A/N: Thanks for the kind words in your reviews and messages (and some constructive criticism). And I apologize that this took so long. It's been rough going the last few weeks and on top of that I've had some writer's block.
And just a little aside based on something a reader mentioned to me, I want to make sure no one thinks I'm saying that I believe (or even that Arizona will eventually believe) that the bond she'd have with a biological child would be different than the one she has with Sofia. In fact that's a major topic still to be handled in the story. I've got your back people :)
So, hope you enjoy the Arizona POVs we get to finally have. I've missed writing much from her head. And I think Callie needs a bit of a break from me playing around almost exclusively in her skull.
And whoops I totally forgot about Burke getting shot in the shoulder until I started rewatching Callie eps. Funnily enough I originally planned to have Arizona's symptoms be exactly what Burke's were on the show so had to change that. Which of course means worse things and more drama for Calzona!
I'm starting grad school again next week so please be patient with any updates. I'm shooting for one a week, but one every two weeks (like this one) is probably more realistic. Since I prefer longer updates, it takes longer to get them together.
Chapter Nine
Arizona felt like she'd been hit by a truck. Or crashed in an airplane and had a tree attack me. She struggled to open her eyes, waiting for her vision to sharpen. "Bright light," she mumbled as she finally opened her eyes more fully and focused on where Callie was standing to the side of her bed, smiling down on her.
"Okay, my little gremlin," Callie said with a quiet laugh. She leaned down and placed the softest of kisses on Arizona's lips before whispering. "Sorry, we need the lights up so everyone can evaluate you."
"Everyone?" She looked around the room and noticed Shepherd, Sloan, Bailey, and Yang standing on the left side of her bed. "Wow, it's Surgeon-palooza in here."
The room filled with a light laughter at her comment.
Callie sat down on the edge of the bed and said, "I got a hold of your parents. They'll be here in an hour or so. They were just heading out to dinner with my parents so I told them since you were stable and clearly not going anywhere, to go ahead and eat."
Arizona blinked and looked up at Callie, forgetting everyone else in the room. "Wait, did you say parents, as in plural? Your parents are here? Both of them?"
Callie nodded. "It's a long story and I'll share it with you after Derek and company check you out, okay?"
"Okay," Arizona said quietly, not having the energy to push the topic and knowing she needed to talk with her colleagues. She turned back toward the doctors on her left. "So, you guys have been cleaning me out, huh?"
Mark seemed to stand a little taller as he quickly spoke before anyone else could. "Well, Derek's just been looking at your CTs and making satisfied noises. Bailey and I have been cleaning you out, well more me than Bailey. She just helped with the initial surgery. I've been in here debriding—"
Derek elbowed Mark and shook his head. "As usual, just ignore him." He moved closer to her bed and smiled down at her. "Glad you're awake. Mind if I do a little neuro exam?"
"Exam away."
Derek pulled out a pen light, shielded her eyes for a moment from the glaring lights in the room, and then flicked the light into each of her eyes, making her cringe just a little. He then help up his finger and began to move it back and forth, then up and down over her face, as she followed it with just her eyes. He nodded and then asked, "Do you remember the crash?"
Arizona thought back, trying to force her brain to go past the easy memory of climbing on board the small corporate jet, but that was all she could remember until Cristina was calling out her name and she woke up in the co-pilot's seat. "I got a text message from Callie, but there wasn't time to respond, because we were boarding the plane and the pilot wanted to take off. We were in a hurry because there was a storm coming and we had just enough time to get to Spokane and back with the heart." Mentioning the harvest made her think back to the reason for their trip. She turned her eyes to Yang. "What about the Johnsons?"
"We obviously lost the heart. A baby in Idaho got it," Cristina answered, her voice staying at its usual emotionally detached level. "Owen called Addison and she's agreed to come up and take over Mrs. Johnson's care. She'll be here tomorrow. The baby is still top of the transfer list and if Addison can keep her from delivering until her due date, they've got almost 6 weeks to find another heart."
That made Arizona feel just a little bit better, although it weighed heavily on her that their accident might have cost the young family the one thing that would save their unborn child. But Addison is the best. If anyone can help them, she will. She nodded to Cristina and forced a slight smile on to her face. "Thanks for letting me know. I wish we could have gotten the heart, but I'm glad it went to good use."
Derek touched her shoulder to get her attention again. "It wasn't your fault that the plane crashed. In fact, from what Cristina said, you got that plane down in one piece."
