Beautiful. Smart. Entropy.
By Spectra16 (I'm Spartacus.)
A/N: Don't despair. This chapter has never existed before? Kay. Don't do drugs, kiddies!
Disclaimer: I don't own stuff. I do own a rackety old conscience and a few steady morals. I'm extremely lucky to say that I do not own a canary, any Janet Evanovich (EvanoBITCH) books, or needles. Needles hurt.
Apology: I'm sorry for ripping on Janet. But you must understand, I am a very jealous girl, and she has like . . . Twenty books to her name, all of which are outrageous colored. (Neon colors for the cover of a book is mean.) I am also sorry for the deja vue you may feel during this chapter. I am not sorry for disliking anime, specifically InuYasha.
-.-.-.-.-.-
Chapter Eight: Dammit, Seven Chapters Left!
Artemis was bored again. Boredom seemed to consume his life in this alternate universe. He wasn't one for emotions, as we all know. He never felt sad, or happy, or normal. He was always bored. It's not unusual for a genius to be bored, unless that genius puts his/her genius to work. Artemis, at school, usually didn't care to work at keeping his mind sharp. He was an incredibly dull genius. All of his intelligence was covered in a disgustingly absurd amount of dust and cobwebs.
And with his boredom, he chose to waste his mind on flipping pages in a In Style magazine imported from America. Dani had obviously left it there on accident. He wasn't paying any attention to what he was looking at. There were pictures of Johnny Depp and countless other celebrities that some people spent their time following the business of their lives. Artemis was just looking for pictures of Kierra Knightley, nothing more. He'd always fancied her after he saw the movie Princess of Thieves.
Zeppo sat on the couch next to him, in front of the TV, hoarding the remote as if it was a stolen baby in a fairy mound. He watched InuYasha, eyeing Artemis every once in a while, just to make sure he wasn't going to try anything funny. There were several other boys in the common room, but most of them were at tables doing homework or playing video games on another TV.
"Zeppo, only girls watch InuYugimon! Turn that crap off!" Will shouted over his game of NCAA. Lee Corso's squeaky voice was no better than an anime dub's squeaky voice. Zeppo didn't retort, for fear that someone would make fun of his name again. Artemis sat flipping pages, starring off into the wall in front of him.
As if by magic, a man with blue robes and a beard that came down to his stomach, along with crescent moon shaped glasses, grabbed Zeppo by the arm. With a loud CRACK, the two of them were gone. The boys in the room were shocked and appalled by this. Their mouths hung open as if they were tying to catch flies. Artemis starred off, not having witnessed any of it. If he had, and if he had been in character, he most certainly would've liked to exploit the group of people who possessed such magic.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Dani California danced in her dorm room with only a spaghetti stringed tank top and her underwear on. She had the Spice Girls turned up WAY too loud, but no one was about to complain. Especially not the boys she shared a dorm room with, whom were sitting and watching her.
She wasn't crying. She wasn't alone. She finally had Artemis in her power. And he would help her take over the world! . . . . Right after she would be in a band and act in a movie. . .
Capstan opened the door to the room and stepped in with a box of chocolates for Dani. The other boys were zombie-like, watching her dance in her underwear. Capstan paid no heed to them and walked up to her.
"Good morning, Dani! I brought you chocolates!" Capstan smiled. She kept dancing to Wannabe as she said thank you and started shoveling the chocolates in her mouth. Not only was she a fairy/human, a hacker, a model, a stunt driver, a genius, rich, sexually abused by her uncle Larry, singer, adopted, a guitar player, and beautiful but she also could eat whatever she wanted, whenever, without consequence.
"Did you hear, Capstan? Artemis said he'd love me! Yay!" She squealed. Capstan paled. His stomach twisted and turned with jealous and anger. He turned from her before he was about to yell and ran from the room. He'd have sweet revenge on Artemis.
-.-.-.-.-.-
Mulch answered the door for the person who had called a few minutes prior. A rather tall fairy stepped in. She had to be at least 4'11". She wore a purple coat and high heeled boots, which made her appear even taller. Mulch cleared his throat.
"Come in, madam," He said very politely. This might just be the case to prove Holly and his competence in solving cases. She looked around, seemingly to be wondering if she should've ever come here. Mulch pulled out a chair for her.
"What can Diggums and Short do for you, miss?" He asked hastily. She looked at him searchingly.
"I'm looking for my long-lost daughter. I would like to reunite with her," She spoke quietly. Mulch nodded, accepting ANY business, no matter how uncool it seemed.
