A Choice With No Regrets
Attack on Titan fanfiction
By
Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)
Chapter Nine
It was already past noon when Erwin awoke with a start, the transition from dreaming to wakefulness so abrupt that he could still hear his dream conversation with Mike echoing in his ears. Levi. Naturally, they had been talking about Levi. Everyone in the Survey Corps had not been able to talk about anything else for the past week or so.
Erwin slowly sat up, the sheets pooling around his waist, and a brief scan of the room told him that Levi had gone out. Naturally, she would not be hanging around their room for hours, waiting for him to wake up.
He could blame it on his body and his age, but the simple truth was that Erwin had pushed himself beyond all endurance during the last, frenzied week. He had not slept for more than two or three hours at a stretch since Levi's accident, since the discovery of her secret. There had been so many things to take care of and once the immediate dangers had passed, his body had made sure to remind him that he was only human.
Only human, he thought as he tossed aside the covers to get to his feet, his nakedness bringing back memories from last night and earlier that morning; incredible memories of the wild, wonderful creature he had married, knowledgeable and vulnerable all at once. Who would have thought that he would be getting laid so much at this point in his life? He would have laughed if anyone had even suggested the possibility to him two weeks ago. But then he'd not known about Levi's secret at the time.
He remembered the day he had known; the complete shock of it dwarfing even the news that Levi had been injured. He remembered the actual conversation he had with Mike, long after the other officers had gone from his office. The emergency meeting had been held so he could gauge his officers' reaction to the news and to secure their cooperation in getting Levi to stay in the Corps.
"You must have known, one way or another," Mike had insisted. "It's not possible that you didn't have a clue about her, Erwin."
"If I had known, do you think I would have let her stay with all the other men in the barracks?" Erwin had countered. "Given your sense of smell, I thought that you must have known, somehow, and neglected to tell me."
Mike had sniffed. "Well," he had said. "She always smelled pleasant. That didn't mean she smelled different."
Erwin had been silent for a while before he said, "I didn't have a clue, Mike. She was that good. She must have hidden herself for years until it became almost second nature to her. She may even have been raised as a boy." Almost as an afterthought, he had added, "It would have been an advantage, given the state of the Underground."
He had said it matter-of-factly, but Erwin's blood had run cold at the thought of Levi growing up as a girl in such a place.
"Still, it's a wonder that nobody in the Corps caught on," he had continued, and they had both understood what he meant: barracks life was a communal thing in so many ways, beginning with the showers and the shared meals. Suddenly, Levi's fastidiousness and solitary streak had made sense.
"That would account for the showers in the wee hours of the morning," Mike had agreed. "And there we thought Levi was just an oddball and an insomniac."
There had been a short silence before Mike said, very softly, "I shoved her head into the mud, the first time we saw her."
And after that, I made her my perfect little killing machine, Erwin had thought grimly.
"We're in so much trouble, aren't we?" Mike continued when Erwin was silent.
"Very much so, I'm afraid."
"What can we do, Erwin?"
"We only have one option, and I am not letting them take Levi away."
"And what option would this be?"
"I'm marrying her, Mike."
As expected, Mike had looked thunderstruck. "You can't be serious."
"Why not?" Erwin had smiled. "Finally, here's where my bachelor state will come in handy. Everyone's been clamoring for me to get married for years."
Mike had eyed him strangely, and Erwin had waited, thinking Mike was going to bring up the topic of Marie. It would have to be Marie, the one woman in his life he had ever considered marrying, back when he had been whole and undamaged. Mike had known all about Marie. He could not possibly know of Erwin's feelings for Levi, and there was no way for Erwin to tell him that there was a world of difference between the two women, that he had broken the engagement with Marie under the pretext that he could not make her happy, and while it may be true, there was an underlying reason which was much more simple: because he could afford to let go of her. With Levi, it was entirely different.
Instead of bringing up Marie, Mike had surprised him by saying, "What makes you think Levi will have you?"
It had come from nowhere, and try as he would to laugh it off, Mike's question had touched a nerve. "Why don't we ask her as soon as she wakes up?" Erwin had said.
"And if she refuses to marry you?"
"Then that's the end of us." In more ways than one, Erwin had thought.
"That's not much of a choice, Erwin," Mike had said dryly. "Still, you'd go this far for her?"
"I would do this for the Corps."
It had not been a lie, but then it had not been the entire truth, either. It was something in between; something that he, Erwin, apparently specialized in. His devotion to the Corps was something familiar and unassailable, and time and again, it was an excuse big enough to hide his own desires in as well— a most convenient arrangement. On Levi's part, Erwin had noticed the way she would not look at him when they spoke, and the way she did, when she thought he was not looking. It was a far shot, but Erwin had been willing to gamble everything based on a hunch. What else had he got to lose, if he lost Levi?
Mike had merely snorted at his words, and then he had let the matter drop when Levi had accepted Erwin's marriage proposal. "You win, as always," Mike had said.
That had been a week ago, and thinking back on that conversation, Erwin wondered whether it would be easier if he had just come clean; if he could just go right up to Levi and tell her how he felt about her.
