Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Total Drama series characters, episodes, seasons or anything. They all belong to Teletoon, Cartoon network as well as the creators of Total Drama themselves.
CragmiteBlaster's Words of Wisdom: Boy … it's been a while hasn't it … but I've got an excuse. I've been busy with Total Drama Letterama since that tends to be in higher demand than this story. However, as a form of apology to the fans of this story I won't be updating Total Drama Letterama until episode four of Tween Tour is complete. Hopefully that'll make things better … it will right?
(Insert Chariot Pun Here)
(The Buzzing Bees)
The Buzzing Bees looked at their chariot; it was largely yellow colored but had a few black stripes on it. It also resembled a bee which was probably the whole point considering the name of the team.
"So … who's pulling?" Asked Oliver while fiddling with his glasses.
"I would say our strongest members should do the pulling." Suggested Pablo. "I think that Terrence and Ling are pretty good choices."
"Thanks soldier; but we need five people to pull the chariots. Who should the other three be?" Inquired Terrence.
"I don't mind doing it." Piped up Zora.
"I'll give it a go." Agreed Robbie.
"I probably wouldn't be a very good choice." Yawned Darby. "I might lag behind or fall asleep during the race."
"I guess I could be the fifth puller." Offered Pablo. "But we'd have to run at roughly equal speeds so that nobody starts to lag behind."
"I'd be one of the pullers if I could; but if my glasses fall off I won't be that useful. I can't see without them." Stated Oliver.
"You know what would be a good name for a glasses company?" Asked Robbie.
"No I don't; what would be?" Replied Oliver.
"Icy … you know, because it sounds like 'I see', get it?" Joked Robbie.
"There actually is a glasses company called Icy." Said Ling as she looked over the chariot.
"Really?" Blinked Robbie.
"I tell no word of a lie; my chi is truthful." Nodded Ling.
"I wonder how fast chariots go; hopefully not as fast as roller coasters." Said Molly as she climbed onto the chariot. "This reminds me of that episode of Phineas and Ferb; thank goodness for subtitles."
"That show is garbage in my opinion; I just don't get it." Said Pablo opinionatedly though he knew Molly wouldn't be able to hear him.
"Finally somebody else who shares my opinion of that show." Said Ling with a smile. "I much prefer … well, you know."
"You mean the show your pajamas are based on?" Asked Karrie for clarification.
"… Yes." Said Ling in slight embarrassment.
(Airplane Confessional: Are you bronies happy? I gave you a shout out to your favorite show. :P)
Pablo: I was wondering if anyone else had the same pet peeve I do for Phineas and Ferb; I don't state my dislike of it often due to most people in the neighborhood liking it … Ted is indifferent.
Terrence: It looks like this mission is going to require physical strength … that is something that I can provide. Still; I'm going to need my team mates help, I'm not a one man army.
Robbie: … It's kind of hard to come up with a joke about chariots; but I'm going to try!
Zora: A dolphin race would have been even better than a chariot race; but still, this sounds like it'll be pretty enjoyable.
(The Rotten Roaches)
"This is evil!" Declared Penny. "The face on the chariot might scare someone!"
"That's fine by me." Shrugged Lars indifferently. "It'd be pretty funny if somebody wets their pants."
"Actually it'd just be disgusting." Flinched Dil. "Toilet humor is gross."
"This coming from a fat person." Said Amy snootily.
"A big part of it is genetics." Stated Dil.
"Don't fight guys; we're supposed to be a team." Said Pandora nervously. "Shouldn't we be picking the five who are going to be pulling the chariot?"
"Pandora's got a point; we need our strongest members to pull the chariot." Agreed Jethro. "I think Gareth would be a good option."
"…Understood." Nodded Gareth.
"Who put you in charge?" Asked Amy. "I should be in charge; I'm a princess!"
"Well nobody else seemed to be volunteering, and besides, I come from a family full of lawyers and business men so I know a bit about leadership." Shrugged Jethro.
"Stop bragging you evil boy!" Yelled Penny as she tried to punch Jethro; he quickly stepped to the side and avoid the blow.
"You're starting to irritate me." Frowned Jethro. "How about you pull the chariot? You'd be doing a lot of goodness that way."
"So shall it be said, so shall it be done." Saluted Penny.
"I could pull the chariot; I'm a pretty fast runner." Offered Natasha. "It comes from the snowball fights I have with the kids in our settlement back home."
"Settlement?" Repeated Jarvis. "So you move around a lot?"
"My community has about five of them around the area; we have to follow the animal's migrations since we're kinda remote." Explained Natasha.
"Eew; that sounds like such a poor lifestyle." Flinched Amy.
"It's kinda fun." Said Natasha opinionatedly.
"I agree; I bet hunting for moose in the icy tundra is just as much fun as that class field trip to the power plant." Nodded Jade in agreement.