"Have you contacted the adoption center?" Mulch asked. The woman nodded.
"They say that she was stolen from the center at age two. Plucked right off the front lawn," She said sadly. Mulch put on a look of sympathy.
"I'm sorry to hear that," He said and pulled a bowl from the desk. "Candy?"
The woman nodded and grabbed a large handful, and shoved it into her mouth with the wrappers on. Mulch twitched, knowing that fairies usually did not eat the wax paper around the candy. Mulch couldn't help but open his big mouth.
"Why don't you just take the whole bowl!"
She looked up at Mulch, appearing quite appalled.
"ARE YOU SAYING I'M FAT!"
-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Artemis Senior needed to unwind.
Angeline had been keeping him up all night, and not with the duties of a faithful husband! He'd been forced to search all 153 of their beautiful, green acres for crop circles. The Fowl family didn't have any crops since the 1800s.
Anyways, Artemis Senior called up his best bud from another more crowded fandom and they went for golf on the weekends. This friend of his was also a wealthy aristocrat and on the run from the law, which pushed the two of them closer together. Artemis swung violently and the tiny white golf ball shot into space and out of sight.
Sirius Black searched for the tiny object in the clear, blue sky, but it was nowhere to be found. He swung his own driver over his shoulder and looked at a cute little pound nearby where the ball had been launched. There, a duck was floating upside down.
Artemis Senior grimaced.
"Redo," He announced. Sirius nodded agreeing. Artemis swung again. The ball flew past the desired target and out of the golfing area and onto a major highway. Artemis groaned.
"That's fine," He spoke gently and the two men got into the golf cart. It was Sirius' golf cart, of course. The only reason why they chose that one over Artemis' was because Fowl had driven purposely into a group of people, and was now severely dented. Also, Sirius' was cooler, because it was black (no pun intended) and the words, "Slytherin STILL sucks" were printed on the back.
For fear of being labeled a crossover, we will move on.
-.-.-.-.-.-
Artemis flipped through a magazine, in which St. Bartleby's allowed boys to order from. Everything in the magazine was carefully assessed so that nothing they could buy would be harmful or compromising. Parents were a tricky bunch. They demanded respect for themselves and their wished, and not always their children's. And because of this, pop culture items were not sold. Strange, old, turn of the century games were provided. For instance, Jacob's Ladder and a Ping Pong table. The Ping Pong Table was banned from the school because one match with a student vs. teacher got out of control. We can all be assured that Mr. Monarski was a big part of that venture. The student opposing him was sent to the hospital wing with a bloody nose and a lost limb.
In any case, Artemis was searching for the perfect gift for his dear Dani. She was a very needy girl. And she was clingy. And beautiful. And that made up for all of her "flaws".
And then he saw it.
It was a stuffed doll of Captain Jack Sparrow. Something that every girl wanted and needed. He looked at the price, not that it mattered. He ripped the page out and ran from the classroom, holding it up in the air.
A few of the students noticed him, but most went back to their work. Mr. Monarski hid his perplexed face with an angry one. He raised his hands up to call attention to the class. Many of the students were convinced that in a past life, he had either been a pharaoh, a mad scientist, Bloody Nicholas, or a Salmon. Believe it or not, but Salmons were highly intelligent creatures who would one day take over the world once their population wasn't continually being diminished by those pesky grizzly bears.
Capstan was shaking with fury at Artemis. He hated him, but now that he'd run from the room, he was feeling a little less bloodlust. He looked at Dani, who playfully flipped her hair for the audience of boys around her. Capstan suddenly felt very jealous and KNEW that his revenge on Artemis wasn't nearly painful enough if he stole Dani from him now. He had to clean up his act. He had to learn to be MORE courteous and more dreamy than Artemis. He had to grown out his hair and get bulging muscles, that' what!
With fiery determination, Capstan stood up and screamed, "I WILL DESTROY YOU, ARTEMIS FOWL!"
This was usual behavior in St. Bartleby's. And although no one noticed it, the last of the Mohicans-the last of the boys who had never burst out in jealous rage of Artemis Fowl, finally gave in. No one looked back at his shocked and appalled face. He couldn't believe he had just done that. Never before had he thought his anger was so strong to make him shout it.
Never before had he thought it would feel this good.
It happens.
-.-.-.-.-.-
A/N: I'd better not get reviews telling me I have two chapter eights. Because I know. I guess an angry review is better than no review. Please, feel free to tell me that you hate my stories and that you print them out and burn them in a ritual. That would intrigue me greatly.
