I toss and turn every few minutes, my head's continuous pounding keeping me awake. I feel as if a rock had been dropped on my head. Forcing my paw down on my nose to try to cause the thumping to abate, I close my eyes and let out a shallow groan. I haven't been able to sleep for hours, and the never ending beating in my head isn't helping. I turn over again so my back is to Kuiper once more.

There is too much to think about to be able to sleep. I know that the flaming serpents had cleared away all familiarity from the forest, and all scents are gone. The chances of Orbit or Everest finding their way to us is slim, and it isn't going to get any easier. Every hour they're out there, the higher the possibility of them never returning.

My fur stands up on end at the thought of never seeing my brothers again. It's the same scenario that happened with Dad. I'm not the happiest with them, but I don't want to lose them. I bite down on my lower lip in thought. I need to figure out how to find them.

Blood begins to surface from the force of my bite, but I pay no heed. Bleeding from a few small wounds on my lip is the last thing I need to worry about.

"Raven?" a sleepy voice asks. I roll over and look at Kuiper. "You're bleeding," he barely sounds surprised.

I close my eyes to avoid the nauseating feeling that is creeping up throughout my body. My stomach begins to churn as more worries fill my head.

Kuiper and I aren't on the best of terms. Ever since we met, which, granted, was just a while ago, we have fought. Fighting has been our main activity together. Besides that, all we've really done is fondled each other. Our friendship isn't really there, and neither is the next step. It's as if we are both in a dream where we're desperate for love. I truly want to say I'm not. I even believe I'm not.

"Kuiper, I'm—" I stop before I can keep on going. My cheeks flush with color. Using you, I continue sullenly in my head. I'm using you to help me escape the pain. And with that, I realize it's true. I've been using him. He is strong while I am weak. I need someone to take away my pain, and the only way I know to keep him around is to say I love him. As well as express it.

And when we were tangled up yesterday, I really did forget everything bad that was, and is, happening. Every time I get lost in those deep, blue eyes, I forget all of the problems I face.

"What?" he asks impatiently. The dark shades of night are already giving way to brighter colors. If I were him, I would want some sleep, too. I would probably do the same thing: ask with a slight tone in my voice. Too bad for him, I can't sleep, so I feel no rush in answering.

Instead, I take my time to figure out what to say.

"I've been meaning to ask you what Eey Tagay is," I say after a minute's pause. He huffs and lays his head down on his front paws, which are crossed in an irritated manner.

"Why would you want to know?"

"Why wouldn't I?" I ask, my nose wrinkling. I always question, yet no one answers. I let loose a blustery sigh. "What if Dad sends me there?"

"If he's smart, he won't. You aren't a bad pup." Kuiper turns on his side and stares blankly at a half burned pine tree.

"Can you please answer this one question? I'm sick of everyone ignoring me. You don't need to hide me from the dangers and terrible realities of this world. You of all people should know that," I say, looking hard into his eyes, even though they are focused somewhere else. He glances at me, and I know he caught up on my hinting.

"Fine. I'll tell you what I know," he grunts reluctantly. "It's a place only a few dozen miles from here, run by a wolf named Valsteraan. Pups who are more violent than normal, and who have parents who don't want to put up with it, are sent there. They are trained like a normal pup, but under stricter rules than that of an average pack. Once they're older, they are split up into different 'teams,' since they all live together and aren't really separate packs."

"Thank you," I say coolly. Why didn't he just say it before? I trap a small growl and lower my head to the ground in disappointment. He gave me no useful information. What am I even looking for? I ask myself. I think about it for a minute, but I don't have an answer.

"Any time," he says, turning over once more. A hint of annoyance is still there.

"One last thing," I bark softly before I even know what I'm going to say.

"Yeah," his tone fades and a monotone voice replaces it. I'm not sure if it's any better.

"Have you been there before?"

"When I was young. Then I left."

"And they haven't found you?"

"Of course not." His voice is choppy, like he doesn't want to say it.

"Scared you'll jinx it?" I ask with a small laugh.

"Sure. Yes." There it is again. I give him a look, not sure why he sounds like that.

I realize it can only be one other thing. "Are you—are you lying to me?"