"… Something tells me that I don't even want to know." Said Jethro flatly.
"She probably electrocuted herself; too bad it didn't fry her brains and make her explode, I'd love to see that." Said Lars in a slightly sociopathic tone.
"That wouldn't happen; electricity doesn't hurt me." Shrugged Jade.
Lars looked annoyed that Jade wasn't getting upset.
"Your attempts to rile us up only show that you are destined to be cockroach kibble." Said Gareth as he knelt down and gently stroked a passing beetle.
Confessional: Can you even get kibble for insects?
Lars: Why is it that it is so hard to make Jade cry? The reason I joined this show, other than winning of course, is to upset people. Well; since I'm one of the riders I guess I can make Pandora cry, she's like the biggest doormat I've ever seen! Haw Haw!
Jethro: In the end we decided that the pullers would be Gareth, Penny, Jade, Natasha and Dil. I had doubts about Dil pulling but he says he has good stamina. Well, I'm not getting voted off even if we lose, so who the hell cares right?
Natasha: What does Amy have against people who aren't rich? Wealth doesn't define a person, it's how they act. I bet she doesn't like Moose Burgers either.
Dil: I may not look it but I can run for a while before collapsing … it's just running really fast that's the hard part. But hey, if Owen can perform against the odds then why can't I?
(The Sneaky Snails)
"So; who are going to have as ze pullers?" Asked Albert while he leaned against the Chariot. "I will do it eef you want."
"Me too! I love running." Agreed Emily.
"I think I could do a good job of pulling; I'm not the weakest guy in the world." Offered Vinsun.
"I'll pull, because let me tell you ladies, I'm pretty sexy when I'm sweaty." Flirted Craig while wiggling his eyebrows.
"You really don't take no for an answer do you?" Said Ramona flatly.
"A ladies man never quits." Stated Craig. "Until I get the girl in which case I will be as loyal as a dog … unless she turns ugly or something … so try to stay pretty babe."
"Do I have to file a restraining order against you?" Frowned Ramona.
"You can put me in cuffs anytime you like." Grinned Craig.
"Can somebody slap him?" Asked Bonnie in disdain.
"Ok." Nodded Vinsun as he slapped Craig.
"Ow! That was mean!" Whined Craig rather pathetically.
"You guys are complete idiots." Muttered Elvira.
"I'm an A student." Said Edgar in annoyance.
"I wasn't talking about you." Said Elvira.
"So you're admitting I'm useful?" Asked Edgar.
"No; you're useless but you pale in comparison to how useless the others are." Stated Elvira.
"Gee, I feel honored." Said Edgar sarcastically as he turned away from Elvira.
"Don't you turn your back on me!" Yelled Elvira.
"Too late, I just did." Said Edgar snarkly.
"This reminds me of an episode of Mighty Boosh where Howard gets fired by Naboo and Naboo literally turns his back on him." Stated Morton. "Good show except that the moon freaked me out."
"Why?" Asked Megan curiously.
"Just watch the show and you'll see." Said Morton simply.
"I reckon that I'm not entirely sure what a 'boosh' is." Said Vinsun in confusion. "Is it a sort of energy drink?"
"It is a state of mind that is usually insanity … so the show they are talking about, well, its name makes a lot of sense." Stated Edgar.
"I wonder eef the creators were high when they made the show." Pondered Albert.
(Airplane Confessional: Mighty Boosh is funny … but the moon is just plain FREAKY).
Morton: It's a good show … Old Greg was … well … calling him stark raving bazonkas would be a very big understatement.
Megan: Mighty Boosh is hilarious! I love watching it with my 3-D glasses … it doesn't improve the viewing experience but it's still fun.
Bonnie: You know; a lot of the arguments on our team are caused by Craig's flirting. If we could get him to stop we'd probably work together better. If only I could threaten him with a Rayquaza … sadly they aren't real and I bet even Craig knows that.
Elvira: A lot of my team members have trouble focusing on the challenge … without me they'd be dead in a week … ok, that as an overstatement … well, they'd be covered in loads of band aids anyway.
"If it helps stop the arguing I'll be one of the pullers." Offered Megan. "I'm pretty good at running."
"Ok; so we've got Albert, Emily, Vinsun, Craig and Megan pulling … any objections?" Asked Bonnie.
"Nope; I'm fine with it." Said Vinsun. "Though I think we should make sure Craig isn't near Megan and Emily."
"Yeah; Craig's such a smelly squid." Nodded Emily in agreement.
"No fair!" Whined Craig.
(Airplane Confessional: I cheat at board games; it isn't fair but it helps me win!)
Craig: The girls should lower their standards; then they'd see how awesome a boyfriend I could be.
Natasha: I'm glad I'm not on Craig's team … or anywhere near Craig for that matter.
