever!" She gave the bros a very annoyed look. "You two got lucky today, you two, but if I EVER see you two AGAIN, you are F$#!, you hear me?!" This was followed by the most violent explosion EVER. When the smoke cleared, they say that Princess was gone.


"SPARTA! Give these heathan turtles nothing, but take from them EVERYTHING!!!!"

Namine peeked from the doorway of the now abandoned Toad House as thirty Spartans stormed past. This had not been anything she had been expecting, and she began to hope that Jaron was safe...

"Something wrong, Holly?"

Turning to the voice, Namine (or rather, Holly) turned to see Roxas padding up to her. "Oh...Nothing, Takeda," she responded in Pokespeak, addressing the Sky Shaymin by his actual name, I was just wondering if Jaron's okay, and the others..."

"I hear ya," Takeda grumbled. What annoys me is that Kaitlin just told me to stay out of the way, so I can't DO anything... He ground his teeth in frustration. "I mean, she KNOWS I can take care of myself!"

"I'm sure she just wants you safe, Takeda," Holly said calmly, wincing as they heard a crash. Takeda sighed. "Yeah, I know...but I just feel so USELESS..."

"DROP THE WEAPONS AND I'LL LET YA LIVE!!!" They heard Bowser roar. This was countered by Leonidas shouting, "DEMON! COME AND GET THEM!"

Takeda shook his head. "Losers." Suddenly they heard footsteps. "TO THE KING!"

"Uh oh..." Holly looked nervous. "Takeda, maybe we should find a place to hide..." Judging from the grin that was forming on Takeda's muzzle, however, he had other plans.

"Takeda, don't--"

"Oh, you don't have to come if you don't wanna!"

"Takeda, please--!"

Takeda had already left.

Ohh... Resigning herself to the fact that Takeda wouldn't listen, she followed.

Three Spartans looked at Takeda in his Sky Forme oddly. "That buck be colored odd, aye?" one of them asked.

"Indeed. Suggestions?" requested another.

"Attack?" said the third.

Takeda decided for them pretty quickly--with Energy Ball, which crashed into the middle Spartan, sending him into a window.

The remaining two looked at each other, then without talking, they made their decision--charging forward with spears, yelling loudly.

Befoe they could react properly, Takeda actually flew at one, sinking his teeth into the guy's shoulder. "AAAARGH!!!" The unlucky Spartan roared in pain as he attempted to tear off the Shaymin. "GET THIS HEATHEN BEAST OFF!"

"HOLD STILL!" yelled the other as he lifted his spear. "I SHALL PIERCE ITS FOUL, FERAL, UNHOLY HIDE!"

Before he could do so, however, a strange smell assaulted his senses. "What..." He whirled around, seeing no one except-- "What be this?!"

Yes, he had spotted Holly, who was quivering in front of him, scared out of her wits. What in the name of…As he contemplated the (to him) odd-colored creature, it occurred to him that it was no doubt harmless, judging from how it was trembling, so it was hardly worth his attention. He turned to assist his fellow warrior, regretting it a second later as a large force struck him from behind, knocking him flat on his face and causing something to break, though it wasn't his nose.

(Max: What did break, then?

Jordan: No idea, but it must've been important.)

Leaping up to his feet, the Spartan turned to Holly, who was now retreating in the opposite direction, and threw his spear with the aim of a true Spartan marksman from Greece (TM). His effort was rewarded with a squeak. Walking over to Holly, he pulled out his spear, only to see Holly's body crumble before his very eyes.

Holly, who had run back inside, sighed in relief. It wasn't often that she had to use Substitute, but at least she managed to pull it off. Judging from the sounds coming from the second Spartan, Takeda had succeeded in giving him his comeuppance.

"BACK AWAY FROM HIM, BEAST!!"

Looks like she already forgot about the second Spartan.

"Yeah, yeah, whirl that spear around, ya lummox," Takeda barked, despite the fact that the Spartan would not understand him, "You're just a big fat pansy in my opinion!"

Holly could not resist rolling her eyes. He never stops…

"Wha—aaaaargh!"

