Here's the next chapter guys! Edward's dealing with his issues and realizes a couple of thigs!
Chapter 8
EPOV
How was that possible? I was on Bella's mind I was sure about that. The last time I saw her she was crying because of me leaving the town and saying how much she loved me.
"Yes, Edward the last time you saw and actually spoke to her was three years ago… a lot has changed since then. You were both young, kids actually. No one really knew the true meaning of love." A small voice echoed in my head. Perfect now I had to be reasonable! I was in a desperate need of a solution. Bella had to be mine!
"Hey! Hold on a sec buddy! What do you mean she HAS to be yours? Why? What have you done for her so she HAS to be with you? Do you really believe that you deserve her? Think again then!" Uuuurg! Why that fucking voice in my head couldn't shut the fuck up?
I didn't need anyone, not even my common sense, to tell me what had or not had I done! Yes I deserved her. That was meant to be. Me and her together. The perfect couple of the school!
I was passing up and down in my room. I was surrounded by boxes and suitcases which I hadn't bother to open. There was a much more interesting subject torturing my mind. Calm down Edward.
I sat down on my bed and closed my eyes tight. Her face appeared in my mind. She had changed so much since the last time I saw her. At first I didn't recognize her. Not only the way she was dressed but even her posture and her expression were different. More elegant, may I say. It's like her face glows! I didn't know what was happening with me but the whole day I'd been waiting to see her. I felt so peaceful when she was around… when I could look into those deep brown eyes.
What the hell was wrong with me? It's the first and only time I feel that way. I could't believe that actually I'd been thinking that way about a woman!
I was Edward Cullen! Women chased me! I am not used to chasing women!
But there was something different about that woman. Maybe that was it, that Bella had actually looked like a woman already! You could see it in her face how mature and grown up she was 's the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. Oh my God Edward Cullen you are in love!
Not once in my life I had imagined that I would cry over a woman! (Alright I wasn't actually crying but I was baffled! Over one single woman! That was unheard of me!)
However, the thing that I was so hard trying to understand wasn't that I wanted her so badly and she didn't want me back but the real reason she rejected me. And of course there was Adrian too. That bloody bastard that calls me a friend and kissed the only woman I ever wanted. Why she preferred him instead of me?
"Because he cares about her and he didn't actually demands from her to be with him! Come on Cullen you have to admit that you acted like a total jerk this morning. Prove her that you can be nice and kind!" Not that voice again! But I knew that was true.
The scene when I was asking her- correction- demanded from her to be with me, came to my mind. Bloody hell I'd acted like an asshole!
What I needed now was an advise… a clue of what to do. I was completely stunned because of the realization. I'd been so blind all these time… that girl is going to be mine but now I know that I had to earn her trust again.
Think Edward think! Who is the right person to talk to? Alice for sure… she knows Bella better than anyone else. The problem was that it didn't felt right talking to my sister about that. Who else was there… oh God…
Jacob Black.
Of course. They talked about everything or they used to. I was only hoping that they were still best friends. I had to go and see Jake. Now!
But as soon as I reached for the door I heard my cell ringing. Damn Adrian! I had totally forgot about the 'boys night out' which I'd specially set up. I answered the phone still hoping I would come up with an excuse.
"Hey Ed, sorry but we should cancel it for tonight. Mike just came by to drop me some notes for the big history test tomorrow! I'd completely forgotten and if I fail, I'm dead. Maybe we could do it tomorrow evening?" I heard Adrian saying. It was true about the test, I'd heard Angela and Rose tlking about it at lunch but I couldn't be sure if he was using it as an excuse or not. The thing's that was too convenient for me anyways!
"Okay…maybe tomorrow then." As soon as he hanged up I ran out of my room and down the stairs. Carlisle wasn't home yet and Esme was talking on the phone. I waved to her just to be sure that she saw me leaving home.
I drove all the way down to La Push and it took me some time to find Jake's 's been a while since I'd come down here and I was sure I wasn't the one driving back then. I knocked on the door and after a couple of minutes Jake's face appeared. When he saw me many different expressions crossed his face. Shock. Surprise. Confusion. Anger. Oh God that's not gonna be easy. But it was my first last hope.
"Edward?" he asked not actually believing in his eyes.
"Hi, Jake. Can we talk?"I asked politely understanding the situation wasn't comfortable for both of us.
"Yeah… Okay…Come in." I hoped that he could be more helpful when the shock was over.
We went to his room. When I entered it so many memories came to my mind again. God, I used to spend so much time here with Jake when we were kids, so many years ago. More than seven years had passed since the last time I've been here. Growing up we didn't actually stop being good friends but it wasn't the same as when we were little. We had other friends as well. But I have to admit that I hadn't called him since we left three years ago. Maybe it was my fault after all.
"So, what do you want?" Shit he was angry.
"Can you at least be friendlier? I am not here to fight I just need your help Jake."
"YOU need MY help? And what makes you believe that I'll help you? You didn't bother to call or to even come and say goodbye! I thought we were friends but obviously I was wrong." He didn't shout at me but the cold in his voice was worse.
"You're right I was wrong but please can you listen for a minute?"I tried again.
"Why? You just remembered that I exist only because you needed me. Give me a good reason to offer you my help. To trust you again."