"Do you think Chris is going to put any twists into this challenge? We all know that he can be pretty mean at times." Said Megan nervously. "Even meaner than a cosmic destroying alien."
"Chris is nothing if not unpredictable … and after the last challenge we need to be on our guard for any tricks he tries to pull." Agreed Ramona. "Still, nothing my joy buzzer can't fix."
"I wouldn't recommend it; Chris might give us a penalty." Said Edgar. "We could do without a penalty."
"I'll give all of you a penalty if you don't put all your effort into this." Stated Elvira.
"We will give eet our best shot." Assured Albert.
(Airplane Confessional: You're too young to drink a shot glass!)
Vinsun: Chris ain't that bad; he's just a little bit cranky sometimes.
Albert: Elvira eez more demanding than my math teacher.
Edgar: I'm glad I'm not one of the pullers; I'm not that good at physical activities like extensive running.
(Spooky Spiders)
"It may just be me, but this chariot looks pretty #bleep# cool." Noted Bea.
"I agree … though it's too bad we aren't having an Olympics challenge, I'm pretty good at sports." Agreed Ted. "If it's alright with you guys I'd like to be one of the pullers, I can run pretty fast."
"We'll need somebody who is strong as well as fast." Said Winter before sighing. "Too bad we voted off Vicky last time."
"Bet you feel dumb for doing that." Said Benjamin.
"Didn't you vote for her?" Asked Winter.
"Nope; I voted for Bea." Shrugged Benjamin.
"Gee, thanks a #bleep# lot." Muttered Bea.
"I'm pretty fast." Announced Sophie loudly. "We're gonna go so fast!"
"This seems like your kind of challenge Tony." Said Benjamin. "It doesn't require any brain power whatsoever."
"Thanks Benjy." Smiled Tony. "I'll pull!"
"I'll pull; I'll do it for helicopters." Said Henry.
"No, I'll pull! I'll do it for bathrooms!" Scowled Dexter.
"Helicopters!"
"Bathrooms!"
"Helicopters!"
"Bathrooms!"
"Helicopters!"
"Bathrooms!"
Henry and Dexter glared at each other for a moment before they began having a wimpy slap fight.
"This is both amusing and saddening; if you need me I'll be in the chariot." Stated Benjamin as he walked away to the chariot.
"Me too." Agreed Winter as she followed Benjamin.
"These two argue more than two football fans of opposite teams." Noted Ted. "It's like the argument clinic sketch from Monty Python."
"That was funny." Agreed Suki. "So … should we stop them from fighting?"
"We could … or we could let them faint from exhaustion and thus we'll get some peace and quiet." Suggested Ted.
"Ted, that's a little mean." Said Suki.
"Don't worry; you've got band aids for them." Shrugged Ted.
Suki frowned at Ted.
"I was just joking." Assured Ted.
"I think we should stop them; it's scary." Said Tony with a gulp as he covered his eyes.
"Ok you two, #bleep# break it up." Said Bea as she forcefully separated Henry and Dexter. "If you two idiots want to outdo each other then why not see who can pull the chariot faster?"
"Good idea; I'll go faster than a helicopter." Said Henry in determination.
"And I'll go faster than a flushed toilet!" Retorted Dexter.
(Airplane Confessional: With friends like them who needs enemies?)
Ted: Next time we lose I'm voting for one of those two; they're stopping us from properly working together with their petty arguments. Why can't they obsess over something understandable … like sports or something?
Tony: I don't like fights!
Suki: If Henry and Dexter keep fighting like this I'm going to run out of band aids! I thought I had enough for the whole season … but now I might only have enough for five episodes. But I'll give them treatment regardless; how else will I one day become Dr. Fujita?
Bea: Faster than a flushed toilet … am I the only one #bleep# weirded out by that statement?
"Ok; so myself, Sophie, Henry, Dexter and Tony are pulling … looks like we've got our arrangements sorted." Said Ted while adjusting his headband. "The rest of you guys will be riding."
"Fine by me; I'll be able to catch up on my reading." Smiled Winter.
"I don't give a #bleep# either way." Shrugged Bea.
"Can you please stop swearing?" Requested Winter.
"Believe me, I would if I #bleep# could." Said Bea apologetically.
"What do you mean by that?" Asked Winter curiously.
"Err … nothing; it doesn't #bleep# matter." Stated Bea.
"Maybe she watched a lot of really naughty south park DVD's, they are full of bad and mean bad words." Said Tony dumbly.
"… Yeah, let's go with that." Said Bea.
"Hmmm." Said Suki in thought.
"Did you say something Suki?" Asked Sophie loudly.
"No, I'm just thinking to myself is all." Said Suki.
(Airplane Confessional: I swear I didn't mean to.)
Sophie: (She is whistling a tune, though it is rather loud).
Henry: This challenge is where I'm going to outdo Dexter; he shall feel the wrath a true helicopter fan! Mwahahaha! … ok, that was a bit much.