That did not sound anything one could remotely count as good. Not being in her nature to hide for long, Holly went back outside.

Takeda was lying on his side, looking rather bruised, with the Spartan standing over him, holding the spear for the kill.

"DIE!"

CRACK!

That was the sound of the Spartan being clocked in the head by what appeared to be a green spotted egg. He looked around wildly, eggshells stuck in his hair. "Who the devil did that?!"

CRACK! WHAM! SPLAT! More eggs followed, pelting the harassed Spartan without mercy. And trust me—those things HURT.

"GAH! I—AUCH! DESIST—AAUGH! HELP BRETHEREN—OWWWW!!!"

"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!"

The Spartan wiped off the eggshells frantically and looked up just in time to see a green dinosaur throwing yet another egg at him. CRACK!

Holly was baffled, but this did not stop her from coming to Takeda's side. Badly bruised, but alive. He opened one eye. "Ow...did ya catch the license plate on that toad?"

Ignoring this, Holly managed to get him back up and carried him off as the Spartan was harrassed by Yoshi.


"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"

Most of the time, charging toward an enemy and and swinging his sword wildly whilst yelling loudly worked wonders for Jaron. Not as much here.

With nothing more than a twitch of her finger, Spring sent a mighty (and I mean MIGHTY) gust of wind which slammed into Jaron's face, blowing him back into James and Kailtin with excessive force. "WAUGH!"

Spring rolled her eyes and caught Max's fist, which was coming at her from the side, in the same movement. Squeezing it gently--VERY gently--this caused a small cracking sound, causing Max to yelp with pain as she threw him into the others. Dusting her hands off, she gave them all a contempous look.

"You do not know what you are getting into!" she declared. "Must you continue to bore me? How can children such as you ever dare to challenge me?"

Predictably, Jaron answered in his usual style: Sticking his head up from the jumble, he asked, "Oh, sorry, did you say something?"

Kaitlin, Max, and James all snickered at this. Spring looked taken aback, then, surprisingly, smiled. "Humor, eh…I like that in a person."

She sighed. "A pity, then, that I have to take your lives." A sudden blast of wind exploded from her, sending everyone flying.

Jaron managed to land safely, as did James; Max, on the other hand, landed in a bush. Kaitlin landed on him with an "OOOF!"

"Sorry, Max."

"N-none taken…"

Jaron turned to look as Spring, only to see her actually flying toward him. Now, seeing an evil lady with deadly powers of wind flying towards you is hardly, if at all, a good thing. Actually, is it ever a good thing?

(Kaitlin: No.

Max: No.

James: No.

Lucas: Uh-uh.

Rika: Nope.

Jacob: Never.

Jordan: Sometimes.

(Everyone stares at him)

Jordan: Well, suppose she's just going up to you to state that there's something in your teeth…

Rika: (rolls her eyes) Figures he comes up with something like that…)

Before Jaron could react, Spring had shot out her arm hitting him full in the face with wind—Not any gentle puff or slight breeze, like from a ceiling fan or whatever. This was like Mach 3 or something!

"AAAGH!!" Yeah, definitely hurts.


Zane was rapidly losing patience. Okay, this wasn't unusual, as he has been known to lose patience on more than one occasion (Example: "WHAT IS WITH THIS DESERT?!?!?!?!?!?!?) Thanks to the aid of Meriee and Merlon, he was now in perfect condition, and was more than eager to dive into the Spartan horde with an almost unholy enthusiasm.

Having sated his appetite for combat, he had concerned himself with getting into the castle courtyard. Unfortunately for him, however, someone had the raw nerve to lock the gate, prompting him to swear and curse and other such things, before calming himself down and deciding to enter another way.

Some people are unaware of this, but most, if not all, castles have more than one entrance. Peach's Castle had at least 20 of them, including the main gate, and the other 19 were cleverly hidden (twelve of them were pipes--duh).

The castle's west side entrance was clear. Personally, Zane thought that there should be someone there, but he wasn't going to be picky. Looking around to see that he wasn't being watched, he grabbed the doorknob.

Suddenly, he tensed. He was being watched, he knew it. His senses never failed him yet.