"Why would I do that? There's nothing for me to hide," he says plainly, yet the last few words seem hard for him to get out.

"You're right," I say to him. "Nothing to hide." I place my forepaw on his. He looks at me, and I try to see what he's holding back. But his eyes are shielded. I can't tell what he feels. Air passes quickly through my nose as I refuse to let a laugh escape. Kuiper raises his brow. "You're so funny," I can't help but just start giggling uncontrollably. "You say there's nothing to keep from each other, yet I can tell something isn't right. And you aren't telling me." His lips flicker slightly, like they are about to curve up into a smile. Within a blink of an eye, they twist into a frown.

"I know you haven't told me everything, either. It's not bad to keep things from others, as long as it isn't going to eat away at you until you become nothing. If you fear it, you should say it." He could have worded it better, but I understand.

"And do you feel like anything's gnawing at your insides?" I want to smile again, but I know this isn't the time to be playing around.

"No, but you're a different story. I can see the hurt in your eyes." I step back, shocked. I have always kept my emotions hidden. Or tried to. Was I really that bad?

"Your voice, though," I try to avert his attention on himself and not me, "it sounded… off."

"I suppose I can see where you're coming from. It's just that I… I don't want to say something wrong. Something that will hurt you. I care for you, Raven, and I don't want to see you get hurt." Once again his voice is sluggish. I ignore the way they sound and focus on their meaning. I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I was pushing you. I know it's late, and, well…. If anything, that's the biggest reason, I'm sure," I say, not even knowing, nor caring, if my words make sense any longer.

"So let's get some rest, no?" Kuiper smiles a little. It looks stiff. I force myself to keep from appearing concerned. He's obviously not the best at hiding his emotions right now, either, and if he doesn't want me to talk about it, then I won't.

I place my head on my paws and readjust my hind legs. I decide that it's as comfortable as I'm going to get.

I try as hard as I can to fall asleep. I move around, think about the better days, long ago, and even dream about a day that the voice in my head will be gone. A day when I am a normal pup, and I do not feel guilty about my attraction to Kuiper.

The leaves above should be rustling in the early morning wind. The mourning doves should be chirping their bittersweet song. But because of this fire, there is no noise. Just the steadying exhales of Kuiper, and the jagged breaths from me. I slide forward so my paw is by my chest. My heart thumps rapidly. So fast I am sure my chest is about to explode. The pounding in my head that had been prominent before my talk with Kuiper comes back full force. My tongue dries, forming a lump in my throat that refuses to go down. I try to wet my tongue, but it is of no use. There is no way to relieve myself of the parched sensation.

I shake my head as my breathing fluctuates. I begin to hyperventilate as I stand up. The ground beneath me sways and twirls. The ash does intricate spirals around my paws. I force my eyes shut as the world around me spins. Bile rises in my throat, and I try my best to keep it down. My feet stumble forward with no destination. I walk blindly, bumping into only a few trees. Then I hit one. Hard.

Pain spreads through my body, the left side of my skull the epicenter. I bite my lip again to keep from screaming. The last thing I need is to talk to Mom. I collapse to the ground in defeat. The pain is too much, and I fear of passing out.

"Crap, ouch," I gasp. I try to regulate my breathing. Calm down. Calm down, I repeat to myself over and over again until it is all I can think about. "Shoot, darn it." I barely keep myself from saying something worse.

The words are on the tip of my tongue. Unable to hold it back any longer, I let one loose.

"Stupid mutt," I growl at myself. I don't feel a tinge of regret as the word rolls of my tongue. It feels good. I breathe out slowly and lean back. Light and dark splotches flicker around the edges of my vision. I focus on the beating of my heart. It begins to steady, and when I open my eyes, the dots are gone. The pain begins to subside, now only a mere ache. It is hurting enough so I am aware it is there, but not enough to be gone.

"Hey, you okay?" a kind, old voice questions. I look up at the brown wolf. He smiles.

"Grandpa," I say breathlessly. I stand up and wrap my forepaws around his neck.

"Hi, princess. You're getting so big," he exclaims with a chuckle. A small cough follows.