Of course, it was easier said than done, and Erwin knew that he and Levi were two of a kind, which was why they worked so well together. He was not into confessions and grand declarations of love, and neither was the little firebrand he had married. Also, he could tell that they were after the same thing— conquest. He liked the challenge that she posed; he always had, and judging from their shared pleasures last night and earlier that morning, Erwin knew that their union was not going to be a boring one.
They would need to have that talk, then; the earlier the better.
He showered and shaved, and dressed in a casual shirt and dark trousers, he stepped out in search of Levi.
The resort they were staying in was huge and thickly wooded, and it quickly became apparent to Erwin that he would succeed in finding his wife much more quickly by dispatching a person or two with a message. He had checked their luggage and noted that a 3DMG they had brought along was missing, which meant that Levi had taken to the trees. He also knew that Levi, when she chose not to be seen, would be difficult to find.
The innkeepers had already finished serving lunch at the dining pavilion by the time he arrived, but they could start making an early tea on request, which was perfect. No, said one of the servers when asked. They had not seen Captain Levi during lunch.
Erwin sat down at one of the small, round tables by the windows, and the note he was starting to write was not coming together very well: Levi, I know you need time, but
Just then a shrill voice called out, "Erwin! Erwin Smith!"
He had not seen the lady in question for months now, but he recalled the timber of her voice perfectly. As he watched her make her way over to his table, Erwin crossed out his former message and quickly wrote a new one: Urgent. Come at once.
Levi had not been on the gear for a little more than a week, but it felt like a year. Still, it was refreshing to take to the air and the trees, and to feel like herself again as she went through the familiar training exercises with the 3DMG.
Still the same, she said to herself, over and over as she whirled and somersaulted in the air, skipping from one tree branch to another, nimble as a bird, the world reduced to a green blur around her. Still the same.
She was still the same Levi despite the tumultuous events of the past week. The same Levi even as she felt the betrayal of her body, the caving in to need and lust, the craving that Erwin had awakened inside her, hot and heavy in her belly, and farther below. She had cleaned herself meticulously, yet she could still feel the aftermath of Erwin between her legs.
Heat tainted her cheeks as she remembered how she had taken Erwin that morning. It was supposed to be an exorcism, a way of flushing him out of her system. Yet Erwin had surprised her yet again, as he had done last night, by turning the tables and possessing her in turn. She wondered how he would react if she were to admit that it had been her first time with a man, with anyone.
A fucking virgin.
Erwin would not have thought it possible, given that she had lived in the Underground almost her entire life, but it was the truth.
It had taken her a while to understand and accept what her mother did for a living, but Levi would always remember how her mother had loved and protected her until she could no longer do so. The man who came afterward was a criminal through and through, but Levi could not deny that he had also cared for her in his own way with his harsh lessons on survival, and her very first lesson had been to conceal all vulnerabilities, beginning with who she really was. That, and also because Levi suspected that the man, Kenny, had not known what to do with her as a girl. It was better that she was treated as a boy; she had the instincts for it, anyway.
She had been fine with all of that. She had survived against all odds, and she had thrived, and until Erwin came along, with his hopes and dreams for humanity and his many kindnesses, she had never known what it felt like to lack anything.
Now she did, and it was ghastly to feel the loss of control she felt over this man, the first one she had ever come to respect. This man, with his ambitions and his ruthless ways of getting what he wanted. And he wanted her. That much she was certain, but not in the way she hoped. He had taken her, but could she really trust him not to break her heart?
Levi huffed as she rested on a tree branch, gathering her breath. Now she was sounding like one of those sappy heroines from Hange's novels. How could she possibly stoop this low?
She was running out of gas, and somebody was calling out her name from below. One of the servant boys was looking for her. There was a message for her, written in Erwin's brief, unsparing style.
Urgent. Come at once.
What the fuck had he gotten himself into now? She thought irritably as she made her descent. If it was just so they could talk The Talk, then Erwin was using a large hammer to crack a nut.
It was not until she got to the pavilion that Levi realized that Erwin was not exaggerating.
The pavilion was designed as a glasshouse, and she saw Erwin as she came in, seated amidst the picturesque greenery, looking calm and relaxed. Tea was being served on the table before him, and it was only when the waiter moved away that Levi realized who was sitting beside Erwin.
Lady Fucking Burlow.
"Hello, darling," Erwin said, rising to his feet as Levi approached. As an extra measure, he moved to take Levi's hand, raising it to his lips.
The gesture did not help very much. Levi's narrow gaze was pinned on the woman who sat a few feet away, smile frozen in place.
"Tea?" Erwin said as Levi continued to stand there and glare, her gaze growing colder by the second.
Lady Burlow turned away from Levi and said, in melting tones, "by all means, Erwin. It's been a while and we have a lot to catch up on."
Erwin looked up and said brightly, "Ah, but I see that your husband has arrived, my lady."
A man, much older than Lady Burlow, came over. Erwin thought he would never come. He knew the gentleman, a nobleman who had donated to the Survey Corps in the past. The next few minutes were unavoidable as greetings were exchanged and introductions were made. Once the flurry subsided, the man bent down to take Lady Burlow's elbow.