(Max: So he's Spiderman?

Jacob: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Rika: I second that.)

He slowly turned. No one there…Wait! Movement…

Suddenly, he appeared. It wasn't like he magically appeared, it was if he had always been there and Zane hadn't noticed him before.

He wasn't what you would call clean. He seemed rather rough and ragged, as if he didn't know the meaning of clean living. He couldn't be any older than forty. Despite his haggard appearance, there was something about him that spooked Zane.

Okay, 'spooked' wasn't the word for it. Zane would never admit it, but there was something about this guy that simply terrified him. He couldn't stop shaking, even.

"Who are you?" he asked. It was impossible to keep his voice from shaking.

The man did not answer (Not as if anybody would expect him to, anyway). He didn't even look at Zane, just staring at his feet.

"Hello?" Nothing. "Are you deaf? HELLO?!" Still squat. "Well, okay then…" Zane turned to open the door.

Almost before he could open it, he felt a hand grab his shoulder, causing him to freeze. He slowly turned, and saw that the man was staring at him full in the face. His breath caught in his throat as he saw the eyes...

They were a madman's eyes.


Yeah…Mach 3 DEFINITELY hurts…

Jaron shook his head as he picked himself up, his spikes rattling. As he did so, he heard Kaitlin utter a warshriek. Looking up, he saw what he could best described as Kaitlin deliver a dropkick to Spring's head. This was promptly followed up by Max slugging her in the stomach, then James blasting her in the back with an Aura Sphere.

However, instead of recoiling at all, she instead took it all in. After the barrage, she actually started to chuckle. "Hmmhmmhmmhmm… Isn't this the funniest thing?" she asked her attackers almost maliciously.

Jaron, instead of gaping, smirked. "Nah…THIS is!" He started running at Spring, and when he was five feet from her, he curled up into a ball and rammed into Spring with astonishing force.

(Jordan: Just like Sonic the Hedgehog.

Jaron: (Chuckles and nods))

The resulting blow sent Spring flying a considerable distance, though she didn't hit anything (it was a big courtyard). As she landed, Jaron caught up to her and, unbelievably, put a hand on her shoulder.

"I gotta ask ya somethin'…" Spring looked at him, baffled. "I just wanna know, why bother attackin' some random town, anyway? What's the point? Did someone put you up to it?"

The look that Spring gave him was hilariously comical, before brushing away Jaron's hand. "My objectives have nothing to do with any of you children, and there would be no point in telling you. And what is the point of being friendly? I am your enemy!"

This was brilliantly demonstrated by her punching Jaron in the stomach, (and it was a wind-enforced punch, mind you) sending him flying (yes, again) into James.

"Ow! Sorry, James…"


No longer was the battle of the Spartans a battle. Everyone involved had descended to new levels of procrastinating outrageousness. And if you ask me, that's saying something.

Swans were looting the Spartans with such ferocity that most of the warriors had fled with all their armor and clothing stolen. Indeed, it was an abhorring sight, seeing hairy, naked men fleeing the battlefield.

(Jordan: Okay, that's WAY too graphic for my tastes.

Jacob: Sorry…)

The "duel" (And I say that with the heaviest sarcasm) between Bowser and Leonidas was hardly what you could call epic anymore. Personally, I'll be glad when this chapter is over.

"Spar… *huff* Spartans… *heave* atta-- *Cough* *hack.*"

"*Black* Oh…*kah* just…*Blah*shove it…*auch.*"

Tom Servo and Crow were spying on them (Both wearing U.S. Army (TM) outfits, though seeing as they're in the Mushroom Kingdom, you'd wonder why they would have such apparel). Tom turned to his companion. "Shall we show them the power of the swans?"

"Nah, they're still looting the other guys. What about the doves?"

Tom looked over at a clipboard with a lot of complicated statistics and calculations. "Meh… I guess we can pay for an hour's overtime…"

Crow wasted no time. "DOVES! Full frontal assault!!!!!"

Nothing else needs to be said… Okay, fine, here's Bowser's and Leonidas' opinion on the matter:

"Why… is the sun being blotted out with the downy of birds?" was Leonidas' response.

