Chapter Nine: Into The Wild
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June Eighth / Day One—8:27 p.m.
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"Is this how it's going to be?" I ask, looking up from my book.
"How do you mean?" She asks, but doesn't look back at me. Rather than paying me any real attention she just keeps going about making herself a cup of tea.
"If we're not talking about some training type of thing, we won't be talking?"
"We just talked not long ago."
"It was an hour ago about whether or not I wanted to use the shower first."
"So, this will be the extent of our non-training conversations." I nod, jaw tightening as I look back down at my book. Pulling my legs closer to my body, feet slipping under the couch cushion.
"I'm here to help you control your Fae, not to entertain you."
"Jesus Kathryn." I sigh, looking back up at her. "I'm not asking you jump on a pole with AC/DC on in the background, just a little conversation."
"What?" She turns off the burner of the stove before turning to look at me. "You're slightly more-abrasive than I remember."
"Yeah," Another sigh escaping as I shut my book. "I've noticed. Actually gotten in trouble for a few flares of my recent-abrasive humor."
"Is this a development of living under the same roof as several succubi, or a development of this recent change?"
"I-I'm not sure actually. I wish I knew to be honest."
"It bothers you?"
"Not particularly, but it bothers others."
"Others?"
"Yes, sometimes I'll say something and it makes them uncomfortable. Though at the same time Kenzi or Bo or Jimmy can say something twice as abrasive and no one bats an eye."
"People get use to other people behaving a certain manner. Not to mention you've never really been one to—get—"
"Abrasive?" I chuckle.
"Cute." She smirks in that 'fuck you' type of way she's mastered.
"Oh my, Kathryn Vergara has finally cracked a smile ladies and gentlemen."
"Feeling feisty I see." She tries to hold her chuckle in as I nod. "Beware woodland creatures, things are about to get wild."
"Oh God," I can't help laugh, sitting up a little straighter. "I really missed you." I know it was the wrong thing to say by her immediate reaction. Her laugher falling into silence, her smile vanishes as she turns back to making herself a cup of tea. "I don't know how long we're going to be here. I honestly hope it's short, not because I don't want to spend time with you, I just want to be back home. Not to mention theoretically leaving here would also mean that we've found a solution for my problem. The point I'm trying to make though is that we have a while of it being just you, me and the squirrels—we're going to have to have a discussion at some point."
"I can compartmentalize, as can you. We don't need to discuss anything."
"Really? That's how you want this?"
"Yes."
"Have I ever mentioned how perturbing you can be?"
"Perturbing?"
"It's a word."
"If you say so." She nods, taking a drink.
"I know for a fact it's a word."
"Okay." She snaps at me. "I didn't go to Cambridge like you, so you know I might have a problem with basic English."
"I went to Yale."
"I remember." She puts her mug down so hard it cracks, the steaming liquid running down the counter onto the floor. She just stands there staring at it, and I stare at her, both of us trying not to laugh. "I just like pissing you off." She's trying to sound angry, but I can hear the hints of a chuckle approaching.
"Meant to do that did ya?"
"I did, yes."
"Okay." I nod.
This is going to be a long process.
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June Tenth / Day Three—12:13 p.m.
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"I'm tired."
"It's only been three hours, buck up."
"Yes, sir." I smirk at her, hands on my knees as I try and keep myself standing.
"We can go back you know. Say fuck it."
"Don't be so over dramatic Kathryn." I stand up, looking up at the sky. The blistering sun becoming my most annoying foe. "I'm not you, I'm not Bo. I don't have the-stamina for this."
"Lauren Lewis admitting she doesn't have enough stamina for something?"
"Yes, yes. Laugh it up."
"It's not a question of stamina Lauren, it's a question of will."
"I have the will."
"Do you?"
"Yes."
"Then stop whining and do what I say."
"I'm bitching, there is a difference."
"You're whining." She chuckles, hands on her hips as she stares at me from over on the porch of the cabin. "Alright then, this one is going to seem a little-odd."
"As oppose the other perfectly normal exercise you've had me doing out here?"
"Bo has really had an effect on your personality." I just smile, it wasn't even the comment so much itself as the mention of her name. "Now on all fours. Toes digging into the ground, same as your palms. Think downward facing dog with less ass in the air."
"Oh good, more yoga." Groaning, I ignore the soreness coursing through every fiber of my body and move into position.
"Ass down a little more." She hesitates as I follow my instruction. "More. Think feline, not canine."
"I'm thinking I'm in pain, and dirty, and this is ridiculous." I snap, but none the less I adjust myself.
"Yeah Lauren, this hurts. This feels ridiculous, it looks a little ridiculous too, but you know what it does? It gets your body used to the postures it needs to make, to the postures that are becoming natural too it. Which means what? Less tension, less stiffness and less breaks."
