She was finally asleep: worn out, ragged but still as beautiful as she had ever been. This was just one of the days where he loved her completely but he thought maybe this picture before him would be the abiding image of the one day that he would treasure the most. There was a raw beauty here amongst the blood, sweat and tears which would never be surpassed…
…never…
…until maybe the next time.
Derek smiled. The next time. He knew there would be a next time. This time might not have been planned, but it was an inevitable part of their future just the same as the next time was an inevitable part.
And maybe more times after that. He liked that idea.
But with the understanding of a more seasoned husband, he knew better than to mention "next times" so close to this time!
Casey slept on. Her matted hair hung about her face in a way that he thought reminiscent of the night that had led to this. She looked tired even in slumber and he felt a pang of guilt mixed with sheer elation.
In his eyes she was a superhero – heroine: a woman who had achieved the ultimate human endeavour. She had done what millions had done before her but unlike the climbing of Everest or the sailing of an ocean her achievement was not lessened by the frequency of how often it had gone before. She had achieved a miracle, and to him her achievement was unique.
In her sleep, Casey smiled. And he loved her even more.
Every cliché he had ever known came flooding back. She was the oxygen in his atmosphere, the sun in his backyard and, yes, if you must have it the wind beneath his wings. He thought in hyperbole. But when he had been asked how he felt earlier, the answer had been simply "great": "Great" like Alexander, "Great" like the wall of China, and "Great" like an imperial nation.
Derek lived again and Casey was his reason.
There was a tiny whimpering squeak and Derek corrected himself.
Yes, she was his reason to live, but as of two hours ago it was a position she did not solely own. As of two hours ago, her place in his heart was shared with another entity:
The Nameless One.
Derek glanced at his wife as she slept on and concern that she might soon be disturbed drew him to walk cautiously closer to the other side of the bed. Softly, he approached the perspex bassinette as one might approach a wild beast, a venomous snake or a rabid dog. He was nearing thirty, a grown man but a small part of him still feared the tiny figure in the small box which lay beside Casey.
His son.
He chuckled at his fear because for many lonely years that had been Derek's way. He faced the enemy head on, weapon drawn and exit route planned out. But there was no weapon for this situation, there was no exit route set out because the tiny baby lying in his tiny bed was less an enemy and more a challenge: something new, something previously un-encountered, but mostly something real: real and vulnerable – something alive.
A life.
It was a life which for the moment belonged to Derek and Casey. They were this new life's caretakers.
But of course, Casey was justifiably asleep, recharging well-spent energy that had delivered this new life into their complicated world. Which left the care-giving role to the remaining parent and no matter how often Derek looked around for someone else to step up to the task, there was no one.
It had taken two to bring them to this point: two parents to create the nameless one. And whilst the one parent slept, the job was left to the remaining one.
To Derek: former hockey player, former high school clown, former undercover operative, current husband, current father.
The tiny bundle snuffled again and then threw out his arms in a jerk which crashed against his plastic prison with a loud thump. Casey stirred and Derek placed a hand on her arm.
"I've got him." He whispered kissing her brow. Casey smiled in her sleep and was still.
Derek reached the small box and looked down at the figure it contained. All thought rushed from his mind as he stared at his future. The features he saw, a clear combination of his own face and Casey's, scrunched up at the strange sensation of bright light and cool air.
The light wasn't bright, of course, the lights in the hospital room were at their lowest setting and the temperature was far from cool, instead warm and close in a way that made Derek regret the clothes he had chosen this morning.
But then this morning he hadn't know that he would be sleeping here – beside his wife and their first child. Today's events had been a bit of a shock.
The Nameless One stirred again. His muffled squeaks were getting louder and Derek noted the frown on Casey's brow and he knew it was time to step up to the mark.
To truly become a father.
Not that he hadn't held the tiny form already. Derek had been there for the cutting of the cord. He'd been the first of the new parents to hold the warm (and wet) arrival. In fact it had been Derek's pants that had been soaked with the first offering from the baby's loins. But with the joy of a new father he had barely noticed until it was pointed out to him. Consequently his long-sleeved t-shirt, and short-sleeved shirt were paired with an inelegant pair of sea-green scrubs loaned to him by the amused nurses.
The father had attended the classes, and if there had been end-of-course tests he would have aced them. Derek knew the correct way to hold a baby, he knew the limited range of the baby's eyesight and he knew all the associated trivialities that seem important to impart to a new set of parents. But it was all theory and now Derek had to learn how to put it in practice.
