Weed, by Dicksonice
Some months later Ash went home and got a job with Professor Oak, because the only other people who would ever employ Ash are legendary Pokemon, and even some of them say Ash is kinda a dick.
Ex girlfriend Latias, for example, felt slighted after all the times Ash watched Bee Movie rather than taking her calls. And she's not the only ex who couldn't BEE-lieve his bullshit.
Ex girlfriend Misty watched Ash fall apart in the news, and she would always smile and say, "that piece of shit still owes me a bike," and then she'd change the channel and watch Game of Thrones, or whatever shitty crap people are watching these days.
Ex boyfriend Paul fell down some stairs and died. Ash used this as irrefutable proof that he was in a coma, because even his wishes of death upon his worst ex came true.
Speaking of worst ex's, ex boyfriend Cilan is lame and never to be spoken of, but lets speak of the land he's from: Unova, the region with the largest concentration of Garbodor. This natural sactuary is located in Unovamerica's largest landfill, a horrible, dark land called... OHIO (a/n oh dear god I threw up in my mouth just TYPING that awful word. Ohio-GAG BARF-see, I did it again!)
We've spoken of ex girlfriend Serena and even Amourshippers. Man, y'all forgot that Ash is fucking stupid, didn't you?
He has no ex's in Hawaii. Ash faintly remembered wanting to bounce all over Kiawa's bigger, blacker dick, but Kiawe shot him down and say, "Ash, you're seven" thus Ash's Bee Movie obsession.
And now he was on the roof of professor Oak's lab, rain beating down on him, and while it whipped his shirt the bout, Pikachu was on the ground.
"Do it," Ash said. "Thunder!"
Pikachu exploded with electricity at Ash, and he tumbled off the roof and his neck went CRACK.
Cue Jerry Seinfeld theme.