Suki: So Bea cannot help her swearing huh? … you know; I recall hearing about a condition that causes that … but I can't remember what it's called. Maybe I could borrow a book from Noah to jog my memory.
Benjamin: You know; if I could backstab all of my team mates to advance me further in the game I would, because I don't really like them that much. Still; they're a lot better than any of the Smurfs, I hate those guys.
A while later the four teams were on the starting line with their respective chariots. The pullers had the chariots reigns strapped to them while the riders were standing in the chariots. Noah was reading a book with a bored look on his face while Owen held a starter pistol and looked excited. Chris stood off to one side and began to speak.
"Ok teams; now that you have picked your riders and pullers the challenge can begin. As I said before, all you have to do is follow the marked course. It is a mile long because if I made you guys run for too long I could get sued." Said Chris with a gulp.
"When has that ever worried you before?" Asked Noah.
"Anyway." Continued Chris while completely ignoring Noah. "Before you start the race … I'm going to make things interesting."
"I was afraid that you were going to say that." Sighed Natasha.
"Do your worst." Said Jethro.
"Each team is going to get a high pressure water gun filled with orange soda. You can use it to squirt orange soda at your opponents." Explained Chris as Owen passed a soda filled water gun to each team. "Once you're out of soda you don't get a refill, so use it wisely."
"Too bad it isn't filled with boiling water." Said Lars in disappointment.
"Everyone get ready to start the race; the race will begin in half one minute." Said Chris with a slap of his hands.
(Airplane Confessional: I would have preferred apple soda).
Jethro: So I can screw people over and it's completely fine? I intend to take full advantage of this.
Zora: Eww, I don't really like soda that much … but oranges are tasty so maybe this won't be too bad.
Pablo: So much for this being a simple challenge.
"Ok intern Owen, you may start the race." Said Chris.
"You got it Chris!" Nodded Owen enthusiastically as he pointed the starter pistol in the air. "How do you work these things again?"
"You point it at somebody and pull the trigger." Smirked Lars.
"No, I don't think that's it." Pondered Owen. "Oh, I remember!"
Owen aimed the gun above him and pulled the trigger.
BANG!
The pullers quickly began running in order to pull their teams chariots along the track; the chariots began to pick up speed as the pullers ran along until they began moving along the course at a speedy, but not super fast, pace.
"Got any bets on who's going to win the race Noah?" Asked Chris.
"No." Said Noah simply.
"What about you Owen?" Asked Chris to his other, more enthusiastic, intern.
"I hope it's either the Buzzing Bess or The Spooky Spiders; they're both down a member so they could use the win." Said Owen while taking a chocolate bar out of his pocket.
"I'm hoping to see one team annihilated before the merge; it'll be Team Victory all over again … ah, good times." Said Chris in remembrance.
"It wasn't very nice for Team Victory though." Said Owen nervously.
(Airplane Confessional: Always an optimist).
Chris: Owen is a good intern an all; but he's a bit too optimistic. Maybe I should have had Alejandro as an intern, he's schemish and underhanded.
The four chariots were making progress down the designated track; currently the teams were neck and neck so nobody really had the lead.
"Come on soldiers, we can do this!" Said Terrence as he led the pullers of the Buzzing Bees chariot.
"It's easy for you to say; you're really buff." Said Robbie as he ran slightly behind Terrence.
"Strength is irrelevant; it's all about endurance." Stated Terrence.
"Exactly; Monks do not spend years on top of a pole by strength alone. Will Power plays a much bigger part." Nodded Ling.
"Watch out guys; the girl with the pokeball hat is aiming that water gun at us!" Gulped Molly.
The riders turned and ducked just in time as a squirt of orange soda narrowly missed them.
"Darn, nearly had 'em!" Said Bonnie as she pumped her water gun to fire again.
"Keep trying, you'll get them eventually hot stuff." Flirted Craig as he ran.
"Don't make me squirt you." Threatened Bonnie.
"Believe me, she would." Cautioned Albert.
(Airplane Confessional: Oranges taste like the color orange!)
Albert: Craig didn't heed my warning; thankfully Bonnie resisted the urge to squirt him.
Bonnie: Craig is creepier than Lavender Town!
"Ok guys, let's juice!" Said Robbie half jokingly while he and the other runners pulled the Buzzing Bees chariot.
"That wasn't even funny." Said Ling flatly.
"It is my duty as a soldier to inform you guys that we're about to get squirted." Said Terrence.
A mere second later everyone on the Buzzing Bees team was squirted by a large blast of orange soda. As they slowed down a little from this Lars laughed sadistically as he was the one to fire at them.
"This is great! I get to squirt them and they can't do a thing about it." Laughed Lars. "Time to take out the competition permanent like; maybe if I squirt one of the runners they could get ran over! Haw Haw!"