Derek leaned over the tiny cot and slid his large hands under the diminutive body of his child and scooped him up into his arms. The little figure stopped its snuffling and opened his eyes. The small face blinked and began to whimper. Derek shifted the baby to his shoulder and began to pace.
"Now don't you start that, little guy." He whispered so gently his voice barely carried at all as he rubbed small gentle circles on the infant's back. "We're going to set some ground rules right now. You do not back-chat the old man, understood?"
The whimpering stopped at the sound of a soft voice and the warmth of a pair of arms.
"Good." Derek continued, equally quietly. "We're going to have no disrespecting the parentals. I'm not a soft touch like your grandfather."
The little warm, velvet head nuzzled its way under Derek's chin and murmured contentedly. Derek closed his eyes at the sensation and swallowed past the lump in his throat.
"Doing the ol' nuzzle thing isn't going to work." Much. "And even if I was a soft touch, believe you and me, your mother isn't going to let us get anything past her. I've been trying for more years than I care to count and she still manages to zero in on my wrong-doings without any effort at all."
Derek glanced across to check that Casey was still sleeping.
"But I'm telling you, if you keep your mom on your side, you'll win every battle in life. She's the most amazing woman I've ever met but you got to promise me you'll never tell her I said that."
Derek's son began to drift off again to the sound of his father's voice telling about his mother. Somewhere buried deep in the little boy's sub conscious there was probably a part of him that remembered Derek's speech patterns and tone from long conversation between the adult man and his wife's belly. After all, this wasn't Derek's first attempt at parental instruction.
Sensing he was losing his audience, Derek walked carefully back to the large armchair where he had been resting. He resumed his seat with the little boy still close to his heart, leaned back and rubbed his son's back reassuringly.
"You sleep, son. I'll let you know when the breakfast bar opens again." He said and then chuckled to himself, glad that Casey hadn't heard him refer to her in that way.
Then, his chin gently brushing the downy head of his child and his fingers stroking tiny fingers and hands, Derek allowed his mind to wander.
Their parents' reaction to Casey's pregnancy had been unexpected. Having just sat through thirty minutes of justifying their relationship and subsequent engagement, Derek had been pessimistic about the possibility of George and Nora accepting their prospective roles as grandparents. He had visions of having to stand up and make some impassioned speech about protecting his little family from the bigger family; pleading for his father and step-mother to understand that this baby was the world's best blessing on their lives and not an inconvenience. Derek and Casey believed – in the absence of a strict faith in their lives – that somewhere someone/something/the universe was placing the seal of approval on their love. They believed it was a love so strong it became a new life.
They wanted their family to believe that too and they were prepared to fight for it.
But instead of the same kind of long-winded examination that the news of their relationship had brokered, their parents merely paused – and then laughed.
Despite his "Der-ek!", it was George who had laughed the loudest. He threw back his head and his whole body shook.
"Only you!" Derek's father exclaimed as he thumped the table. (Nora frowned at him). "Only you, who had the entire female world at your feet could fall in love with the one person who professed to hate you…"
"…make her change her mind…" interjected Nora.
"…and then get her pregnant!" George finished. "I'm in awe, Derek. How the hell did you manage that one?"
Casey rolled her eyes. "Actually George, Derek didn't really get much say in it."
Derek nodded, slightly bewildered at his father's reaction. "She's right you know."
"How many weeks are you?" Nora asked, moving on to practicalities.
"Twelve." Casey answered. "It took me a while to realise there was a baby because we were busy on Derek's case, and then when I did realise we decided to wait and tell you in person rather than over the phone."
Lizzie laughed. "Oh yeah! That would have been a great conversation. "Hey Mom! Guess what? I'm pregnant by your dead step-son." Mom would have had you in rehab quicker than Edwin inhales a bag of chips."
"Hey!" Edwin protested, but as it was his girlfriend saying it, and it was accurate, he didn't protest too much.
"You could have told me." Marti said quietly.
"And have you walking around looking all "I know a secret"-smug? I don't think so." Derek told his baby sister. "Everyone would have known something was up."
"I didn't let on about you being alive." She pointed out.
"…because even you wouldn't have gone that far, but you're a sucker when it comes to babies. Remember when Nora told us she was expecting Robbie? You told every person who shared the same airspace as you for the next six months."
"I was nine!"