"Mom's going to be so happy you're here," I grin. "We've… it's only been a day, but things are…. We haven't found Everest. Or Orbit." The grin vanishes and is replaced by a thin, straight line.

"Aww, it's gonna be okay. I'm sure Bandit—or, rather, your momma and I are gonna find them. It'll be okay." He draws me closer, his chin resting on my shoulder comfortingly. His chest rattles as he breathes. I nuzzle closer to him. Before I know what's happening, tears are raining from my eyes. Grandpa withdraws after a few minutes. He lifts his thin paw and wipes my tears away.

"Don't you worry, sweetie," he says calmly. "They'll be okay. Everything is gonna be okay." I nod like I believe him.

I don't.

"We should go find Mom," I say to him. "And I need to show you my new friend."

"Who?"

"I made a friend, Grandpa," I woof with a runty smile.

"Boy, oh boy. I've been gone to long," he laughs.

"I'm so glad you're here. I missed you so much." I look into his cloudy brown eyes. His aging is becoming more noticeable every time he comes to visit. It is unnerving, but I try to ignore it when he comes. I take every second I have with him. And that isn't changing. Not now, not ever. And I will continue to see him every month. I try to hide the sympathy that causes my smile.

"I'm sure as glad that the feeling is mutual."

"Come on, this way. Just a little farther," I lead him, glancing back every now and then.

"Why were you so far away?" Grandpa asks, concern apparent in his voice.

"Had a hard time sleeping, that's all." I am able to make it sound believable only because it isn't a lie. It just isn't the full truth.

"You're too young for all of that," he huffs. I acknowledge him with a flick of the ear as I continue walking. When we get closer, I can barely see Kuiper; his coat matches the colors of the ash.

"That's my friend. His name is Kuiper," I say as I point to the mound of ash-colored fur. I still can't see him very well. It must be the haze.

"'His'? It's a boy? My," he laughs, "I really have been gone way too long."

I am unsure of whether or not he thinks we're something more than friends, so I say it.

"We're just friends, Grandpa. That's all."

"Hmm," he chuckles. "Sure. I'm sure." He shakes his head and presses onward, hoping to find Mom.

"She's this way," I sigh. He changes his course and begins to follow me.

"Of course. I was just exploring," he straightens his posture and picks up into a brisk trot. As he passes me, I can't help but look at the greying fur on his muzzle. He soon draws far enough away to where I can stare no longer. I glance down at the ground where his paws left uneven indentations in the layers of ash. The right appears deeper than the left.

He is off balance.

And he obviously could not smell where Mom was.

Trying to make myself forget about Grandpa's failing senses, I lunge forward to catch up to him and Mom, who has just woken up.

"Good morning," I woof to her. She forces a smile, her eyes puffy.

"Good morning, Raven," she says hoarsely. She must have been crying. I look closer, and I can see slight color variations on her cheeks where tears would be. She turns to Grandpa and crests her head over his shoulder in greeting.

"It's great to see you, Dad," she murmurs. "We have a lot to talk about."

"You, too?" he barks. "Raven's been telling me some things already! My, I'm just so glad you two are safe. I could see the smoke from the fire from my den. I figured I should come down here. I was going to last week, but I had to meet up with some of my friends to… discuss business." He shifts on his feet uncomfortably. I wonder what he means by 'business'. "It's a good thing I did. I'm not too sure if I could out run that fire nowadays!"

"Raven? Could you please wake up Kuiper? You two can go searching for food," says Mom abruptly. She has a strain in her voice when she talks. I nod.

She trusts me. She's letting me go with Kuiper. My heartbeat quickens and I take off, my tongue lolling from my mouth. With every bound, I become more and more excited.

"Kuiper!" I howl gleefully as I near the divot. I slam my hind paws into the ground to stop myself, causing a flurry of ash to float into the air. The flakes settle and I peer down.

I find an empty hole staring me back in the face.

Kuiper's gone.

Panic sends my body into a fit. I dig my claws into the ground and swing my head all around in search of the grey pup. Faded paw prints litter the ground. They head in the direction of northeast, where the river flows. Maybe he's just thirsty. I can still feel the dryness of my tongue. I could go, too. It wouldn't hurt.

