Disclaimer: I do not own FFXIV nor Heavensward, or several of the characters mentioned in this story, or the FC featured.


The trip back was filled with light laughter, Disco and Alphinaud were sitting right next to Pax as he sat back lazily; elsewhere sat Honora though she remained quiet. Seeing this brought a sense of relief to Ragnar- piece by piece Pax was being returned to them, he thought this day would never return. He turned away from them to see Aisling debriefing the squad of Dragoons he was in charge of.

"...the Northern parts should be secure for the time being but for now I want the Temple Knights to stand guard and watch," Aisling finished, they each nodded as the airship they rode began to dock. Each one saluted as they passed him, he placed a hand on one's shoulder and gave him a reassuring glance. "Good work, Sebastian."

"Thank you, Sir," the Dragoon said gratefully, they all stepped off, some removed their helmets to let their hair breathe while others grouped off to spend the rest of their days resting and preparing for the next mission.

Ragnar approached Aisling as he stepped onto the dock. It was snowing today, he noticed Aisling had placed on a trench-coat over his long coat; quickly, he went to his side. "That was some fine work you did out in the field."

"A Behemoth is much more massive than your average dragon, certain points must be assaulted at the same time to bring it down," Aisling said as though he had been doing this ever day for most of his life. "Come, let us return to the manor, no doubt my father would have a feast for us. Reports travel fast nowadays."

"Yes, yes, they do," Ragnar agreed distantly, he just wanted to get away from Alphinaud as soon as possible. As much as he would love to speak with Pax, he would rather wait for him to return without the boy near him.

They walked through the streets were Knights were going pass them, their days filled with orders to maintain the peace and safety of the people. Aisling grabbed one of them by the wrist, Ragnar saw the Elezen point towards Pax's group and the knight nodded, he split off from his regiment and went off to keep a watchful eye on him.

"You don't trust him?"

"Not fully," Aisling admitted as they continued on.

Ragnar could not argue with him.

The two of them and Rhel'ir had faced Pax's darkness first hand, neither of them were quite well enough to approach comfortably. He breathed out into the crisp, Ishgardian air, his hands were shucked higher into his fur coat's sleeves. Out of anyone he would be willing to accompany, it would be Aisling for the moment.

Yet the more he spent here in Ishgard, the more he was learning of him, what sort of life he led before arriving into the Free Company. He was never one to pry into another person's life, he was a mere observer. But he could tell Aisling wanted to leave the streets as soon as possible since his strides were more hurried than usual.

Moments later they walked into the great hall of the manor, their coats taken by servants, though Aisling relinquished his lance. Ragnar, on the other hand, kept his hold on his staff. He continued to follow Aisling to the lounge where a maid began to set the liquor into mugs. Apparently, after every mission, Aisling preferred a good wine after it.

Even though he was modest and humble, he had expensive tastes when he let himself enjoy the finer things in life.

Aisling was given a mug, as was Ragnar, while he went to the window to look out of it.

They were silent for a while, both exhausted from today's hunt. After a few sips, Ragnar placed his mug down and drew out his staff, he stood it up in front of him and stared at the intricate carvings and head of it. He had not seen this in a long time, gazing upon it was like looking at a long, lost friend. His hand touched the gem embedded into it, his thumb caressing it.

"I can't remember the last time I held this in my hands, I thought I would never see it again," Ragnar stated softly, Aisling turned to watch him. "This brings back memories."

"Fond ones, I hope," Aisling said as he walked over and sat down in a chair next to him.

"Some fond, some painful, some I'd like to forget," he went on,"I practiced the dark arts at a young age, but never had I seen the very darkness that consumed Pax. My clan in Gridania, unlike most who wielded a bow and arrow or lance, we utilized magic. At a young age, we were given a cudgel and we went on..."

"Seems...unfitting for a Black Mage to convert into a Scholar. No offense intended, my friend."

Ragnar shook his head, he was letting Aisling go with it. "Healers...often have a vow to uphold when they decide to help their comrades in battle. Mine is...well, I thought it was carved in stone but certain things remind me otherwise. Seeing this again and seeing Rhel'ir that day, seeing Alphinaud and that young girl Aria, I doubt that I can hold up the promise nowadays."

Aisling gave a curt nod and drank a bit more wine. Once it was finished, he snapped his fingers and the maid immediately came to him with more. She poured it as he waved her away. "Leave the bottle, you are dismissed, thank you."

"It is odd to see you act like a nobleman," Ragnar chuckled.

"Being an adventurer has made it odd to be one once again," he replied.

"Fair enough."

It went quiet once more.

"...from what I heard from the linkshells, Disco called for Alphinaud's help when she learned of the hunt in Coerthas," Aisling finally told him,"she needed a healer out there. Suppose that Alphinaud was told you were there as well."

Ragnar scoffed at the name of the boy. "That child has brought me more misfortune than any Ascian I had faced."

"I'm sorry to hear, friend."