Arizona's eyes shot back to Cristina, who nodded. The younger surgeon smiled just slightly as she said, "I'll tell you the story a little later. You probably don't remember much about our rescue either."
Arizona's brow furrowed as she once again tried to put the jumbled memories in her head in some sort of order. "There was something about a guy on an ATV, but that's the last thing I remember before waking up here."
"By then the sepsis was pretty rampant, so I'd expect some delirium and then you basically lost consciousness," Derek said by way of explanation. "Based upon your head CT, it appears all you had was a concussion. But I want to get another scan tomorrow to make sure there isn't a slow bleed that we might have missed." He smiled down at her, "But all in all, I think you're pretty lucky."
"And what about my arm?" It was the injury that scared her the most. The sepsis was serious, but it was something they could fight pretty reliably with antibiotics, especially now that she knew her vitals were stronger. And of course there was the worry about her kidneys, but that would likely at worst be a chronic problem or maybe require a transplant. While potentially life threatening, there was hope there and a course of action that could mean a cure or improvement. But if her arm was unable to function, there would be nothing they could do. It would simply be unusable. Depending on the amount of damage, it could mean no surgeries, or even being unable to pick up Sofia. Worst case would mean she'd lose all use of her arm. It would mean a dramatic and even catastrophic change to her life, one that she was unsure she could handle. She closed her eyes and whispered, "I can't feel it."
Derek moved a little so he was standing down by her left hand. "Your body is on recovery overload right now so it's not strange to not be able to feel it right now. But let's see how you react to a few tests, okay? Without bending your elbow, can you lift your hand at the wrist? I don't want you flexing your bicep if you can help it."
Arizona looked down at her hand and concentrated on raising her hand, but it didn't budge. She clenched her jaw and squeezed Callie's hand tightly with her good hand as she fought to raise it, but her hand simply sat on the pillow, completely immobile.
Callie squeezed her hand back. "Remember how much trouble I had at the beginning, and I was able to come back. You have to be optimistic."
Tears sprang to her eyes as Arizona fought the panic she was feeling. She shook her head and looked up at Callie. "It won't move." She felt frustration and anger flare up in her but she resisted it, not wanting to lash out at the people who were only in the room to support and help her. She closed her eyes and turned her head away from everyone. "It won't move," she whispered again in defeat.
"There's a lot of inflammation, Arizona," Derek said softly as he touched her shoulder. "We need to wait for that inflammation to come down before we know anything for sure."
She nodded and opened her eyes, blinking until her vision cleared. She looked up at Callie and was met by the loving gaze that was her rock in the storm of all that was going on. Something about the calm and caring coming from those dark brown eyes made her heart settle. "No matter what," Callie said quietly, "we're in this together. Okay? And you can freak out and be scared. That's okay. I'll be strong for both of us."
Arizona nodded as she pulled their joined hands to her lips and kissed the back of Callie's hand. She sniffled and blinked, willing the tears to dry from her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered back. She then forced a smile on her face and turned back to Derek. "Any more tests?"
"Let's see if you can feel anything, okay? Painful stimuli might be more noticeable than passive tactile sensation." Derek pulled out a probe that looked like his penlight but with a skinny metal piece that came out of one end.
Arizona nodded and closed her eyes. "No cheating," she whispered, remembering the last time she had performed the same test on a little boy, just two weeks previously. He had ended up paralyzed after a car accident. Don't go there, Arizona. Think positively. Positive beliefs bring positive outcomes. Positive beliefs bring positive outcomes.
"Now?"
She concentrated but could not feel anything. "No." Positive beliefs bring positive outcomes.
"How about now?"
"Still nothing." With each question she was having more difficulty believing her mantra.
"What about now?"
She thought she might have felt something. It was just the lightest of sensations, like she was feeling the probe through a thick glove, but it was something. "Is that my thumb?"
Arizona could hear the smile in Derek's voice. "It was. That was good, Arizona. That's a positive."
"A positive," she said as she let out a quiet sigh of relief. It was hard to be truly positive when all she felt was one little prick to her thumb, but at least it was something. She had to look at it as the smallest of bright lights down an impossibly long and dark tunnel.
Derek went through and tried a few more times. Arizona never felt another prick and with each question that tunnel seemed to grow even longer, but she forced herself to remember that all tunnels end eventually. Finally Derek said, "You can open your eyes."
