Warning: Persona will be OOC (Out-Of-Character) here. This chapter also contains profanity. You've been warned.

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Persona's Secret Diary

Genre: Humor/General

Written By: WizdomGoddess

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Page 9

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Saturday, 5 pm

Dear Diary,

Karma, a word often misunderstood, is an undesirable event I was sure I'll never experience.

Why is this so?

First and foremost, I don't really believe in karma when applied to myself. (Perhaps my overconfidence could be blamed for this.) I only believe in it when other people are involved. So I found it unsurprising when, during the second part of the radio segment, an unexpected caller entered my counseling life – shattering my delusions of immutability from karma.

The same old ring propelled me to turn on the switch so the caller could be put on air. As soon as I did all the prerequisites, I heard a bizarre voice from the other line. It was a high-pitched attempt to sound like a ventriloquist making a bunny talk. Nevertheless, I knew better than that. The abnormally shrill tone was too obvious for comfort. The voice surely belonged to a man or – had my hunch been incorrect – it could have been a woman with a bad case of tonsilitis.

"This is…?" I started, torn between the feeling of disgust and horror. The temptation to switch off the 'on air' button - on purpose – nagged me diligently.

The person on the other end of the line answered before I came to a decision.

"Oh, you can call me Pigtailed Orange sweetie," he said. The horrendous cackle that followed made me want to throw up all the five cups of coffee I drank this morning. Good thing I flushed everything from my excretory system before going on air.

Pigtailed Orange, or should I say, Jinno.

I would have done anything to donate my eardrums to charity, but there I was stuck in front of a machine giving advice to the last person I wanted to talk to. I began thinking of a plan to escape the mess I've gotten myself into, but my better sense told me to get a grip.

I tried to think as rationally as possible.

Jinno didn't know it was really I, the strong and handsome Persona, talking on air, did he? All he knew was that I was a DJ who went by the name of Peepee Don't Cry. Maybe I can play it safe and hope against hope that he won't recognize me. He's a stalker. Who knows what he can do?

"You know, I'm in love with this man who keeps on denying that he loves me…" he rambled.

"Awww…that's so sad."

His pitch went higher and higher. "…but then, I found you DJ Peepee. I think I love you."

"What?! Uhhh I mean…oh my."

"But if this other person knew about it, and if it turns out that he loves me, what would I do then, DJ Peepee?"

I remember wiping the perspiration off my forehead. Could I have wiped away the situation like I did with my sweat, perhaps things would be much easier.

He was after my alter-ego! I lost count of the number of gods I cursed, dear diary. I tried my best to be as understanding as I can manage, but I never expected this! At first I thought it to be an exaggerated test of my patience, but then I remembered the "advice" I so whole-heartedly gave to Narumi and that nullification girl.

It was probably karma.

But what did I do to deserve it? I've always been evil. It's nothing out of the ordinary, so why be victimized by karma now?

I decided not to risk challenging things I couldn't explain. I ransacked my vocabulary for more ethical synonym to the word I had in mind --- no matter how oxymoron it may sound.

"You should tell your true feelings to this other person," I pointed out. "And you should choose one between them you know. It's unfair to the other person. You can't fall in love with two people at the same time and call yourself sincere."

I tried to ignore the fact that the other person was actually me, making my advice invalid because DJ Peepee and Persona happen to be one person. But Jinno didn't need to know that. You're the only one who knows this secret, dear diary.

"Yeah…you're right. Maybe I should." He agreed, still using his soprano voice. "Since I can't find Persona anywhere, you're now my true love! Thank you DJ Peepee! Mwah! Bye bye!"

I immediately regretted offering my advice.

I should have deactivated that goddamn 'on air' button when I had the chance.

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Saturday, 5:30 pm.

Dear Diary,

There are just some things even I couldn't predict.

I received another weird call during my advice segment. "Hello? DJ speaking, how may I help you today?"

"Oh! DJ Peepee! I can't believe I'm actually talking to you! I'm Shouda Sumire!" Several female voices could be heard shrieking at the background, bringing me nothing but confusion. "We'll be honored if you give us advice!"

"I'll be happy to. What assistance may I provide for you today, Ms. Shouda?"

"Well, with me being the president, I decided to change the name of our club to 'Natsume, Ruka, and Peepee fansclub'! You're so cool you know?! I'm your number one fan too!!!" she squealed. "Well, do you think the name sounds good enough for you? We need your advice on that."

The yipping female squad squeezed through the line again.

I never had women shriek for me before nor include me as the object of a fans club existence. The few females who screamed at me were those who I threatened to kill, and the one fans club ever been put up for me was the 'Persona is Hot and Sexy Fansclub' which is comprised of me as the president and you, my diary, as the member.

I decided to ignore how these girls were oblivious to the real meaning of 'Peepee'. You know, now that I think about it, the school treats me like a peepee. They try to hide me but end up showing me off when they need to break someone. Maybe this is why I feel like I have some kind of connection with it, and this also explains why I was so offended when Jinno said I had a small peepee. My peepee is precious. Nobody has the right to make fun of it except perhaps, my future wife – once I manage to fool a woman into marrying me.

Anyway, going back to my fans-club…

Whoever guessed I would acquire a fans-club in less than a day?

My life must be going somewhere good.

They like me.

They really, really like me!

Oh joy!

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To be continued…

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