"That is a compelling argument." Trying to control my breathing I hold this last pose, the one she hasn't complained about yet.
"Another thirty seconds and then I want you to toss yourself on your back."
"Toss?"
"Mm-hm."
"Toss?" I repeat to myself under my breath. The dirt was hard enough to keep my poor hands hurting, now she wants me to toss myself onto my back? Reminder to self: Yell at Bo for making me do this-no yell is too strong of a word. Scold. Yes, that's it.
Closing my eyes, I take a breath and hold it before doing exactly like I'm told. I can't help but to grumble something out when my head hits the ground with a thud.
"First of all where is the neck control? Keep your head tilted toward your chest so when you hit your head doesn't take a blow as well."
"Couldn't have mentioned that first?" I tilt my head up, looking over at her.
"Alright, bend your knees and keep your feet at least a foot off the ground. Good, the bend your elbows, half a foot off the ground. Make sure to keep you palms open and facing the sky."
"I feel ridiculous."
"Stop whining. Now," There's a slight hesitation, but before I turn to look at her she clears her throat. "I'm aware this sounds odd, but it's crucial to the forming of new muscles as well as agility."
"Hit me."
"Wiggle."
"Wiggle?"
"Mm-hm. I could go through the long list of every muscle that would benefit. I could explain in detail why this is beneficial—all the while you hold that position-"
"I'm wiggling." I scoff. Wiggling? Really should have just gone with succubus DNA and been done with it. Sighing once more, I begin to wiggle.
"Like you mean it."
"W—what?"
"Lauren, seriously-more conviction."
"I repeat, ridiculous." Groaning, I do as I'm told.
"Good-girl. There's a shiny, new ball of yarn waiting inside for you."
"Bitch." I chuckle to myself, arms dropping to my sides as my feet fall to the ground.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist." Her words completely drowned out by her laughter.
Oh, I'll get her back for this.
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June Twelfth / Day Five—3:34 p.m.
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"I'm not getting this!" I yell, throwing my water bottle at the wall of the cabin. Luckily it just misses the window.
"You aren't getting this because you aren't committing." Her voice remains even as she walks down the stairs, but the way she grips her own bottle tells me I've irritated her.
"It's been five days of me doing whatever you tell me. How dare you say I am not committing!"
"Yeah, you're doing what I tell you." She nods, nostrils flaring. "You do just what I tell you. I know you Lauren, you commit and you're giving a hundred and fifty percent. This is just barely a hundred. Honestly though none of this matters if you're still resisting."
"I'm not!"
"You are." Her voice raises slightly and I know I've pushed her from irritated to annoyed. "I get that you don't want this, that you never wanted it. You did this for Ethan and Isa, so they wouldn't be alone. You did it because you knew they wouldn't be able to stand alone in the Fae world if you chose to remain human. I get it. I know you don't regret it, but I also know you don't want it."
"Am I supposed to be impressed? Next to Bo you know me better than anyone, we've had discussions about this."
"Impressed? No." She shakes her head. "What you're supposed to do is get that I get it. Remember that I didn't want this either. Remember that I've been in your shoes. Lauren it shouldn't be this hard to turn, you shouldn't have no control-especially after almost forty years with it."
"You seem to be forgetting I was human, the effect—"
"Stop it. I have no doubt this has to do with you being human-once. You're resisting, subconsciously and consciously. You don't want to give up that last bit of you, that last human piece. Well newsflash Lauren, it's been gone. Whatever human you had left faded long ago."
"No."
"Yes, I'm sorry, but ask Bo. Ask anyone. You may have been a hybrid for a long time, but now-you're just like every other mix-breed Fae. I've seen this before, with born Fae. They resist what they are to the point that it kills them. This Fae part of you, the Black-Tail? It's supposed to be the other half of you, the less dominate half. It's supposed to co-exist with you. YOU are making it it's own entity. YOU are making this difficult. YOU are the reason why every night at twelve you change. YOU are doing this, because you're refusing to accept that you've changed."
She throws her water bottle down at the ground keeping my gaze. I've made her mad, but she's made me mad as well so I guess it's only fair.
I feel my fists ball, this tension building in my stomach.
She turns away and walks back up the stairs stopping when she reaches the top. Turning back to face me, this look that says she's so mad, yet so concerned.
"You know, I didn't tell Bo. Not completely what could happen. Not in full detail of what this is. I know you're here for her, for the kids. So hear my words Lauren, you don't commit you will die. Not Bo, nor Noah, nor I can stop that from happening. Heed my warning, you die because you are too selfish and stubborn to accept yourself, I will tell them. I will lay it out in every specific detail what happens to the body and mind. I will make sure they understand that it was your choice."