I look behind me to make sure Grandpa and Mom are still talking. I can see their unwavering forms between the destroyed trees. Without another moment's pause, I pick up into a full-out sprint.

The ground below races past. I make the mistake of watching it disappear at remarkable speed, and I trip over a cauterized branch and fall face first into the ash. It covers my nose so I can't inhale. I stand up with wobbling legs and cough until my air passage is clear of the soot. I rub my inflamed paw gently, and grimace as the pain becomes worse.

"Kuiper!" I yell into the sky. I wait for an answer. Seconds pass. There is no reply. Once again biting on my lower lip, I begin in the direction of the river once more, but this time with a slight limp. Every time I set my forepaw down, I wince. Eventually it begins to fade so I am able to focus solely on the stumps and scorched foliage around me. I know he will come out if I find him. Do you really? You're more foolish than I thought, a reviling voice seethes. I bite down harder on my lip to keep from trembling.

"Get away from me," I can't stop the fear from creeping into my words. How am I supposed to go away… when I'm inside of you? It jeers, a terrible laugh following. I whimper and crouch to the ground. You have as good of a chance of escape as I do of leaving.

"Then shut up," I say grimly. "I need to find my friend." You think he's your friend, too? My dear, how naïve can you possibly be? Open those eyes of yours and see what is right in front of you. I release a guttural growl. It echoes, and my fur prickles as I hear it. Was it really me that just made that terrible noise?

I fight the urge to head back home and hasten toward the river. I can already hear the splashing of the water against the banks. Green plants greet me by the water's edge. I bow down to lap up some of the water. It is cool and crisp. I sigh in contentment.

"Kuiper," I call once more. I begin to follow the pebbles that line the river's bank northward. I yell for him over and over until my throat becomes sore, and I can't yell any longer. I have no idea how long I have been out here searching for him, but I think it is nearing an hour. I let myself drop to the ground in defeat. I can't do it. I can't find him. This world is too big of a place to find a twelve-or-so pound pup.

I decide to shout for him one last time.

"Kuiper!" I shriek. The noise that I emit startles me worse than the growl. I clasp my paws over my muzzle and collapse onto my back, my legs hanging in the water. I catch a glimpse of movement a few dozen yards away. I gaze in that direction for what must be minutes. A grey pup appears from the intact brush, his ears pricked.

"Raven?" he asks.

"Who else would I be?" I inquire.

"I don't know," he mutters. "I was just making sure. You can never be too sure out here."

"Of course you would know," I growl.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he demands, his brow furrowed.

"Nothing. It means nothing."

"It has to mean something."

"But it doesn't," I insist.

"Then why did you say it?" he queries. I finally have no response. I did mean something by it, but I didn't want to get into a fight again. He waits for an answer, and when he doesn't get one, he rolls his eyes. Hard. He makes sure that I can see it.

"What is that supposed to prove?" I yell, my voice cracking. "Congratulations, you have such great eye-rolling capabilities!" I say it with the most sarcastic sounding tone I can muster.

"Aww. Isn't that sweet of you, Raven? God, grow up."

"You're telling me to grow up? Have you seen yourself? You're the one who starts all of this!"

"And you never do."

"That's right. It is all you. You can't just let something drop. You are so—" He looks ready to say something, but doesn't. I am about to continue when he steps forward and gives me a kiss.

"Did I ever tell you that you look adorable when you're mad?" I can feel the blood rise to my cheeks. I don't understand what we have between us. I truly don't.

I step back, and hold my paw out so he can't move closer again. "What is happening? Where are we?"

"I don't know," Kuiper says again. "We've both been going through rough times. I say we just restart."

"Restart," I repeat.

Restart. For the first time in my life, I realize I have a favorite word. Restart. I think of it over and over in my head, trying it out. It's a great word. You get to try something you've failed at again, you have another chance. And this time, I can change things. He's right. He was supposedly kicked out from his pack, and I have… my issues. Everything between us is confusing, and it isn't really there. Now, we can have something. We can be something. I nod.

"Do you think it would work?" I ask uncertainly.

"As long as we both forget all of these ups and downs. Just restart."