"WHAT THE HECK IS WITH ALL THE FLIPPIN' PIDGEONS?!" was Bowser's.

And THEN the madness started anew:

"AAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!! GET OFFA ME!!!!!!" Bowser wasn't particularly fond of them.

"BEGONE, BIRDS OF PEACE! LEAVE, FOUL POULTRY!" Neither was Leonidas.


"YAH!" Kaitlin punched Spring directly in the stomach, only for her to block it and send Kaitlin flying into Jaron agin, knocking them both over. "Ow..." Jaron groaned. "Can't you just give up already?!"

Kaitlin glared at Jaron. "Did you HAVE to say that?!"

Spring was grinning now. "I won't just give up to children, you know…" She didn't seem to notice James running toward her from behind with an Aura Sphere.

"Uh huh, so, do you have any other tricks??" Jaron said, doing his best to keep her attention diverted as he got up.

"Shut up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!" Kaitlin was on the point of begging Jaron to zip his yap.

"What? I'm just asking!"

"I know that, I just don't want to be on the receiving end of whatever she has up her nonexistent sleeve!"

(Lucas: She doesn't have sleeves?

Jacob: You didn't notice she had a sleeveless body suit on?

Jordan: Nothing you need to worry about…)

Just when James was about to throw the Aura Sphere, Spring snapped her fingers, instantly generating a great blast of wind from her, hitting everyone in range in the face, blowing them all away and causing them to land with unnecessarily loud thuds. Unfortunately, this also caused James to drop the Sphere, causing an explosion that caused debris to fly both toward the gang and Spring, but the Wind Shield blew the debris away and made it land in place.

(Max: Wait, she has a WIND SHIELD?!

Jordan: News to me. It was Jacob's idea.)

Spring laughed. "I hope you enjoyed that!"

"Oh, I'm SURE I DID!" Kaitlin, as I'm sure you know, has a short temper. This was prompted by her lunging at Spring with her fist pulled back, ready to knock her block off. Just before she hit her, though, Spring moved her head to the left, causing her to miss entirely. Then she added insult to injury (or is it the other way around?) by tripping her.

"It's best you don't let your temper get the better of you," she said to her calmly. She paused to duck Jaron's sword swing, then dealt him an uppercut.


For what seemed to be the billionth time, Zane was thrown against the wall, leaving a large crater. Whoever this guy was, he was a lot stronger than Autumn was. Okay, scratch that—he was beyond Autumn. What was more, no matter what Zane used—Jinxed, Bombs Away, whatever crazy Kung Fu move or whatever he could come up with—it didn't seem to hurt the guy. Not one bit. He didn't even flinch. Not. One. SINGLE—

"WE GET IT!!!!!"

Fine, have it YOUR way. Snippy Toad…

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!"

Look, this isn't the best place for it…If you need to complain, do it in the author's notes…

"Fine, then!"

(Zane: Happy now?!

Jordan: Yeah, this is more appropriate. Your complaint?

Zane: You called me SNIPPY!

Jordan: Aaaaaaaaaaaand?

Max: This'll end in tears, I just know it…

Tom Servo: Jordan vs. Zane: The Epic Confrontation. Who wins?

Crow: Zane, hands down.

Kaitlin: Jordan.

Tom and Crow: ZUH?!

Jacob: Just watch. In fanfiction, Jordan could easily make you think you're in Australia.

Crow: Wait, are you saying we aren't down under?

Jacob: My point exactly.

Jaron: Is it me, or have we sorta lost focus for this scene?

James: Yes, yes we have.

Crow: Twenty bucks says Jordan makes Zane cry by the end of the chapter.

Tom: Odds like that? I can't lose.)

He can, by the way.

The man, if indeed he was a man, slowly but surely started to stumble toward Zane, who immediately attempted to back away from him. Only now did he notice that the stranger was wearing a sadistical smile.

Who IS this guy?! Zane thought, clearly panicked. He's like a monster or something—OW!

Due to an improperly placed rock, Zane had tripped, landing flat on his back, and momentarily leaving him at the mercy of both this creep and malicious lobsters, not to mention centipedes.