Arizona did as he asked and watched the serious expression on his face. "Well, that was less than perfect," she finally assessed for herself, trying to sound lighter than she felt.
"Like Derek said, there's still a ton of inflammation. Your body is doing its best to fight off the onslaught. You know that," Mark offered from where he stood behind Derek. "Just don't get too discouraged until there's been time for the swelling to go down."
Derek nodded and added, "There could also be a little whiplash or even a pinched nerve from the rapid deceleration as the plane crashed that's adding to the problem. We'll keep an eye on things over the next few days. Once the sepsis and inflammation have resolved, we'll work on a surgical solution if need be. I'm cautiously optimistic that you'll get at least some function back."
"Will it be enough to operate?" she asked, her voice sounding incredibly desperate to her ears.
"I don't know," Derek said with a hint of regret in his voice.
Arizona closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It was hard not to know and it was even harder to have to deal with the fear, but she was going to have to live with whatever the outcome was. She opened her eyes and immediately looked to Callie for support. She smiled, this time a little more genuinely. "I'm alive and with you and that's the important thing."
"It is." Callie's smile grew even as her eyes misted up. She leaned down and gently kissed Arizona's forehead. "We'll get through this together. Don't you worry."
"At least I'll be a much better patient than you were," Arizona said with a gentle jibe.
"So competitive," Callie answered her with a hint of humor.
Arizona smiled at her and then turned back to Derek. "Okay, so we'll give it time and then figure out what we need to do."
He smiled at her supportively before placing a brace on her elbow. "Like I said, I don't want you bending that elbow just yet. I know you can't move it now, but it could all come back quickly once the tissue around your nerves returns to normal, so better safe than sorry. Also, we'll get some scans of the wound tomorrow when we get your head CT. That'll help us know where we are, too."
She nodded at him and then focused on Bailey, who had moved over to stand next to Derek. "Okay, Dr. Bailey, how are my internal organs doing?"
"As far as the sepsis goes, things are slowly improving. Your pressure's rising, your pulse ox is holding steady since we took you off the vent, and your white blood cell count has gotten down to just over 14,000."
"Still have a way to go to hit normal though," Arizona said as she craned her neck up to look at the monitor over her shoulder. She glanced at the BP and the heart monitor and felt slightly reassured that both seemed to be getting close to normal. But there was more to being okay than how her circulatory system was doing. She looked back at Bailey. "What about my creatinine and urea levels?"
Bailey took a deep breath that was not particularly comforting. "Those levels aren't improving quite as quickly, but we just started the dialysis. I discussed with Dr. Webber about moving you to continuous dialysis and we're researching that right now. The research shows it might be a little more beneficial, but we want to make sure there are no long term side effects. We're planning on meeting first thing tomorrow to make our decision. Either way, we'll probably keep you on dialysis for the next few days to give your kidneys the support to heal. In the meantime, like your arm, we just need to wait and see. You know that."
Arizona nodded with a feeling of slight defeat. "It's much easier to say that than hear it, though."
Bailey laid a gentle hand on her leg. "We're going to run a full blood panel again before we meet in the morning. We'll let you know then how we're going to proceed."
"Thanks," Arizona said. She closed her eyes, feeling weary tears start to fill them and not wanting to cry in front of her friends. Without opening them she asked, "Is there anything else?"
A round of negative answers came to her and brought Arizona a sense of relief. As much as she wanted to have as much information as she could, right in this second she just wanted them to be gone.
"Thanks, everyone," Callie said. Then a few seconds later she said, "The coast is clear."
Arizona let out a breath she wasn't aware she had been holding. She opened her eyes and looked up at Callie. "I'm not reassured," she whispered, almost afraid of the words as they came out of her mouth. And then the tears and sobs began.
Callie quickly climbed up onto the bed and lay down next to Arizona, pulling her into her strong arms and whispering into her ear, "I love you, Arizona. I love you so, so much. We'll get you through this."
Callie continued to whisper calming words into her ear and holding her tight as first the sobs and then the tears slowly ebbed until she finally felt an amazing serenity as she lay with her head tucked up under Callie's chin, snuggled into her warm embrace. "Thank you," she finally whispered.
"Really, I was just looking for an excuse to get into bed with you."
Arizona laughed quietly. "Ah, you are so transparent at times." She looked up at Callie but was unable to see her eyes. "Hey, look at me for a second."
