A/N I am going to warn you, the stuff in this chapter dealing with Casey's past is a lot more gritty and harder to deal with so don't complain to me about it I did warn you. The stuff I discuss in this chapter does happen to people and they are good at hiding things like you will see Casey is in this chapter. Hopefully you will enjoy this chapter even it seems kinda dark to me. Also I got my sister to beta for me so it should be better although she is only 12 and I am 16 but she is much better at grammar and she is a spelling bee champ so hopefully it's better.
Chapter 9
Casey walked down the hall to the counselor's door. She stood outside it for a few minutes looking at it then sighed and pulled it open. When she opened it she saw a tall fair brown skinned man sitting at the desk. He looked up at her almost as if he was excited to see her.
"Hello you must be Casey I'm Paul," he said and she walked in closing the door behind her.
"Hey," she said shifting from one foot to the other.
"You can sit I promise I don't bite," he said and she sat down on the edge of the chair.
"You know I don't really know I need to be here," she said.
"Well this is just one meeting after that it's up to you whether we meet again although if you want we can meet every week the same time," he said.
"Well I doubt that will be necessary," she said and he looked at her then took a folder on his desk and opened it up looking over it.
"What's that," she said.
"Your file," he said still looking over it.
"What's in it," she said uncomfortable.
"Well it says your school records there is also some comments from past teachers, doctors, and a few from friends at your school and your mom," he said.
"Why do you have comments from my friends," she said confused.
"Well I assume you remember of course at the end of the year when you couldn't finish the year due to your well…," he said stuttering unsure how to say it.
"You mean when I tried to kill myself," she said boldly and she couldn't help but smile slightly at the look that spread across his face.
"Well yes well after they talked to some students you know to find out if there was anything they could have done to prevent it stuff like that legal issues," he said.
"I didn't talk to half the people at that school I wasn't even friends with them," she said.
"Why," Paul said.
"Because they were snobs," she said.
"So who were you friends with," he asked.
"People I met around you know and I guess I was friends with a couple people like-"she said before stopping suddenly her face turning red.
"Who," he said.
"Patrick," she said sitting back in the chair now.
"Hmm Patrick is mentioned in here he was your boyfriend," Paul said.
"Yeah he was," she said quietly.
"He passed away in January right?" Paul said kindly.
"Yeah he did," she said.
"And I believe that is around the same time your teachers noticed a change I you," he said.
"Well I would hope so," she said almost laughing.
"And why do you say that," he said.
"Well I came to school half drunk," she said and he looked at her amazed.
"What are you talking about," he said.
"Bet it doesn't tell you that in your little file huh," she smugly said.
"It says you battled with alcohol abuse but it doesn't mention you came to school drunk,"
"Yeah well I can hid being drunk pretty well if I do say so myself," she said.
"So you drank at school," he said.
"Yep it was pretty easy. I drank at home too of course," she said the bitterness hiding under her words.
"And your mom and step dad never noticed," he asked.
"Nope of course my mom wouldn't have noticed me if I danced around the house ,naked ,singing at the top of my lungs," she said and he saw the dark look in her eyes.
"How did no one notice," he said.
"Well I was pretty good at hiding it. I learned a little trick I would buy packages of bottled water dump out the water and fill up the bottles with vodka no one knew the difference," she said.
"Where did you get it," he asked curiously.
"A friend of mine had a dad who owned a liquor store and as long as he had the money his dad didn't mind where he got it from. My friend even gave me the tip about putting it in the bottles," she said.
"Yep could bring them anywhere. School, home it didn't matter no one noticed…no one noticed a damn thing," she said.
"Was that the problem that no one noticed?" he said and she just looked at him. They were both silent for a few minutes and she spoke.
"You know I didn't drink that much just enough when I needed it I was never really drink," she said. (A/N she only drank about two water bottles filled a day which is why she didn't get sick or anything just so you know and she only went overboard unless it was a really hard day.)
"Why did you need it," he said.
"Because he was every where I went at school, where I usually hung out, even my room. Especially my head I could never get rid of him there," she explained trying to make him understand.
"Patrick you mean," he said.
"Yeah Patrick," she agreed her voice sad almost bitter.
"So you drank to help you forget him," he said.
"Yeah I had to it was the only thing that helped I just couldn't forget," she said trying to justify it.
"How come you just didn't talk about it that helps you know," he said.
"With who? My friends knew him too. It hurt them just as much as it me maybe even more they grew up with him. And my mom was so busy making her new family perfect who has time for the troubled teenage daughter?" she questioned the bitterness growing in her voice.
"You felt like your mom was too busy for you? Why?" Paul said regarding her with something she hoped wasn't pity.
"She didn't have time for me. Before we moved in with George and Marti and Edwin everything was fine but then all of a sudden my mom was trying to be super wife and super mom and I guess I just got lost in the cracks," she said.