"Stop that squirting immediately! It is evil!" Yelled Penny.
"No way loser!" Sneered Lars.
"No! I'm not going to let you upset anyone else you evil meanie!" Declared Penny.
"Well I happen to like upsetting people, so back off!" Growled Lars. "Besides; you're pulling and I'm back here, not much you can do."
"Guys, stop fighting." Called Dil. "Penny, squirting the others is part of the challenge. And Lars, stop being such a bully."
"No way; bullying people is great fun." Scoffed Lars while aiming at the Spooky Spiders.
"I warn you Lars; there may come a time where you seriously regret your bully ways." Frowned Jarvis.
"He's right; your attitude is completely cutthroat." Agreed Pandora.
Lars was silent for a moment; then he aimed the water gun at Pandora and squirted her with a blast of orange soda.
"Eek!" Wailed Pandora as she backed away from Lars.
"Hey Pandora … you look fruity!" Jeered Lars.
"You should all be ashamed of yourselves!" Yelled Penny angrily. "Lars, you're nasty for squirting Pandora. Jarvis and Pandora, you shouldn't have provoked him! And everybody else, how dare you let him get away with this!"
"Oh shut up." Groaned Jethro.
(Airplane Confessional: I second that motion!)
Jethro: Penny is really starting to get on my nerves. She has got to go. Making the others boot her over Lars may be a challenge … but it shouldn't be too hard; and if worse comes to worse than I can just hypnotize people into helping me. (Jethro blinks). Did I say hypnotism … yep, I guess I did. Heheh.
Penny: Why are my team mates so evil?
Pandora: I hate being picked on … but there's not really much I can do about it. Daddy supports me back home but I don't deserve even his sympathy. (Pandora sighs). I wish I knew how to stand up for myself.
Lars: That was fun … though I would have preferred to punch her on her stupid nose; but for some reason the others probably wouldn't take kindly to me doing that.
"If I was back there with you Lars I would break you in ways you cannot imagine." Said Gareth softly.
"What would you do? Make a bug bite me?" Scoffed Lars.
"Shut up!" Growled Penny while wishing she could reach Lars to punch him. "You're gonna make people cry a lot of tears!"
"Tears eh? There are a lot of tears in there world, we can afford to waste as many of them as we want … like Lars' head you see." Said Gareth in a poetic and slightly frightened way.
Everyone was silent as they ran along.
"I think there is something wrong with Gareth." Gulped Natasha.
"Well duh, he's poor and broken." Said Amy haughtily.
(Airplane Confessional: That was frighteningly poetic…)
Gareth: I do not much like how Lars bullies Pandora. She is a nice girl with insecurities, what can we call her … but an angel? Lars meanwhile is akin in vileness to an aardvark; he is a powerless individual simply trying to weasel his way out of the thing we call karma which I can assure you will strike him down heavily in the end.
Natasha: I don't mind Gareth … but he's kinda scary. (Natasha taps her chin). You know; maybe I'm just not giving him enough of a chance … maybe he'd like to go sledding sometime if we visit the Yukon.
Jade: What did Gareth mean when he said we can afford to waste Lars' head? Was he threatening Lars … because he did it so well that even I feel shaky. (Jade takes out her tazer). Time for a recharge! (Jade zaps herself). Zappity zap zap!
"Yay! I'm going so fast!" Cheered Tony as he pulled the Spooky Spider's chariot.
"Don't go too fast, the rest of us need to be able to keep up with you." Said Henry as he ran along at a constant pace.
"Don't listen to the none believer; nothing he says is worthwhile." Said Dexter. "He will never reach enlightenment due to his irrational hatred of bathrooms!"
"I never said I hate them." Replied Henry.
"You monster! How dare you say you hate bathrooms? That's it; after this challenge we are having a major slap fight!" Yelled Dexter angrily.
"Bring it on bathrobe boy!" Challenged Henry.
"Will you two please shut the #bleep# up?" Growled Bea. "Honestly; I can't #bleep# hear myself think!"
"Not like there was much going on up there anyway." Shrugged Benjamin. "Keep running guys."
"Got it!" Nodded Sophie very loudly.
"The Sneaky Snails are gaining on us; could one of you fire some orange soda at them?" Asked Winter. "Only that I'm pretty useless at handling a water gun."
"Leave it to me." Said Suki cheerfully as she aimed the soda filled water gun at the Sneaky Snails chariot and fired.
"Arrgh!" Shrieked Elvira due to the soda hitting her.
"Sorry!" Called Suki apologetically.
"Nice shot Suki." Chuckled Ted while he pulled the chariot.
"Thanks." Giggled Suki. "I hope she won't be too bad."
"She won't be mad." Assured Benjamin.
"Really?" Smiled Suki.
"Yep … she'll be furious." Said Benjamin.