"Tell me, what do you think of him?"

Aisling sipped his drink for several gulps, once he finished, he wiped his mouth and let out a savory 'ah'. He started slowly,"I believe the kid to be bright, intelligent, quick on his wits, though not a single man is flawless. He has his moments, I read the reports on you and the incident in Ul'dah."

"He is...a son of a bitch," Ragnar flatly told him. "Ignorant of the world and how to live in it. A wiser man would have known better than to recruit wayward people into an organization meant to protect others. He saw a clear example of the corruption in Ul'dah and never thought that his ranks would be tainted as well. He thinks he is the better out of most in the world."

To this, Ragnar spat onto the floor- he stained the white, bearskin rug with his saliva and some of the red wine.

"Curse to him and his ilk."

"I understand your enmity towards him," Aisling told him. He reached for the bottle and poured more for Ragnar's mug.

"So you know what happened?"

"I was there."

"Ah...yes, yes, you were," Ragnar said, nodding, he remembered vaguely of seeing Aisling, how he grappled him to prevent further injury to Alphinaud. If he had not been there, the young Sharlayan would have been killed on the spot. Ragnar rubbed his eyes, sighing heavily.

He was recalling it.

That was when he and Aisling first met.

The blood, the screams from Valencia, his roars of anguish.

The staff he held now was used to club Alphinaud in the face, he broke his nose that day- he threw it at the boy, shouting that he was done doing his work and cleaning up his mess. Should he had continued to stay with him, he would have been fighting Nidhogg by now.

He lost interest in adventuring for others and having obligations to save the realm.

"I grow tired thinking of that time," he said, he closed his eyes,"Helena would have been a strong child."

"She was strong."

"Aye, but not enough. What's lost is lost. I will not sit here and grieve for the rest of my life over it yet it still pains me greatly."

"You will hold hatred towards Alphinaud, still?"

"It was his fault entirely. He was the reason we lost Helena...if it weren't for him, she would be alive."

Aisling rested his chin against his now propped elbow. He was staring at him, though Ragnar paid no mind until the next line of words were uttered,"What if it was poor timing? Perhaps other factors had caused this."

"...no, it was Alphinaud," he deadpanned.

"Do you have a need to kill him?"

"Every day I ask myself why I hadn't set him aflame."

"I believe Alphinaud, while his choices were poor, is not at complete fault that-"

"...I cannot comprehend that you talking to me like this," Ragnar growled, his composure was beginning to fade as he straightened up, his grip a vice on his staff. "What do you know?"

"I try to give people the benefit of the doubt," Aisling reasoned, he merely drank from his mug as though he said this every day. "You hold so much anger and hatred, pain as well, perhaps it is time to unburden yourself."

Ragnar scoffed and stood up, his head shaking.

"Not to make peace with Alphinaud, I mean for you to make peace with yourself."

"How can I?" He began to pace the room, his hair bristled at his tail as though her were a caged animal prowling around in a cage- his eyes were set on Aisling, sharp. "Do you know what it feels like to lose your own child?"

Aisling simply opened his mouth, immediately shut it, and remained silent- this was one of the things that he could not argue against.

"No! Of course not!" Ragnar barked.

His friend was right; he could feel the anger coursing through him, the rage he had kept for all this time. It had consumed him in this very moment, for so long he remained quiet, the darkest memory shucked away into the furthest part of his mind that was riddled with grief. He had faced loss before and would see it later once more, but out of all, this was the most agonizing of them all.

And to listen to his friend question his beliefs had shaken him to his very core.

His own body shook now.

He could no longer hold it in.

"To never have a moment to hold her...to say the damn words to Valencia that our child would never be!? Do you!? Had you ever faced loss of what you had tried to raise?" His voice broke, he merely stopped and used his staff to lean against as though it was what held him up for all this time. He leaned his head against the shaft, his eyes closing.

Aisling could see the weight he carried now, the very thing that had dragged him down for a great amount of time.

To that, Aisling stood up, slowly, he approached him. Confidently, he reached a hand out to Ragnar and placed it on his shoulder- the very thing he had done to his own men to either praise or console them.

"Aisling...she was supposed to be my joy, my pride...my world, and she was gone...taken so that a selfish bastard could live another day to fuck another country...every time I see him, I think back to that day..."

Finally, he felt Aisling wrap his arms around him. The staff fell out of his hands and landed unceremoniously to the floor; his hands sought out for his friend's back as he dug his fingers into his fine cloth. His welded his eyes shut and buried his face into his chest. The tears that had built up and begun to soak into Aisling's front.

A hand went to stroke his rich locks, he clung even more, his own hands trembling.

"...I never chose this life...to lose so much, for it to be gone...Aisling...I'm tired, so very tired...why do the gods demand that I must live so that I may breathe another breath of this life?"

Softly, he heard Aisling tell him into his ear,"Thy Life is a riddle, to bear rapture and sorrow."