Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)
Title: I Want To Kiss You All Over 9/?
Pairing: Rizzoli/Isles
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.
Notes/Summary: ... References Seasons One & Two.
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In all of her years on the force, Jane had only been asked to try and talk one person down from a ledge. It had been an extremely nerve-wracking proposition. She was very aware throughout the ordeal that saying one wrong word or moving one inch too close could result in tragedy.
She wondered if that's how Maura felt about this. Jane had certainly given her reason to proceed with caution. She'd been volatile and skittish and irrational.
She felt a little schizophrenic right now.
Some the voices were telling her to plead with Maura not to say another word. She wasn't drunk, but the cumulative affect of the wine, beer, mood swings, and distress were making her a bit woozy. She didn't think she could absorb another body blow. Surely she could convince Maura to let her sleep on this and get back to her in the morning.
But the stronger ones were pathetically starved for any scrap of hope Maura might offer. And she wasn't going to get any sleep anyway. Not with her mind in turmoil. Not if she sent Maura away. Might as well get it over with.
Trying to set her face in a neutral expression, she took a conciliatory step forward, cutting the distance between them in half.
"Okay. I'm listening."
She watched Maura perceptibly relax, then grow tense again as she realized that this was her opening, her big moment. It was clear that she didn't know exactly what to do with her hands. She finally settled on pressing them together in front of her, oddly mimicking a prayer pose.
"Are you familiar with contrast agents? Like the ones used in magnetic resonance imaging?"
Jane let her shoulders slump. "Seriously, Maura? I'm too tired for test questions."
"Oh .. okay … I'll get to that later … let me start over …"
Jane could practically see her sorting folders in her brain. For all the authority Maura had shown as she was getting them to this point, it was apparent now that she was nervous.
"Take your time."
Nodding and seeming to regain her narrative, Maura clasped her hands. "Originally, I proposed that you "go undercover" tonight as a whim. But almost immediately, I saw an opportunity to explore something of a more serious nature." She took a deep breath before continuing.
"For some time, I had been aware on a certain level that you might have … deeper feelings for me …"
Jane felt her face grow warm. She started to object, but considering everything that had transpired this evening, she could hardly do so.
"I wasn't sure that you were aware of them … and I was hesitant to press the issue because of the unique relationship we already enjoyed. In hindsight, I probably should have just asked you about it."
Jesus, Jane couldn't even imagine how that might have gone.
Steepling her index fingers, Maura forged ahead. "So as silly as it started off, it became a rather vital experiment to me - designed to gain insight and understanding into what was really going on between us. Arrogantly, I thought it was going to be about me observing you, searching for clues and interpreting data."
"However, after you'd reluctantly agreed to participate and had gone home, I found myself anticipating the outcome in a way that signaled that this was just as much about my wishes and desires as anything else."
The look on her face showed that she was still somewhat bewildered by this discovery.
"And when I saw you … I was stunned by my physical reaction. How intensely you affected me just by being next to me, barely even interacting with me … it was all so confusing because I had intended to coax you into revealing what you really wanted. Suddenly I was the one willing to confess my desperation."
Jane was trying valiantly to remain still and silent. She didn't want to miss any of this, but she was on the verge of begging for details.
"When you gave me the bottle of wine … Oh Jane, it meant so much to me that you remembered and were so thoughtful. I completely forgot that you were supposed to be someone else. I just wanted to throw my arms around you and kiss you right then and there."
"Yeah?"
"Yes! You were so completely in control and unhurried. Surely you noticed that I was practically sleepwalking I was so overwhelmed! By the time you took my shoes off and were touching me … I was so turned on that I almost couldn't contain myself."
Jane was thoroughly enjoying this part of the story. It was only the ending she dreaded.
"I was astounded by all of it … and trying to make sense of any aspect of it. Why was I so dramatically caught off guard by my attraction to you? What had brought all of this on, caused these feelings to rise to the surface? Had my subconscious mind been working toward this all along? I was sincerely baffled, Jane. But marvelously so."
Nodding, Jane decided to take that as a compliment instead of taking offense.
"The one thing I was absolutely positive about – and this is important for you to know – is that what I was feeling and how I was responding, was NOT based on false pretenses." Maura seemed to grapple for the next phrase. "I mean, it may have taken a break from reality to open my eyes, but I truly did see you, not a caricature."
So far so good. But they weren't to the really scary stuff yet.
"When I made you spill the wine … I was so upset … I thought I had wrecked any chance for us to … for me to find out … for the evening to turn out like I'd hoped …"
She appeared a tad mortified even now.
