Authors Note: My greatest thanks to my wonderful Beta Akahane-Scarlet Feather or Hinata796 before for proof-reading! especially my greatful thanks for re-editing Ruka's scenes. =]
Disclaimer: For those people who doesn't read disclaimer and just accuse people of stealing someone else's plot line you need to read this, Gakuen Alice is own by Higuchi Tachibana [everybody knows this its freaking obvious!] if I own Gakuen Alice I'm not going to bother myself writing this story. Number 2, the plot line is based on Filipino Drama Katorse in English Fourteen. So there's a lot of Katorse [Fourteen] Elements here in this story. So, got it people? In short I do not own anything but the OC's.
"Letting go of the one you love is hard"
-Ruka
Chapter Nine
Letting Go
"Mom, why are you crying?" Kaoru asked as she noticed her mother's tear streaks gleaming on her cheeks. Mikan, in return, smiled halfheartedly. She stood there in front of the sink, holding a soap-stained plate with one hand while wiping the tears off with the other. "I'm alright sweetheart; something just got stuck in my eyes." Kaoru frowned; although she was such a little girl she could tell that her mother was lying.
"You're hiding something aren't you?"
Mikan did not answer but pulled Kaoru against her chest for a hug. Kaoru almost cried as she felt her mom's distress while holding her. Her mother shouldn't have to feel so agonized! But what could she do to ease the pain? "I love you, Mom," she murmured, clutching at her mother's back.
Natsume was at Tokyo Pub, hanging out with Koko and the others, as usual. After a week of exhaustion simultaneously managing the shop and trying to tame the unrelenting lioness inside Mikan Sakura, he deserved a break. He scoffed at the thought of Mikan continuing to ignore him. Someday, he'll eradicate Sakura's family name to Hyuuga.
Mikan Hyuuga…
He liked the sound of that.
Natsume then downed half of his drink in one go while his friends all watched him amusedly. Noticing the quietness of the group, Natsume turned his gaze towards them, glaring.
"What?"
"Slow down man, we have all night!" Koko cheered, drinking his own share of beer in the process.
Anna giggled hugging her fiancé's arm, "Maybe Natsume-kun is in a bit of trouble, ne Koko?"
The others all laughed and tittered at her comment, but the object of their amusement wasn't so pleased. "Shut up, Pinkie," he growled and put his hand in the air, signaling to the bartender he wanted another beer. "You have no idea what I'm going through."
"Yo, Mochu, I think our little black cat's lovesick for once!" Koko shouted over to his friend at the other end of the bar. The man scratched his half-bald head in agreement and returned to ogling his fiancé Sumire with loving eyes.
"Oh, come on, Natsume! Surely it's not that bad! After all, you were our high school heartbreaker! How hard is it to snag a girl with your experience?" Yuu huffed exasperatedly at his friend's moping status.
A large hand slapped onto the counter and everyone in the pub jumped slightly at the sudden impact. "If the girl you love," Natsume hissed, his crimson eyes glowing, "rejected you in every single way because of her stubborn, beautiful personality, how can you persuade her to come back to you? If the girl you love had loved you once but you ruined every shot with her by breaking her heart once and you only just realized that you returned the feelings she once felt, how can you tell her you're sorry when she won't freaking listen?"
Silence swept over the group and the noisy motion of the pub filled in the absence of sound. Finally, Nonoko piped up softly, her blue eyes wide and helpful, "The girl you love, if she loved you once, she can love you again. Don't give up on her like last time."
Damn, why are girls so good at giving love advice?
"Thanks Nonoko-chan," Natsume smirked and waggled his eyebrows over to Yuu. "Maybe I should take your girl for a ride sometimes, you know?" The glasses boy in return flashed him the middle finger. "Ouch, I can tell when my humor's not wanted."
He felt a sudden vibration in his pockets and fished out his phone. "Hello, Hyuuga Natsume," he drone immediately in a bored tone as he took the call.
"It's me."
Crimson eyes widened before returning to their rightful place in his sockets. "Oi, why the hell are you calling?"
"I need to talk to you. Meet me at Tokyo Harbor."
Before he could protest, the line went dead.
Ruka stared emptily, facing the elegant Tokyo harbor bridge. The sepia lights from the city were mirrored in his blue eyes. He gulped the last drop of his beer before putting the empty can beside him.
"Wow, this is my first time seeing the great Ruka drinking," Natsume said in mock surprise as he swaggered over. He smiled inside; if their father saw his golden boy drinking it was almost certain that he would get a heart attack. He took a seat a few inches away from his brother.
Ruka spared his younger brother a glance before turning his gaze back to the calm lake before them.
Natsume was growing impatient. "So, what do you want? If you're not going to tell me why you called, I have to go. To both our surprises, I'm a pretty busy person." He was about to stand up but Ruka grabbed his wrist.
"What?" Natsume asked coldly, glaring half-heartedly. If his brother wanted a fight, he'd gladly give it in usual circumstances. But right now, all he wanted to do was go home and lay down on his bed.
