Author's Note: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT! Not only did my computer crash and kill everything on it (my images, drawings, saved conversations and poems), it killed all the chapters I wrote for this story. I already had three solid and excellent pages for Chapter 8 that I lost, so this chapter was completely rewritten today, and probably nowhere nearly as good as the pages that my PC destroyed… So as I write from my laptop, I again apologize for the long wait on this chapter… I hope you all enjoy it anyway, because most of you know what it's like to lose a document and have to rewrite it from scratch—ABSOLUTELY NO FUN!
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We did not converse further until we arrived on the coast of Ithaca. It occurred to me that I had to take off Amphitrite's crown in order to change back into a normal human female, but I had no undergarments to speak of, and my clothing was soaked anyway. Although what had transpired between us back in the sea remained fresh and unquestioned in my mind (and his, from his evasive behavior; he did not talk, so much as look at me), I resolved that I had to speak up on the matter of my clothing unless I wanted to be thoroughly soaked and mermaid-like on the beach for the rest of the day.
"Thanatos, I don't know if you noticed, but all of my clothing is wet and useless at the moment," I murmured. "I am going to need a change of clothes; otherwise I can't leave this beach."
I stretched my tail out on the sand, already starting to feel uncomfortably dry around its scale edges.
Thanatos stole a quick glance at me that lasted a breadth of half a second, at most. He replied with a similarly quiet voice.
"That is unnecessary. I can dry your garments for you."
He gathered some flotsam and debris that'd washed up on the shore around us, bits of driftwood and dried seaweed, and sifted it into a fairly neat little pile. To my astonishment, he reached to the pile, and the debris erupted into tongues of blue flame.
"Your garments?" he asked uncertainly.
"Oh! Uh…"
I managed to crawl behind a fairly large boulder, removing the crown from atop my head. The transformation back into a girl was instantaneous. I stripped off the remainder of what I wore, retrieved the denim skirt from my back, and flung my shirt and the skirt over the boulder to him. He caught both articles adeptly and flattened them out on sand and stones beside the fire. A blue fire was decidedly not normal, and paired with the fact it had been created by the god of death, I was sure that my clothes would be dry in no time.
Now that I didn't have to worry about standing naked behind a boulder all day, my mind drifted onto the more pressing subject of, again, what had transpired between us in the sea. Were those three
words sincere, or accidental? Those times he'd looked at me with such longing and pain… He reprimanded me for being comfortable with his presence, but he'd altogether become mutually comfortable with mine; and I knew it.
My cheek tingled; the place where his fingertips had skimmed my skin. What would he say if I dared to ask? What would he do if I said I wanted him to touch me again? I became choked with the thought of truth. I wanted to ask him if he meant it. I needed to ask if he meant it. I thought he would be a heartless god…
"Thanatos," I began.
As though he interpreted my tone and intention, Thanatos cringed. He didn't see me peering around the boulder at him, but I had to see his reaction to my words. His brows furrowed and his expression became strained. I saw such sorrow and helplessness in his eyes.
"What is it, little one?" he managed finally.
"Back in the sea…" I continued, my heart wrenching, "When you said… Did you mean it?"
Thanatos' eyelids drooped, and he covered his face with one hand. He hunched over for a time. I almost thought he would never answer. But suddenly, he straightened himself. His eyes remained closed for the time being, as he tried to force the words out. He looked so pained by them.
"Amarante, I…"
My name! He hardly used it!
His eyes shot open and the words blurted out from his mouth with a matter of urgency.
"I think I have… No, I know I have! I have fallen in love with you, and I apologize for my audacity in loving you and ever hoping for you to return my feelings. I am loathsome; I am monstrous and cruel, and my touch does not distinguish between the old and the young. I dwell in the land of the shades. Why should you love me--Death?"
I collapsed against the boulder, my heart so light and fluttery I thought it would burst like some balloon would. I couldn't answer straight away, because the words turned to ash in my mouth; and Thanatos went rigid from the wait, hanging onto the tension between his confession and my incoming response. Would I reject him or would some miracle allow me to love him back?
"How could you say I wouldn't love you?!" I cried. "Personally, I wonder how you could even love me! I mean, I'm so stupid! Of course I love you, Than!"
Thanatos' face transitioned immediately. I witnessed his very first genuine smile. It blossomed on his pale, solemn face with a look of sheer euphoria and gratitude. I thought I would be struck dead right then from the insurmountable beauty of that rare vision and his unearthly radiance.
Almost suffocating with joy and wonder, I had to change the subject. I had to think of something else! My clothes!
I coughed.
"Are my c-clothes d-done yet?"
Thanatos jumped up at once, flustered.
"Oh, let me check…"
He felt along the fabric of both my shirt and skirt, and then tossed the two over the boulder to me.
"They are ready," he confirmed.
He bent low to the fire and exhaled. The supernatural fire extinguished from the contact of his breath. I took that as yet another reminder of how abnormal he was. I dressed quickly and emerged from behind the boulder, stuffing the crown into my bag, and hopping awkward a few steps as I slid my feet into my Vans sneakers.
"Okay, we're good to go!" I exclaimed.
"Shall we search for the palace ruins, then?" Thanatos inquired, actually flushing and unable to look at me directly without some shred of embarrassment.
I grinned and skipped past the beach to the rocky hillside.