ANGRY CENTIPEDES!

"ROWR!" This loud battle-cat-shriek-whatever-it-is-of-death(TM) was followed by what appeared to be a blue jaguar pouncing upon Zane's aggressor.


Why do I keep abruptly making scene transitions without warning?

"Because you're an A$$hole!"

HOW DARE YOU! Who's idea do you think it was to WRITE this fic anyway?!

"I thought it was Jacob's."

Well, it WASN'T, no doubt to your disappointment. Now, please shut up, or would you rather I assault you with doves? ANGRY DOVES?!

"Okay, who came up with the whole bird thing, anyway?"

…Not important.

(Jordan: While I do suck at fight scenes, I am good at making things humorous.

Crow: Yes, but are you good at ORIGAMI?!

Jordan: James is.

Crow: Huh? But… Huh. Maybe it's REALLY hard, with those paws…

Rika: Is it just me, or is this bit REALLY redundant?

Jordan: It's totally redundant, but anyway, back to the story…)


KABLAAAAAAM!!!!

If I told you that Tom and Crow SOMEHOW got their hands on missile-loaded hovercraft, would you buy it?

Probably not, but anyway…

"Red Normal, Red Normal, this is Goldilocks Niner coming into position, preeeepare to die."

"Oh, yeah, well, COME GET SOME!"

"EAT DEATH, SERVO!"

"EAT CRUNCHY, CRUNCHY CHOCOLATEY COCOA DEATH, CROW!"

"ENJOY A NICE SERVING OF BROWN BETTY WITH DEATH!! BUT MOSTLY EAT DEATH!"

(Kaitlin: I STILL find it hard to believe that the two of you act like that.

Tom: It's what you would call a "Sibling Rivalry".

Crow: 'Sides, we can't REALLY die.

Jordan: So you're immortal?

Jacob: That puts you next to the Norse Gods in rank.

Tom: But we're not Greek.

Jordan: NORSE Gods.

Crow: Horse God?

Jordan/Jacob: NORSE! N-O-R-S-E!!!!!!!!!

Tom: Oh, Lenore! I get it.

Jordan: NO, YOU DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rika: 'Lenore' doesn't even rhyme with Norse.)

Judging from the banter, the robots were spending less time attacking the fleeing Spartans and more time trying to heckle each other. They WERE dropping an awful lot of bombs. What would Joel think?

I have no idea, but I'm sure it wouldn't be what they're about to do right now.

"FEAR MY JAVELINS, CROW!"

"OH YEAH, WELL EAT TOMAHAWKS BOUND IN LEATHER, SERVO!!!!"

"ENJOY SOME HONEY-BAKED DEATH A-LA-CARTE, CROW!!!!!!!!!"

"HEY, TOM, TRY A NICE SERVING OF DEATHBURGER, WITH CHEESE FRIES ON THE SIDE!!"

"OH, YEAH, CROW? THEN HAVE A TASTE OF MY DEADLY HORS D'OEVRES!"

"WELL, THEN, HAVE A CORPSE-COLD DISH OF DEATH CREAM!!!!"

"DEATH CREAM? HAVE SOME FROZEN DEATH YOGURT!"

"I'LL TOP THAT WITH MY TRIPLE-LAYER WEDDING CAKE OF DEATH! WITH GERMAN CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!"

"HOW ABOUT SOME DEATH PIE---WITH AMISH CHOCOLATE!!!"

"GASP!!! A-AMISH CHOCOLATE?! NO FAIR!!!!!!"


Jaron grabbed his bleeding shoulder in pain. This wasn't going as well as he had hoped; the four of them were exhausted, and Spring didn't even look tired.

Is she even human?

Spring looked at them all impassively: Kaitlin was barely conscious, being supported by James, Max was bleeding profusely from several places, James looked like a punching bag, and Jaron, as said before, had a bleeding shoulder and several spikes missing. As you might expect, they didn't exactly look their best.

Spring stayed silent as she stared at them; Jaron could swear that she was biting her lip. Just when he though he was about to collapse, she spoke.