"It really was okay. Things happen."
"It was okay because you were so amazing. And that thing you did with your shirt …" Maura's eyes rolled toward the ceiling.
Jane stifled a grin. If that's all it took … Maura was kind of easy.
"You were going so slow, being so disciplined … all the while I was about to crawl out of my skin. Nothing I said or did seemed to alter your course, but I didn't feel the least bit ignored or shut out. On the contrary, I was being virtually bathed with attention. Every inch you touched or kissed increased my excitement exponentially …"
Now Jane was warm all over. The air in the room seemed heavier. She struggled to restrain herself from shifting her weight from one foot to the other to relieve some of the tension.
"I couldn't think, Jane. Thoughts floated in and out at random, but I was consumed with what you were doing to me …" Maura's voice was lower, mesmerizing. "Consumed by the fact that it was you."
"The way you groaned my name spoke volumes to me, but that was nothing compared to what I found when I looked into your eyes. I could spend hours talking about that moment and never do it justice … it's inadequate to even say that it's beyond words, but I can. Because you were there. You know."
Jane felt like she was melting. She did know. She would never forget.
"It was also the single sexiest thing that's ever happened to me. It was like you were already inside me."
Jesus Christ! Jane was shaking. And finding it hard to swallow. But she still needed something more.
"Then why?"
She couldn't manage anything further. That would have to be enough.
The flicker of pain in Maura's eyes didn't go unnoticed. The regret was equally evident in her answer.
"I've gone over it a thousand times. When you kissed me - dear God, Jane … Again, there are no words. I was ecstatic, giddy. And insatiable. I wanted it to go on forever. But I was also wild for everything else I could experience with you. It struck me that as euphoric as I was, I might have easily missed out on ever knowing what was possible … with us. How fragile fate could be."
This time it was Maura who left no room for interruption.
"When I was talking about contrasting agents before … they are injected into the body to assist in identifying problem areas during an MRI. In other words, with their help, you can more readily tell what's wrong."
"The only context in which I was thinking about Giovanni tonight was in contrast to what I was feeling with you. About how ridiculous it was for me ever to have gotten involved with him. About how you had tried to warn me … and at some point had compared yourself to him … when in fact there is simply NO comparison."
"And to be completely honest, I was actually thankful for him in a bizarre way … because without that hideous aborted date, I would never have come up with the idea for our reenactment. Which led to the deliriously frantic state I was in when his stupid name slipped out."
"So … if I hadn't been so out of my head at the time, I would never have said anything until later, if at all … I would have been coherent enough to shut up and surrender. But I was a mess. You're always wondering what goes on in my brain … well, in this instance, so am I. I have no excuse other than what I've told you. You were overriding all of my senses."
Maura had gotten through the majority of the last portion of her speech without taking a breath, forcing Jane to really focus in order to keep up. She raised an eyebrow.
"Are you trying to say that this was my fault?"
"Would that work?"
"Not a chance."
They were both smiling now, but Maura was still hesitant, as if she wasn't out of the woods quite yet. Jane was elated. The elaborate contrasting agent mumbo jumbo was standard Maura logic. She could totally buy it. She knew Maura meant every word of it.
"I need you to believe, Jane, that I'm telling you the truth. More for your sake than for mine. I couldn't live with myself if I leave you with the impression that you're anyone's substitute."
"I do. And you haven't." Jane whispered the next line. "I'm not jumping tonight."
"What?" Maura glanced toward the window, not sure that she'd heard correctly.
"Nothing. Just … everything's alright."
Maura's relief was palpable. Jane felt like a weight had been lifted. Both of them had tears in their eyes as they stood staring at each other, taking everything in. But then Maura suddenly looked stricken and turned away.
"Hey … hey .. don't do that." Jane had been moving to pull her into a hug. Now she was reaching for her shoulder.
"I can't … help it …" She was frantically wiping her face.
Jane flashed back to how she had shouted at Maura earlier for crying. Jesus she was a jerk. With her free hand, she steered Maura around so that she could apologize.
"Sweetie … I know I said some things before … just ignore them. Hell, ignore me. New rule: you do whatever you want - whatever you feel like doing - no matter what I say, okay?" She almost said 'you pretty much do that anyway.' And in light of recent events, thank God you do.
Maura's face lit up. "You mean that?"
"Absolutely."
This time as Jane went to embrace her, Maura ducked down and captured Jane's left hand, raising it to get a better viewing angle.
"What are you doing?"
"Following the new rule. Be still." Maura gently lifted Freezer Monkey away from Jane's palm and leaned in to inspect the damage.
