Chapter 9 – In the Pensieve
A/N – I had to post this again as my asterixes disappeared! Is that an FF thing? I hadn;t noticed if they vanished in other chapters...
This is a short one, but it needs to be. The tense will be back to normal next chapter, but I was aiming for a sort of vivid immediacy here. I'd love to know if you think it works.
TRIGGERS. Lots of them. Specifically for child abuse, neglect, sexual abuse and starvation. You've been warned. Please don't flame me! x
Green light. A woman screaming. Such pain as death is made of in the eyes of a crying child. Severus Snape does not cover his ears to the sound of Lily's last moment. He owes it to her to listen.
*x*x*
A cupboard. The cupboard. He's seen it before in Harry's mind, but it had been a blur. Now, Severus watches as a little boy dressed in rags weeps silently in the darkness. He holds his stomach as though in pain. His arms are little more than bone. His hair is a matted mess. His lips are chapped and bloodied. He urinates into a stinking cat litter tray in the corner of his cell.
An opening door. A whale of a man grabbing and pulling. The sound of a zipper and begging.
A fog falls and the memory hides behind it.
*x*x*
The boy is older, but not much bigger. His eyes are squeezed shut and his hand is pressed against the cupboard's locks. He grinds his teeth and does not see the light which glows from his palm as all the locks release at once. He opens his eyes and grins brightly. Severus hurts to see such joy at an opened cage. Surely it can't last. The boy steals into the kitchen and carefully opens the cupboard. His movements are quick and practiced. He's done this before.
A handful of nuts, not enough to notice. A slice of dry bread. A corner of cheese and a wet, wilting carrot from the back of the 'fridge.
A loud crack. The little boy spins, dropping the food, to stare up at an old man with a long beard. Albus Dumbledore looks resigned as he holds out his wand.
"Obliv…"
A fog falls and the memory hides behind it.
*x*x*
The letters.
Harry Potter
The Cupboard Under the Stairs
No. 4 Privet Drive
Little Whinging
Surrey
The boy's eyes light up. Severus can almost hear him hoping that somebody who knows about his cupboard will come and save him from it. Because somebody knows.
Then a giant comes, bringing cake and magic.
*x*x*
Fog.
There are bars on his windows. There are locks on the door. A catflap compliments the kitty-litter tray in the corner. The boy on the bed is thin and the light in his eyes is dull. There are bruises. So many bruises. The rag of his t-shirt is stained. Severus can see blood and what he suspects is semen.
Fog.
The clothes are different, but the boy hasn't moved.
A flying Ford Anglia sets him free. Red-heads rescue him and report back to mother.
Nothing more is said on the matter.
The boy breaks just a little more.
*x*x*
The whispers in the walls.
Tom Marvolo Riddle. The snake. The hat. The sword.
Pain and phoenix tears. Severus sees the disappointment in the boy's eyes when he realises the bird won't just let him die.
*x*x*
The boy has a godfather. For a bright, shining moment, he thinks there will be no more beatings, no more starving, no more mornings where his body hurts strangely and he can't remember anything.
Severus Snape watches himself snuff out the brief light in the boy's eyes.
The threat of a serial killer only keeps his uncle at bay for a week before a fog falls and the memory hides behind it.
*x*x*
Cedric.
The cauldron. The horror born of blood.
He sees his mum and dad and the longing in his eyes tells Severus just how much Harry wishes to join them.
The gleam in Dumbledore's eyes when Harry tells him "He's back."
*x*x*
I must not tell lies. I must not tell lies. I must not tell lies.
*x*x*
Dear Padfoot,
I think something is wrong with me. My head hurts and my magic is acting up. I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting stuff, too.
What happened in the DofM? I thought I saw you fall into that veil thing, but then things get foggy and you're okay.
I think I'm going mad.
I know I'm meant to stay here, Sirius, but what're rules to a Marauder, eh?
Please. Come and get me.
Harry
Nobody comes to get him. Hedwig never comes back.
*x*x*
Fog
The whale-like uncle
Fog
shares his nephew
Fog
with a whale-like cousin.
Fog
*x*x*
The boy reads every book in his trunk three times over.
He practises clearing his mind.
*x*x*
His occlumency is strong now, so his mind is protected when they drug him the last time. But his body is not. Snape sees the awareness in Potter's eyes as the uncle and cousin share him. Snape sees them break Potter's wand and rape him with the broken ends.
He sees Harry Potter's green eyes begin to glow until suddenly they are twin suns and the men above him are burning, screaming, dying, dead.
Then it is Harry who is screaming as he looks in horror at the ash around him. He screams until his voice and lungs give out and when he takes a breath to start again, he inhales some of a cloud of dust which used to be his uncle. Severus watches the boy's eyes go wide as he realises that he is choking on his uncle for the last (but sadly not the first) time. He retches and vomits onto the bed, onto the ashes, before finally passing out cold.
*x*x*
The memories fade. It is over.