(Airplane Confessional: She'll be bubbling with anger … as bubbly as the soda!)
Suki: Benjamin has a habit of being brutally honest…
Benjamin: Suki's no threat in the game, her medical knowledge is actually quite helpful … but I'll mess with her anyway since it'll probably come in useful somewhere along the way.
Ted: Suki has good aim; she should give baseball a try.
"Somebody fire the soda; aim for Lars if you can." Instructed Oliver.
"How can you fire soda? It doesn't have a job!" Joked Robbie. "Get it?"
Most of the team groaned while Oliver passed the water gun to Molly and pointed towards Lars. Molly nodded in understanding and aimed the water gun. A moment later she pulled the trigger and in a mere instant Lars was soaked with orange soda.
"You little rat! If I get hold of you I'll mess you up!" Yelled Lars angrily.
"Lars looks angry; what's he saying?" Asked Molly.
Oliver shook his head to signify that Molly probably didn't want to know.
"Watch out guys; I can see a bump in the road up ahead." Warned Darby sleepily.
"Quick guys, veer to the left!" Instructed Zora as she began to run towards the left so the chariot wouldn't risk crashing.
The rest of the pullers quickly veered to the left as Zora instructed but the right wheel of the chariot hit the bump which caused the riders to stumble.
"Wah! Help!" Yelled Molly as she wobbled on the edge f the chariot; just as she began to fall backwards Oliver grabbed her hand and pulled her back to safety.
"Thank you Oliver." Said Molly gratefully.
"Not a problem." Said Oliver even though he knew Molly wouldn't hear; he smiled and gave a polite nod to his deaf team mate, a gesture which she knew meant 'you're welcome'.
"Is everyone ok?" Asked Karrie.
"We're fine; Molly nearly fell off the chariot but she's ok now." Assured Oliver while adjusting his glasses.
"Chariots are known for being somewhat *yawn* unstable sometimes." Said Darby sleepily. "Though their low centre of gravity is good combined with their high speed … though the speed depends on what the chariot is being pulled by as the Greeks hadn't invented *yawn* engines."
"They did invent the Olympics though." Said Pablo. "I hope I can go and see them again sometime."
"You've been to see the Olympics?" Asked Terrence curiously.
"Well yeah, my dad takes me; I've been twice so far." Stated Pablo. "It's a lot of fun … but I'm not bragging or anything."
"I detect no bragging in your tone." Assured Ling. "Your chi is very pure."
"What exactly is chi?" Asked Pablo curiously.
"It is that which makes up who you are as a person; good chi and bad chi, it fuels your goodness and badness, like yin and yang." Explained Ling. "Some Xiaolin monks dedicate their lives to purifying their chi to reach enlightenment. It is an admirable lifestyle it must be said."
"What's the plural for Chi?" Asked Robbie.
"It is the same in multiples as it is by itself." Stated Ling.
"I thought it would be pronounced 'cheese', get it?" Joked Robbie. "And boy, I'm starting to get a little tired."
"Keep going solider; we can win this, we've just got to keep soldiering on … little bit of army humor there." Said Terrence.
"How about some fish humor?" Offered Zora.
"Fine by me." Nodded Robbie.
"Alternatively we could focus on the task at hand since the Sneaky Snails are getting ahead of us." Said Ling calmly.
"… That works too." Said Zora.
(Airplane Confessional: I wonder what the fish jokes would have been like).
Zora: I had a great joke involving a trout and three pieces of broccoli … I guess it's going to go to waste now. Oh well.
Karrie: I'm glad nobody told any bird jokes.
Oliver: Those chariots could have been safer … but I guess asking Chris to improve safety would be a pointless cause; like running around an object and never actually touching it. Still, it was kinda fun to ride at speed.
Pablo: I should ask Ling more about her culture; it sounds fascinating … and I've always wanted to go to China to be honest. I could go as funds are no problem, but it's just that my parents are usually very busy with their jobs; then again, being the heads of Bones Inc generally takes up their time.
Molly: Oliver's a lifesaver! Falling off the chariot would have hurt and I'd have probably needed all of Suki's band aids. Kind of like when that meanie Colton was Med-evacked from Survivor.
The chariots continued racing along the set trail and though it was still a pretty even race, the Sneaky Snails were beginning to pull ahead.
"They're getting ahead of us guys." Said Jade. "Can I squirt them?"
"No, this gun is mine, I'll do the squirting." Started Lars while he got ready to fire.
"If you fire that at anyone I'll rip your legs off since you are so evil!" Yelled Penny.
"I don't think she's joking." Gulped Jade.
Lars looked like he was thinking.
"Eh, I can afford to waste some." Shrugged Lars as he aimed the water gun at Penny and fired a large dose of orange soda at her.
"You monster!" Screamed Penny. "When this race ends I am going to make you sorry that you are so evil!"