"We need to talk Natsume," Ruka said seriously. Natsume looked back on his older brother with a different expression, scared, because of his new tone of voice. He knew that voice too well; Ruka only used it when he was deadly serious.
"What?" Natsume asked once again, his crimson eyes boring into Ruka's dull cerulean orbs. He put his hands inside his pockets. "Hurry, Ruka, I don't have all night to chat with you," he continued impatiently.
Ruka let out a loud, audible breath. "I know I said that I'm going to fight for Mikan's feelings-" Ruka paused for awhile like he was trying to keep himself calm, but his voice was obviously hoarse with sorrow. "I know I said that I'm only going to stop loving Mikan if she told me so... but Natsume I'm not dumb."
"We all know that, Ruka. You're the golden boy everywhere," Natsume sneered sarcastically. His brother ignored his teasing remarks.
"I'm not dumb, so I know that Mikan still loves you."
This stopped Natsume in his tracks and actually made him listen for once to his brother's words.
"...I'm just denying her love for you to myself because I don't want to believe it. But now I realize, if I really love Mikan I-" Ruka paused again, gulping before taking a deep breath and continuing.
"I-if I really love Mikan I, I'll let her be happy with the man she truly loves."
Natsume stared at his brother, dumbfounded, trying to understand Ruka had just uttered. Did he just say what I think he said? Just a week ago, the same person had boldly challenged him to win Mikan's heart, but now here he is, telling him he's letting go of Mikan. So that she could be with him. "Ruka, are you trying to humor me?" he said, annoyed and disbelieving.
Ruka smiled warmly at his brother, with no hint of venom or loathing in his voice. "I'm letting her go. I've made up my mind." He stood up and exhaled, "So now it's up to you, Natsume." With a stretch of his arms, he patted his brother's back heartily and started walking away.
"What?" Natsume leapt to his feet and shouted after his brother. "Hyuuga Ruka, are you freaking serious?" His brother's back kept on leaving, making his eyes squint to make out his brother's silhouette. "RUKA, ANSWER ME!"
Finally, the man stopped and turned around, his hands in his pockets and with a brilliant, angelic smile lighting up his features, just as the sun decided to make its entrance and make his appearance seem even more godly. "Hyuuga Natsume!" he yelled, golden hair whipping around his face and illuminating the happy, free expression planted in his eyes. "Take care of her, love her, don't ever let her go! If I see a single tear sliding down her cheek because of you, that's when I'll take her from you!"
Natsume finally smirked at his older brother's words of advice as they started sinking into his mind. "That's not going to happen, and you know it ANIKI!" he shouted for Ruka to hear.
His brother smiled in return and at the moment, the two looked as if they were a part of a model shoot, the sunrise blazing down on them, illuminating their god perfect faces. It was the perfect example of the silent agreement as brothers between them; they would make Sakura Mikan happy.
"But Natsume, you have to promise me something!"
"Fine, what is it?"
Mikan watched on an iron bench in the grassy park as her daughter play with her friends underneath the big sakura tree. Watching her daughter's happy and smiling face made her feel happy as well, but half of her heart still felt big and empty. Why does it have to be like this? She pondered sadly. Why couldn't I have fallen in love with a man that loved me back right away?
"Good afternoon."
Mikan looked up from her reverie, only to see the ever smiling Ruka waving his hand for a greeting. "Oh, hi Ruka-kun…" She was still a bit uncomfortable; after all, it had been nearly a week since the two had last met after the god awful fight.
His smile dimmed a couple of notches. "Don't worry; I'm not here you to tell you to choose me."
"Ah, no! That's not it Ruka-kun, I-!" Mikan stuttered. Why are the words not coming out of my mouth? Why can't I just tell him that's it's so difficult for me to choose between them? 'I love you both so much, but I see you in a different way.'
His response was the first to break the awkward silence. They completely shocked her, leaving her heart breathless in pain. "Mikan-chan, I've decided to let you go."
She turned to face Ruka, her eyes full of agony and sorrow, but they were also somewhat mixed with relief. "Ruka-!" His name was the only word she could say.
Ruka looked up to the calm, blue sky, his eyes dull mirrors that signaled nothing but contentment. However, deep inside his heart, he felt like was committing seppuku to himself; stabbing and murdering his insides hundreds of times.
At that moment, all his thoughts and memories crashed on him, reminding why he was destroying the chance of his own happiness like this.
Letting go of Mikan isn't a decision. Decisions are what people choose to better their own lives. My life gains nothing from losing her; instead, it loses everything.
She's the only girl that I've ever looked at, ever since that stormy night where her mother and late father had driven up to the mansion for protection from the harsh weather. And they had brought a little girl with them, two brown pigtails swinging up and down as she skipped across the hallways, singing nonsensical songs. That moment, there was no clouded weather or tears of God occurring outside. That moment, a second sun had been born, warming its way into my heart.