"Why are you fighting?"

"What?!"

"Just what I said." She took a step forward. "This kingdom has absolutely nothing to do with you children, yet you protect it? Why?"

"I protect those who need it," Jaron said honestly as he supported Max, "at least, those who can't fend for themselves."


Ranulf gave a loud yowl of pain as he crashed into a tree, having been flung by the intruder. Noting that the laguz wouldn't get back up, he turned to Zane, who immediately began to backpedal away from him in panic—

"Ahem."

The two of them turned to see that Kavma had appeared, with Summer at his side, who was looking at the man with a look reminiscent of Aunt Petunia contemplating a particularly stubborn bit of dirt.

(Tom: If you don't know who that is, then you SUCK. 'Nuff said.)

Kavma folded his arms and stared at the man intently, who stared at him back. You could FEEL the tension being generated by their staring contest. After what seemed like an absolute epoch, the man immediately turned at stalked off. Kavma watched him go, then turned to Zane and said, "You can never tell with that man, can you?" He turned to leave and—

"JUST WAIT ONE DAMN MINUTE!" Surprisingly, he did. "Who the hell are you?! Who was that guy?! What's going on?! YOU'D BETTER TELL ME RIGHT NOW OR—"

"I find it irritating when people make threats when they aren't in any condition to back them up," Kavma said calmly.

"WHAT THE H—"

"It means 'shut up', so please do so."

Once again, surprisingly, Zane did. Kavma turned to face him, his face dawning in recognition. "Oh, you're Zane, right? The one who Haze—oh, I should be quiet."

"What?!" Zane was THIS CLOSE to losing it. "How do you know me? Who's Haze?"

Kavma turned to Summer, who nodded without hesistation. "Well, Zane, I want you to remember me, but I'll have to erase that Haze part." Before Zane could protest, Kavma pointed at him and he fell backwards, snoring unnaturally loud.


Somewhere, an omnipresent old guy on a cloud at the edge of the universe rubbed his ear in pain.

(Crow: So loud, even God could hear it!

Tom Servo: I once saw God in a grilled cheese sandwich.

Crow: I saw him in the moon.

Jaron: I saw someone out the window a minute ago. Was that God?

Tom: What? No. A noob like you? Come on.

Jordan: Actually, that was Joel in his Moses costume.

Kaitlin: What on earth is he doing dressed as Moses?

Jordan: Beats me.)


Jaron and Spring looked at each other, not bothering to blink. The atmosphere was very tense. In all honesty, Jaron had no idea what to do.

Strike.

Huh?

Go on…Strike! C'mon, it's not that hard!

Who are you?

You want to ask in this situation? Come on, get on with it.

Spring raised her hand. "I will end this."

"Oh, lord, no…" Kaitlin muttered under her breath.

Suddenly, Jaron lunged forward with his sword, jumping toward Spring, who raised her arms in defense, looking surprised. Under pure impulse, Jaron waved his sword in a horizontal slice, and a blade of pure water came streaming out of its wake. It caused a gash like she was being pummeled by a pressure washer. Stunned by what had happened, she blasted Jaron with a wave of pure wind, sending him crashing into the others. She touched the wound on her side, slightly shaken. She couldn't remember the last time she felt actual, physical pain. She had forgotten what it had felt like, yet now…

Now it made her almost fell human.

(Jaron: I don't have a move like that!

Jordan: Well, I didn't come up with it.

Jacob: You're welcome, Mr. Writer's Block.

Tom: Hey! I don't have Writer's Block!

Crow: Shuddap, Servo, he was talking to me.

Tom: No he wasn't! He was talking to Kaitlin!

Kaitlin: What?! He was talking to Jordan!

Jordan: I do not have writer's block!

(As they argue, Crow has somehow ended up in a vat of sauce.)

Tom: CROW! Speak to me!
Crow: The sauce…it's too rich…and too thick…)

"Okay," Kaitlin grunted as she extracted herself from the tangle, "I have been used as a punching bag for the LAST TIME today."

"I had no idea that you could do that, Jaron," said Max.

"Neither did I!"