"Would you two just knock it off?" Yelled Jethro in annoyance. "Penny, just shut the hell up for once! And Lars, try not to be such a homicidal maniac! I'd vote both of you off if I could!"
Jethro too a few deep breaths while his team mates were silent.
"I wouldn't argue that opinion." Agreed Dil.
"Me neither; Penny's a hypocrite." Said Jarvis in agreement.
"Hey! I can hear you! You're so evil!" Growled Penny.
"That was the point." Said Jarvis flatly.
"Good one Jarvis." Giggled Pandora.
"Thanks." Smiled Pandora.
"Shut up crybaby, nobody said you could talk." Shot Lars aggressively.
"S-s-sorry." Gulped Pandora while shuffling away from Lars.
"That wasn't very nice Lars." Frowned Jarvis.
"I don't do nice." Shrugged Lars.
"Can we just race without argument?" Asked Jethro while tapping his foot in annoyance.
"Yeah, your arguing is gonna give me wrinkles and I am NOT a smelly old person." Agreed Amy.
"At least somebody is on my side." Said Jethro in mild appreciation. "What about you Gareth?"
"I don't take sides." Said Gareth simply.
"You side with Pandora over Lars though." Noted Jethro.
"I don't like seeing people getting bullied when they cannot stand up for themselves … I don't like seeing it at all actually." Stated Gareth. "And personally … I hate Lars."
"Fair point." Chuckled Dil.
"Hey!" Whined Lars.
"If you guys don't stop being evil I'm going to bring you over my knee and give you such a dreadful spanking!" Threatened Penny.
There were a few seconds of silence.
"Awwwkwaaaard." Said Dil.
(Airplane Confessional: As awkward as when your father marries your ex girlfriend).
Dil: I came on this show to have fun, make friends and try some foreign food … I did not come on to get pushed around by some girl obsessed with doing good who ends up causing misery in the process.
Jethro: I think I now know who would make the best long term ally … I just need to assure he doesn't get himself voted off if we ever lose. I'll approach him tonight.
Jarvis: Penny is kind of like the opposite of Dick Dastardly. For the record I'm a big fan of Wacky Races.
Amy: I miss being pampered.
"First place everyone; we've got this in the bag." Said Elvira confidently.
"Eet eez a bad thing to be overconfident; in a race things are very … variable." Said Albert.
"Albert's right; getting over confident would be a bad thing." Nodded Ramona while taking out a banana peel. "But there's no harm in pulling a harmless prank to help us get ahead. Heehee!"
Ramona threw the banana peel behind them; a few moments later it was run over by the Rotten Roaches chariot.
"Hmm, that didn't work like I though it would … Oopsie!" Giggled Ramona.
"Obviously it wouldn't work; it'll take a lot more than a banana peel to make a chariot crash." Drawled Edgar.
"Come on Ed, it works in Mario Kart." Said Ramona.
"First off … do not call me Ed. Second, Mario Kart isn't real." Said Edgar in annoyance.
"Oh yeah; I guess I didn't think that plan through." Said Ramona in slight embarrassment.
"Thinking things though is boring; improvisation is much better." Said Emily cheerfully. "That way you have no way of predicting what will happen … unless you are telepathic I guess."
"I wish I was telepathic; it must be cool to read people's minds." Said Morton wishfully. "That way I could find out if somebody is telling the truth about their favorite TV show."
"And I could find out if NASA employees actually do know about alien existence or not." Agreed Megan. "That'd be cool."
"I don't theenk telepathy exists." Said Albert. "At least, I theenk eet doesn't."
"If I had telepathy I read the minds of the laaaaadiiiies!" Grinned Craig.
"Can somebody slap him?" Requested Ramona.
"I would if I could but I'm a bit busy." Said Vinsun apologetically due to him being one of the five pulling the chariot.
"I don't think it'd be a good idea; it may cause us to crash." Stated Edgar.
(Airplane Confessional: Crash Bandicoot!)
Edgar: Common sense people, common sense.
Ramona: Edgar may be smart … but he's a bit of a 'wet blanket' don't you think?
Elvira: I got robbed with the team I've been put on.
Vinsun: I reckon most of us on the team have little to absolutely nothing in common.
The chariots continued to race along at speed and soon enough the finish line was in sight. All that was left of the marked course was a downhill run … but this was going to be easier said than done.
The runners were starting to get very tired now and since the chariots were going to be going downhill … well … lets just say that it was probably in their best interests to keep running or else they would get squished.
"I can't keep this up for much longer." Panted Dil as he continued to run along with a very sweaty face.
"We're nearly there, just a little longer, you can do it!" Encouraged Natasha.
"I think I'm gonna be sick." Gagged Craig in exhaustion.
"That makes too of us." Said Henry between gasps.
