Hitsugaya digged very deeply into his now empty pool of patience. All that his mental shovel met was rocks and sand. The strawberry-blonde buffoon that claimed to be his Lieutenant stood in front of his desk, her face propped up by a delicate hand. Another delicate hand was holding a newspaper. It was a newspaper published by Shuuhei, as usual. This time, it appeared to have some very interesting gossip. Apparently, the Tenth Division Captain had been spotted playing with the speedily maturing Yachiru.
If the Tenth Division Captain hadn't been him, Hitsugaya was sure that he'd indulge as well.
Unfortunately, that was not the case as he had signed those damned papers that bound him to his office until he either died or received permission to retire. The Gotei 13 was short of Captains. Hitsugaya would be stuck for the rest of his short, unhappy life. How lovely. His left eye twitched sporadically.
"Matsumoto…would you mind explaining a few things?" he asked in a forced voice. Seeming to sense danger, the Lieutenant jumped, straightening her posture as if a mad axe wielder was about to clobber her on the head until whatever brains she possessed fell out. And then he'd probably eat it, she mused. That is, she mused until she realized that her Captain was still glaring at her.
"Not at all Taicho," she said, smiling nervously. There was a long, long pause and it was more horrible than her Captain yelling at her, screaming obscenities because she could see the evil gears turning in his prodigy mind…
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" Hitsugaya screamed as if in mortal agony.
On the newspaper read:
PLAYMATES OR PLAY MATES?
Attention to all faithful fangirls of the prodigious Tenth Captain: he has now been snagged by the vivacious Fukutaicho of the Eleventh (still not sure if Kenpachi approves, we shall post his answer in the next article).
Earlier this week, Kusajishi Yachiru and Hitsugaya Toshiro were spotted playing a very enthusiastic game of tag. At least, that's what it looked to innocent eyes. However, their frolics were anything but. Matsumoto Rangiku, a tall, strawberry-blonde woman, and the Fukutaicho to Hitsugaya Toshiro, has kindly informed us of the implications that we were unaware of.
'Oh, I know it's innocent enough,' says the sparkling Matsumoto, 'but there's a beautiful love blossoming between Yachiru and Taicho. I for one, know that they are indulging in quite a different play when the game ends. I look forward to the wedding, and please let Taicho know that I can plan it!'
She certainly seems happy about this pairing, but Zaraki Kenpachi will have something different to say, we're sure. However, let's take a look at an interview with Yachiru, one of the star crossed lovers herself.
'I know! Snowball's so fun to play with!' says an energetic Yachiru when asked the question 'you have fun with Hitsugaya Toshiro, correct?'
And there you have it, all of the rumors confirmed. It's almost sickeningly cute; they have come up with pet names for each other. What do you suppose Hitsugaya Toshiro calls Yachiru?
'Well, I'm not so sure, but I believe it will be somewhere along the lines of 'Mrs. Hitsugaya' because I'm sure that underneath the cool cover, Taicho is incredibly kinky,' answers Matsumoto proudly.
As a fellow officer, I wish happiness for Yachiru and Hitsugaya-taicho. Let's hope they invite all of us to the upcoming wedding!
-Hisagi Shuuhei, publisher and head researcher of Soul Society News, Ninth Division Fukutaicho
By now, Matsumoto looked quite scared. Perhaps she really shouldn't have said so much in her interview with Shuuhei, she admitted grudgingly, but she really couldn't help it! The two looked so cute together, she just had to give them a push in the correct direction. All her efforts were repaid with two large, glaring teal eyes and her rebellion plotting boobs almost strangling her as she shunpoed all around Seireitei to avoid the wrath of her angry Taicho. Really, what she'd done wasn't so bad.
As if sensing her thoughts, Hitsugaya was now more enraged than ever. Kenpachi had been after him ever since he'd been dubbed 'Sparring Partner', but now…
He wouldn't last a week after the demon's guardian read this shit.
I'm fucked, he thought miserably as he chased Matsumoto around, swinging Hyourinmaru and nearly disemboweling a few Shinigami on patrol duty.
At least there would never be a shortage of barbeque in Hell.
A/N: Good? Bad? You tell us! It was so fun writing that article!
Parody Thingy:
Shuuhei: Wow did you see my writing skills? I totally rocked! *gives big whoop*
Pie: Er, actually, you mean my writing skills because I'm the one writing this story!
Shuuhei: Noooo, I wrote the article. You wrote that I did.
Pie: And I can write you pot bellied, bald, wrinkly, and many others. I can also delete you off the character list. You'll be stuck in a vast emptiness with the rest of the characters that I haven't used yet.
Shuuhei: …Fine.
Pie: That's what I thought.
Hitsugaya: *growls*
Demon-Pixie: LOLWUT?
Hitsugaya: You are talking calmly about planning my demise when I'm standing right here!
Demon-Pixie: Sounds about right!
Matsumoto: And now, I've been given the honor of closing today's Parody Thingy. The moment you've all been waiting for…
Hitsugaya/Yachiru forever!
Thx and bye!
*faint yells of DAMMIT MATSUMOTO*
