I'd love to ask you to pretend this sloppy piece of storytelling didn't take me four months to achieve, but I don't think that's fair to you. Go ahead and get angry. In my defense, I did technically write this chapter twice, since I had it just about done and then decided to completely scrap the chapter because it was awful and I didn't like the direction it was taking me. I hope you can forgive me. As a bribe for your love, I'd like to mention that I'm officially on summer break as of this week, so I'm hoping to become much better in the updating department.

I continue to own absolutely nothing.


It takes Addison three months to return to Seattle Grace, six for her to resume working full time. The only reason it didn't take here years is the day care at the hospital allows her to visit Elodie any time she gets a few spare minutes. It had taken everyone in the all of three minutes to fall in love with the infant.

After a long surgery, Addison sneaks off to the day care and is surprised to find her child already nestled happily in someone else's arms. Addison grins. "Derek Shepherd, I didn't know you worked in the day care. Have you found your new calling?"

He looks up and glares. "It's not my fault you have a cute kid. She looks like you, you know." It hadn't taken the ex-spouses long to make up after Elodie's birth.

"Everybody says that, but I've looked and all I see is Alex. Everything about her is just so perfectly Alex."

"How's that going, by the way?"

"How's what going?"

"You and Karev. Is he doing everything you want him to? Because I can… do something to make him."

Addison laughs. "No offense, Derek, but I kind of think he could kick your ass. You'd be too worried about your hands… or your hair."

"Hey!" he exclaims, faking offense.

Addison sticks her tongue out with a smile and they fall into companionable silence.

After a few minutes, Derek asks, "So why didn't we ever…?"

Addison looks up. "Have kids?"

"Yeah."

"I don't really know," Addison admits, allowing her daughter to clasp her finger in tiny hands. "I… I wanted to. But there was just always something. And every time I tried to bring it up, it never was the right time and I just… after awhile, I sort of assumed you didn't want them."

"No, I did! I just… I always thought we had more time."

"I did too."

He shakes off the sudden sadness that has overtaken them. "But you're happy, right?"

"Yeah, I am. I am."

"Good."

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I hold my daughter now?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, sorry."

She laughs a little as he hands her Elodie. "Thanks, Der."

"For what it's worth, Addison you're a great mom. Karev is lucky."

0ooo0

That night, Alex comes over. That isn't surprising since he usually does. But usually they don't talk all that much, usually Alex will hold Elodie and Addison will do whatever she needs to get done. Today though, today is different. "Alex?" she asks, hovering in the door of the nursery.

He looks up. "Yeah?"

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah, sure. What's up?"

"What I said… when I was pregnant… about us not being friends. I…" she exhales noisily and runs a hand through her hair. "It wasn't… I shouldn't have. I was judging you on past experience and that wasn't fair, or, um…"

"Addison, is this your crazy long way of saying you want to be friends?"

She blushes. "Um, yeah, I guess."

He notices that Elodie has fallen asleep and puts her down. "I kind of thought we already were, but, yeah, okay."

"Oh, um, thanks."

They stare at each other awkwardly. "So how was your day?" Addison finally asks.

Alex starts laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"We have a kid together but the best conversation we can come up with is "How was your day?" It's kind of sad."

"Oh, shut up," Addison smiles. She looks down at their sleeping daughter. "I swear, Alex, you have some weird, voodoo baby magic. She will never let me put her down. But she falls asleep within two seconds of holding her. You feel like coming back when I'm trying to sleep?"

"Do you need help with her?"

Addison's face clouds over. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of our daughter, Alex. I'm fine," she snaps.

Alex holds his hands in defeat. "Just a suggestion. You are a great mother. Ellie is the luckiest kid in the world to have you as a mom. There is no other woman I'd want to have kids with."

She looks up. "What about Izzie?"

"Right. Other than her, obviously."

This silence has the complete possibility of becoming awkward, but Addison grins. "Laying it on a little thick, aren't you, Karev?"

He smiles back. "You didn't see your face. I was scared for my life."

"Oh, shut up."

0ooo0

Elodie is nearly a year old and Addison and Alex are in a full-fledged friendship. He stops by every day after work and will sometimes join Addison and Elodie for dinner. Elodie has started to crawl and since he was there to see it. That was monumental enough that he wants to be around for everything. Sometimes Izzie will join them for dinner or for lunch at the hospital and Addison finds that she does enjoy the resident's company.

But sometimes when it's just her and Alex… well, there are flashes. Moments where they fall silent and it's a moment that is reminiscent of the moments that got them here in the first place. They'll be getting coffee and laughing when she'll touch his arm unnecessarily, he'll smile at her for just a little too long, and that easy conversation will disappear. They always make it out of those situations though and ignore them the rest of the time.

Addison is changing into her scrubs when she hears the door to the locker room open and Meredith and Izzie enter. She's hidden by a row of lockers so they don't realize she's there.

"Mer, can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Can you cover my shift on Friday?"

"Why?"

"I'm going out of town for the weekend."

"Alex didn't mention anything about a vacation. I'm surprised you got him to agree to leave Elodie for that long."

"He's not… It's just me."

"Why?"

"I just need to clear my head."

At this point Addison freezes and gives up all pretense of not eavesdropping.

"What's going on, Izzie?" Addison can hear the note of concern in Meredith's voice and frowns for a similar reason.