Callie shifted her position so that Arizona's head was back on her pillow and she was leaning down over her. "Better?"
Arizona nodded but felt all the swirl of emotion she had been going through almost overwhelm her again. "Callie, I'm scared. I'm really scared."
"I know. And there's nothing I can say right now that will make this less scary for you. Or for me." Tears started to well in the dark eyes looking down at Arizona. "I'm scared too."
Seeing that fear in Callie's eyes instantly put Arizona into a protective mode, making all her own fears take a back seat. "I'm here, Callie. Really, as much as the outcome terrifies me, as much as I don't want to think about my arm or my kidneys not recovering, I'm holding on to us. We have each other and we have Sofia. And we can get through anything together. Right?"
"Anything," Callie said as a sad smile spread to her lips. She dropped her head and repositioned them so they were back in their previous position. "Now, why don't you rest up a bit before your parents get here, okay?"
Arizona sighed in contentment and closed her eyes. "Is your mom really here?" she said as exhaustion started to grab ahold of her.
"She is, but I haven't spoken with her really. I hear she's made some progress when it comes to how I live my life."
"You'll talk to her tomorrow, right?" Arizona struggled to stay awake, because she knew this was important.
"I promise."
"And you're going to go home tonight, give Sofia a good night kiss, and sleep in our big comfy bed, right?" Making Callie take care of herself was all Arizona could do right now, but she was bound and determined to do what she could.
"I will if you go to sleep right now. I'll wake you up when your parents get here."
"Okay," Arizona mumbled as sleep started to pull her under. "Love you," she managed as she drifted off.
Arizona woke up, feeling incredibly drowsy, but surprisingly she wasn't in much pain. She blinked her eyes open and squinted against the light in her room.
"Hi, honey," she heard her mother say from the right side of her bed.
She turned her head and saw both her parents standing right up against the edge of the bed. She smiled wearily. "Hi, Mom and Dad. Sorry if I worried you."
Her father smiled and shook his head. "We're just glad you're safe."
Her mother nodded and reached out to rub her shoulder. "You're going to be okay."
Arizona looked around the room quickly. "Where's Callie?"
"She said her back was sore, so we told her to go for a walk," her father answered.
While she was disappointed to wake up and not find Callie there, she knew her wife had been spending way too much time curled up in chairs or on the thin cot that they had brought into her room. I have to make sure she goes home tonight so she can get a good night's sleep. All we need right now is for her to get sick, too. "Thank you. Sometimes she forgets to take care of herself."
Daniel sat down at the foot of her bed and patted her leg. "She's been really incredible through this whole thing. I'm happy you have her looking out for you."
Arizona smiled with a slight nod. "She's great. And I'm glad she called you guys. But I'm sorry you had to fly all the way out here."
"Oh, honey," her mother said as she squeezed Arizona's hand, "you know we'd do anything for you."
"Arizona, how are you feeling?" her father asked.
She shrugged slightly. "The morphine helps with the pain. And I'm really tired. So, please don't take it personally if I start to fall asleep on you."
Her father stood up and moved up so that he could kiss her on the forehead. "No worries. If you need to sleep, you go ahead and do that. We can always come back tomorrow and see you then."
"I…" Arizona stopped and shook her head. Having her parents there reminded her of the visions she had had while she was unconscious and the worries and fears those encounters had brought up. "Dad, I want to talk to Mom about something. Would you mind giving us a few minutes?"
Her father nodded his head. "That's okay. I'll go find Callie and tell her you woke up." He patted her arm as he walked out of the room.
Barbara's brow furrowed as she pulled the guest chair closer to her daughter and sat down. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's really wrong," Arizona said quietly. She took a deep breath and then swallowed her apprehension. "The morning of the crash, Callie and I had an argument about having another baby." Her mother started to say something and Arizona held up her hand. "No, it's not that we don't want to have another child. We do. It's just who's going to carry the child." Her mother seemed confused. "There's a chance Callie might not be able to, after the emergency C-section she had. And I'm not sure I want to carry a child. I'm…" Now that she was giving voice to all her fears and reasons, she was having a hard time admitting her apprehension. She was afraid it would make her sound selfish or stupid.
Her mother squinted for a moment and then ventured, "Are you afraid you'll miscarry, like I did? You're the doctor. Is that something that's genetic?"