"And I know what you're thinking if she was super mom then what am I talking about but she was being mom to every one but me and I just didn't fit there. I mean Lizzie became such good friends with Edwin and Marti was off in her own world and then mom and George where always at work or with each other and I was just left there stranded," she said.
"So you feel like you didn't fit in the family," he asked her and she looked at him thoughtfully.
"No I guess not," she said.
"What about now," he said.
"What do you mean," she asked.
"Well it says here you now live with Derek your step father's son is that correct?" he asked lookin up at her for her reaction.
"Yeah I live with Derek," she said a smile finally creeping to her face.
"Ah well look at that, we got something happy going on. So I guess you and Derek get along," eh said.
"Yeah we do. Derek is a sweet guy," she said.
"That's good so no problems on that front," he said.
"So far," she admitted.
"What do you mean by that," he questioned.
"Well usually my life messes up eventually," she said.
"Well I am sure Derek is a nice guy and will help you through that stuff," he said.
"Yeah you're right I mean Derek is one in a million I guess," she said smiling. She tried to suppress the grin but couldn't help it and she wondered if she had been going around the past three weeks with this goofy grin.
"Does Derek know about your drink problem," Paul asked.
"Well some of it not everything he just really knows that I drank then tried to kill myself," she said.
"Tell me about that," he said.
"About trying to kill myself?" she said and he nodded still surprised at her bluntness.
"Well I felt really horrible that day and I remember it was his birthday he would have been 17 that day. He was a year older then me. I just couldn't deal with it and you know I went to my mom and I asked if I could talk to her and she said she was going out with everyone they had invited me but I was a little anti-social and I tried to tell her I needed to talk to her. And she asked me about what and I told her about Patrick and she just looked at me like she was so tired. She told me that we could talk about it later. When she left I felt so alone and I went upstairs and I remember my radio was on for some reason and I figured Lizzie must have put it on and I drank like a whole bottle right there. I remember my throat felt like it was burning," she talked to Paul telling him this but she wasn't looking at him instead she was looking past him almost in a trance.
"What happened after you drank the bottle," he said.
"I got up and I actually tripped over my bag and I remember sitting there thinking about it and started to laugh because he used to tell me all the time how clumsy I was and before I knew it I was crying. You know those things that you use to measure circles and stuff like the thing with the place where you put the pencil and there is the sharp point on this long piece of metal its called a compass or whatever but I remember seeing it on the floor next to my bag and I remember taking it and standing up with it in my hand and going to the bathroom. I got another bottle on the way and I had the bottle on one side of the sink and the compass thing on the other and I looked at myself in the mirror but all I could see was him," she said and she felt the tears starting to come.
"You can stop now really," Paul said gently.
"No it's okay. I took the thing and I just started to run it up and down my arm over and over at first it was so neat the lines but then I just started to get so angry and it got messier and messier and I stopped. There was blood everywhere all on the floor dripping down from my arm and I felt so sick. But I did it. I did it to myself and I remember I grabbed the bottle and drank it and after I finished I felt sick again and I could still remember him it didn't help at all none of it helped he was still there in the mirror but he looked so unhappy I tried to hit the mirror but I fell and I was just sitting on the floor for so long. My mom had come back and she was looking for me and when she didn't find me in my room she looked around and found me in the bathroom lying there in the blood." Casey finished wiping the tears from her face." And I never got to ask her why she came back, "she said, puzzled.
"Casey what happened wasn't your fault you were depressed and when people get that way they cam become destructive to themselves," he said.
"Have you thought about drinking again," he asked.
"Not really I mean I don't want to do it again, I don't want to hurt myself like that anymore," she said.
"That's good as long as you stay away from it you should be okay," he said.
"Actually well the truth is I have this bottle of vodka like not one of my water bottles a glass bottle that that guy gave me before I left. It's not even opened it's actually at the bottom of my suitcase I never took it out," she said and he looked at her alarmed.
"You should really dump that out you know that right? As soon as you do you can leave all that behind and start over," Paul said.
"I am starting over," she said.
"I'm just waiting for the perfect time to dump it that's all," she said.
"Have you cut yourself since that incident," he asked.
"No I haven't. That was the first time I ever did anything like that. I don't know that day was just so much but in a way I'm glad it happened I learned from it and I am doing a lot better now," she said.
"Yes you seem like you are," he said and the bell rang notifying them the class period was over. Casey stood up abruptly as if she had just remembered where she was. And she went for the door opening it but turning around to look at him once more.
"So same time next week Paul," she said and he smiled.
"Next week," he said.