"You wouldn't." My jaw clenches, tears welling in my eyes.
"I would."
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June Thirteenth / Day Eight—10:22 p.m.
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ME: I miss you. (10:22 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: I miss you too baby. (10:22 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: How is it going? (10:22 p.m.)
ME: It's going. (10:23 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: And Kate, how are things there? (10:23 p.m.)
ME: We hit a bit of a rough patch to say the least. Haven't really talked much beyond instructions in a day or so. (10:24 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: Did she do something? (10:24 p.m.)
ME: Oh yeah, she did something alright. (10:24 p.m.)
ME: Wait, no. I mean she did something to upset me. Not that she crossed a line or anything. (10:25 p.m.)
ME: Just to be clear. (10:25 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: Ah, okay. I don't suppose you want to share. Or is there honor among furry creatures? (10:26 p.m.)
ME: And we're back to cat jokes. (10:26 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: It was actually a dual cat / dog joke. (10:27 p.m.)
ME: How are the kids? (10:27 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: I've seen Isa once and she snorted at me. Adian and Nia are fine, missing you. Ethan still haven't heard from. (10:28 p.m.)
ME: And the next wave of our children? Lol. (10:28 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: Sara is adjusting well, she has been poking around in the lab with Noah. Jimmy is fine, doting over Nia. And as you can imagine I haven't heard from Gabby as she follows our son explicitly. (10:29 p.m.)
ME: Well nothing has fallen apart without me. (10:29 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: Nope, not yet. (10:30 p.m.)
ME: And you Bo, how are you? (10:30 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: I'm alright. I miss you, a lot. I thought that only seeing you a few hours a day was bad, yet here we are. (10:31 p.m.)
ME: I know, it hurts. (10:31 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: It's worth it though. (10:32 p.m.)
ME: Is it? (10:32 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: A few days apart now for centuries together? Yeah Lauren, I think it's worth it. (10:33 p.m.)
ME: Centuries, hm? Not thinking of trading me in yet? (10:33 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: Nope…..not yet. (10:33 p.m.)
ME: Ha….ha….ha. Very funny. (10:34 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: Just a little joke. (10:34 p.m.)
ME: Not a funny one. (10:34 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: Here goes my mature moment of the month…How is the little butt sniffer? (10:35 p.m.)
ME: She's…..fine. Doing every trick she knows to help me, even the ones that piss me off. She's scared though, I know she's pushing me because of that. (10:35 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: I'm scared too, so I trust that she knows what she's doing. (10:36 p.m.)
ME: Has The Order-Brotherhood-whatever they want to be called, come around? (10:36 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: They've been around, haven't done anything though. Haven't come near me. Just Noah and Jimmy. (10:37 p.m.)
ME: But they're okay? (10:37 p.m.)
MY SUCCUBUS: Please, they're begging for a fight with them. (10:37 p.m.)
ME: Good. (10:38 p.m.)
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June Fifteenth / Day Ten—2:23 p.m.
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I stare up at the blinding sun, struggling to breathe. The caked on layers of mud feeling like retrains at this point. My hands trying to grip the boot on my chest.
"There are only three ways Fae like us can control the additional aggression. You either fight like Jimmy, taking the beatings until you're exhausted. You take my approach, you beat the shit out of the other person. Or you follow Noah, and get real zen."
"What about sex?" I try pushing at her leg. "It's seemed to help-a bit."
"A bit." She removes her foot, stepping back. "You aren't a succubus, they can gain release through that. It doesn't have the same impact with animal based Fae."
"I don't know." I force a chuckle, sitting up.
"Lauren I'm serious, sex will help, but it cannot be your only outlet. You will eventually end right back where you started with the aggression and problem of controlling your emotions. These types of things, they can weigh heavy on your mind. Make your thoughts-darker than you'd think they could get. Think of it like depression."
"How long will that last?"
"Forever." She smiles gently catching the expression on my face. "It gets easier. You get into a routine and you don't notice anymore. For someone like Noah, he could probably go for a few months without any practices before noticing a change in his thought process. A few weeks on top of that before his behavior changed."
"There's no easy fix for this is there?"
"No, but the best of us have done it. Me, Noah-Jimmy is working on it. Bo even, in her own way. There is no cure or solution, just changes that add up to another lifestyle." She nods, walking over to me and extending her hand. "I can help you with these physical ones, the more animalistic nature changes. Bo though is going to have to help you with the everyday ones."
"Everyday?" I grab her arm as she pulls me up to my feet.
"Yeah, a set amount of time for you to work on releasing building tension. Techniques to help you keep calm in the beginning. Little things like that. I have no doubt Bo see these little-warning signs, I'm just sure she doesn't know exactly what they are. She needs to be able to identify them and what they mean."