"That's not likely," Arizona answered quickly. "But I have to admit that's maybe a part of it. The fear I mean, not the genetic part. I guess I'm just afraid that something will go wrong, either when I'm pregnant or after the baby is born. I'm not sure I could handle that."
Her mother shook her head, a confused look on her face. "I'm not sure I understand, Arizona. You said you want another child. If something happens to Sofia or any other child you two have, that's going to be devastating, I know. But you can't live your life in fear of that."
Tears stung Arizona's eyes and suddenly the words came tumbling out. "I'm afraid it'll hurt more if I'm the one who has the child. I saw how hard it was for you when Timothy died. I've seen so many parents lose children. I think about how scared I was when Sofia was in the NICU and that was horrible enough."
"Oh, honey," her mother said as she rubbed up and down Arizona's right arm, just like she always had when soothing her daughter's fears as a child. "You think that was horrible enough, because that's about as horrible as it gets. I don't think whether Callie has your children, or you have the children, or you adopt makes any difference. You will love those kids the same. You'll love them with all you have. You'll laugh with them the same, you'll cry with them the same, and you'll be afraid for their safety the same. The joy and the pain will be just the same. Every parent worries that they'll love one child more than the other. Or at least I did. But I don't think it has anything to do with how those kids come in to your life. And at least my experience was that I loved you both equally. Love is love, honey. You of all people should know that."
Arizona wanted to believe it. She wanted so much to believe it but she was still so afraid. "How can you know for sure? You don't have any source of comparison."
"Then talk to someone who does," her mother said calmly. "Why don't you talk to Callie's father? He and Lucia were telling us about themselves and they mentioned that Lucia's first husband died and Carlos didn't start raising her oldest daughter until Aria was almost five. I bet you he could give you a good comparison."
Arizona nodded but didn't say anything. While she liked her father-in-law, she was far from close with him, and she wasn't sure she could make herself vulnerable enough to talk about her fears with him. "That's a good idea," she finally said, not wanting to voice her apprehension about talking with Carlos.
"Have you told Callie about this?"
Arizona's eyes dropped and she shook her head. "The fight was really the first time we said anything about me having a child. And to be honest, I wasn't really aware even then what I was afraid of." She bit her lip. "Would you think I was crazy if I told you I had some dreams while I was unconscious? I guess you would even call them visions or visits."
Barbara's eyebrow shot up in question. "Visits? What kind of visits?"
"I know that it's a little strange, especially coming from me. I've never been a big believer in an afterlife." She bit at her lip. "I saw Dad's father." She paused a moment and then added more quietly, "And I saw Timothy."
"Timothy?" Barbara sat up straight and she had a strange look on her face. "Do you think it was real or just something you dreamt?"
"Mom, I don't know," Arizona said quickly, not wanting to raise her mother's hopes that she had truly seen her brother. "It was probably just my subconscious helping me realize what I was afraid of so I could deal with it." She reached out and placed her hand on her mother's wrist. "I wish I could say for sure it was anything else."
Her mother seemed like she was going to say something but then she finally just nodded. "I wish you could, too. But if it helped you realize what your fears are so you can address them, then I guess it doesn't matter whether it was a dream or a vision or whatever. As long as it helped you."
Arizona could tell her mother was having a problem just letting it go, but she was glad she wasn't pressing the matter, nonetheless. Maybe later, when she was feeling better and had time to really process everything that she had experienced while she was unconscious, they could discuss it, but right now she just couldn't manage that discussion. "Thanks, Mom. And I promise you, I'll talk to Callie about it."
"You'll talk to me about what?"
Callie's voice from the doorway made Arizona look up and an instantaneous smile sprang to her lips. "We'll talk later. When it's not so late and you don't have to get home and get a good night's rest."
"You're kicking me out?" Calliope had a hint of laughter in her voice.
"Yes, I am. No cot for you tonight. You promised. You are going home, you are going to go give our little girl a kiss goodnight, and then you are going to get a good night's sleep in our big and comfy bed. Is that understood?" She smiled at Callie.
"Yes, ma'am," Callie said with a big laugh.
Barbara stood up as Daniel moved through the door and came to stand next to her mother. She leaned down to kiss her daughter on her cheek. "Your dad and I are going to head back to the hotel now so you can rest, too. We'll be by tomorrow to see you, okay?"
"Sounds like a plan," she said as she lifted her head to kiss her father's cheek as he, too, bent down over her. Both her parents hesitated awkwardly but then finally left after each giving Callie a hug on their way out.