"You were Marti." Edwin slotted in. "Derek's right. You'd never have kept that one secret!"
"As of this moment, I have no brothers." She sulked.
"Hey!" Robbie protested.
Marti winked apologetically at him.
"So George," Jazz said a while later, completely ignoring the fact that he had only been introduced to Derek's father earlier that evening. "How does it feel to be a granddad?"
"What?" George stuttered awake from his musings over the dessert menu. He frowned.
Jazz grinned at Derek. "Well, now that Derek and Casey are going to be parents, clearly that makes you an almost-granddad."
"And Nora an almost-grandmother." Edwin nodded.
The difference in the two reactions was priceless. Nora beamed joyfully, excitement burning in her eyes as she grinned at her eldest daughter. George's frown deepened and Casey swore she saw her step-father examining his reflection in the silver wine bucket placed on the table.
"Yeah Dad, I guess that makes you old!" Derek helpfully pointed out.
Everyone giggled a bit, even George when Nora elbowed him and chided "Oh Georgie! So what's a grey hair or two! I still think you're hot."
"Ew! Mom…Dad…No!" Robbie complained.
George took a deep breath and Casey noted in his eyes the genetic look of calculation her fiancé had clearly inherited from his own father.
"I'm fine with being a grandfather," George said. "Especially if I live long enough to see Derek deal with the teenage years. It would be poetic justice if life granted Derek with a daughter!"
Sitting in the hospital armchair, Derek thought first time around at least, life had spared him that eventuality but he wasn't averse to a girl next time. Especially, since her older brother would be trained from birth to do Derek's job for him…
In the hospital room, with the baby sleeping peacefully, Derek's thoughts turned to the other people who had sat around that table six months ago.
Spike's decision to let Derek handle the reorganisation of the office had proved a shrewd move and together with Jazz they were turning the department into a slick, well-knit group of men and women. Spike looked happier now, as his confidence in his team grew and Derek knew that at some point the guy would feel confident enough to pass on the reins down the line. Derek hoped it wasn't for a while yet. He wasn't ready for more responsibility. The little bundle of joy drooling on his shoulder and his beautiful, challenging mother were responsibility enough for now.
Jazz and Bea were also married. Unlike Derek and Casey who five months ago had decided to have a small but traditional marriage involving church, family and friends, Jazz and Bea went on vacation and returned joined in matrimonial bliss.
Like Derek, Jazz too was happy to follow his superior's orders rather than give them although Derek thought he would be angling for a desk role in the not too distant future. Bea, feeling enough time had been lost in their life together, also wanted a family. Derek knew that Casey and Bea would love for their children to grow up together with similar ages, particularly as Sam and Ruth had just decided to up-sticks and relocate to Ottawa. Apparently, Sam had been offered a position in his firm's Ottawa office a long time ago. It was a big career boost but he had previously turned it down because he knew no one in the Ottawa area. That had obviously changed and Derek had a feeling the three couples were going to be the greatest of friends.
Edwin and Lizzie seemed to be vaguely keeping some sort of relationship going. Some days it was more off than on, but Derek put that down to youth. He had suspicions that if they held out long enough, he and Casey weren't going to be the only McDonald-Venturis to follow in their parents' footsteps and marry. If Edwin could only loosen up a bit, and Lizzie a little less.
Marti and Simon were still going strong. She laughed when Derek suggested she might beat Edwin to the altar, pretending that she didn't believe in the concept of marriage. Derek might have believed her only he had the photographic proof of her childhood on his hard drive – pictures of Marti and Dimi posing as they "cut the cake".
Marti had forgiven Derek and Casey their secrets as everyone had. These were a set of friends and family who had known what it was to lose someone. They all recognised that second chances are rare. They had already had theirs and no one was going to risk losing it all again.
They were a joyous family.
Over the months, there had been others let into the secrets. Sam had told Ralph and there had been an emotional visit to Ottawa for him too where Ralph uncharacteristically cried. Derek had been surprised, and then touched by the knowledge that his friend valued their friendship that deeply. He had relished the opportunity to thank him for the care-taking he had shown towards Casey in the dark days, and they all grew closer as a result.
Emily discovered the secret by accident, coming across Derek and Casey during a rare visit back to their old neighbourhood. Though pleased at the news that her former boyfriend was very much alive and thriving, Derek was left with the impression that Emily felt someone had played a prank on her. They all stayed in touch, but things were never the same.