"Um, guys… she's STILL THERE!" Kaitlin reminded them that the battle was still raging (or maybe raging isn't the best word…hm…)

"Oh, right, right…OW!"

Even if one's opponent has been wounded, do not believe that one's opponent is down for the count. Thus said Confucius.

Okay, he never said that, but anyway.

Spring had darted forward, striking Max square in the jaw, which also prompted James to fire an Aura Sphere in her direction, which, surprisingly, connected, straight into the wound on her side. I'm sure, you ALL know that you should NEVER attack a wound directly—or at all, for that matter. Spring's scream of pain was earsplitting, and she whirled around to face James, firing a blade of wind at him with a snarl, only for James to dodge it and Jaron to actually throw his sword at her, only to miss as she jumped. As she landed, however, Kaitlin managed to kick her in the side again, knocking her over. She would've stomped on her, but Spring vanished, only to appear right behind Jaron.

"JARON, MOVE!!!"

It happened faster than you would blink. Jaron turned sharply, but wasn't fast enough. Later on, he would look back on this moment and mentally kick himself for being so slow. He didn't know what Sonic would say, but he was positive it would've been something negative.

The silence was deafening. Nobody moved, not even Jaron. Not that he could, anyway, due to the fact Spring had pierced him in the chest.

Kaitlin found her voice. "NO!"

Jaron slowly looked down at the arm protruding from his chest, then sharply looked at Spring, who impassively pulled out her arm. He opened his mouth to speak, but rather than say anything, he swayed a little, then fell to the ground and didn't move.

"NO!!" Max was the next to voice his despair.

Next was James. "Jaron, GET UP!"

Kaitlin, rather than say anything, ran toward Spring with her arm oustretched, a look of fury on her face. Spring neatly sidestepped, dodging the attack, thing tripped her agin, knocking her over. Max was the next to attack, running toward her full-tilt with a half-formed Aura Sphere in his hands. Just before he hit her, however, she grabbed him by the wrist and dealt him a fierce uppercut, knocking him over and causing him to drop the Sphere, which exploded as it hit the ground. The smoke it caused was enough to mask James approach, as he swung at Spring with his Aura-empowered paw while she dodged each punch.

Not a single one of them noticed Jaron's index finger twitch.


"...Zane?"

"Ow..." Zane felt like he had been run over by a steamroller. As he opened his eyes, he saw the ever-welcome face of Meriee swimming just inches from his own.

Zane, who wasen't exactly Casanova, suddenly felt like showing his affection for Meriee. Problem, you say? There was a nigling little imp in his mind screaming "DON'T RUIN WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE BETWEEN YOU TWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Zane wanting to punch said imp in the face.

Meriee, meanwhile, was having a similar dilemma. 'Zane and I... we're almost-- no, Zane and I are just... no, wait, we're more that friends-- how much more, though? Maybe I should-- wait what if he doesn't like me that way?! Oh, come on, Meriee, you know he likes you that way! What if it's too fast-- Maybe I really am just a-- no, no, he is interested in me... isn't he?'

"AHEM! Are you alive, buddy?"

Zane did not bother giving Ranulf a glance. "I'm...FINE."

"Oh, good. You look pretty roughed up a bit there."

Zane was still contemplating the situation when he heard... Oh, HELL NO.

"I still say we should've introduced the waffles of death."

"Your waffles cannot stand the might of my PANCAKES of death, you know that."

"Should've used the crepes of death, then."

"We could've if the SWANS hadn't eaten them first."

Zane was on the verge of panicing. If those robots saw them like this, they would NEVER let him live it down, EVER. On the other hand, if he did something to resolve the situation, he might hurt Meriee's feelings in some way or another. What to do, what to do?

(Jordan: I'll let you, the reader, decide.)


...

...

...

...

...

...Kaitlin, Max, James...I'm sorry...I guess...I'm not really reliable...

...

...

...

...

...

Oh, come on, you're givin' up ALREADY? Ya can't give up that easily! C'mon!

...But--

No buts! C'mon, you think you're just gonna lie there and be useless? Not on my watch!

... Okay.