Once her parents were gone, Arizona patted the bed next to her. When Callie came over and sat down, Arizona took her hand and said, "I want you to call your mother in the morning and set up a time to talk to her, okay? Before you come back here, please."
"You're awfully demanding when you're drugged up on morphine," Callie said with a smile.
"It's good for removing inhibitions," Arizona admitted. "But you need to talk to her. And you need to go get a real night's sleep. I don't want you getting sick from exhaustion."
"Still looking out for me, huh?" Callie said as she stretched out beside Arizona, pulling her in to tuck the blonde head under her chin again. "Now let me hold you until you fall asleep, okay? And then I'll head home, I promise."
"Sounds perfect," Arizona said. "Can you reach the morphine trigger and give me a hit? It'll help me sleep."
Callie maneuvered around and gave the button a push with her thumb. "Okay, give it a second and you should start feeling it." She kissed Arizona on the crown of her head. "Go to sleep and I'll see you in the morning. I love you and Sofia loves you."
"I love you both," Arizona said as her eyes became heavy. "Sleep well, Callie. You're the best wife ever."
She heard Callie's quiet laughter as she drifted off to sleep and it made her smile.
Callie rapped her knuckles on Mark's apartment door and waited, leaning up against the apartment hallway wall. When Mark opened the door, she smiled, "Hope I didn't wake you."
"Nope. Come on in." He held the door open for her and then followed her into the living room. "Sofia's been asleep for about forty minutes."
"Okay. Let me just give her a goodnight kiss. Do you have any wine? I could use a glass."
"I've got a nice white Bordeaux chilling, a 2007 Domaine de Chevalier," he called after her as she entered the baby's room.
"You're drinking white now?" she asked as she poked her head back out of the door, not wanting to raise her voice and risk waking her daughter. "That seems a little, I don't know, girly of you."
There was laughter in his voice. "Sometimes I like to keep it light. And besides, I got it as a gift. If you won't drink it with me, who will?"
She smiled brightly at him, amused at his explanation. "Pull it out so it won't be so cold. I'll be out in a few minutes."
"Like I would serve a full-bodied white at fridge temps. Do you think I'm a Neanderthal? No, wait, don't answer that." He frowned at her, but there was humor sparkling in his eyes. "I've got it in the wine chiller so it's already at a perfect 55 degrees."
She rolled her eyes with an amused shake of her head and went back into Sofia's room. She padded over quietly, her smile only growing as she took in the sight of her daughter peacefully sleeping with her little fists tucked up under her chin. She just looked down at Sofia for a few long moments, watching her chest rise and fall in steady breaths. "Hi, Baby Boo," she whispered as she reached down to run a finger along one soft cheek.
She spent a few more moments just drinking in the innocence and calm that Sofia exuded as she slept. There was nothing more soothing than watching her daughter sleep, and she realized as she stood there how much she needed to give her mind a few minutes to just shut off and be in the moment without the worries about Arizona's health or anything else that was going on in their lives.
Finally, she took a deep breath and pulled herself back into the moment. "Your mama and I love you so much, Sofia," she said in barely a whisper. "She's going to have a really long road ahead of her, but she was patient with us when we needed time, so we'll be patient with her, right?"
Callie smiled as Sofia shifted slightly, kicking out with one of her legs before sighing quietly as she drifted back into her deep slumber. She waited a few moments to make sure her daughter was truly asleep again before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on the soft cheek. "Sweet dreams, Sofia. Sleep well and I'll see you in the morning." With one final look at the little baby, she turned and left the room, gently closing the door behind her.
"Still asleep, huh?" Mark asked from where he was sitting on the couch.
"She's an angel when she sleeps." Callie slid down on the couch next to him and took the wine glass he offered. She took a small drink, letting the fruity taste fill her mouth and a lazy smile touch her lips. She swallowed and smiled. "Wow, that's good."
Mark held his glass up in a toast and said, "Only the best for you."
Callie returned the gesture and took another sip. "I appreciate it." She let her head fall wearily against the back of the couch. "But sorry I probably can only enjoy one glass. I'm exhausted."
Mark looked at her for a few moments, concern written on his face. "I'm sure no one has asked you this. How are you doing?"