"So, there is a risk that I can eventually just turn from getting angry?"
"Yes, right now you've allotted yourself hours a night to be free. Now you're taking that away, so there is always the risk in the beginning that you can have a few slip ups. It's okay. I'm sure once Bo gets the hang of it, she'll be able to work out little ways to sooth you. Going outside, shit like that."
"Thank you." My words a whisper, eyes moving over her face.
"You never have to thank me, especially not for this."
"This isn't what I'm thanking you for."
"Oh?"
"I see it in your eyes, the pure love yet without need. I feel it in your touch, tenderness without desire. I hear it in your voice, playful words without expectation. You're letting me go."
"I'm trying."
"I love you Kate, so much. That will never change, I just can't love you that way." I look down, realizing I still have a hold of her arm. "There was a point when I wished I could. There was a point when I wondered if I could. It was in wondering that I destroyed everything we had all worked to build. That was my fault, and I am so sorry for that. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't Bo's fault-it was mine."
"You know," She pulls her arm from mine. Her hand going to my cheek, it's tender but not sexual. "You two are really growing well together." She pulls her hand away, smiling softly. "Now, enough with the mushy shit. Let's see if you can manage to hit me this time." She winks, taking a step back.
I can't say I feel nothing to know I'm saying goodbye to that part of my life.
But I don't regret it.
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June Sixteenth / Day Eleven—7:02 a.m.
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What is on my ass?
I force my eyes open, the annoyingly blinding sun burning my eyes. Jesus, what is happening?
I roll over onto my stomach with a sigh.
My first question being why am I outside-why is Kate naked?
I reach out to wake her, but find myself pulling my hand right back-or should I say paw?
OH MY GOD! WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHAT'S WHAPPENING?
KATE WAKE UP!
I scramble up, only to find I'm on all fours. PAWS NOT FEET, PAWS!
OH! SHE'S WAKING UP! SHE'S WAKING UP!
"Oh, good you're up." She yawns, pushing herself up into a sitting position.
And-you're really naked.
I turn my back to her-or rather I just turn around so I'm not looking at her.
"Did you just," She stops, starting to laugh. "That's pretty funny Lauren. Eventually you'll get used to seeing others naked. You learn to look at them without there being a sexual aspect to it."
The day I get used to that is the day I'm sure my marriage will be over. Bo barely likes me seeing naked people on television let alone up close and personal.
"I'm surprise you're still shifted."
YOU ARE? WHAT ABOUT ME? I'd really appreciate you putting some clothes on so I can face you and you can tell me how to-undo this! This is ridiculous! Every other-
"If you're still like this and not trying to murder me, I assume that you have conscious thought now."
Of course I have conscious thought. How else would I be talking to you? I just really need-
"Perhaps we should have spent a little more time on teaching you how to shift back. Honestly though I thought that was one aspect that you had down, considering." She chuckles.
STOP INTERUPTING ME. Seriously woman. This is weird. I'm feeling-odd things. And I'm strangely intrigued by a squirrel in that tree over there-not sure why.
"Lauren, I can't understand you."
What are you talking about? I'm talking to you.
"It takes serious dedication to be able to speak to those outside of your kind. Even with dedication, doesn't always work. Sometimes it's just other feline species. Sometimes you can cross over into canine. Sometimes you get another type. All just depends."
Great. So I'm stuck like this and cannot communicate? This is just-wonderful.
"Don't run off. I'm gonna go get some clothes and then we'll try and figure out a way to get you back to two legs."
I sigh, or at least I think I sigh. Not really sure what the noise is I make. I turn as Kate walks up the stairs and into the house.
She definitely needs to figure out how to get me back because this is just-just-something.
My attention getting caught up in a passing breeze. It feels different on my skin, on my face. I know logically it would, but the feeling is just-something.
I can't seem to find the words.
Everything feels different. Everything sounds different. Everything is different.
I can't believe this is what I've been afraid of.
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June Eighteenth / Day Thirteen—11:33 p.m.
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I sit atop of this stone contraption, perhaps it was a tomb of some kind. I looked for an opening before sitting on it, but nothing. This whole structure was odd in my opinion. Two longer walls with a roof, yet the width of it was not much at all. Not to mention no walls there, just well-nothing. Then of course there's this stone thing here in the middle of this structure. It could be an altar maybe-but there's nothing to indicate this is consecrated ground.
I sigh, hitting the back of my bare feet against the cool stone. I opted to keep the shorts and tee, considering I might not actually change. Something about walking through the woods naked just not all that appealing. Kate assures me she doesn't think I'll change, but I'm not as confident.
This is after all the first night without my injections. Sure, I've made tons of progress. Sure, I feel more confident-self-assured. I'm just not sure that I am ready enough for THIS.
