I think this is the funniest chapter I have EVER written!

Chapter 6: CONFEDERATES!

3rd Person POV:

"Dude, I am so sick of learning about this!" Emmett yelled, throwing his homework across the room. "The Confederates SUCK!"

In the corner of the room, Jasper twitched.

Bella's POV:

Edward, Rosalie, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, and I all stared at Emmett in shock. I don't think he realizes…

Suddenly, Jasper jumped up, screaming "CONFEDERATES!!!!"

He ran away, and suddenly, there was a huge fort in the living room, created with pillows and cardboard boxes. "CONFEDERATES!!!" Jasper shrieked, popping up from the fort and throwing something through the air. It made contact with Emmett's head, knocking him off of the couch. "What the fu—" Emmett mumbled, looking at what collided with him.

"JASPER, WHY DID YOU JUST THROW CRAYON AT ME?! WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THEM?!" Emmett roared.

"FFFFFIIIIIIRRRRREEEEEE!" Jasper screamed, popping up from behind the cardboard boxes and pelting us all with an endless supply of crayons.

"AH!" Rosalie shrieked, as everyone ran around the corner to escape the flying crayons.

"You just had to say it, didn't you, Emmett!" Alice hissed at Emmett. "I mean, we all knew it, but you didn't need to SAY it!"

"SOOOORRRRYYYYY!" Emmett whined, and was hit in the head with another crayon. "Ow!" he squeaked.

"Go tell him to stop!" Rosalie sneered at Edward.

"What did I do?" he said defensively.

"You were born!" she growled.

"Yea, well, you were changed, but I'm not complaining!" Edward shot back.

"Children!" Carlisle interceded. "This is no time for fighting!" Rosalie grumbled as she crossed her arms, and Edward rolled his eyes. I stifled a laugh.

"GO!" she screamed in his face when he made no move. He rolled his eyes again as he walked around the corner and faced the Fortress of Jasper.

"Jasper?" he called, but there was no answer. One of the cardboard boxes moved slightly. "Jasper, we're sorry! We didn't mean too—" suddenly, Jasper popped up from behind the fort and started pelting Edward with little rainbow circles. With a closer look, I saw that they were—Skittles.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Edward yelled, raising his hands to protect him from the Skittles. With no luck at that, he hurriedly ran back to where we were hiding.

"Now you guys have really done it. He's brought out the Skittles." Alice said in horror.

"His rainbowy goodness is no match for us!" Emmett yelled, pumping his fist in the air.

"His rainbowy goodness? Emmett, you really need to start thinking of what you say before you say it..." I mumbled, giggling. Edward chuckled as he wrapped his arm around my waist.

"What?" Emmett asked, utterly confused. I only shook my head. Rosalie rolled her eyes, while Edward laughed harder.

"We need a plan!" Emmett concluded. "And I have the perfect one!" Esme sighed from next to him.

"Emmett, this plan of yours had better not involve breaking, demolishing, or deforming my house in any way." Esme snapped at him. His face fell.

"Well...that gets rid of my first 4 ideas..." he mumbled to himself. "Are you sure we can't turn the house into an underwater fortress?" he asked hopefully. I sent him a disbelieving look.

"Emmett, how did you pan on that working?" I asked.

"Oh, well, you see—"

"No!" Esme snapped, walking away from the group and across the living room, passing the fort, towards the front door.

"INVADERS!!" Jasper screamed, pelting Esme in stuffed animals. But before any made contact with her, she was out the door.

"Okay, now for the plan…" Emmett started. "Alice, you're the bait—"

"Do I get to dress up?" Alice asked, cutting him off.

"No. Now, we are—"

"Why not?" she cut him off again.

"Because!"

"Well, then who says I'm on your team?" she stated, inching towards the fort.

"ALICE! YOU CAN'T BETRAY US!" Emmett boomed, grabbing a hold of her wrist ad pulling her back to our group. "Fine. You can dress up."

"Yay!" Alice squealed, clapping.

"No leather." He stated. "We don't want to see that."

"WHAT!" shrieked. "What about velvet?"

"Polyester." Emmett said.

"Suede."

"Cotton."

"Flannel."

"LEATHER!" Emmett yelled, grinning triumphantly that he had beat her. Alice grinned slyly as she agreed. Then, Emmett realized...."WAIT! NO!"

"Too late." She said, skipping off upstairs, already knowing the plan.

Emmett told us the plan, and then Alice came skipping down the stairs, wearing a leather police uniform. Edward, Carlisle, and Emmett looked away, disgusted. Alice walked out from behind the corner as we all situated ourselves around the room.

"Jasper..." Alice trilled. The cardboard box twitched. "I know you're in there!"

Then, the top of Jasper's blonde hair was seen as he peeked out from behind the fortress.

"FIIIIIIIRRRREEEEEE!" Emmett yelled, and we all pelted Jasper with toaster waffles.

"THE UNION! RUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!" he shrieked, falling to the ground. "CONFEDERATES WILL PREVAIL!" he screamed, throwing Skittles at us. WE tore down the fortress, as Jasper scrambled to get away from us.

"Pick up a textbook, buddy. Confederates lose." Emmett said, shoving a toaster waffle in Jasper's mouth. Jasper spit out the waffle as Emmett ran away, laughing.

"I'm gonna kill him."

I guess I thought it was funniest because of the Jasper-Man...HAHA