Callie let out a tired, dry laugh. "You're right, no one has really asked. So thank you." She sipped the wine while she considered Mark's question. It would be easy to say that she was fine, and with almost anyone else she would have sugarcoated how she was feeling, but with Mark she knew she could be honest. "I'm exhausted and I'm terrified. What if she doesn't truly recover?" She could feel tears stinging at her eyes and she knew her voice sounded tight. "What if this changes her, Mark? And I'm not just talking about physically."
Mark put his glass down on the coffee table and moved over a little closer to Callie. He placed his hand on her shoulder and rubbed at the tension there. "You can't know how this is going to work out. Arizona is strong and she's a fighter. But I don't think anyone can go through a major accident and not be changed. Don't you feel like you were changed by your accident?"
Callie took a moment to stare down at the liquid in her glass before she took a large drink. "It's hard to say whether the changes I felt were because of the accident itself or because Sofia was born. Too much changed in a short period of time to separate all the events. But, yes, I am a little different. I'm stronger. I trust in my relationship with Arizona more, but there's also just a little more darkness that nibbles at the edges. Things can never be as simple as they were before." She took another sip and then laughed. "And now I can only operate for five hours without a bathroom break. But I think that's because Sofia used to use my bladder as a soccer ball."
Mark laughed along with her and reached for the wine bottle. He topped off both of their glasses and then took another sip from his own. "I don't know two people who have a healthier relationship than you and Arizona. You've both been through so much and you've come out stronger in the end. I'm not saying you guys are perfect, but you've learned how to work together to get through the tough stuff. You'll need to keep doing that so you can support each other through the months ahead."
"I know," Callie said, trying hard to believe that they could overcome everything as long as they were together. It was easy to say and she wanted so much to believe it. She let out a dry snort of laughter and shrugged. "You know me. I don't like not to know what is coming. I like to be prepared and have the information that I need. But right now there's too much that can still go wrong and I'm not in control. And neither is Arizona. We're both too Type A for this. I'm afraid it'll drive us both crazy."
Mark rolled his eyes. "Just roll with it, Torres. You can do it. You do it with Sofia all the time. I would think being a mother has taught you to handle things as they come." He put his glass back down and leaned forward, putting both hands on her cheeks and forcing her to look him in the eyes. "Who knows what is going to happen. She might be able to use her arm, she might not. Her kidneys may recover or they won't. You might win the lottery tomorrow or you'll waste a few bucks."
"I don't play the lottery," Callie quickly interjected.
"Don't interrupt my point," Mark said with a ghost of a smile. "What I'm trying to say is that life is uncertain. One minute you're crying in a dirty bar bathroom and the next you're being kissed by a hot blonde. Life can change in an instant and no one is ever prepared. You'll figure it out. You both will. Just do your best every day and it'll all be fine." He sat back, letting his hands fall. "It'll be fine even when it's not, because you've found the love of your life and I know you. You'll fight to the very end to help her through this."
"Okay, Dr. Ruth," she said with a laugh, needing to make light of the situation and break the seriousness that had suddenly settled on them. "I appreciate your relationship advice. It was very deep, especially coming from you." She laughed again and then drained the last of her wine. "Now, I really need to get home and get some sleep."
"Want to do breakfast? I picked up a loaf of challah. I'll make French toast and I have applewood smoked bacon. Come on, you can't say no to bacon." He poked at her stomach playfully.
"You know me too well. Okay, how about I come over around 7? That way I can feed Sofia, too. I miss the easy routine of taking care of her."
"Sounds like a plan. I'll see you in the morning." He leaned forward and placed a light kiss on her forehead. "Sleep well."
She stopped him from pulling away and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug. "Thank you. I don't care what anyone says. You are the best friend I have ever had. Well, except for Arizona, of course."
"Ditto, Torres," Mark said with a light laugh as he held her in a strong hug.
"Alright, bed," she said as she broke away and stood up. "See you in the morning." She picked up her purse and quickly left the apartment, feeling the incredible pull of sleep as the events of the previous two days suddenly seemed to hit her full force.
It was all she could do to get her key in the door and make her way into the bedroom. She barely even managed to pull on an old t-shirt and some shorts before crawling into bed. But once there, she felt just enough restlessness to keep her from falling into an instantaneous sleep. She reached over to Arizona's pillow and pulled it to her face, breathing in the faint smell of her wife and smiling. "Goodnight, Arizona," she whispered as she hugged the pillow to her tightly, feeling a calm wash over her at the hint of Arizona's presence. Only then was she able to quickly drift off into sleep.
TBC