"Care for some company?"
"Bo?" I look up so fast I hear my neck crack. She's standing there, leaning against the archway. She's got this devilish smirk on her lips, eyes dark and moving over my face. "W—what are you doing here?"
"A mangy mutt texted me, told me that tonight was the night. Did you really think I wouldn't be here for this?"
"Bo-you said, I mean the whole point I came out here with her was-"
"I know." She nods, smile firmly written over her features. "She's been able to teach you all the technical stuff, and I'm grateful. The thing is though, I'll be damned if I'm not the first person you see when you realize that you've finally beat this."
"We don't know I have."
"I do." She steps in a bit, arms folding across her chest. "I know for a fact tonight in a few minutes, twelve will come and then pass. When it does, you will still be you. I want to be here for that."
"And if that isn't how this plays out?"
"It will be."
"BUT if it isn't?"
"IF it isn't. If twelve comes and you change, losing the conscious thought-then we will cross that bridge when we come to it."
"W—what have you been up to while I've been bonding with nature?" I ask, gripping the edge of the stone. I want to go to her, but I'm so, so afraid that I'll lose control.
"Some things that you are probably going to be displeased about, but like this-they needed to be done."
"I see." I swallow hard, my eyes running over the entire length of her body. God I can't believe how much I've missed her. "I guess we have a lot to talk about." I slide off the stone slab, taking deep breaths. This will keep my mind focused.
"Yeah," She gives me the slightest of nods, arms falling to her sides. Walking in a bit, remaining just out of arm's reach now. "I guess we should."
She stares at me for a moment, eyes deadlocked with my own. I find myself continuing to try and control my breathing, but it isn't about fear now. My fists close as I try to keep my composure, but I know what's coming.
She reaches out, hands going to my face as mine doing the same. Her lips on mine suddenly becoming the only concern I have. The softness of her lips, the sweet taste driving me insane. It's been so long, too long. They can hardly be classified as open lipped, but they're engulfing all the same. Every inch of my body beginning to awaken the way it does only under her touch.
Her hands drop to my waist, turning me around. My own hands back on the edge of the stone, bracing myself. For a second she just holds me there, fingertips slipping inside the waistband. I tilt my head to the left, her lips working up my neck.
"These shorts are incredible." She pulls them down just a bit. "Let's get you out of them."
"STAT."
"Doctor talk." She breathlessly giggles, a swift yank sending my shorts to the floor. "I've missed you so much." Her hands running up the outside of my thighs. The cool leather of her pants giving my chills, but the abundance of heat I can feel coming from between her legs through the thin fabric of my panties is all I can focus on. "So," Her hands sliding to the tops of my thighs, fingers slipping in between them. "Damn," The weight of her body leaning against my back. "Much."
"Yeah?" I lock my left elbow, right hand reaching back around to her neck. "How much?"
"How much?" She giggles again against my neck. Her right hand going up and covering mine, guiding it down behind my back—between us. Relaxing my hand, she slides it under her waistband, her hand holding my wrist, hardly enough room for my own hand let alone both of ours. "That should give you a hint." She breaths out against my skin, the mixture of her warm breath and soft lips giving me chills.
My eyes opening the second my fingertips find themselves on soft, wet skin. A smirk coming over my lips, only my wife would not wear panties with leather pants. At least that's what the smirk was for initially. It doesn't take long though before it becomes one of pride. I suppose in some ways you could say it was a Fae nature, something inside of me—something dominate taking an animalistic pleasure in knowing I could have this effect on a succubus.
Black-Tail. Succubus. Human. Fae. Hybrid. They were all facts that could be ignored, never forgotten though. They were all facts that served their purpose. They were all truths that had their place in our way of life—even in our sexual relationship. They were all undeniable truths that determined just how much control would take place-or rather how little. They were aspects that controlled so much of our lives, but tonight, in this moment, it's not what this is about.
This was just the pride of a woman knowing after all these years she could still impact her wife this way. This was the pride of a woman who was simply a woman, spices or genus not even a thought. This was the pride of a woman who still couldn't believe her wife picked her. The pride that comes from a woman who loves her children more than life itself, but also can't help but to wonder if after giving birth to four, the changes to the body were noticeable.
I pull my hand from her pants. This slight moan escaping and I'm not completely sure if it's one of protest, or the fact that my fingertip had managed to slip ever so slightly between her lips.
Turning around, her eyes moving over my face with this unique intensity. She's so full of desire, yet her concern always manages to slip through.
I look at her eyes, waiting for her to look up at meet mine. Hands slipping under the shoulders of her jacket briefly before pushing it off. Her eyes finally move up to mine, her chest rising and falling heavier than it should. I smile, listening closely-her heart is racing.