Kaitlin, Max, and James stood there, covered in heaven knows how many bruises and cuts. They were utterly spent; there was no telling how long they'd last.

Not that what they did wasn't in vain, though. For once in the entire fight, Spring was beginning to show fatigue, and seemed almost (ALMOST) as tired at they were.

"You three...are impressive. But...I will not allow myself to lose to ones like you." She took a single step forward. "You have nobody to blame but yourselves, you know. If you hadn't challenged me..." Another step. "Your friend would not've died."

"Hey, I already died once. I don't let it bother me much."

Spring nearly tripped as she spun around. Standing in front of her, winding up his fist like a cartoon character, was Jaron, his shirt bloody, but very much alive. The sheer shock of seeing this caused her to freeze...

And become very vunerable.

BAM!!!!!!!!! The force of the punch was enough to send her reeling backward, stunning her for a minute, which gave Jaron the perfect opportunity to follow this up with a kick powerful enough to send her flying toward Max. Said teen didn't even think. He ran forward and then threw his arm like he was pitching a baseball, and this was followed by a genuine Aura Sphere flying toward Spring, hitting her directly and sending her crashing to the ground. As she struggled to get up, she saw Jaron running toward her, holding his sword, and she held up her arms to defend herself--

But as Jaron would've told her, "You're too slow!"

FLASH!


"What the…"

There were flower petals everywhere. Red, blue, green, yellow, any color you can think of, flying, swirling, that sort of thing. In this mass of flowers were only Jaron and Spring.

"What's going on? Where—"

Spring was sitting on the ground. Slowly, she got back up, and started to walk toward Jaron, who reached for his sword...and of course, it wasn't there.

Finally stopping in front of Jaron, she stayed silent. Finally...

"Thank you for making me feel…human."

Then, she started to turn different colors, specifically, red, yellow, and pink. It was like she was made out of some fabric-like material. Suddenly, she began to fall apart… literally. Pieces, shaped like flower petals, started to peel off of her body, one by one. After what seemed like an eternity, but was really only 50 seconds, she was made up of a swirling wind of flower petals. The flowers that made up Smiling Spring started to float up into the suddenly pure white sky. That was it. She had vanished in a swirl of flower petals. The only thing left was a single green leaf, which hovered in front of Jaron. Suddenly, there was a flash, and the leaf flew into Jaron's chest, causing him to flinch. Before Jaron knew it, he was back in the courtyard in the others.

"What the heck? Where'd she go?" There should be no doubt in anyone's mind that Jaron had no idea what had just happened.

"Who knows?" said Kaitlin as she got up. She stared at Jaron intently. "Jaron...I--Jaron?!"

Jaron had suddenly staggered and fell to one knee, holded his head in one hand; his vision had gone blurry and unfocused. Wha…? What the…

Suddenly, he lost all feeling in his legs, and he fell over, landing on his side as his vision dimmed.

"Jaron?! JARON!!"


Excerpt from Dr. Zako's report:

Luke has finally regained his motor functions as well as his speech. He is still a rather quiet boy, though he is a bit curious--he had no idea how the toaster worked, and when he found out, the result was absolutely comical. I have decided against questioning him about Zarathustra, as the mere mention of the word causes him to yelp in fear and hide.

There is one thing I should mention--when I entered his room with breakfast, I nearly dropped the tray at the sight. He appeared to be moving a series of blocks I had given him to borrow the other day--yet he wasn't even touching them. It was if he was using his mind to do it.

When he saw me, he simply said, quite reasonably, "What?"


Jordan: MUCH better!

(Zane is crying in the corner; Tom and Crow are stumped)

Crow:...

Tom: Oh. Your. God.

Crow: (Is still shocked)

Jaron: You shouldn't have hurt his feelings, Jordan.

Jordan: I know, I know. But I bet I could make Otto cry, right?

Kaitlin: Don't push it.

Jacob: Punishing that guy would look more tearful than looking at a saddened newborn kitten. You know, with those big, adorable eyes--

Jordan: WE GET IT!!! ANyway, to those who read this revamped chapter, I hope you liked it better than the last one. G'night!