"It can't hurt."

"No," he agrees. I smile a little.

"I'm sorry," I say. "Things have been crazy." I think of how we always fight, yet we kiss and touch each other in a way 'friends' don't.

"About what?" a smile plays across his lips.

"Nothing," I yip. There is a pause where we both look into each other's eyes. Nothing moves besides the ripples on the river. "Shoot."

"What?"

"Mom wants us to find food." Worry grabs at my gut, threatening to squeeze it. I try to calm down.

"Then let's go," he places a paw over mine. I swallow the lump in my throat and follow him as he heads off to find food. "I think I heard a few rabbits in the bushes over here." He walks over to where he had emerged just minutes ago. When we were still angry.

He leans into the branches and listens. His ears flick at noises I can't hear.

"Found them?" I ask. He gives me a look, saying, 'Don't talk'. I pinch my lips together and wait. He flicks his tail, sits back, and lunges into the brush in perfect form. His grey body disappears before I even know what happened. A loud squeak of terror spews from the bush. Then silence. Kuiper emerges with a rabbit. It is as large as his head. He drops it and peers back into the thicket.

"I think there may be more. Have you ever caught prey before?" I shake my head. "Okay, then. It's time you learned." He comes up beside me and stares at my legs. I become uneasy by his scrutiny and shift my weight from one side to the other. "You don't have muscles."

"Geez," I say, "can you be any more blatant?"

"Yeah, if you want," he jokes. He feels up and down my front legs with his paws, sending shivers down my spine. "Well, you might be able to get some air. We'll see." He leaps into the air, his forepaws tucked close to his chest, and lands flawlessly. He glances back expectantly.

"I don't know if I can do this."

"Try." I inhale deeply, tighten my muscles, and surge into the air. The wind tears at my fur for just a moment before I'm falling back down. I yelp and thrust my paws forward. A jolt goes through my joints as I land.

"Ow," I whine slightly.

"You're not too bad," he says. "For a beginner." Where did this side of Kuiper come from? We 'restarted,' and suddenly he has humor. Sure, he could be funny before, but he was always so serious.

I like this Kuiper better.

Again, I spring into the air, savoring the sensation of the wind wrapping around my body. I land better than I did the last time. I give a fleeting look in Kuiper's direction. His lips are curved into a smile, his chest heaving. Handsome, I think. I can't believe I was angry with him. And to think it was just ten minutes ago.

"I think you are good enough to hunt a rabbit, at the very least. Go ahead," he says, motioning toward the bushes.

"All right." I walk up to the bundle of twisted branches, and lean in close. Small squeaks reach my ears before they are cut off unexpectedly. They must see me. I gaze into the bush, and notice two sets of eyes staring back. I flatten my bottom, shift on my hind legs, and leap into the air, my legs tucked close. I barely get enough air to cover the top of the bush. I touch down onto the ground and am useless as my head is thrown backward from the terrible landing. I wince as I hear cracks. Biting my teeth together, I lunge forward blindly. My claws meet the rabbit's pelt, and I slice down. A squeal comes from the mop of fur that is caught in my paws. I bite down on what I think is the neck, and hold it until the creature ceases to move. The metallic taste of blood is welcoming as it flows down my throat. I pick up the dead rabbit and bring it out from the bush, my head held high, and my tail flowing behind me. I haven't felt this proud in a long time.

"You did it!" Kuiper yaps as he does laps around me, his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth. He stops in front of me and does an enticing play bow. I whine and repeat his movements. He lurches backward, his tail low. I bark and lunge forward, my jaws open. He yelps and runs to the edge of the river. I follow, close behind him. He spins around and tackles me to the ground. We roll, as one mass of fuzz and fluff, down into the river. The cold, biting liquid flows around me. I open my eyes and begin to laugh as I watch Kuiper trying to regain balance. His hind leg gives, and he falls on his bottom. He laughs harder than I've ever heard him laugh before.

We sit there for at least an hour in the cold river, splashing water on each other and laughing.


A/N: This is a really long one... Well, for this story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! 'Cursed' is officially the longest WolfQuest story!

Remember to review- the next chapter won't be posted until I get one!