DASEYDASEYDASEYDASEYDASEYDASEYDASEYDASEYDASEYDASEY
Casey was on the couch at home around 5 watching TV by herself. Derek wasn't home from work yet and she was watching a TV program about something more dramatic than her life for once. She thought back on earlier today with Paul and couldn't help but cringe. She had told him more in an hour then she had told Derek in the past few months since she had met him. Talking to Derek about this wasn't easy though although she knew eventually it was going to come up. Of course she had Paul for that now. She thought about Patrick then and the image of him in the mirror. She fell asleep then that image in her head. Derek came home a little after that and found Casey asleep on the couch and he smiled at her small figure. He picked her up as slowly and gently as he could and brought her to her room leaving her to sleep. It was around 8 when Casey woke up in her dark room crying. She had had her first nightmare in weeks when it had started out she had been in the bathroom trapped Patrick staring at her from the mirror but Patrick's face had quickly changed into Derek and when she tried to let him out beating against the mirror it wouldn't break. She ignored the tears and got up running from her room first checking for Derek in his room then looking in the living room. He was in neither place so she ran into the kitchen where he stood in a pair of flannel pants and a wife beater looking into the refrigerator. She ran over to him and threw her arms around him.
"Casey sweetie what's wrong," he said as she hugged him crying.
"Please don't go," she said as she thought of the last image in her nightmare…Derek waving goodbye to her smiling.
"Casey I'm not going anywhere," he said soothingly into her ear hugging her tightly.
"But you were gone I couldn't help you I'm so sorry," she said.
"Casey I'm right here I didn't go anywhere I'm right here," he said cupping her face in hands so she was looking him in the eyes. He looked into her eyes and he felt so sick when he saw the pain in them. He hugged her tightly against him again and whispered in her ear softly. She leaned against him, drained.
"Its okay Case come on," he said carrying her down the hall but not to her room to his instead. She had her eyes half closed and didn't notice this. He laid her down gently and lay down next to her bringing her close to him. He continued to whisper in her ear. After a while she started to breath deeply and evenly and he knew she was asleep. He laid there and watched her sleep worried. He didn't no what had happened to bring on this sudden outburst. He eventually fell asleep his arms wrapped around her. It was the next morning when she woke up. Casey woke up and felt something heavy around her waist and looked down to see a pair of arms around her. She looked behind herself surprised to see Derek. She looked around and realized that it was Derek's room not hers and she felt confused for a few minutes before she looked realized what had happened and she laid back down turning though so she was facing him. She reached up and stroked his cheek with her hand. She couldn't help but smile as she looked at him. He shifted then bringing her closer in his sleep. She was very close to his face then and she reached out and kissed him softly at first but he responded surprisingly and kissed her back. He broke the kiss after a few moments and looked at her a smile on his sleepy face.
"Hey," he whispered.
"Hey," she said. He kissed her then moving so her legs were intertwined with his. He looked into her eyes grinning as he took her hands in his bring them up to his mouth kissing each hand softly then letting them down again kissing her softly on the lips then harder.
"Good morning my Casey," he said whispering in her ear.
"Derek," she said pushing him away playfully.
"Awww come on," he said biting her neck slightly.
"Derek really I have to go so school," she said.
"You are not going to school today," he said.
"Oh really and why do you say that it's only the third week of school," she said.
"Casey, my everything, its Saturday," he said looking at her amused.
"What oh wait it is isn't it," she said and she looked at him and saw that the expression on his face read seriousness.
"What?" she said and he tugged on a piece of her hair.
"You want to tell me what that was all about last night," he said.
"It was nothing," she muttered but he looked at her sternly and she knew he wasn't buying it.
"I umm met with the school counselor yesterday and we talked about stuff like my drinking and well you know," she said looking away from him.
"Oh," he said softly. He took his hands and put them under her chin guiding her over so she was looking at him.
"You okay?" he said.
"I don't know I think I'm doing better talking about it helped and well actually I think I am doing a lot better now then I was," she said.
"Are you sure because if there is anything I can do you can just tell me," he said obviously concerned about her.
"Derek what your doing now is just fine," she said and she snuggled up closer to him. She could see a smile go back on his face and he kissed her again swiftly as if he was trying to get away with something.
"Der-ekkk," she said and he laughed cutting her off with another kiss.
"Cas-eyyy," he said mocking her and she rolled her eyes at him.
"You know I'm not going anywhere right," he said looking into her eyes again serious.
"You better not," she said kissing him sweetly.
(A/N So I thought that was a nice balance of serious stuff and some sweet Dasey moments and don't worry Paul will be a recurring character, he and Casey still have a lot to discuss. This was definitely the longest chapter so far. Hopefully you guys learned a lot more about Casey. Oh and Derek and Paul are going to meet although I am still unsure how I am swinging that but it will be funny. I really hope you guys liked this chapter because I have to say I liked it a lot. Also I am going to mesh all your guys advice and I am going to tell Paul but not for a while. Please review.)