"I just… I have some thinking I need to do."

"Are you thinking of breaking up with Alex?" Meredith exclaims. "Is that what this is about? Izzie!"

"No! No, that's not it at all! I just…"

"You what?"

"I'm late," Izzie mumbles.

"For what?"

"Not that kind of late," Izzie replies. Addison can imagine the wide-eyed look trying to convey information without actually saying anything. She feels her breath catch in her throat.

"Izzie!" Meredith screams. "Are you pregnant?"

"Maybe, I don't… I don't actually know yet. I have a feeling. So I need to think."

Addison can hear the sympathetic smile in Meredith's response. "Of course I can cover your shift. You're just leaving for the weekend?"

They walk out, discussing the logistics of Izzie's impromptu trip. Addison sinks down on the closest bench, trying to talk herself out of feeling sick to her stomach.

0ooo0

That Saturday, Alex calls her. "Dude, where have you been?" he asks.

"Around," she says vaguely.

"Addison, I haven't seen you in days. Izzie won't be back until tomorrow. Can we have dinner or something? I miss my daughter."

"Uh, sure,' Addison agrees when she can't find an excuse.

"I'll be over in 20. Chinese food sound good?"

"Sure. But Alex-" She starts to try to say something but he hangs up.

When he arrives, they stumble awkwardly through the first few minutes of conversation. Then Addison decides that she's had enough and it's time to be an adult. They are friends, good ones at that, and anything going on with Izzie is none of her business. The moment she decides to let it all go, the atmosphere warms up and for a moment everything is okay.

"Dada!" Elodie cries, beckoning for him to pick her up.

"Hey, Ellie," he grins, acquiescing immediately and placing a kiss on her cheek.

Addison smiles and goes to put food on plates.

After dinner, Alex starts to leave, but then decides to stay and put Elodie down to sleep with his "baby voodoo magic," as Addison still calls it. He and Addison get to talking and Addison offers to put in a movie.

They sit on the couch, almost touching but not quite, for the majority of the movie. Addison feels her eyes grow heavy and, though she fights valiantly against it, falls asleep with half an hour of the movie left.

She wakes up a few hours later, curled up, resting her head on Alex's chest. His arm is wrapped around her and he's still asleep. Groggily, she starts to move. It wakes him up and they stare at each other in silence. Without thinking about it, she cranes her neck to meet his bending head and they kiss.

Then Addison's brain wakes up fully and realizes exactly what is happening. "Oh no!" she exclaims, jumping off the couch. "No, no, no! I am not this person, Alex. No, I… I can't be that person again!"

"Addison," he says quietly.

"God, you have a girlfriend, Alex! A girlfriend I actually like! We can't… I can't do this to her. I am so… How could I be so stupid? I am so sorry. I swore, I'd… I can't believe…" She paces frantically, ranting with no end in sight.

"Addison, stop!" he finally yells over her.

"I can't stop, Alex! Do you realize how awful this is?"

He grabs her arms to stop moving around. "Addison, look at me," he demands when she won't meet his eyes. "Look at me!" Finally she looks. "What Izzie and I have, it's great. But… I'm sorry it's taken me this long to figure out. I should have known way before and I never should have put you in this position. But I love you. I am in love with you. I love Izzie, but you and Ellie, you're… You're everything."

"Alex," she croaks. "Don't."

"Don't what? Tell the truth for once?"

"Please stop."

"Addison, I knew the moment Ellie was born that it was you. It's always been you."

Addison shakes her head, on the verge of tears. "It was never me, Alex. Don't give me that."

"I love you."

"Stop saying that!"

"It's the truth!"

"Stop it! Just stop it!"

"What do you want me to do here, Addison?"

"I want… I want you to stop," Addison cries. "I want you to take it back. I want you to leave!"

"Really? That's what you want? You're telling me that you don't feel the same way? That all you want is for me to leave?"

"No, I- I do, but… Go home, Alex," she begs desperately.

"If that's what you want…" he frowns.

"I do. I want you to go home to Izzie. Please?"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"You feel something for me, I'm telling you that I'd break it off with her if you wanted, that I want to be with you, but you're telling me to go be with Izzie. I want to know why."

"I just do. Please go."

"Why?"

"Go!"

"No. Why?"

"Stop it!"

"No. Why?"

"Stop being so goddamn stubborn!" she yells. Then she takes a breath to try and calm down. It doesn't work.

"Why won't you answer me?"

"Because," she snaps.

"That's not an answer."

"Alex, just leave." She can feel the frustration mounting as he refuses to budge.

"Why?"

And that's the last straw. "Because she's pregnant, okay?" Addison explodes. "Because I love you but she's pregnant and she has to come first!"

"What?" Alex asks after a few moments filled with nothing but Addison's sobs.

"Stay with Izzie," Addison pleads. "She needs you."

"Addison-"

A stubborn look settles onto Addison's face. "I think you should leave now."

She stares him down until he listens. She closes the door behind him.

Elodie starts to cry and Addison goes to collect her. Her eyes widen as she cradles Elodie and she realizes that she just admitted to loving her daughter's father.


Side note: Why is awkward such an awkward word?

If you enjoyed this, please review! I want to know if anybody is still even interested in this story.

I love you all for being so patient with me! Thank you!

-Juli-