"You-you feel comfortable enough?" Her tone so uneven, words no more than a loudened whisper.
"No." I shake my head, hands gripping the hem of her shirt as I pull it off. "I'm so scared honestly." Dropping her shirt before my hands find themselves on her pants. Button and zipper requiring barely any effort at all.
"Lauren." She says my name so stern, hands holding my wrists. She's too late though, her pants have already slipped from the curve of her hips.
"Bo," Her name rolling off my tongue as I lean in, kissing her lips before moving down her tensioning jaw. I nip her earlobe, smiling to myself as she pulls back a little just to lean right back into me. "I know you'll protect me," I pull back, finding her gaze. "Even if it is from myself."
"I will, but that doesn't mean we have to-" She trails off, smiling sheepishly.
"I know." I pull my hands free from hers, pulling off my own shirt and dropping it into the pile of the rest of our clothes. "I want to." Unable to help the smile that comes over my lips, my arms warp around her waist pulling her into me. "I've missed my wife, and right now all I want to do is feel as close to her as possible."
"Do you know what amazes me?" As she speaks her hands slide up my sides to my back, fingertips making easy work of the clasp of my bra. "Even after all of this time, I can look into your eyes and the rest of the world just-vanishes." Her hands dropping to my waist to pull off my panties. "Mmm," She smirks, eyes staring down at my body for a second. "Now we're even."
"Is it weird I feel a little nervous?" I can't help but to sheepishly chuckle.
"It would be weird if you weren't." She smiles ever so gently.
I watch as she gracefully drops to her knees without so much as another sound. She just sits there silent for a moment, looking at my legs-or maybe she's simply thinking. Every passing second adding another sliver of anxiousness onto an already enormous pile.
Is she worried? Does she not want to? Am I forcing her? Does she not feel comfortable? Did something happen? Is she okay? Are we okay?
The sound of her hands moving atop of the stone ground pulls my attention back down to her. She's leaning down further slightly, it's a curious position-almost as if this stone block behind me wasn't there she would try and crawl right through my legs.
"Bo?"
My only answer is the soft kiss to the side of my ankle followed by a playful bite. Another three kisses up the side of my calf. She leans in just a bit more, shoulder pressing against my knee, but all I can focus on is the way her lips tease the back of my knee. Her lips parting, tip of her tongue teasing sensitive skin as she makes sure to suck just a bit. It's so simple, yet I can't help but to moan out her name. My hands gripping the ledge of the stone behind me.
She bites harder than before, pulling her mouth away. Her lips moving to the inside of my thigh, each kiss a little more open lipped than the last. She kisses up to my pelvic bone, across the lowest line of my stomach that can barely be still classified as stomach.
She tilts her head back, devilish smirk playing on her lips, her hands sliding in between my legs to grip the back of my thighs.
"Sorry baby, but you're going to have to work a little." Her husky whisper laced with a teasing undertone.
I stare for a moment wondering what exactly she means.
Then is dawns on me.
Pushing down on the ledge of the stone as she pushes me up. My ass is barely on surface, but as she moves up into this interesting positing, her left hand goes to my stomach pushing me down. Her right hand though still grips my thigh, I guess she senses my hesitation.
Tilting my head up, I see she's in this awkward position though she could seem to care less as her mouth moves over my stomach. Open lipped kisses and nips to every inch of skin she can manage to get her mouth on. Each one earning a soft moan, or labored breath at the very least.
Tired of trying to hold my legs up I wrap them around Bo's shoulders, her hands going to my thighs just below the knees.
She was always such a sucker for that. Certain things she could care less about, the kicking off of bed sheets or ripping of clothes. It did nothing for her. Wrapping my legs around her on the other hand, defiantly was something she enjoyed. Another thing she loved was the acoustics, though she would prefer just to hear my labored breaths rather than moans just for the sake of moaning. Bo always had her likes, but it wasn't until a few years into our marriage that she began growing picky.
A smile finds it's way to my lips as my back arches. I'm not sure if it's at the fact that she's refined her preferences to me. Something which makes me know undoubtedly that no one else has ever experienced her on this particular level. Or rather if it's at the fact that her tongue is skillfully licking away the wetness atop my lips. The tip of her tongue parting them just enough to earn a moan.
I tilt my head once again, watching her. Wondering what she's going for. Does she want to make me cum already or is this all still foreplay? Does she want me involved more or is this one of those times when she just wants to please me?
She doesn't look up though, just continues to work her tongue over swollen flesh. Every lick, every kiss, every nip each pulling me closer to a rush of release. Each distinctive action causing my muscles to tighten just a little more. Each causing the burning tension in the pit of my stomach to ache a little more.