The Nameless One shuffled again in Derek's arms. Derek smiled, kissing his son's cheek and promising himself that he would stop calling the little boy "The Nameless One". It made him sound like a character from Harry Potter – someone Derek was now very familiar with having been given the complete works of JK Rowling over the summer when Casey had discovered that Derek had not read the books, despite the years which had passed since their publication. She coerced him into reading the first book using her pregnancy moods as leverage.
She only needed to do it for the first book – after that he was hooked.
Not everything was harmonious between the two of them, but few couples could boast such a love-match. At the moment, their arguments were largely limited to one subject, that of their forth-coming child's first name. They had spent seven months debating this and the matter was still not resolved even on the day of his birth.
Hence "The Nameless One".
Derek had even suggested "Voldemort" as an appropriate name, much to Casey's disapproval.
"We're intelligent adults, Derek. We should be able to come up with a sensible name for our child."
"Yeah but can we come up with one that we agree on?" Derek had quipped back.
"Not helpful, moron." Casey groaned.
That had been this morning at breakfast. Derek had thought the groaning was a little over the top – until he realised that the groaning had nothing to do with Casey's reaction to his comments and everything to do with the fact she was in labour!
So now, in the relative peace of their little hospital room, Derek thought the least he could do while the little guy and his mother slept was to come up with a name.
But then Derek's mind wandered again.
It was something to do with the way Casey looked in her sleep: vulnerable and in need of protection. Now it was his job, but he thought back over the years that had passed and the collection of good friends who had stepped up to the task when Derek couldn't: Sam, Ralph, Marti and Simon…and Steven. The former he could thank, in most cases had already. He had taken Sam and Ralph, Marti and Simon to one side and told them time and again how much he owed them for keeping his wife safe long before she held that position; during that horrible time when, even if it had occurred to him, the idea of a future with Casey was one of those bizarre dreams you have after too much cheap alcohol.
When Casey had been at her lowest there had been friends ready to support her, to care for her, to get her through each day.
Then there had been Steven…and Derek's debt to him was the greatest.
Steven had loved Casey in his own way but had never pushed it. He had supported her need to grieve and never intruded on it. He had helped her get a job, a home and contact with her family.
All of these things made him a decent friend in Derek's eyes.
The thing that Derek appreciated Steven for more than anything else was that Casey's friend had done the one thing that Derek would do for her a thousand times over – but thanks to Steven- Derek would never need to do.
Steven had died for Casey.
He had done it willingly, in pursuit of her needs and because he knew what would help her without requiring her to voice it.
By dying for Casey, and by association Derek, Steven had ensured that she had a future. It was a future which Derek would now ensure was filled with love, joy and the sound of children's laughter.
Without Steven in Casey's life, Derek would not have lived to see today. Though clearly not his father, without Steven the tiny child in Derek's arms would not exist.
With those thoughts, Derek knew that he had found the solution. He knew what his son's name should be.
It would be a reminder of the sacrifices we make for love and friendship; a reminder that love survives even death; it would draw together the story of Derek and the story of Casey and the love between them.
It would be a final legacy of a man who gave much to his two friends and the crown to their future.
Derek knew Casey would love it.
The End.
AN: Hopefully the name he chose should be obvious...
Towards the end my updates were very slow and inconsistent. I apologise as I know many people have told me that my regular updates are part of the "charm" of my stories.
The reason, you will probably know, is that we made a decision six months ago to move house - we're still in the middle of doing that. It's not a simple thing to do when there are four of you! The situation won't settle down for a while so I'm not making any promises about my updates.
Another reason why the updates were slow is because writing a trilogy is very difficult. I have a renewed appreciation for JK Rowling and Stephanie Meyer. Keeping a plot going over three stories is very hard work. It's hard not to feel jaded by the end.
Sometime ago I thought that this story might be my last one for a while because I wanted to go back to writing original stuff. I still do want to do that, but for now at least I do have one further LWD story in the pipeline. It will be a little different as it will include several real people (who have all given their permission) but it will be a Dasey and otherwise, follow my usual sort of thinking. I'll publish as soon as I can but for various reasons I want to do it justice.
I suggest you put me on author alert if you are keen to read any future offerings. That way you'll get notified even if it's way down the line. (Somehow I don't think I'll ever really stop... after all I keep promising I'll finish Parental Conversations)!
Till next time (hopefully not too distant into the future)
Sarah
