Author notes: Ooh, an anon flame, I'm really going to stop writing now. Oh wait, I've already stoppes writing because Jayne and I finished all forty-five chapters of this months ago...HA!


She was, strangely, the new defence teacher. It was, in all honesty on his part, amusing. Yes, Severus Snape found something amusing. It was five years after the War and he was still a loner off in the dungeons. By himself. All alone. No company. Zip. Nada. Nothing. And he was happy… wait, happy was perhaps too positive, too emotive a word. He was content with his situation. And despite his strongest efforts, the blonde woman was STILL hitting on him, in between, of course, lecturing him about Nargles and Crumple Horned Snorkacks. Yes, readers, you read correctly, Luna Lovegood was flirting with Severus Snape, the Dungeon Bat and Git Extraordinaire. And he despised it. He liked his solitude. He liked his cold, dark, dank, lonely dungeons. He liked his personality, bitter, insufferable, nasty, sarcastic, scathing as it was.

"Severus."

There was that irritating noise. Sorry, irritating voice. He stiffened.

"Professor Lovegood. How do you do?" he asked politely.

"Happier than a Nargle at the full moon." She looked up at him dreamily.

He shivered. He had encountered nicer images than that in the muggle horror films his apprentice Miss. Granger made him watch.

"Did you hear that?" he whispered.

"No, wait… Oh, that, that's just a lovebug. Be careful Severus, if it bites you, you'll fall in love…"

He closed his eyes. Thinking hard, he said the first thing that came into his head.

"Are you sure? It sounded more like a Winged Sand Mite," he shrugged.

Her pale blue eyes widened as she looked up at him in horror. She turned on her heel and ran away. Way away. As fast as she could. She didn't want to be bitten by a Winged Sand Mite. Anything but that!


A/N: In accordance with...whatever the hell we like, Nargles are at thier horniest at the full moon and Winged Sand Mites repel feelings of love.