My hands gripping my own stomach, her head just out of reach given the awkwardness of our position. I want so badly to touch her, but it's too late now. I'm too close. Too close to change positions now. Too close to have the control to stop her.
Her tongue buried deep inside of me, sucking feverishly as I can't help but to arch my back further. Legs tightening, pushing her face deeper into me. This sort of growl coming from her as she presses the points of her teeth in deeper. Her hands gripping my thighs tight enough that I know I'll bruise. My own hands reaching out and grabbing the sides of the stone as the moans of her name start to resemble a chant.
The aching in the pit of my stomach matched only by the violent pounds of my heart. Eyes clenching so tight I know it should hurt, but all I can feel is her mouth.
I can't help but to scream her name, my body trembling as a wave of relief cascades over me. Toes clenching as I try and keep my back arched. My mind drifting away on a cloud of bliss.
As defined; cuming is the biological action, the body's response. While orgasm is simply summed up as experiencing climax at the end of intercourse. I was always one for definitions, logic and science, but here I've always found myself at a disagreement.
I've came with several of my partners, different levels of course. I cum all the time with Bo—with myself, if I'm being blatantly honest. Though Bo has only ever been the one to achieve pulling an orgasm for me. I don't think it's skill, though Bo has an abundance. I just find myself believing it's more than achieving climax. I believe it's how you get there. I believe to not simply cum hard, to actually achieve an orgasm there needs to be an intense connection. A connection both emotional and physical-hell, even spiritual.
Sure, the skill and desire and foreplay are all a part of it-but there's just something more there.
As I feel my muscles tensing to the point I'm sure they'll tear right before releasing. My body trembling in relief. My mind somewhere so far away yet right here all at the same time. My heart pounding so hard you would think I was terrified while running a five mile marathon at fifty miles an hour. My senses never more alive, yet somehow dull to anything other than what I feel in this exact second. My soul aching for her yet at the same time completely content.
To me this is what an orgasm is, and this I absolutely cannot imagine experiencing with anyone other than her.
I push myself up, legs dropping from her shoulders. She looks up almost surprised-somewhat annoyed I've disturbed her 'meal'.
"Too bad." I breath out, eyebrow raising as I slip my hands underneath her arms.
"A-are you alright?"
My only answer a feverish kiss, as I pull her up atop of me. My heels digging into the edge of the stone as I manage to keep myself up. The sweet taste of her mouth mixing with my essence. Every dueling stroke of our tongues diluting the latter until all I'm left with is her delectable taste.
Holding her body tight I flip us, this slight moan of protest from her getting lost in the depths of my mouth.
"You don't always get to be on top." I whisper against her lips, finally needing air.
"Top. Bottom. Either way is good for me." She kisses me gently, hands grabbing my ass with far less care.
I lean up slightly, looking down into her eyes.
I can feel certain parts of my body remain tense in the way that's only tied to my change. I feel this particular anxiety in the pit of my stomach, beneath the abundance of desire. It's passed twelve I know that. I made it. No shots. No cage. No restraints. I made it.
There's this howling breeze, it seems to echo. The chill spreading across my dampened skin like a blanket. I can see the way Bo's skin responds. Little goosebumps rising across the tops of her arms, but she doesn't flinch. I can hear her heart perfectly, every single beat actually. I can smell her scent both sexually and natural, creating this intoxicating mixture.
It's interesting this time though, the effects of my-new nature aren't-bad. In fact they're actually the opposite.
"What are you thinking?" She whispers, this slight trace of fear in her voice.
"So many things." I smile gently, my breathing falling into rhythm with hers.
"Do you want to share?"
"I'm thinking that I feel safe. I'm thinking that I can hear your heartbeat, and I love that sound. I'm thinking how beautiful you are."
"You have a lot of thoughts for someone who just came really, really hard." She smirks, right hand playfully tapping my ass.
"Those are thoughts that pretty much stay in mind, they aren't hard to form."
"Mm-hm, or I am just losing my touch."
"Nope, don't have to worry about that."
"You sure?" She teases, leaning up and nipping at my neck.
"I am, but if you would like to do a redo-just to reiterate how sound those patented Bo skills are. Well then I am more than open to the idea."
"Is that so?"
"Oh yes," Leaning down I tease the nape of her neck with my tongue. "Just has to be after."
"After?" Her question lost in a breathless giggle.
"Mm-hm." My mouth trailing down to her collarbone.
"After what Lauren?" She tries to sound—dominate. As if she's demanding to know the answer-more so as if she has a say in whether it will be before or after what I am thinking.
"After I show you just how much I missed you." I smirk against her skin, her grip tightening. She loves when I'm assertive—even more so when she's underneath me while I am.
I look up, into her eyes.
I can literally see little slivers of blue slipping in between brown. I can't help but to smile, this being the first time I've ever seen it this way before. How interesting—and beautiful.