"Come dear, the carriage has arrived," he said.
"But surely it can wait until we've had some tea," she protested.
"We've just had lunch, if you will recall, my dear," the good man said and, making their excuses, he departed with his reluctant wife in tow.
Relieved, Erwin glanced at Levi. He would have laughed if Levi had not raised a warning hand. "Spare me the shit," she said as she moved to take a seat.
"She just got married as well, Levi," he said, watching Levi as she wolfed down a sandwich. "She's here for her honeymoon, the same as us."
"I don't care," Levi replied, lifting her teacup by the rim to take a sip.
"I know the husband," said Erwin. "He donated generously to us, once or twice."
Levi slammed down her teacup. "You should have just married her when she was throwing herself all over you a few months ago," she said. "That way you'd have no problem funding the Corps."
"Levi," said Erwin, smiling despite himself. "Oh, Levi."
Levi's frown deepened. "What the hell are you smiling about?"
"You," Erwin said. "I've not expected you to be jealous, but I am flattered."
"You flatter yourself," Levi said shortly as she made to stand up, grabbing at her equipment.
Erwin let her storm off, thinking the long walk back to their cottage would provide enough time for her to cool down. It seemed impossible that she would be so angry, and over something so trivial. He trailed leisurely after her, and it was not until they had reached their cottage and Levi had opened the door that Erwin made his move.
"Fuck!" she exploded as Erwin whisked her off her feet, the 3DMG falling with a clutter on the stone pavement outside as he kicked the door shut behind them. "Put me down, you asshole!"
Levi's weight was not to be underestimated, nor were her fists and her feet as she punched and kicked in his arms. She meant every bit of it, too. The bed took an eternity to reach and it took Erwin everything he had not to drop her along the way. She was rolling off the bed as soon as she landed on it, and Erwin had to reach over and stop her. The struggle that ensued was brief but intense.
"You only have to ask, Levi," he rasped, his hands on her wrists as she tried to squirm out of his grasp. He wedged a knee in between her legs to stop her from kicking him in the groin, and Levi suddenly froze.
She watched, eyes going wide as he looked down at her, his gaze intense, disconcerting, his mouth twisting into a wry smile. "Go ahead and ask me why I married you."
"You're being stupid," she said, panting.
"You," Erwin said, his voice tenderly possessive. "I'm in this for you, Levi."
He would have kissed her then, but Levi squeezed her eyes shut as she turned her head away.
"Get off me." The note of panic in her voice made Erwin hesitate, and he suddenly doubled over, grunting in pain as her fist connected with his stomach.
"You're rusty, Erwin," she said as she moved rough hands over him, turning him over on his back as she pinned him to the mattress. "I can't believe you'd get taken in by that."
Erwin let out a laugh. "That's my Levi," he said, sounding winded.
He felt her shaking above him and realized that she was laughing silently.
"Levi," he said, reaching up a hand to touch her face, wishing he could hear her laughter.
The smile faded from her lips as she looked down at him, her eyes opaque. Slowly, she lowered her head to touch his lips with hers, once, twice. She licked into his mouth the third time, her hand quickly finding him through his trousers.
He had a harder time as she was fully strapped into the 3DMG harness. He sat up to tug off her long boots, quickly undoing the leather straps that wound their way through her feet and her legs even as she worked to unbuckle the upper straps. His hands were unsteady as he pushed down her pants, tight against her flesh. Impatiently, he tugged them down and off her legs, his fingers encountering heat and moisture as they dipped into her, searching out the tiny, hidden nub of sensitive flesh and finding it already plump and wet against his fingertips.
She shivered against him as he stroked her, his mouth falling open as she mirrored his movements with a hand that encircled his own shaft. For a moment, they lay side by side, reveling in the way they touched each other.
"Levi," Erwin breathed. "That talk we were supposed to have…"
Levi shook her head, her words coming in between soft gasps, "if it's a brat you're worried about, don't."
She closed her fingers firmly around his cock and gave him a small tug. "Now come here and mount me," she said.
He braced himself on his elbows as she took him in slowly, so slowly that he had to grit his teeth to keep himself from plunging in. He could tell from the way she bit her lower lip that she was not used to this, that she found him too big, and he wanted her take her pleasure.
He let her set the pace, moving only when she commanded him to. It quickly became too much as they found their rhythm, the way she clung to him, inside and out: her arms and legs wrapped tight around him as he thrust into her, the friction and her liquid heat his undoing. She took his mouth as well, swallowing his moans as they moved through the long, jagged waves of delight.
Afterward, she turned her back to him, and as he moved to spoon against her, he heard her say in a low voice, "I don't think I can give you any brats, Erwin, even if you'd want one. My body…I'm not like other women. I'm broken."
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close as he murmured against the skin of her neck: "I told you, Levi, I'm in this for you. Nothing but you."
He wanted to say more, but he couldn't push the words past his tongue, how he was not intact himself, but that could wait for another day.
For now they had enough pieces of each other to make up one whole human being.