"It's about Bella Jake…I…" what was I going to tell him? That I wanted her? After all these things I did to her? No he was going to punch me and probably I'D eserve it.
"What about Bella? What did you do to her again?" Hell I didn't like the way he said 'again' maybe because he was right…again.
"Hey calm down I didn't do anything! Well…not something serious at least." I admitted that the way I talked to her today wasn't the best but we had to be together.
"Oh come on! I knew it! Please tell me you didn't hurt her…a lot…and maybe I'll let you live." Okay Jake was giving me a hard time but I'd been fool to expect something different.
"Can you listen to me? What I have to say?"
"Okay spit it out…what is so important that not even you Edward the Great cannot deal with it?" right I had to face his sarcasm. Calm down Edward you need his help.
"Look Jake the thing is that…er…I….." how on earth would I say to him that I want Bella now after three years, especially when I was the one I turned her down the last time?Not only that but I didn't hold any respect for my best friend feelings who happened to be her boyfriend.
"Come on I don't have the whole night! If you want to say something then do it!" couldn't he be more patient? I was the one with a suicide mission here. And I say that because I knew for sure that he was going to punch me the second he heard what I had to say. But there was no other easier choice Cullen, just do it.
"I want to be with Bella. I saw her again and have a huge crush on her but the problem is that she turned me down this time and there is Adrian of course." I said all these really fast and I waited eyes closed for Jacob to react. But he didn't… so I opened my eyes hesitantly. Jake was standing here in front of me, arms crossed in a defending position with a petrified expression on his face. Okay understandably that was a shock for him.
"Oh!Oh!You're serious, aren't you?" he said after several minutes, disbelief was written all over his face. He thought I was joking to buy some time for my real problem. And actually my problem was that now he realized that I wasn't joking or anything…and his face had turned red. Not a good sign. Definitely not a good sign.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU ARE…YOU BLOODY…." God he was so furious that he couldn't find the words. Maybe I should leave him to say what he has to say and then relax and listen to me. He had his eyes closed and was taking deep breaths. I hadn't move at all I was just sitting there on the bed waiting for him to calm down. He opened his eyes and in an instant his face was inches away from mine.
"Explain!" he hissed. I guess that was the only thing he could say and probably he was making a big effort not to loose it again. I tried again…
"Jake I saw her and I realized that I have to be with that girl, that she has become so beautiful and we can be the perfect couple! She is losing her time with Adrian, he has nothing special really. He can't compare with me."
"Wait! What are you trying to say Edward? That you want to be with her only to complete your already perfect image? Not because you feel something strong for her?" he cut me off. What was he talking about? Was he listening?
"I told you! I want her! I like her! God she is really hot!" why on earth was he looking at me like that? What was I? An alien?
"Do you want to be with her only because of the desire you feel for her? Because of her appearance? Because you think that if you two are a couple you'll be the Mr. and Mrs. Popular? What the hell Edward?" why all these seemed so strange to him?
"Yes, for what else? She is beautiful, hot, popular, and yes I can say she's smart. The perfect mach for me, Jake." I started to feel that maybe I could make him help me after all.
"The rumours had it that you are a jerk, and I started to believe that were true after you just disappear, but now I can tell that they were wrong." He was calm, leaning casualty on his desk. Thank God he was thinking straight.
"I can tell for sure that you are a total asshole, Edward." He added, still calm. What the fuck? But before I could react he continued. "You humiliated her and turned her down as soon as you find out her crush on you. You leave and not even bother to contact with her or with was your friend, I was your friend!And you treated her like..like...I cannot even find the right words for your behaviour!And then, you come back after three years and you realize how gorgeous she is and you demand to break up with her boyfriend and run back to you. And of course you are so big headed that you didn't accept no as an answer and run down here-when you remembered that I exit-to ask for my help. What did you expect Edward? That I would be willing to ruin her happiness, now that she is over you and together with a guy that cares and loves her? I would never do that to Bells even if you swear up and down that you loved her. And that's the most absurd of all!
The fact that you want to be with her to complete your image and not that you feel something for her. What did you want me to believe? That you are a hurt angel? Stop judging people by their appearance Edward and maybe one day you understand what love is, because I'm absolutely positive that you are totally unaware of that feeling. There's only desire and success for you right now. You don't know how is to care about someone, to wanna say her name every second and see her face all day. How it is to have only her on your mind and do everything to see her smile. And the most amazing of all, how is to kiss her and feel that your heart is so light that you could fly! To wanna hold her there forever, close to you. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt love?" While he was telling me all these things I felt something strange inside me.
Jacob, because of his anger, had perfectly described the meaning of passion and true love. He was still calm and looking straight at me believing that his words had made me understand that I actually lack of this feeling. When I came here and all the time I was talking with him and trying to persuade him to help me, I did feel that I want her for my reasons.
But all the while he was describing how love is I realized one more thing.
A vital one.
A thing that made my heart skip a beat.
Not only I wanted her, not only I had her every second in my mind but the most shocking of all was that I felt every single thing Jake'd just described.
And even a lot more.
I caught my breath as soon as I realized that…
I was deeply in love with Bella.
That was it! Review guys! I need your opinoin! What is Edward going to do after that? Will Jacob help him? Wait to find out soon ;)