"As a bathroom fan I always come prepared." Said dexter as he fished a bottle of water out of his swimming trunks and took a swig as he ran. "Ah, delicious toilet water!"
"Eeeeewww!" Gagged Suki in disgust.
"How much orange soda have we got left?" Asked Oliver.
"About *yawn* enough for one squirt." Said Darby sleepily.
"It'll have to do." Said Oliver as he took aim with his team's water gun and aimed at the Rotten Roaches.
"I don't think so nerd." Said Lars as he threw his team's water gun at Oliver and conked him straight on the forehead. "Nice!"
Oliver staggered and began to collapse; Molly quickly grabbed him as he fell and gently held him steady.
"You meanie! You awful … boy!" Growled Molly in a rather non intimidating way.
"That's it; I'm coming back there!" Yelled Penny as she slowed down a little to take off her reign harness so she could attack Lars.
This however was a rather bad move; due to Penny rapidly slowing down the Rotten Roaches' chariot quickly lost it's steady momentum and veered out of control for a moment … and this was all it took for everyone to go to pieces.
The Rotten Roaches hit a bump in the course and due to the speed they were going at their chariot flew up into the air and overturned. It landed with a crash off to the side of the track and the ten members of the Rotten Roaches lay groaning in pain.
The other three teams quickly reached the bottom of the hill and crossed the finish line … though one team as slightly ahead of the other two.
"And the Sneaky Snails take the win!" Announced Chris.
As the chariots slowly came to a stop the Sneaky Snails cheered at their first place victory.
"Darn, so close!" Said Sophie loudly with a snap of her fingers.
(Airplane Confessional: As close as Gen was to winning season one!)
Sophie: Darn, winning again would have been fun … but second place is pretty cool too!
Elvira: I said I would have order and so I will have order.
Tony: Second place! Hooray!
Craig: If that doesn't impress the ladies I don't know what will.
The thirty eight tweens stood in a crowd in front of Chris, Owen and Noah as Chris readied himself to give the run down on the challenge results. Noah was ready to provide sign language translation for Molly.
"Well everyone; we've had quite a day so far. Ands boy, what a day it's been; your guys sure don't disappoint! That race had it all; bumps in the road, a little bit of rule abiding cheating, road rage and a crash! I have to say that I'm quite impressed. But regardless of how much you guys impressed me there are winners and there are losers."
"But everyone's a winner really." Said Owen positively.
"No they are not; the Sneaky Snails won and the others teams didn't, they're losers." Said Noah flatly.
"I'm just being nice little buddy." Said Owen sunnily.
"What you are being is a sugar coater." Stated Noah.
"Quiet interns; we have a commercial break coming up and I need to get this part done." Shushed Chris. "As Noah has said, first place goes to The Sneaky Snails; you guys have once again avoided elimination; First Class is yours."
"Good job guys." Smiled Owen.
"Finally First Class; I really need that massage chair." Said Edgar in satisfaction.
"Wait in line buddy." Said Albert in satisfaction.
"In second place are The Spooky Spiders; you guys get Second Class until we reach our next destination." Said Chris.
"Not bad; we did good today guys." Smiled Ted.
"#Bleep# yeah! We rock!" Cheered Bea.
"In third place and narrowly avoided their second elimination ceremony is The Buzzing Bees; you guys have done just enough to earn Third Class." Said Chris with a small tone of backhandedness.
"Good job soldiers; we did good today." Said Terrence in a polite and orderly tone.
"Too bad we couldn't get First Class again … but you can't win them all I guess." Said Pablo while feeling glad that they had avoided Squalid Class.
"And we all know what that means … yep! Today's losers are the Rotten Roaches. You guys will be travelling to our next destination in Squalid Class … but one of you will be exempt from that and will instead take the Drop of Shame." Said Chris with no tone of apologeticness.
"You are gone tonight you evil child!" Yelled Penny at Lars.
"I kinda prefer you to go actually." Muttered Dil.
"Before you guys cast your votes … how about a follow up immunity challenge?" Offered Chris. "How about it? A one in ten chance for, shall we call it, a get out of jail free card? Well, not that your answer really matters since we're required to do this … so, are you ready?"
"Bring it on!" Challenged Lars.
"Sure, not like I'm going to win immunity anyway." Said Pandora with a sad sigh as she looked up at the clouds.
"Very well then; we have this mini challenge set up nearby, so let's get going." Said Chris while beckoning the Rotten Roaches to follow him.
"What about the rest of us?" Asked Darby sleepily.
"You guys can come too; you're more than welcome to watch the challenge." Shrugged Chris before turning to the cameraman. "So who will win solo immunity? What will the challenge be? And who will be the third person voted off and the next to take the Drop of Shame? Find out when we return after the break on Total Drama Tween Tour!"
Next Time: The Rotten Roaches have to get a gold medal off an animal … but what type of animal will it be?