She smiles up at me, an unspoken agreement that tonight is far from over.
In fact, it hasn't even really begun.
.
.
June Nineteenth / Day Fourteen—10:23 a.m.
"Morning sleepy."
"Morning." The sound of her voice pulling a smile from me. The realization her arms are wrapped around my body only causing it to grow. Snuggling back into her embrace, I force my eyes to open. Luckily I'm facing the wall, as opposed to being greeted by the sun that seems to be in full effect already. "What time is it?"
"It's-late."
"Late?"
"Definitely after nine."
"We'll that's not bad considering we didn't even stop until the sun was beginning to peek."
"Optimistic moment of the day Doctor Lewis?"
"One a day," My left hand reaching back to rest on the side of her thigh. "That's my quota."
"Glad to know everything hasn't changed."
"I don't think much has changed."
"I wouldn't say that." She kisses my shoulder, but as my mind begins to clear I notice something. She's been awake for a while, a good thirty minutes at least. Her voice is too crisp and clear. Her choices of words are thought out rather than lazy. Even the way she teases me is different, not bad—just different. "Here you are waking up in my arms and last night we made love rather than sending you off to some cage. You didn't turn. I would hardly chalk this up in the nothing category."
"I suppose you're right."
"I'm always right."
"I think you're confusing yourself with me, my love." I move my foot atop of hers, but all I get is this little chuckle. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Just-we really do have a lot to talk about. We should do that some time."
"You think?" This time it's me chuckling, fingers idly taping against her thigh. "Just before you say what you want to, just let me say something. I want to thank you Bo, for this."
"Um, my pleasure." She actually chuckles this time, kissing my shoulder again.
"No—no, well yes thank you for THAT, but I meant for all of this. Forcing me to come up here. Trusting me and Kate enough, trusting in us enough. I know it couldn't have been easy."
"I just-I wish I could have been the one to help you. Or at least be here with you for-any of it."
"Babe, you had stuff to take care of at home. Work, our family, the murders. Besides, the whole reason you sent me here with her was because—"
"I realized I was useless."
"No." I snap, turning around in her embrace. My hand going to her cheek. "Bo, yeah Kate may have been up here with me, teaching me ways to control this-among other things. I will forever be grateful to her for that, there's no way I can repay her for this. She isn't my hero though." I brush my thumb just under her eye, forcing her to look into my eyes. "You are Bo."
"I didn't do anything."
"You did EVERYTHING."
"Lauren, I understand and appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's-"
"You think that it's easy to admit what you did? That just anyone would have the strength to put their wife above their own needs and insecurities? You think that just anyone would be waiting at home, taking care of everything while their wife is off with their ex? You think that anyone would do all of this, and still drive the ten hours up here, just to spend a night with her when she's at her most vulnerable?"
"Lauren-"
"Beyond that Bo, you were what kept-keeps me fighting. This wasn't easy. I am in so much pain-I have been in so much pain and you were what kept me going. Yeah, you may not have been able to fight this battle for me, but that doesn't make you any less my hero than if you had."
"I-I don't know what to say." Her voice breaks, her deep, beautiful eyes glassing over.
"Don't say anything, just hold me." Resting my forehead against hers, kissing her lips gently. Her grip tightening around me.
Sometimes I forget how vulnerable she can be underneath it all.
Sometimes I forget that I need to tell her what I'm feeling, rather than just expecting her to know.
.
.
June Twenty-Second / Day Seventeen—9:22 a.m.
"You alright?" I hear Kate, then the sound of our bags dropping into the bed of the tuck.
I don't turn around though, I just stare out into the woods. Honestly you've seen one woods, you've pretty much seen them all in the general sense of course. Yet, something about these woods just seemed to be special.
Maybe it's the fact that I found some type of control over myself-over my life. Maybe it's the fact that me and Bo shared a beautiful night together, something that will never be forgotten. Maybe it's the fact that I said goodbye to my past with Kate while starting a future. Maybe it's because I finally feel like I have some grasp on the concept of 'me' again.
Maybe it's all of the above.
"I'm good."
"You sure?"
"Yeah." I nod, pulling open my door and sliding in.
"Lauren, if you don't feel comfortable-we can stay for another night of two."
"No, no. It's not that, it's just-" I trail off, looking over to her. "I just have this feeling like everything is about to change. Really make things different, you know."
She doesn't say anything, just smirks and nods. Her eyes running over my face to make sure I'm okay before she gives this little shrug. One hand on the wheel as the other pops on the radio before shifting to the stick-shift.
I don't know if she thinks I'm crazy now, but oh well.
Ever since I woke up this morning, in the pit of my stomach there's been this lingering feeling.
I know everything is about to change.