Face it, Ruka; your life revolves around Mikan and Kaoru. You spent every moment in the last three years concentrating and worrying only about them. They were the only people, the only things that kept your mind from going insane from the lack of control in your life. They made you realize that you weren't your Father's tool. They made you realize that all you really wanted in your future was to have a respectable office job and settle down with them, a happy family. Why are you letting go of that dream?
And Natsume-Natsume that self absorbed jerk of a brother who never looked up to you or even respectfully acknowledged your existence; you're giving him happiness by letting Mikan run back to him. Can you face it? Going to their wedding and smiling like you are now, while inside you want to scream and rip up every single picture you have together as a family? Losing him isn't like losing Mikan. It isn't permanent. You'll still always have a blood bond with him. It doesn't count.
Why are you doing this? Why are you killing your only shot at happiness?
"I love you Mikan, I want you to be happy. So I'm letting you go."
"Ruka-kun, what are you saying? You're my boyfriend and I lo-" Mikan tried to protest but Ruka interrupted her.
"Please stop! If you say you love me, it would be even harder for me to let you go." His mouth drooped in a sad, heart-broken smile that nearly wrenched out Mikan's heart. He stood up, ignoring her rising voice.
"Ruka-kun, you're not listening!" Her voice cracked as she tried to grab onto his sleeve. "Please listen, I just want-!"
He turned to face her again, this time with a perfectly happy grin, a mask that she could barely see through. "Don't worry, I'll be fine," he reassured her warmly, his blue eyes the only peepholes to his sorrow. "I want you to be happy…so go talk to Natsume."
She was crying now, the wet, salty tears cascaded down her cheeks and he fought the urge to crush her in his embrace and whisk her away to a world where she could be his. But we can't. I love Mikan. Mikan loves Natsume. And I also love Natsume, no matter how minimal the affection is. I want the both of them to be happy. I want to be happy. But if I were to choose myself, none of us would be happy. It's better this way Mikan, don't cry!
"You can let go, Mikan-chan, you're a strong girl, remember? Beneath all those tears is a lioness that can overcome any obstacles. I know Natsume loves you, and truthfully he's always been the stronger one," he remarked bitterly, "so I have no qualms about leaving you with him. He'll protect you from Father; I could only help you run away. But that' not going to fix anything now is it?"
"Why? Why does it always have to be one option and not both?" Mikan wailed, clutching her temples in a half-deranged manner. Ruka smiled, amused. It was like she was reading his own thoughts and yelling them for the whole world to hear.
"Everything's going to be fine; I'll support you two so don't worry," Ruka soothed, wiping the tears from her beautiful face.
"R-Ruka-kun, thank you so much for everything...for all the things you did for me and Kaoru. I'm sorry I can't return your feelings in that way, but don't think I don't love you. I do, and I'm forever in debt to you."
"Well, you can pay me now," Ruka said, handing Mikan his handkerchief.
"How?" she asked, vigorously wiping off all the water and mucus that dripped from her face.
"Just smile for me; wipe those tears off your face. You look incredibly ugly when you cry," Ruka teased her.
Mikan chuckled lightly. "I'm not!" she giggled, laughing through her tears.
Ruka smiled, glad to see her back on track. "That's the Mikan I know!" he slapped her shoulders playfully and she squealed, wrapping her little hands around his wrist to stop him from hitting her again. His face turned serious once more as they stood there, holding each other. "Be strong Mikan," he whispered, and suddenly swooped down, barely touching her cheek with his lips. Her hazel eyes widened in shock and Ruka stood up. "I have to go now."
"Why don't you have dinner with us Ruka-kun? Kaoru's been waiting for you to visit," Mikan offered.
Ruka shook his head. "Tell Kaoru I can't. I'm quite busy these days. Father's been bombarding me with work so-" He stopped uncertainly. "This is goodbye."
Now it was her turn to shake her head, her large brown eyes old and wise for once, contrary to her usual innocent expression. "No. It's never goodbye. We'll see each other later, so I'll leave you with this." She stood on tippy-toes, locking her arms around Ruka's neck and planting a sweet kiss onto his forehead. "Come again," she whispered, her tears threatening to overflow.
Ruka's eyes had closed, and he smiled at her warm embrace. "I'll see you later," he nodded gently and detached her arms from his shoulders. He turned around and walked down the path to his car; the tears that he had been holding in burst downwards onto his cheeks continuously. With that one simple act of kindness, his heart had ached so badly that he almost had to stifle his mouth with his feet to keep him from crying.
What was it someone said?
Letting go of the one you love is hard,
But if you need to do it-
For everyone's sake
Then it is for the best.
His blue eyes sparkled with tears as he stared at the fallen leaves on his white convertible.
"Maybe I can love you in my next life," he said aloud wistfully.
If we ever meet again.
Closing Notes: Thank you for reading! I hope all of you enjoy this chapter! and if you did please leave a review!