Jane was surprised that the area was already so purple. She tried not to flinch when Maura prodded and pressed, but it hurt like a son of a bitch. There was no way she was going to complain, though. The sexiest doctor she knew was holding her hand.
Maura spoke with her head bent over Jane's wrist, so close that Jane could feel her breath there. "It looks far worse than it is, but it's going to be really, really sore for a while. And get much darker before it clears up."
Without warning, she placed a warm kiss against the discolored skin. Jane's knees almost buckled. "Better?"
"Uh huh."
Smiling, Maura released her arm. "Here's my new rule …" She was standing very close now. "Are you listening?"
"Uh huh."
"You are not allowed to injure yourself on purpose any more."
Jane felt something press against her abdomen over her shirt, where her scar was located. Freezer Monkey had thawed considerably since she'd gotten him out, but he was cool through the material.
"Promise me." Maura's tone was no longer light and teasing.
"I promise."
"I mean it, Jane. Especially now."
All Jane could do was nod. Maura shifted again and Jane thought her hand was going to slide around her neck. Instead she carefully pulled the collar of Jane's baseball jersey down as far as she could.
When Jane realized where Maura was going with this, she closed her eyes, feeling the tears well up yet again. She'd never cried this much in her life. Never mind happy tears. Her eyes were still shut when she felt Freezer Monkey settle over her heart, still chilled enough to give her goosebumps.
She wasn't sure if her nipples tightened in response to the temperature or because she knew what was about to happen next. The minute Freezer Monkey was pulled away, he was replaced by Maura's lips. So, so soft and warm. Her heart felt like it was ping-ponging around in her chest. Surely Maura could feel it too.
As smoothly as she could, she cupped her hands on either side of Maura's face, tilting her head up so that she could brush her own lips over the sweet ones that had been ministering to her. Murmuring before she kissed them fully, "Thank you."
It was a slow and tender kiss, unlike any of the ones they'd previously shared. And that made it all the more earth-shattering to Jane. It wasn't about any frenzied biological need, or adrenaline rush. She was astounded by how emotionally undone she was.
She had never been this open and vulnerable with another human being. Normally that would be nightmare scenario for her, but she didn't ever want to wake up from this.
Then Maura was kissing her eyelids, along the path her tears had traveled. Holding her while she trembled. Pressing her lips against Jane's temple as she whispered. "Anytime."
She reached up to swipe her thumb lightly under Jane's eye. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."
Leaning her forehead against Maura's, Jane kissed the tip of her nose. "And I'm sorry I ran out on you."
Tossing Freezer Monkey onto the couch, Maura snuggled back into Jane's arms.
"Over and done with. But for the record …."
Jane gasped as both of Maura's hands slipped under the front of her shirt, moving up until they were covering her breasts. Jesus H. Christ!
"I couldn't tear my eyes away from these all evening." She squeezed for emphasis. "So there was not one trace of gender confusion on my part."
Biting her lip, Jane pressed forward, swelling against Maura's palms.
"Also for the record … it took so long for me to get your zipper down because a.) you were on top of me … and b.) you were so damn distracting …" Maura was practically purring. "The only way I would have been the least bit disappointed … when I finally did get my hand inside your jeans … is if you hadn't been as utterly drenched as I was."
Jane was staggered by the power Maura seemed to have over her. As overwrought as she had been only a short while ago, she found herself instantly alert and demanding. She growled into Maura's mouth as she clasped the back of her head hard, keeping her right where she was. Kissing her as if her life depended on it.
Jesus she was on fire. Just like she had been when she'd felt Maura writhe beneath her. She'd been nearly possessed with the need to stoke the flames higher and higher.
When Maura hooked her thumbs into the belt loops on either side of her waist, jerking her hips forward, Jane knew she was spiraling out of control. She'd lost control before … as soon as she'd finally accepted that Maura wasn't going to make her stop.
So she couldn't fathom why she was starting to panic this time. Everything had been resolved. Maura had kissed it and made it all better. She had no reason to think there would ever be another incident like the one that had ripped her in two. So what the hell was happening?
Was it all just too much? Maybe her brain was unable to sort out all of the 180's it had been through in the past few hours. Maybe her wounds were still too raw. Maybe she was just too fucked up to get this right.
Regardless of the reason, she was freaking the hell out. Almost involuntarily she found Maura's wrists and clasped them tightly, tearing her mouth away from Maura's at the same time. She could barely breathe but she had to say something.
Disentangling herself and pushing back, her words came out in a rush.
"Jesus, Maura I'm sorry … I can't …"
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end part 9
thanks for reading!