I did all right climbing up through the rocks and mountains considering I wasn't in the best shape, but Thanatos had some trouble. I supposed that while being a god, walking long, strenuous distances didn't quite agree with him. He was used to flying or magically appearing wheresoever he chose. He huffed and puffed and had to take several rest stops before we got to Odysseus' palace.
There was a long, crumbled building, along with a couple of other smaller buildings beside it. The buildings had been weathered to their very bases, and collapsed columns littered the spaces between the buildings. The ruins were impressive, but sad at the same time. I imagined what the palace must have been like in the days of its glory—huge and elegant and amazing.
"So, this is Odysseus' home? People think it might have been on other island." I asked.
Though historians often argued as to the true location of Odysseus' Ithaka, Thanatos told me nothing about his palace being anywhere else. He merely shrugged.
"I have never cared much for the things of mortals," he admitted. "I would not be the one to ask. Your guess is as good as mine."
"It's pretty impressive," I said. "I mean, it's not astounding like the Pyramids or the Empire State Building in New York, but it's cool."
Thanatos shrugged again. I got the feeling he really didn't care. It was time to move on.
"What next?" I asked.
Thanatos arched one thin silver brow.
"I was under the impression that you wanted to enjoy the bountiful gifts of Nature."
Though the elaborate words used in his sentence would suggest he found nature equally beautiful, the monotone in which he spoke told me otherwise. I ignored it.
"Yes. I want to hike!"
"Very well."
A small black butterfly fluttered just above the bridge of my nose. I smirked and took off after it, chasing it playfully down the dirt path towards the woods. The butterfly would slow down to allow me to catch up, and then fly just out of my reach as I approached. It was almost though it was in the middle of a game with me. Thanatos held out a hand, and the tiny insect alighted onto his fingertips. It fanned its obsidian wings beneath the sunlight. It was exactly the same color as Than's eyes.
"Did you know that many butterflies are actually spirits of the Golden Ages?" he asked me. "During the Golden Ages, people knew no suffering or unhappiness. When I took a life, I took it gently. The humans did not fear me in those days."
His eyes sparkled, distant. He was probably remembering a kinder time when his purpose did not weigh on him heavily.
"What happened?" I breathed.
"Zeus," he answered bluntly.
I frowned. Just another reason I disliked that god, aside from his hundreds of extramarital affairs and vanity.
Thanatos ushered the insect gently back into the air. It circled me twice and then disappeared into the canopy of the trees, the sky, and out of sight. I strolled along the trail, Thanatos beside me. The woods were darker and cooler; the dense branches of the trees shaded the floor from the sunlight. A stream trickled along beside us. I took off my shoes and stepped into it. The water felt refreshingly cool.
"Amarante, be careful," Thanatos urged. "You might slip. Those rocks don't appear to be safe."
"I'll be fine," I said. "I'm clumsy, but I never get seriously hurt."
"You never know," he said.
"I've never broken a bone in my entire life," I declared, leaping from one rounded river stone to another.
"Stop that! You humans never realize how fragile you are!" he cried, exasperated. "There are so many ways you could be injured. You could catch a sickness; you could cut yourself on one of those stones and become infected. Who knows! Perhaps an arrow will fly out from the forest somewhere and strike you down!"
"That's silly," I scoffed.
He grasped me by the shoulders firmly, glaring directly into my eyes. I froze.
"Amarante, I do not jest. Anything could happen to you; anything could wrench you away from me. If something causes your death, I will have to take you. I can't spare you. You know that, don't you?"
I was taken aback by his seriousness. What had prompted him to react this way?
"Thanatos, I've lived my life just like this for as long as I can remember. I'm not that weak."
He sighed.
"I didn't mean it like that."
"Then how did you mean it? Have some faith in me to stay out of trouble, won't you? I promise I'll be fine. Let me have some fun in the stream, okay?"
I pulled myself from his grasp and sat upon the stone, kicking my feet in the stream with small, repeated splashes. I felt annoyed, so I averted my gaze.
"Please don't be upset with me again," he pleaded.
"I'm not upset," I muttered.
"You sound upset, little one."
"I'm just tired, that's all. And a little thirsty, maybe. Can we find a village?" I asked.
Thanatos' eyebrows disappeared underneath his hair. I suppose that he'd been worrying about my well-being for some time now, and I hadn't figured it out until he'd admitted to loving me. I was sure my wild personality had stressed him out on more than one occasion. I really needed to give him a break. As the god of death, he wasn't someone who needed to have their buttons pushed by an awkwardly weird adolescent girl whom he loved. I didn't want to push him, either. He still could decide that he didn't love me anymore and strike me dead anytime.
"One more thing," I said.
"What is it?"
"I like when you call me by name. Can you only call me that from now on?" I whispered.
He surveyed me silently with his dark eyes, and then sighed once more.
"Very well."
I removed my feet from the stream and returned them to the insides of my shoes. I faced Thanatos and made an attempt to reassure him with a good-natured girly smile. He did not appear convinced. I reached for his hand to take it. He winced as my fingers touched his flesh, and rapidly drew his hand away. I frowned.
Having realized what he'd just done, a faint blush colored his cheeks, and he looked away.
"S-Sorry. I am not accustomed to…"
He trailed off.
I shook my head.
"I'm not upset at you, Than," I repeated. "Let's find a village, please."
"As you wish."
